5.66: Not Me

God, I feel like shit right now. Absolute, complete shit.

I know I did the right thing. I had to do it. But I fucking hated it.

I knew I had to do it in person, so invited Abigail over this afternoon. I didn’t really say much, just that I needed to talk to her. And when she got here, she looked so beautiful and was giving me that smile I love so much. And it killed me. It seriously did.

When she started apologizing for the other day, that was when I knew I had to bite the bullet and do it. I couldn’t put it off any longer. So I stopped her, and told her the truth…

We can’t be together anymore.

I didn’t make it very far into my speech before I started crying. The look on her face broke my heart. I almost couldn’t stand it. I haven’t been the one to dump anybody in years. Not since Amy, way back before Hope and I were even together. But Amy was a controlling psycho-bitch who walked all over me and made me feel like shit. Breaking up with her was EASY.

But breaking up with Abigail… God, that was anything but easy. I know she has the same kind of problems I used to… But that doesn’t make her a bad person. She’s not. She’s smart and funny and beautiful…

But she’s not the one for me… And I’m not the one for her either.

I deserve someone who can be understanding and supportive of my career. Someone who won’t be so jealous of me all the time.

And she deserves someone who can put her first. Someone who can give her 100%. And that someone isn’t me.

I really wish I could say Abigail took it well… But she didn’t.

The first thing she did was say I’m just breaking up with her so I can be with Hope now. But that’s not true. It really isn’t. I mean, I was honest with her… I still have feelings for Hope. And it’s made things even more complicated between me and Abigail. It played a big part in why I felt like I had to end things.

But I’m not planning on running back to Hope right now. That’s not why I did this.

I’m doing it because it wasn’t fair to Abigail for us to stay together… Or me, really. It just wasn’t going to work out between us. I tried so hard to make her see that. And I hope she will, eventually. I really hope she can find a way to move past her jealousy too. Because honestly, she has the biggest heart underneath it all.

But today, I broke it.

We had four months together. Sounds like nothing compared to the four years Hope and I had… But we had a great time together. I really cared about her so much. Hell, before things started going downhill, I was even starting to imagine a future with her. Saying goodbye to all of that hurts. Like hell.

After she left, I couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t know what to do.

There was this crazy moment I almost called Hope. Old habits die hard, I guess. Whenever something awful happens, she’s the first one I wanna turn to. But I knew this time it would be a terrible idea. So I didn’t.

Then I thought about Dom and Remi. Or Charlie. Or Tante Joce.

But in the end, I decided I just wanna be alone.

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45 Responses to 5.66: Not Me

  1. audreyfld says:

    I am so proud of Zayne. He has come so far. He totally did what he should have before things got more complicated. He didn’t call Hope which was probably good. Although I felt bad he didn’t feel like he had anyone else he could go to. But Hope is where his heart is. Maybe with Abigail out of the way he can realize it. They will begin to spend time together and he won’t feel guilty. Then maybe they can rediscover how much they mean to each other. They are great friends and that is the absolute best foundation for more. Soon please!!!! Tick tock….those biological clocks are running!

    Liked by 6 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I’m proud of him too! ^_^ My boy has come so far *wipes away a tear* We will see what happens from here for him. I think he needs a little time to process what happened with Abigail before he can figure out what he wants to do next

      Liked by 1 person

  2. julyvee94 says:

    That was very mature of Zayne. I understand his reasons. I think old Zayne wouldn’t have handled things this well.

    Liked by 3 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Very true! Old Zayne probably would have stayed in the relationship until things got wayyyyy worse. And then as soon as things exploded and they DID break up, he’d go running to Hope. He is a different person now for sure 🙂 (still kinda dumb of course, but also still Zayne 😛 )

      Like

  3. Bugsie2016 says:

    ‘And the shots were fired’ said someone at some point in time. SS Zabigail is down. SS Zappiness took some damage too but we had to sacrifice it a little in the long run.

    Also, suuuppppeeerrrr proud of Zayne for not ignoring what he realised. (Are you sure he has Rosebrook genes?)

    Liked by 3 people

  4. skcaga6 says:

    Good job, Zayne. Love them and leave them. I did that once. It was fun.

