4.40: Missing

I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in my entire life.

Every day, I ask myself if I’m dreaming. How could any of this be real? I keep looking at Mark and just waiting to be woken up. But it hasn’t happened yet. And I hope it never does.

Now that we’re finally together, I don’t ever want us to be apart. And luckily, we never are for very long.

He and I used to spend so much time at the library together, and now that I’m not working there anymore, I was afraid I’d see less of him. But we make it work. I still stop by the library to visit after class or rehearsal, and I’ve also been spending a lot of time over at his place.

And now, he’s finally able to visit mine too.

It took Clara less than a week to figure out what was going on. And when she confronted me about it, I didn’t even bother trying to deny it. I knew she’d figure it out eventually anyway, no matter how hard I tried to keep it from her.

I was so worried about how she’d react… But she was actually really cool about it. I guess she was kind of shocked, at first… Which I totally get. But that didn’t last very long. She even promised not to tell anyone.

And that definitely surprised me a little.

I mean, I already feel like such a hypocrite… After everything she and I have been through, who would have thought she’d end up being the one keeping my secret?

It’s just like Mark said – I’m scared. I keep trying to put on a brave face for him, but honestly? I’m terrified. And I know he is too… But so far, it hasn’t been as bad as I thought it’d be. We’ve found a bunch of places outside the city where we can go out together without worrying too much.

It hasn’t been completely without its challenges, of course… He’s already been mistaken for my Vater twice. And there have been a few uncomfortable stares… But it’s getting easier and easier to ignore them. I guess it helps that they’re from complete strangers, too. We’ve been trying to be as low-key as we can about this whole thing when we’re around people we know– and especially around campus.

I know people will find out eventually, though… Including my family. I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. But for now, it’s nice not having to worry about anyone else but him.

And I think Clara understands that too. “You know your parents are gonna flip, right?” I remember her saying. “Well, when they do, screw them, Jocelyne. You deserve to be happy, no matter who it’s with. Enjoy it.”

I almost couldn’t believe it… I never knew she felt that way, but I’m so grateful she does.

And I’m definitely enjoying it.

I really hate being over-the-top and using all these corny romantic clichés, but I honestly don’t think I ever understood the word “soulmate” until Mark came along.

I feel so different every time I’m around him.

I’m still me, but… a better me.

He makes me feel like I can do anything.

I don’t know how else to put it into words, except that he completes me.

He’s the part of me I never knew I was missing.