4.56: Trapped

I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t.

I hate being trapped in this house with my family. Having to avoid them all the time. Knowing that they’re probably so fucking pleased with themselves right now. Thinking about the fact that they picked Luc over me.

And not being able to forgive them.

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I’ve tried. I want to. But I can’t. Every time I look at them, I just… can’t. I’m so fucking angry. Probably angrier than I’ve ever felt in my life.

I wish we could go back to how things used to be. Back when I didn’t want to punch my parents in the face every time I look at them. Back when the mere mention of Luc’s name didn’t have me seeing red. Back when were just a normal family. One that loved each other.

10-02-16_6-53-00-pm

I hate it. I hate feeling this way. But I can’t help it. I can’t help hating my family right now. Just like I can’t help still loving Mark…

Which is the even bigger problem.

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Do you have any idea how much it kills me to know that he could be right here in Windenburg, visiting Luc and Hazel, and I wouldn’t even know it? Hell, even knowing that he’s just a few hours away in Falkenburg is bad enough.

He’s so close. I could be with him this very second if I wanted to. And it doesn’t even matter.

Because we can’t be together. My family made sure of that.

10-02-16_6-53-44-pm

I feel like I’m going crazy or something. Or at least, I will if I stay here one more minute.

I just need to get away. Away from my family. Away from Mark. Away from everything.

I can’t stand being trapped anymore.

10-02-16_6-58-48-pm

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128 thoughts on “4.56: Trapped

  1. *GASP* Joce is moving into her Uncle Stefan’s house! Yeah, I had a feeling she would go there. From all the phone scenes, they’re wondering where Joce is.

    Idk how Stefan will react when Joce tells him about the situation.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yup, she went all the way to the US! I think he was pretty darn shocked to see her hehe Glad you predicted it — I guess willow creek is the place to go when you wanna get away! 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  2. HA! Seriously?! She just up and goes to AMERICA in the middle of the night like it’s around the corner?? XD Get outta here, girl. Whoops, sorry…that was probably one of those moments I was supposed to suspend my disbelief. My bad LOL.

    Ummmm…I hope that wasn’t her journal she left behind on the desk.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Haha well I don’t think you need to suspend it THAT much? I mean she must have a passport handy from past visits. Tomorrow we’ll find out how she got the funds. All she’d need to do is go to the airport and get a ticket 😛

      And yes, she left her journal behind! 😮 It’s full of too many bad memories.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m not doubting she had the ability to do it. The idea is just crazy lol. “My hate my family, and I need to get away! Oh, I know! I’ll spend an insane amount of money to buy a ticket in the middle of the night to fly 10 hours to my uncle’s house!” LOL XD (sigh) Young people… 😛

        I get that the journal has bad memories buuuuuuuuuuut…to leave it out in the open?! I’d stow it away waaaay in the back of my closet somewhere. Heck…maybe even destroy it! She’s asking for someone to read it! (gasp) Is that what she wants?? If so, she’s very brave. There is no scenario that does not involve me being dead where I would want anyone to find and read my journals lol. Just…no. Ain’t happenin’. XD

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Haha well I guess the question is, where else would she have gone? She doesn’t have the money to live on her own, so she needs somewhere to stay. Bam, uncle Stefan’s house 😛

          And I think maybe she does want them to read it, if only for them to understand just how much they hurt her… 😦

          Liked by 1 person

        2. I think get away was the best thing she could do. 😀
          And leaving the journal behind? Hell yes! Let them read what she’s going through. Some of them need to see it in black and white to finally get it. 🙂

          Liked by 2 people

            1. I know. I have my teenage journal burried at the bottom of the lowest drawer and whenever I see it I consider burning it. 😀
              For Joce the journal also represents the legacy. I guess leaving it behind was a statement what she thinks about the legacy right now. 😀

              Liked by 4 people

    2. See, I assumed she already had the ticket when she was going to the airport – just because we didn’t see her buy it and she didn’t tell anyone doesn’t necessarily mean she waited to buy it till getting to the airport. A lot of long haul flights would leave at an odd time in the middle of the night 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This could be true. But, the look on Stefan’s face…poor dude had no idea. You don’t cross an ocean and not tell someone you’re coming. That’s just…not kosher!

