4.41: Denial

This is so horrible. I almost don’t even know where to start.

Tonight after dinner, Gus asked us to sit with him in the living room. Apparently he had something to tell us.

09-02-16_12-45-32 AM

That should have been a red flag immediately. Ever since Stefan and I were kids, that poor living room has been witness to a lot of uncomfortable conversations…

Me telling Mama and Papa that Lettie was pregnant (and them telling us about Clara, too).

03-22-16_8-22-34 PM

When we told Mama we found out about Josh.

04-23-16_12-27-46 AM

Stefan telling us he was moving to Willow Creek…

06-06-16_7-56-54 PM

There have been some happy ones too, though.

Like Clara and Florian announcing their engagement.

07-22-16_10-27-01 PM

Heck, my little Schwester even had Mama gather us all in there and put her on speakerphone to tell us she’s expecting.

09-02-16_1-08-52 AM

Guess I was assuming this would be another one of the good ones. I thought maybe he’d announce he was back with Emma or something. That certainly wouldn’t have been much of a surprise.

But this was.

Gus… my son… is gay.

09-02-16_1-09-48 AM

God, I hate writing that. And I hate that I hate it.

I think we were all a little stunned when he told us. We weren’t really sure what to say.

09-02-16_12-54-09 AM

Then Lettie got up and hugged him. And Mama and Papa told him he was brave, and how proud they are of him.

09-02-16_12-58-12 AM

And then I opened my big mouth, and ruined everything.

I just didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t. It had to be a phase, right? Or maybe he’s just confused after how things went with Emma? But he wasn’t actually gay, was he? He couldn’t be.

09-02-16_1-00-44 AM

He sure didn’t like that suggestion. Jesus, I can’t believe I actually said it. And he really went off on me, then – bad.

I deserved every word. I know I did.

09-02-16_1-01-55 AM

After he stormed off to his room, Mama and Papa decided to let me have it too. And I’m sure Lettie would have too, if she didn’t go chasing after Gus.

09-02-16_1-05-33 AM

They’re still in his room together. Who knows what they’re saying. What he probably thinks of me…

I tried to make my parents understand. This isn’t about me. This is about Gus, and his future. His life.

09-02-16_1-10-52 AM

I can’t lie. It kind of feels weird – wrong, almost – imagining my son being… with another man. And I wish it didn’t make me feel that way. I really do.

But I know that’s my problem, not his. And I know I can get used to it someday. He’s my son — I will always love him, no matter what.

But it’s not how I feel that’s the problem.

It’s everyone else.

09-02-16_1-11-12 AM

I mean God, you hear it in the news all the time, don’t you? All that hatred – all that violence – toward people who are different. People like my son. It makes me sick just thinking about it.

I just want him to be happy. Loved. I don’t want to worry about him being hated or judged or… worse just because of who he loves.

No one deserves that. Least of all my little boy.

I wish I hadn’t panicked. I wish I hadn’t reacted the way I did. I wish I hadn’t hurt him.

But most of all, I wish he wasn’t gay.

09-02-16_1-14-15 AM

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65 Responses to 4.41: Denial

  1. azzywoods says:

    Tobi whai? Not very happy with you right now…

    Poor Auggy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yeah, Tobi didn’t have the greatest reaction. :-/ He panicked and said stuff he shouldn’t say and now feels like a dick (as he should). This is a tough pill for him to swallow. He loves Gus and just wants him to have a “normal” life. This was quite unexpected… But he really should have controlled his reaction better. 😦 Poor Gus!

      Like

      • azzywoods says:

        I know he loves Gus. And I did really like that it wasn’t a ‘I love and accept everything about this’ scenario, or a ‘Dishonour on you and your cow, GTFO’ scenario (not that the Rosebrooks would do that, but you do see it in fiction). Great chapter and I hope Tobi apologises well and eventually comes around.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. kaffepigen says:

    Aww I feel kinda bad for Gus. This was very hard for him to tell them all, and then Tobi goes and messes it up.

    I understand Tobi’s fears of his son getting judged and maybe attacked by haters some day. But he has got to have faith in his son and i know he says he will love him no matter what. But he has to show it too, instead of just writing it down where no one will ever read it. Well, except us ofc 😛

    Tobi needs to tell Gus exactly how he feels, because otherwise, Gus might think that he hates him, and he shouldn’t think that. I know Tobi isn’t a hater or a homophobe. Tobi, tell your son how you feel, and let him know he is loved! He needs that right now, more than ever!