    Am proud of Zayne. He has grown so much. Now time to focus on the restaurant, and the rest will fall into place.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hahaha you always crack me up 😛

      I’m proud of him too! He’s come so far. I’ve really loved writing his journey. We will see how how the rest of the pieces land 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  5. sourocha1 says:

    Good call Zayne! Maybe things won’t end up like I was thinking…? But I just hope they don’t stay in this back and fourth for long,as It would be very unpleseant to love someone for your hole life, but only because of silly things, end up dating this person when you’re like, 80, because, again, Hope and Zayne seem to have alll the right reasons to date, but…they don’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. OnyxRaven says:

    😞

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Uh oh… our first disappointed Zabigail fan? 😦 Sawwy. It just wasn’t working out and Zayne didn’t want to string her along anymore

      Like

    • Arrowleaf says:

      Same. Gave up so easily. 😛

      Then again, he did admit that he still likes Hope (finally) so it’s probably for the best.

      Liked by 1 person

      • CitizenErased14 says:

        Haha I think if Zayne thought it could ever truly work between him and Abigail he wouldn’t have given up like this. But instead he made a choice that he thought was best and most fair to both of them 🙂 Which, to me, is a big step 🙂 Old Zayne would have been too chicken to end things 😂

        Liked by 1 person

        • Arrowleaf says:

          I figured as much. I am just a real big fighter when it comes to love (or just something that I want) so I was hoping there would be more fight. That’s the romantic in me though. xD I am glad that Zayne did end it and didn’t string her along just because he was too chicken too. That does show a lot of growth on his part.

          Liked by 1 person

          • CitizenErased14 says:

            I love that you’re passionate about fighting for love! 😀 I guess this time, it just wan’t love with Abigail.

            Like

  7. Cement says:

    I wanted my first comment on your blog to be when you get to the part of Zayne’s BABIES but I really want to say that I think it’s amazing how Zayne matured too. He used to be this bratty little kid that made me roll my eyes on numerous occasions but look at him now, being in control in his life and taking things on like a champ. I’m only just a little teary with this development. Just a little. 😭

    I think it’s a good idea that he’s taking things slow and that he’s starting to sit down and assess things first before jumping into them. …But yeah for real, babies pls
    pls babies
    many babies
    flood your apartment with babies
    I know your successful restaurant can pay for all the babies Zayne, no excuses thanks 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Cement breaks her silence at last! 😮 I’m glad that you recognize Zayne’s growth 🙂 I’m so proud of him!

      As for babies… patience 😛 (and no promises of flooding 😂)

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Luna says:

    After seeing how Zayne and Abby turned out, it’s propably for the best he dumped her. I feel sorry for her, but there wasn’t even a sign she can see something had to change, she had to change as well and can’t just command him to drop everything else for her.

    At least Zayne managed to solve this breakup calm and mature. He didn’t flip when hearing her accusements, he tried to explain. And I am really glad he stepped out at this point, and didn’t try to “fix” the situation by marrying her and giving in entirely. They had a good time together, but four months of being a mostly happy couple isn’t enough of a reason to throw his life away trying to fix Abbys problems. He already knows how hard he struggled with similar problems, and the solution didn’t just appear out of thin air. If Abby showed she was willing to work it out, he would propably stick to her and support her, but he can’t wait for a miracle to happen.

    I am also glad he didn’t call Hope right away. It just wouldn’t be the right thing to do. Zayne is an adult man, he is over thirty. Leaning back and letting good old Hope comfort him and cheering him up might let him feel better, but he has to shoulder that responsibility. Hope didn’t break up with Abby. He needs to get over it and figure it out for himself, or he might just end up either letting Hope feel all of his guilty-sad mood (which would also remember Hope of herself feeling bad and partly guilty when she broke up with Zayne), or thinking back of the good days he had with Abby (which Hope shouldn’t hear as it would make the situation really really awkward), or he would try to forget about Abby in this talk.

    It will take some time, until Zayne realizes what he wants to do next. He does want someone to share his life with, and he knows he “deserves” someone that supports him. At least he kept his self-confidence. Zayne knows what he wants, but he isn’t really the type to go around and just date. And he knows he still has some feelings for Hope that make things difficult for him. On the other hand he knows how difficult the situation with Hope is. He was the one who decided he didn’t want to be back together with her, and he certainly doesn’t want her to feel like the “backup plan”.

    I have a feeling he will be with Hope, but that won’t be as easy as it might feel.

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Great analysis! I totally agree that this was for the best and that Zayne handled it very maturely. Running straight to Hope wouldn’t have been a good idea either, as you said. He needs a bit of time to figure out what he really wants to do from here

      Like

  9. Brass Buckles says:

    I’m glad he didn’t go straight to Hope, because I think that would’ve just created a mess he couldn’t easily clean up.

