5.27: Deal With It

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.

For once, I don’t mean that in a good way. At all.

My hands are still shaking and my heart won’t stop racing. Tonight was one of the scariest nights of my entire life.

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It started out just fine. I got home from work, and Mateo texted me and invited me to his party tomorrow night. Then Victoria called to geek-out about the latest episode of Chef Showdown. The usual sort of stuff, right?

Then, just when I was sitting down to start some homework, Eun knocked on my door. He needed me to do another delivery. I’d already done three this week, but I didn’t mind one more… I mean hell, I make 50 euros every time. Easy money… And I can never have enough of that.

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So I took the envelope and headed to meet up with the ‘client’, as Eun likes to call them. When I got there, I realized it’s a guy I’ve delivered to before, so I didn’t think anything of it.

But after I handed over the envelope, he didn’t hand me his cash and walk away like they normally do. He just kinda stood there, staring at me for a few seconds. Like he was waiting for something. Then he finally asked me “Where’s the rest?”

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I kept telling him I had no idea what he was talking about, but he wouldn’t listen. He just kept saying it wasn’t enough, and asking me where the rest of it was.

Then it happened.

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I was so sure he was going to literally kill me, right then and there. I’ve never been so afraid in my entire life. Thank God he didn’t do anything worse… He just dropped me to the ground and kicked me a few times before he left. My chest is killing me… I already think I’ve got a bruise.

But honestly, I’m counting myself lucky that’s all he left me with.

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I ran straight back to Eun and told him what happened. And damn it, I started crying like a little bitch when I told him. It was humiliating. And I think it pissed him off too. He looked really annoyed… And I guess it was hard to tell whether it was at me, or the guy who beat me up.

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Either way, he tossed a couple hundred euros at me “for my trouble”, told me not to tell anyone what happened, and promised me he’d “take care of it”, whatever that means. Then he practically pushed me back out into the hallway and closed the door behind me.

I called Tante Joce the second I walked through my door. I knew I couldn’t tell her anything about what was going on… But I just needed to hear her voice. I made some stupid small talk about school and all this other crap I don’t actually care about. And I guess it helped a little… But honestly? This is so embarrassing, but I swear to God I would have given anything just for her to hug me and tell me everything’s gonna be okay. I just… really, really needed that.

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The point is, I’ve never felt closer to wanting to go back home than I do right now. I seriously meant what I said a couple months ago – about my life feeling like a rollercoaster. Some days, everything seems so great. I feel happy and independent and grown-up and I just know that moving out was the best decision I ever made.

But there are times when I just feel like I can’t handle this anymore. I miss not having to pay bills. I miss being able to sit around playing video games all day. I miss having a house full of people to talk to. I miss seeing my family every day. I miss just being a normal kid.

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Ever since I met that girl… I know I’ve already spent pages and pages talking about her, but it’s really stuck with me. Hope wasn’t just beautiful. She was so nice, and normal… With a family that was a lot like mine. A family that could be annoying and overprotective… But a family that loved her. And I’m glad I didn’t help her make the exact mistake I’ve been making.

Lying to my family. Pushing them away. Wasting my time on so much stupid shit, and ignoring what really matters. Sitting here in my crappy little apartment pretending to be someone I’m not. Getting mixed up in all this shit with Eun just so I can pay the bills…

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I don’t know. Maybe I’m making too big of a deal about this whole thing. I just need to take a deep breath and try to calm down. I mean, I know I’ll feel better about everything tomorrow. And honestly, writing it all down kinda helps a little already.

Moving out was my choice. I’m the one who put myself in this situation. And it’s my responsibility to suck it up, figure it out, and deal with it…

On my own.