    Sometimes I wish your characters could hear us when we yell at them or just tell them stuff haha! That would make this so much easier to deal with. Like a voice from above.

    Gus is actually lucky to have a family like this. No one is perfect, and especially not in this family, but they all love each other dearly and care about one another. The only thing missing, is that they show it. They are not so great at showing how they feel og telling them for that matter. But if Tobi told Gus how he feels, that would be a first step in the right direction 🙂

    Good job on this one 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thanks kaffe! I’m glad you liked this one. 🙂

      Like you said, Tobi isn’t a homophobe at all (he did mention that two guys together kinda weirds him out… But feeling slightly uncomfortable by something you aren’t used to is quite different from hating people who are gay. I hope my other readers recognize that too!)

      And don’t worry — I promise you that Tobi and Gus will have a talk. We won’t see it happen (lol) but the next time we hear from Tobi, it’ll be after he’s sat down with his son and explained his feelings. Right now he’s kind of “hiding” because Colette is still talking with Gus and trying to calm him down and he wants to wait for a better time to talk to him and explain his feelings 🙂

      You are right that this family loves each other deeply… But they mess up a lot when it comes to accurately expressing their love and how they feel! It’s a constant struggle for my poor characters haha

      Liked by 1 person

  3. peacesign101 says:

    Oh my gosh, what’s wrong with you Tobi?! I would actually love to know exactly what Gus said and I hope it was good! I get that Tobi isn’t fond of the idea, but he should’ve just done that weird half smile that everyone does when they’re not actually happy and talk to Gus about it. Not some negative reaction!

    You’re writing is so good that I would actually like to be a Sim just to go tell off Tobi 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hahaha yeah, Tobi has an issue with speaking before he thinks. And that’s what happened this time, unfortunately 😦 He feels like a total asshole right now (as he should) and I definitely think he owes Gus a very long explanation/apology!

      He had a total knee-jerk reaction that really hurt his son, and he has to fix it! (And will… though we won’t get to see it happen. Sorry 😛 But the next time we hear from Tobi, it’s after he’s apologized to Gus and explained his feelings).

      I’m glad sim-you would tell off Tobi! Though honestly he feels like shit already without it XD

      Liked by 1 person

  4. CitizenErased14 says:

    Yeah, I figured that people might be a bit surprised by this one. But it’s what felt right for Tobi. I think one thing that’s easy to forget (since I conveniently neglect to mention it very often haha) is that Tobi is a famous, public figure. He’s used to caring about what others think and how he’s viewed by the public. So right now, he’s projecting these feelings onto his son (in addition to the legitimate fear about the bullying and prejudice against people who are different). He’s worrying about his son’s future, and how he’s going to be perceived by society.

    The way he expressed these feelings was definitely NOT okay, of course. It was a 100% knee-jerk reaction, and (as you can probably tell) Tobi feels like shit for saying it. I think they’ll make it through this one, but Tobi’s gonna have to give Auggy a long explanation/apology so that his son understands that his dad loves him no matter what.

    I’m glad you enjoyed the flashbacks too 🙂 While planning this chapter, I realized that basically every ‘serious’ conversations the Rosebrooks ever have takes place in the living room after dinner… So a throwback felt appropriate 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I think there’s definitely a touch of truth — Tobi is always going to care a bit about how HE looks to the public. Now, I don’t think that makes him a terrible person (though I’m sure some readers will disagree haha), it’s just what’s been ingrained in his brain for so long!

      That being said, I really do think that this is truly like 70-80% concern for Auggy and maybe 20-30% concern for his own image/the family image (I BS-ed those percentages LMAO but hopefully you know what I mean!).

      The twinge of selfishness is definitely there, but most of it is genuinely about Auggy.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Tobi, I’m pissed at you for what you said, even if it comes from fear for his safety in the most part. I’ve had people react like that to me and worse, and it just makes me feel even more unsafe. We know the way we’re treated in the outside world, we aren’t blind. It isn’t a choice. Otherwise we would choose to be straight.
    I know I would.
    (sorry, I can’t forgive him yet. Maybe I won’t ever.)
    Gus, stay strong. Gods know you need to be.