    I still think he needs to work on moving past Hope. She’s got as many issues as Abigail–they’re just different issues. Maybe if she can work through them, she could be with Zayne. Until then, I think Zayne ought to find someone else.

    Of course this maybe shouldn’t take too long, unless he’s going to date a younger woman later in life. The whole point of a legacy is that the sims have children to carry on that legacy…

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Haha the biological clock is definitely ticking!

      And yeah, I think Zayne needs to take some time to evaluate and figure out where to go from here. We will see! Thanks for reading 🙂

      Like

  10. nichole1011 says:

    I’m so proud of how far he has come!! ❤️💜

    Liked by 1 person

  11. thegraeyone says:

    I don’t know if Zayne is my favorite heir but he’s definitely the one who’s seen the most character development. I’m proud of him here. Being a responsible adult. And not being emotionally destroyed for it. Good job Zayne.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thank you so much! This really means a lot to hear. Zayne has come so far and I am very proud of him too 🙂 Writing his gen has been a rollercoaster haha but I’ve loved developing his character so much. He has been my favorite heir to write, I think 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Jes2G says:

    I am so glad (and a lil bit proud) he didn’t call Hope. That would have been the BIGGEST disaster waiting to happen. It was also nice to see Brat Prince speaking confidently about what he deserves without overtones of childishness and jealousy. Da baby’s growing up. 😛

    Liked by 2 people

  13. O'jenn says:

    No matter how much it hurts I think he made the right choice.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. hayflinger says:

    I’m definitely impressed by Zayne. I think having read all of his ancestors’ (man, that makes the previous generations feel way old) chapters, he is the one that is coming across as having his shit together in terms of maturity and relationships. Sure, he wasn’t born that way, but he’s the first who’s really looked at himself and his issues and has been willing to learn from it.

    He’s a good cookie all right. So looking forward to what comes next.

    I just started my own legacy game last night, first time I think I’ve ever done something like this since I’d always get bored with the other editions of the series and turn to SWTOR leveling up or some good old fashioned Elder Scrolls, but since I’ve been hooked on the SimLit thing … oh, yeah! It’s keeping me going. I don’t ever really want to put my fanfic up anywhere (because really, people are likely to go what the heck is this … seaQuest?), but I figure that having a wordpress blog for my sims is close enough.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thank you! 🙂 I agree that he has shown the most growth/self-awareness (except maybe for Mari, but it took her half a lifetime to get there!). I have really loved writing his journey of self-discovery and growth. I know it was very slow (dare I say too slow haha) but I really wanted to show that change doesn’t happen overnight and stuff with him. So it was a long, slow process for him to reach this point haha Thank you for sticking with him!

      And congrats on starting a legacy of your own! That’s awesome. I hope you have fun with it! ^_^

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Creshone says:

    I’m very proud of Zayne. He’s accomplished so much and has become so much more mature from that bratty teenager and the jealous filled young man. I believe he’s heading in the right direction. Can’t wait to see where his journey takes him.

    Also I compliment him on not calling Hope. She’s his best friend but she’s also a past lover. Emotions can run high and before you know it you’re making choices you regret in the morning. HoZay is my ship of choice and I don’t want to see it sink because of regrets that they can’t get past.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thank you so much 🙂 He has certainly come a long way! I’m really proud too, and I’m glad you are as well!

      And yes, calling Hope would have been a super risky decision. Thankfully Zayne figured this out too… otherwise it could have led to disaster :-/

      Like

  16. sonniejj says:

    Good for you for biting that bullet, Zayne! I was really afraid he would lead Abigail on for a long time, so I’m happy he made this decision.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yeah this was a big step for him. He handled this so much better than he would have in the past! It’s taken forever, but he’s finally growing up a bit haha

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Pingback: Weekly Links List - July 10, 2017 - The Sims Legacy Challenge

  18. This was very mature of him, but ouch. I always think little should go for full honesty with a breakup, but admitting he still had feelings for Hope prolly did more damage than good. Um… Maybe not though. Over time, she’ll likely appreciate it. So she’ll know she wasn’t crazy and being gaslighted about what she could sense between those two.

    But now… Well the door is open for Hope! No point in him even trying to be with someone else. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Stop fighting the inevitable!

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yeah, maybe a bit of a brutal truth! But he didn’t want to lie. Like you said, hopefully in the future she will appreciate his honesty! I feel bad for her right now though. That had to hurt!

      Like

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