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    1. All the airports I know are open 24 hours and it’s fairly easy to buy tickets on short notice, especially with self serve kiosks an the Internet. The trickiest part would be the passport and I’m feel more Europeans would have them as a matter of course than Americans

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Germany and the USA are on pretty good terms, so if she said something like “staying 2 weeks at my uncle’s house to visit”, they probably wouldn’t give her too much guff.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. I knew it! I knew she wanted to get away from everything, but still having contact with family….kind of! I was thinking she was going into some apartment, but she was able to buy an airplane passage and go allll the way to Willo Creek, we will see, I think she could stay some time in Stefan’s house, and that way we can see the other side of the family and it life (Like a mini-serie? I would like it! ) Take your time, Joyce, take your time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you left a comment! Thanks for reading 😀 Yeah, Willow Creek is apparently the go-to destination for Rosebrooks who wanna get away 😛

      We won’t be seeing much of Stefan though 😦 I’m saving him for Joie to show in her legacy 😛

      Like

  4. Oh yay! I got concerned when I saw she was leaving. I didn’t want our girl to be out in the world all alone so I was so relieved to see that she’s with her Onkle Stefan. Maybe he can help talk some sense into her knuckle head family and also get her to see that anger gets you nowhere. He of all people should be able to relate to her feelings of being out of place right now.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Okay then, she needs her time to think, I get it, but how much time will she stay there? Just like they said, America isn’t that close, and I don’t think she either can or want to stay there, but hey, her world is broken, she has to get a new one, and a fresh start could work for her, just like we can see, it worked for Stefan and his family… that I would like to see, actually, and actually learn their names.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha well we got to see Stefan’s family in the Christmas chapter ^_^ I’m trying to save them for joke to write about in her legacy 🙂

      As for how long Joce will stay, we’ll find out within the next couple of chapters! This could be a temporary escape, or a new beginning..: hard to say yet!

      Like

  6. Oh snap! Has the news/drama around Jocelyne and Mark even reached Stefan? Makes sense if not. It leaves SOMEONE to turn to.

    Also, I don’t know if the story has said anything about Joce’s English skills, but she’s gonna need them!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yeah. I forgot about her Harry Potter reading. Guess she’ll be okay.

      I just assumed that Mark was highly-fluent in German and primarily used it in his regular life because he lived and worked there.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Mark and Joce spoke in German probably 90% of the time haha But yea, for example Josh’s family and Stefan’s family both don’t know German. So there is a lot of English spoken around the holidays haha

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Stefan knows a bit, but probably not the whole story haha (but I’m sure he will now!)

      As for Joce’s English, well she did date Elliot, who is American and doesn’t speak perfect German, so I’m sure they had to meet in the middle quite a bit haha I imagine she’s proficient enough in the language that she’ll be ok.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Joce, that was a great idea. She really needed some distance from the whole situation if she wants it to get better, and she does.

    If Luc or Tobi end up ragging on her though for leaving, I swear I will start a new hashtag at them.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m so proud of Jocelyne right now! I actually am since the last chapter. Being the one that always gets left behind and says nothing about it, but then finally letting it all out – I know what she felt like, apart from the part of letting it out. I was kinda afraid though that she would do something stupid – I didn’t expect her to go to Stefan! I thought she’d randomly walk around, sleeping in hotels, until she found something she liked. But that she didn’t do this proves to me how mature she actually is. Going to Stefan is a really good choice. I’m pretty sure that Stefan won’t keep his mouth shut and tell Tobi about it, and I’m pretty sure Joce knows that. They won’t have to worry, but they can’t reach her there anymore, at least not easily. I really love her and I’m looking forward to what opportunities she’ll be taking over there in Willow Creek 🙂 (it is Willow Creek, am I right?)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, it’s Willow Creek ^_^ And I’m glad you enjoyed this turn of events. Joce is smart — she wanted to be somewhere with family who could help her out but also far enough away to have minimum contact, like you said. Willow Creek seemed like a good choice for her haha 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I bet that no one except Mari and her parents (and maybe her siblings-Citizen is Mari’s siblings still alive?) know about Mari sleeping around. So that kind of shows that Jossy is even more mature then her grandma when she was the same age.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. For me it’s not the plane ticket. It’s the distance. Sure, escape in the middle of the night. People do it all the time. But to another continent? Showing up at someone’s doorstep in another country? That’s so extreme to me, and it makes me laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Where else could she have gone though? Haha it was a rash decision, sure, but her Willow creek family are the only family she has that are far enough away

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re not going to change my mind about this LOL. No one skips town and shows up in another country unannounced…unless you’re running away from the police XD

        Like

  10. It’s interesting that she couldn’t afford to move out but was somehow able to buy a plane ticket worth a couple months of rent 🙂

    That said, I think it will be good for her. And it’s nice to see Stephan again.

