5.28: Shift

Dear Diary,

Okay, remember last summer, after Zayne 16^th birthday? When I said I didn’t think a flip got switched that magically made you an adult, even when you turn 18?

Well… I still think that. There’s no switch-flipping. But I guess maybe it’s almost like one of those fancy dimmer lights… You know the ones I’m talking about, right? The lights don’t just snap from being off to on. You turn the dial and it’s a slow shift. Maybe that’s a super weird or dumb metaphor, but I guess it’s the best way I can explain it.

And ever since my birthday, I’ve been feeling that shift.

I guess the biggest change is things with mom and dad. I mean, up until now, we’ve had this whole ‘custody agreement’ thing we had to follow. For as long as I can remember, we’ve been with mom pretty much every weekday during the school year, dad almost every weekend, and alternating weeks during the summer.

But we don’t have to follow that anymore. We could pick one parent and never visit the other one again, if we wanted to (not that we’d ever do that!). It’s just weird, I guess… The freedom to pick where we wanna go. Tony and Alex are already taking advantage of that… Kinda making their own schedule.

But I’ve been too nervous to change. It just feels so weird to do anything else, I guess. And at least mom and dad don’t seem to mind.

The other big thing is being able to drive without mom or dad anymore. At first I was preparing myself to start bugging mom to borrow her car all the time… But Opa went WAY overboard for our birthday this year… It felt so weird.  I hate talking about it, but it’s no secret that Opa’s filthy rich. He was one of the most famous footballers in the entire world. But he’s always been so careful not to spoil us…

Until now.

“You only turn eighteen once,” he told us. And then he handed each of us a set of keys… To three brand-new cars.

I never realized how amazing it would be to not have to rely on the bus to get around anymore. It’s incredible, and all three of us are really loving it (even though Alex already got into a fender-bender with her car… Yeah, Opa wasn’t too happy about that).

So yeah… Minus Zayne being a total piece of shit and skipping out on our party, turning 18 was pretty awesome.

I know, I know… somehow I always end up complaining about Zayne. I just can’t believe him lately! He’s changed so much, and I have no idea where it’s coming from.

I mean, he’s been ignoring all of us worse than he ever has before… Even his friends at school. I don’t think he’s even invited Dom over in weeks! It’s like he’s replaced all of us with his stupid uni friends.

I just can’t help feeling so mad about this whole thing. Haven’t I always been there for him? I even covered for him at his stupid little party last month! I’ve been trying so hard to be supportive. Following “The Sibling Code”, as Alex calls it. I know I complain about Zayne a lot… But no matter what, I still love him. We grew up together. I can’t forget about that.

But apparently he can.

It hurt so much when I found out he lied to miss our birthday dinner. What the hell could have been more important than that?! He never told me. He just said he was sorry over and over again, and made me promise not to tell mom… And I listened, because I don’t want her falling into her usual Zayne obsession again. That’s the last thing I need right now.

Except now… Well, that’s what this whole rant is leading up to. I think Zayne might be mixed up in something bad. And pretty soon, I might not have a choice. I might have to tell mom about it…

Basically, back when he started making all that extra money, Zayne told us he’d been doing some ‘odd jobs’ to help out his neighbor with his ‘business’ for some extra cash. And I never really thought much of it, at the time. But yesterday when Ben came over, he got all weird and serious and told me he needed to talk to me about Zayne.

I guess his cousin’s roommate has fallen pretty deep into the drug scene… And Tyler and Ben have always been pretty close, so he was kinda venting about the whole thing. And Ben says the name of the guy’s dealer came up… Eun.

Ben’s so sure it’s the same guy we met at Zayne’s party… That neighbor he’s been “working” for. And if it is…. I mean God, could Zayne really be involved in drugs?! I can’t help but think about how much money he started making all of a sudden… Those Christmas gifts he bought us… That fancy bracelet he got me for my birthday… Did all that money really just come from doing little ‘odd’ jobs? Or is he…?

I don’t know. I think I’m just overreacting. I mean, there’s no proof this is the same Eun Tyler told Ben about. And even if it is, Zayne’s not dumb enough to get mixed up in anything like that. If I try telling mom about it, it’ll just make her worry and start freaking out over nothing, and Zayne will probably hate me for it.

So until I know more, I guess I’m staying out of it. I have more important stuff to be worrying about anyway, right?

I’m sure he’s fine.