3.35: Dream

I’ve been waiting my entire life for this, and it finally happened. It still doesn’t even feel real.

I did it. I met my Vater.

And it was…

Well, I’m gonna try to start from the beginning.

Tobi and I fucked up. Royally. We know we did. But I guess we kinda didn’t know what to do. I mean, everyone was finally getting used to the idea of us talking to Josh… How the Hell could we tell them he was coming to visit?

Looking back… I guess we were pretty damn stupid, huh? Did we seriously think waiting was somehow gonna make it better?

Oh God, I still can’t believe Mama. She lost her fucking MIND. I almost felt bad for the kids having to see her like that… She usually controls herself pretty well in front of them…

But not this time.

If I could go back and do this all over again, there’s so much I’d do differently. But I can’t, of course.

So all Tobi and I could do was move forward, and hope she forgives us (I’m sure she will. She HAS to… Right?)

When we left for the airport this morning, we were pretty damn scared about Mama. She was making all these crazy threats last night about trying to stop us…

Would she really do it? Would she really try to ruin what might be the most important moment of me and Tobi’s lives?

Thank God we never had to find out. Jonas promised us not to worry – he said he’d make sure everything was fine with Mama. And I guess he delivered, because she never showed. I think Jonas is probably the last person I expected to be so supportive of this whole thing… But I’m so grateful he is.

Anyway, when we finally got there, it wasn’t too long before we stopped worrying about Mama, or Jonas, or… anyone.

Because there he was.

Our Vater.

It’s a pretty incredible feeling, meeting someone you’ve been searching for your entire life. For a moment, it was like I was ten years old again…

It was everything I’d been dreaming of, ever since I was a little kid. So much had led up to that moment.

And it was pretty damn near perfect.

Y’know, except for the fact that I was acting like a total fucking nutcase. I just couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot the whole time. I felt… giddy, almost. Looking back, it might have been a little too forward to run up and hug him like that, but… he didn’t seem to mind.

I was almost afraid that it would feel awkward or something… But hugging him really felt right, y’know? Natural.

And after waiting so many years to finally do it, I almost didn’t want to let go.

Tobi was a little more reserved about the whole thing, I guess. Which is honestly kinda weird for him. I mean he’s usually Mr. Social while I’m… me.

But instead he hung back and kept pretty quiet while I talked poor Josh’s ear off.

I don’t get many chances to speak English. I read it all the time on the internet, of course, and hear it almost every time I turn on the TV. But actually speaking it?

Those first couple of phone calls with Josh had been pretty terrifying… And I thought talking to him in person would be even worse. But instead, it was so much easier (though I think I might have even slipped into German a few times without realizing it… I can barely even remember most of what I said, to be honest… I was just so damn excited!).

Josh was almost as quiet as Tobi was… But not in a bad way. More like an “I’m-really-jetlagged-and-kind-of-overwhelmed” sort of way. Which I totally get.

But he smiled a lot too. He looked so happy. And I’ll never forget the first words he said to me (in person, at least).

“Damn it’s good to finally meet you.”

“You too”, I told him

I don’t think he’ll ever understand how much of an understatement that is.

It wasn’t until we were on the way to Josh’s hotel that I think it really started to hit me that he’s really here. Our Vater.

And Tuesday morning, we’re heading down to the lab to make it official.

It’ll take about a week to get the results, and I think Josh is planning on hanging around for a few days afterwards too… We don’t really have a lot of specifics planned out. Just getting to know each other better, y’know? Introducing him to Tobi’s kids. Making up for all that lost time…

God, I still can’t believe this is real.

I almost want someone to pinch me or something… Make sure I’m not dreaming, y’know?

But if I am…

I don’t think I’d want anyone to wake me up.