    Like

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Sorry this was a tough one for you 😦 Tobi most definitely was NOT thinking when he spoke. There’s no excuse for how he reacted… This was a huge mistake on his part, and he really hurt his son this time. He will have a lot of explaining and apologizing to do to fix this. (Which he will do, but we won’t get to see it.)

      And it’s okay if you can’t forgive him. I knew Tobi’s reaction would be tough for some people.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Senna says:

    You just had to open your yap and say all that, didn’t you, Tobi?

    On another note, I never thought I would see Jonas and Mari looking so menacing in that one screenshot.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yeah, Tobi messed up SO badly… And he knows it. :-/ Gah. As always, things are a mess… We’re used to that by now, aren’t we? LMAO

      And yeah, Mari and Jonas were a little scary in that one shot haha But they were SO mad (and rightfully so!). Tobi, Tobi, Tobi… *shakes head*

      Like

  7. witchazard says:

    I just want to give Tobi and Gus Gus a hug. I feel bad for both of them but not too bad cause I know Rosebrooks are ride or die so this will be cleared up soon. I completely don’t agree with Tobi’s reaction but can understand although you don’t want to this kind of revalation does change how you view a person to a degree. Although it main concern is his sons well being leave it to the Rosebrooks to write what they mean instead of saying it. But since Citizen already said it will be taken care of this chapter will just become a bug on windshield. I also saw my VP posted the verdict. If it makes you feel any better I was voted bias so my vote didn’t count. So it was twelve votes instead of thirteen. There was a debate as my vote should count as two or three votes but it’s still under negotiation. It’s a fact that Marklyne is well received but for some reason the like and dislike of Jocelyne is even without my vote. I find her naïveté adorable and the story shows how she matures. And I just love her to pieces. I guess that’s why I been seen as biased.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yeah, this is so tough all-around. Mostly for Gus, but Tobi is realy upset and mad at himself right now too. He messed up so badly, and it’s gonna take a little time to fix it. But yes, this is just a little bump in the road thankfully (or bug on the windshield haha)

      And as for the Marklyne analysis, I was quite entertained by it and I was pleasantly surprised that you guys even made a forum account haha that’s so awesome! 😀 The Joce part of the analysis did make me a little sad. I love her, and I don’t understand how anyone can’t! Hahahaha (And I definitely don’t think she whines as much as they say. Definitely not as much as the other members of her family!). But I respect that there are always different opinions! And I’m glad that you love her 😀 She’s grown so much since she was a teen. I’m proud of her strength. ❤

      Like

  8. Jes2G says:

    I’ll start with something light before I go all deep 😛 I loved the picture with the parents ganging up on Tobi. He looks like he’s really in trouble lol.

    Ok…here I go going in the opposite direction of everyone else like always. I was debating on whether I should say this or not, but screw it. I totally understand why everyone is upset at Tobi’s reaction. He could have used more tact and probably should have asked him whatever questions he needs answer to in a private conversation. However, on the other side, everyone is projecting onto Tobi as if he doesn’t have a choice in how he feels. Everyone is denying him the right to feel whatever he feels, and I hate that. This subject is always so delicate, and everyone expects him to be accepting and ok immediately. I know it would be nice if he was, and it would certainly make things easier, but why can’t Tobi have the time he needs to process this information and accept it in whatever time he needs to? Or, what if he can’t accept it at all? Why must he be forced to? Just because he doesn’t like his lifestyle doesn’t mean he loves him any less. You can see examples of that in this very story! Did Alex and Jade love Mari less for the way she lived her life? Some may say it’s not the same, but it is. Different situation, but same concept. I will stop talking here before someone mistakes my comment for being a hater.

    Liked by 6 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Jess, I really really really love this comment. Seriously. Thank you for making it! I definitely agree.

      I mean yes, I’ve been agreeing with other commenters who are mad at Tobi, but I’m agreeing in the sense that the way Tobi expressed his feelings was super thoughtless/insensitive/hurtful, which he definitely owes his son an apology for.

      I know this is fiction, but I wanted to be somewhat realistic here… And realistically, is EVERYONE in the family going to have a sunshine-and-rainbows response? No way. And Tobi seemed the most likely candidate to have some kind of negative reaction.