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54 thoughts on “5.27: Deal With It

  1. Zayne I don’t know how much longer your conscience is going to be on vacation, but he really needs to get it together before you’re unalive.
    (Hears noise in background) Lady what are you doing?
    How’s this sound in loving memory of our beloved rebellious prince good start right!
    ( Face palms) We’ve talked about this no making enchanted tombstones unless the deaths are canon!
    I’m decided to double his positive survival points this update cause he actually survived😆

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hahaha I’m glad he gets some positive survival points 😛 And as for his conscience, I wouldn’t say it’s completely on vacation. It’s there… It’s just locked away in a dark room where no one can hear it scream XD

      Like

  2. Oh wow. I think he Was Lucky to get away with his life intact. Zayne needs to mode back home. He’s so not ready to live by himself. I’ve thought this sine he mover out and he’s just proved it to be true

    Liked by 1 person

        1. Yeah, I think basically Eun recognizes how young and easily manipulated Zayne is. Finding a kid like that to work for him can’t be easy… He’s a perfect tool and Eun doesn’t want to lose him!

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Nothing like a brush with death to make you rethink your priorities, but then he lets his pride get in the way and rationalizes he has to suck it up and figure it out himself. Zayne, you are going to need help and very, very soon. That pride of yours is going to get you in serious trouble. He is in way too deep with Eun to just walk away. He is going to have to ask for help sooner or later – that is when he will really have to suck it up! Bad choices Zayne…tsk, tsk.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. So very stubborn, that Zayne is!

    I wonder if he’ll finally crack? I mean he’s close enough to being an adult that he probably won’t, but even if he doesn’t, this seems like the sort of thing that he’s going to regret for the rest of his life. I mean he basically gave up the last bit of his childhood on purpose, and eagerly. He’s been involved in illegal activities, and he’s already regretting the lies he’s told and how badly he’s treated his family.

    I hope that he manages to make it without ending up hating himself. He’s done a lot of foolish things but he seems like a good kid despite it all.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. He really is so stubborn! And I love your prediction that he may come to regret all of this if he doesn’t come home… we’ll see what happens!

      Like

  5. Zayne if you wanna be a drug dealer you can’t be a little weeny!

    I was scared for him and I laughed at him a little too hehe he seems like he’s almost got it, being an adult ain’t fun! But also one day maybe he’ll make enough money so he can sit around and play games all day like me. Dream big kiddo! Dream big!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Life changing experience wasn’t it, Zayne, fearing for your life? One gets those priorities straight in such moment.
    Haha, I’m back! And weirdly enough I have to say I’m kind of starting to like Eun. It’s the thing I have for fictional villains… Here’s what I think might happen: the guy that Zayne delivered drugs to will be found dead, if Eun is as dangerous as he could be or at least has dangerous friends. We might even look forward to seeing more of that scared cute Zayne’s face in the future and more calls to “mommy” tante Joce. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha it doesn’t surprise me that you like Eun 😛 He definitely has potential as a pretty scary guy! We will have to wait and see what happens from here.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow! I didn’t know Drago had it in him 😉!
    I hope (see what I did there) Zayne realises that in helping Hope he also hurt her 🙁… what’s their ship name Hayne? Zope? Zaype? Hmmmm

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha oh was he yours? Yeah I hope you don’t mind that he’s a violent druggie 😂

      I don’t think Zayne knew how much Hope cared/would be hurt by him standing her up. And my favorite ship name for them is HoZay 😛 Too bad she’s already back in the US :-/

      Liked by 2 people

  8. DUDE!
    If you have learnt anything these last couple of chapters, you don’t have to do this shit alone!
    Seriously though, I’m really glad he’s starting to see that lying to everyone and pretending he’s someone he’s not isn’t the best idea. And I knew he would get in trouble with these “deliveries”. I know he wants to sort all this out on his own, but that’s stupid. There’s no shame in admitting you fucked up and need help Zayne! Especially to your family.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Oh Zayne… at this rate, you’ll be lucky if there’s anything even your family *can* do to help you. I’m half expecting a chapter with his body being found in a ditch, and Charlie actually becoming the heir, lol!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. So close yet so far. On the edge of a family-love-filled epiphany, he backed off. Ugh… hell get there, he’s just taking his sweet time growing. You’d swear he was Clara’s child with the slow-learned life lessons, lol, or Joce’s.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. *sigh* so close…. We all knew something was going to go wrong with the shady business he got himself into. Thought that would be what would make him go back home, but guess not.

    Like

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