    Like Jess, I was surprised she left the journal. Hope her family reads it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Spoiler alert: She used Tobi and Colette’s credit card haha (we will learn this tomorrow) (well, technically it’s Joce’s for emergencies but it’s tied to her parents’ bank account)

      Hopefully this will be good for her 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Most Americans do not. My boyfriend had to get one for us to go to Canada, and I know very few friends who have one. Actually no one in my family even has one that I know of haha my parents don’t, and neither does my brother. We do not leave the country often. Traveling abroad is much more expensive and difficult than if you live in Europe haha

      Like

    2. This discussion is interesting for me too. If the Rosebrooks lived in the Caribbean where I’m from it would be difficult for her to just up and go to America in the middle of the night. You need a visa along with a passport to travel to anywhere in North America or Europe. Most people here have passports just in case, sometimes as a form of ID usually for teens under 18. But a visa is something that takes a couple of months to get and most times you don’t get approved at all so you have to keep trying. LOL. It’s interesting that intercontinental travel has become a discussion topic out of this chapter. HAHA!

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Most of the time the embassies worry that people will travel there and never return. So if certain factors like community ties, job security, family ties etc don’t seem strong enough they’ll reject you because they think you don’t have anything to return for. Sometimes people have all of that and still don’t get approved. It’s fickle. The thing is they never specifically tell you why you got rejected for the visa, you just get rejected. And then you apply again – nothing will have changed in your life since the last time, mind you – and you get approved. LOL.

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        1. Is that something you need to apply for every time you travel? I imagine the Rosebrooks visit Willow Creek about once a year. So she’s traveled to the US probably within the past year before this

          Liked by 1 person

  11. I know everyone is up in arms about her leaving like that to go so far… But as someone who has had her heart broken and done exactly that (not a different country but definitely across ours) I get Joce. Sometimes you need to get away from all the memories that are in the place where you loved that person. In her case it is her family and Mark. She needs to stand on her own and I can see she will be a better and stronger person for it. They may not like that she is no longer their sweet Joce but she is spreading her wings and she will find out who she really is not who her family wants her to be.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. It wasn’t all bad. It made me who I am and made me stronger and a little wiser. Joce is fighting back and growing instead of letting life and pain defeat her. This makes me very excited for her. Heartbreaking that she had to go through this but the old cliche is true in my own view of it: What doesn’t kill you can you stronger if you allow it.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Yaaassss Stefan! I still have a soft spot for him, so I’m so glad Joce went to him. I couldn’t help but gasp a little when I saw Tobi called Mark, but I guess being worried about Joce trumps whatever there still is between them. I think it would be cool to see some resolution between those two before things finish up 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you noticed that haha they were so desperate they even called him!!!

      Glad you were so excited to see Stefan 🙂 He was a good choice for Joce to turn to

      Like

  13. Omg! Well i was right about one thing: Jocelyne DID leave hime:P i really hope this makes everyone wake up. Looks like Tobi and Mark had a little chat? He probably thought she had gone to him. But instead she had gone to her uncle Stefan! Nice one Joce! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahahaha yes, she got away! And j imagine that convo between Mark and Tobi was so awkward haha they definitely thought she’d gone running off to him. But nope… 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Let me get this straight (not including the exterior shots)-Jossy packs up and is trying to decide whether or not to take journal with bad memories, decides not too and takes one last look at the family picture and then I guess takes a taxi to the airport (She can’t walk there right?) and then in the morning her parents wake up, her brother is talking to his boyfriend or his friend who happens to be a girl, and Grandma is making breakfast. Gus I guess goes to tell her that breakfast is ready and find out she’s gone and goes to tell the others. Gus calls Luc, The step-grandfather (I forget his name Jonas – I think?) calls Aunt Clara, and Tobi calls Mark. Who is Lottie on the phone with the bank? Or with her own father and step-mother? What is Jossy doing with her cell? Then she ends up on Uncle’s doorstep and I guess must have rung the |(non-existent) doorbell and Uncle Stefan heard it and came down and discovered his niece on the step.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s pretty much right. Colette was trying to call Jocelyne. Jocelyne was looking at her phone angrily and not picking up 🙂