      Tobi can’t help how he feels, and he even feels BAD for how he feels (as he expressed in this chapter). He’s gonna love his son no matter what, he just needs time to process and accept (and maybe practice how to voice his thoughts with a bit more tact? haha)

      Thanks again for your comment. Don’t feel bad for making it. It was a great one 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. theplumbob says:

    Lol those glares Mari and Jonas gave him though! ❤

    I get it. Tobi is kind of old school, and a bit of a guy's guy. The jock, the football player, they guy that fell in love with a beautiful girl when they were really young and they lived happily ever (sort of-almost-a few bumps here and there excluded) after. He's not exactly the world's most open-minded guy.

    I am totally judging him mind. But it's not an out of character reaction.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hahaha yeah, Mari and Jonas were SO mad at the things he said. I love the way they looked at him LOL.

      Tobi is very much a “guy’s guy”, you’re right. That definitely contributes to him not being 100% comfortable with the situation. But he knows he’ll be able to look past it in time and accept. Right now he’s really concerned with what this will mean for his son’s future, and with how people perceive Auggy in the future too (as I mentioned in another comment, Tobi has been ‘taught’ to care about what other people think haha. Part of being a celebrity!)

      He had a total knee-jerk reaction that was uncalled for and very hurtful. And he’s rightfully feeling like a dick right now haha. He owes his son an explanation/apology for sure, and then they can move past this. It’ll just take some time 🙂

      Like

    • maladi777 says:

      I just commented on the glare they gave him too before I read your comment. 😀

      Like

  10. Mumei No says:

    I could coltrol c and control V about the last comentary, they had been to A LOT and he saying that he is what he is is not one of then, I kind of don’t blame Tobi, It is a surprise and will take a while to him to accept it, it was just the first day, I’m sure that with the past of time he will be more ”open” to it, and is alredy something that he knows that he is wrong, would be worse if he didn’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Simslover163 says:

    Wow. What I learned today from reading this is that Gus is gay. Gus, you were so brave to “come out of the closet” and tell your parents and grandparents about your sexual orientation. Kudos to you, kid.

    In today’s society, compared to the past, people classify themselves based on sexual orientation: straight, gay, bisexual, etc. It’s troubling for those who are gay or lesbian because they have to admit they’re gay or lesbian and they’re worried about their friends and family’s reactions. In addition, one’s actions can determine one’s orientation. I have to admit: it’s hard to fit into today’s society.

    I’m mad that Tobi just lashed at Gus for being gay, but I complete understand his anger. He’s old school and he needs time to accept that fact. I know some people who are gay or lesbian and I accept that. Just be yourself. 🗝

    Okay, I’ve gone deep enough about a topic that’s sensitive in today’s world.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. SpurklyNinja says:

    Hmmm.. Well, I suppose I could see Tobi’s side, but it was still totally wrong for him to say that.

    You’re just going to have to be supportive, dude. Don’t alienate your son. ❤

    Also, way to go, Gus, for telling your family! Super proud! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yeah, Tobi expressed himself horribly here… Totally did not think before he spoke! I think he’s gonna turn around from his one and apologize to his son for sure though 🙂

      And yes, Gus was so brave to come out! 🙂

      Like

  13. Yogiwonks says:

    I don’t blame him for being scared for Gus.
    Truly, the world is pretty terrifying.
    But you’re wishing for the wrong thing Tobi.
    You should wish the world wasn’t so awful, not that your son should change.

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Oooooh that was so wise and insightful! Seriously. He is definitely wishing for the wrong thing here. His heart is in the right place, but he’s so wrong about how he’s expressing all of these thoughts and feelings, especially yelling at poor Gus 😦

      Like

  14. fairlyvocal says:

    I kind of understand where Tobi’s coming from but COME ON. He’s gay. IT IS NOT A PHASE. Except it, and apologize to him, and then get some therapy or something to come to terms with it. This is your son. This is who he is.

    Like

  15. maladi777 says:

    The picture on which Mari and Jonas are glaring at Tobi is priceless! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Spottydog714 says:

    Permission to hit Tobi across the head with a hardback book?

    Silly question. I know your answer will be no.

    But COME ON, Tobi! He’s just gay. It’s very simple and very normal. And definitely NOT a phase. And if Auggy does face violence and hate like you said, he won’t be able to talk to you about it. And he will need support of both his parents. But he won’t come to you, and will feel resentful, because to him, you don’t seem to be on his side.

    This is like my Mari comment. And I’m very sorry if I’ve offended you. I just feel very strongly about racist/homophobic/sexist or even hate because of your faith in real life, so when I read about people not being open-minded and accepting of LGBT+ , it makes me cross.