      Like

    1. Hahaha no worries 😛 I did not make that house, I downloaded it from the gallery at JoieWilder’s suggestion 🙂 I don’t have the name of it handy but when I do I will tell you who made it and what it’s called ^_^

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Wow Joce took running away from her problems to the next level! I Guess it’s only a matter of time till one of the others follows her there because there is no way that this can be a secret. Stefan might not call Tobi right away, but eventually they’ll have to talk.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. SHE LEFT THE JOURNAL :O

    When I saw the very first picture of her walking out the door, I was not expecting her to go to Stefan (by the way, hi Stefan!). New apartment, Clara, even Mark (yes, I know XD). But not dropping everything and heading to the US. I understand the drastic change. She just needs time to sort everything out without any distractions.

    Not sure if you’ve answered this yet, Citizen, but does Stefan know about this drama?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Stefan knew a bit, but not full details. I bet he does now! Hahaha

      And yes, Joce wanted to GET FAR away. And Willow creek was the best place, in her eyes 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Wondering if she would run to her Uncles place when we saw the packed bag…it’s far enough away to hopefully give her the space she needs the poor thing. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  18. This should be interesting now. We did all think she shouldn’t stay home with teh family. I guess this is how you go away – without completely being on your own. I’m glad she didn’t pack up and go to Spain or somewhere where she would be all alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I expected her to run away, I mean how could she stay there and suffocate?
    I didn’t expect her to go to America, though. I approve!
    I think Jocelyn needs this.. Time away to grow and find herself.

    Do people really think Stefan is ugly?!
    I always thought he was really cute xD

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yay! A Stefan fan! 😛 I still think he’s cute too, but I’m so biased hahaha. I’m glad you approve of this change for Joce! ^_^

      Like

  20. I’m loving this story so much and it makes perfect sense to me for Jocelyn to go to her Uncle Stefan. They have a sort of connection, and Stefan would have a clearer head to help Jocelyn.
    I wonder how her family will take this and Mark too??
    Sometimes you’ve just got to get away to get your perspective on what is happening to you. She made a smart decision.
    In Australia your passport is good for ten years. It makes sense to me that she wouldn’t have any trouble buying a airplane ticket. I’d imagine that, depending whether you live on the east or west coast, there is a time difference of at least ten hours. If she left Germany at night, then it’s possible for it to still be night in America when she arrives there? Either way I don’t care, it adds to the drama and that’s good enough for me 🙂
    I don’t think Stefan is ugly!! In fact I kinda like him more than Tobi. Though Tobi is better looking, that can’t be denied 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m happy that you approve of this big change for Joce! She’s definitely close with Stefan, so hopefully this will prove to be a good decision 🙂

      And yes, due to Timezones, when Joce arrived in America, it was still nighttime, and by the time she made it through customs and to her uncle’s house, it was the wee hours of the morning/still dark. That’s why we see Joce arriving at night while it’s morning in Windenburg 🙂

      Like

  21. I dig it. She’s an adult. She doesn’t have to live with anybody she doesn’t want to. And if that means she doesn’t want to live with her family that’s fine too. Distance to sort out her stuff and distance to force them to sort out their stuff seems reasonable to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Oh damn oh damn oh damn oh damn!
    Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t pull a suicide plot line (whether attempt or success) because that’s where my mind goes, but probably just because of who I am, and my experiences. I’m glad you didn’t XD but like that’s just what I’ve been afraid would happen to Joce.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed Joce’s solution haha Her going to Stefan really seemed to make sense to me 🙂

      Also, I think this is the first comment I’ve seen you leave. Welcome and thank you so much for taking the time to read my story ^_^

      Like

  23. Omg…

    Maybe the rest of her family will realise how badly they fucked up the handling of this whole situation. The fact that Joce felt like she had to leave the country speaks volumes…

    Liked by 1 person

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