    PS: Lettie and Mari and Jonas are amazing. I send Auggy lots of love and hugs.

    Like

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      It’s ok to be mad at Tobi. He did not handle the situation well and definitely didn’t think before he spoke. This will take some time to fix! But I know he really wants to… And Gus deserves it for sure!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. CitizenErased14 says:

    The end of your comment made me laugh 😂 Yeah, this is a really hard time for Tobi. He needs to adjust… And to learn how to think before he says dumb things and hurts his son 😦 *sigh*

    Like

  18. kaffepigen says:

    That’s kinda harsh. He can’t help how he feels…

    Liked by 2 people

  19. CitizenErased14 says:

    I can’t help but agree that this was a little harsh haha. Tobi loves his son. He has no first-hand experience with homosexuality in his life so it’s “unusual” to him and makes him uncomfortable. He even acknowledges that this isn’t a great viewpoint to have and that it’s something he needs to work through.

    Mind you, I completely understand being mad at the awful way Tobi expressed himself to Auggy. He spoke without thinking and was very hurtful. He owes his son an enormous apology for that, and he knows it.

    Tobi isn’t homophobic or bigoted at all. He’s just shocked, uncomfortable, and worried about the implications for his son’s future.

    You are entitled to your opinion, of course. I just have to disagree this time 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Virtualee says:

    Powerful, intense and pure. Thank you for writing on such a sensitive subject and not tiptoeing on what you think everyone wanted to see/read. In rl people don’t take these things so lightly – in rl people have raw feelings and emotions about subjects like these. I loved the clarity in this chapter – ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thank you so much! This comment seriously means a lot to me 🙂 I know this subject is sensitive, and I really wanted to stay true to how I thought Tobi would react. It wasn’t an ideal reaction, but like you said, it’s not sunshine-and-rainbows all the time in real life. And, at the same time, fiction usually portrays the other extreme — bigotry, hatred, and homophobia. I wanted to portray more of a gray area here with Tobi 🙂

      Still, this was a tough one. I think Tobi will come around. He just really needs to talk to Auggy and apologize. It’ll take time, but they’ll get there ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  21. NessyRosy says:

    Yay for Gus telling the family. I’m so proud of him ❤

    It was great to see everyone being so supportive…except for Tobi! Wrong move dude 😛 I'm really happy that Mari and Jonas gave him a stern talking to 🙂

    I never would have thought Tobi to act the way he did, yet his worries for Gus and how he'd be treated is understandable. However, he needs to realize (or I hope he has) that the way he acted was just what he was fearing for his son…

    I know he loves Gus very much, but he needs to make amends and let Gus know. I hope he can deal with it in time. His son needs his support and love, I believe Tobi will make the right decision. His heart's in the right place, he's just very worried for his boy 😛 😀

    I wonder how he'll deal with Joce's news after this? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yes, the family was *mostly* supportive, and Gus was so brave!

      I think Tobi can and will be supportive, he was just so shocked that he had this horrible and insensitive knee-jerk reaction 😦 He really needs to apologize and make things right with his son!

      And I love that this chapter has you thinking about how Tobi might react to Joce and Mark! We’ll see? Hehe

      Like

      • NessyRosy says:

        Yeah, the knee-jerk response was something he certainly regrets, but I do understand that he really loves and wants what’s best for his baby boy. I have faith that everything will work out, he’s too loving a father to not make amends ❤ 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  22. Nakashima says:

    OMG I’m so upset with Tobi right now! His fears for his son are completely legitimate, but uhm, Tobi, you were kind of spewing that hate yourself there. *shakes head* I truly expected better from him.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. theceltygirly says:

    Damn, Tobi. YOU COULDN’T LET GUS GUS BE HAPPY. Tobi, go in the shame corner. Go right now, and don’t come out until you’ve thought about what you said.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. That last line, though 😦 It’s harsher than my comments on Mari.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. skcaga6 says:

    I feel bad for Gus, but I understand Tobi’s fear for his son too. The world is still a dangerous place for LGBT people. I know he loves Gus no matter what, but I understand Tobi even I do not agree with how he handled it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I appreciate this comment! Tobi’s reaction was so controversial (understandably! I don’t agree with it either) but I think it comes from a genuine place of concern too.

      Liked by 1 person

  26. samasasim says:

    That was an unexpected reaction! I understand Tobi’s fear of how people will treat Gus though 😦

    Liked by 1 person

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