3.36: Nightmare

I honestly never thought I’d be writing these words…

But today, I met my biological Vater.

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And it was…

Well, a lot of things, really.

“Overwhelming” is probably the first word that comes to mind. I mean, the moment we saw him… the real him, in-person, it just… hit me, if you know what I mean.

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I’ve been trying to tell myself it all didn’t matter… That I didn’t really care about meeting Josh. But you know what? I do care. A Hell of a lot. And actually meeting him was just… unbelievable. In a good way.

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And as for Stefan… I don’t think I’ve ever seen my Bruder so happy. Seriously. When I saw him hug Josh… Well, I was happy for him. But it was strange too. I mean, I can’t even remember the last time he’s hugged Jonas. Not since we were kids. But he just ran up and hugged Josh like it was nothing… It was kinda weird, I guess.

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But I knew how long he’d been dreaming of this. And I never told him… but deep down, so had I.

I just wish I knew what to say. But I guess I just kinda… froze. Talking to him on the phone was one thing, but seeing him face-to-face was… I don’t even know the word for it, really.

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I hope he could tell how happy I was – how sincere I was when I told him how much it meant to meet him.

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I didn’t really say much else. I was too busy kinda taking it all in. But he didn’t say much either, really. Part of me couldn’t help but wonder what he could be thinking…

But I really think he was happy too.

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And when we were in the car on the way to the hotel, it all just felt… Natural, or something. Stefan gabbing away in the back, Josh laughing in the passenger seat… I was so afraid things would be awkward. But they weren’t.

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Well, not yet at least.

I’m so happy Josh is here… But I’m so worried about Mama.

She’s SO upset. Maybe more upset than I’ve ever seen her. Seriously. Screaming her head off at me and Stefan, and crying in her bedroom last night with Papa… I could hear her all the way from across the hall.

I know what we did wasn’t right. I know why she’s so mad at us. I think I even know why she’s mad at Josh, too.

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But something tells me she isn’t gonna let this go. And I’ll be honest, I’m terrified about what she might do.

Papa has been so great about this whole thing, just like I knew he’d be. And he promised he’d keep an eye on Mama for us. Take care of her, y’know?

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But I feel like it’s just a matter of time before she… I dunno. Does something, I guess. Tries to mess it all up.

Stefan keeps telling me this whole thing feels like a dream come true, and I think so too.

I just hope Mama doesn’t turn it into a nightmare.

04-27-16_9-19-23 PM

42 thoughts on “3.36: Nightmare

  1. It’s nice to see Tobias was happy about meeting Josh as well 🙂 Not that I really doubted it though.
    I’m scared for them though, about Mari. What could she end up doing? I fear she might end up cheating on Jonas, but it is only a tiny fear because 1, I don’t think she would eber in her wildest dreams hurt him that bad, and 2, It would be so below of her to that again. I believe she is past that point in her life. I would be deeply saddened if she infact did do it. Behave, Mari, please!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We’ll see whether Tobi’s fear comes true! He may be worrying too much. Or maybe not 😉

      As for your fear, I will say that Mari loves Jonas very much, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that. But Mari can be pretty unpredictable so you never know!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Super glad that Tobi was as glad as Stefan to see Josh! 🙂
    I’ll be scared like Tobi when it comes to revealing Josh to Mari. Remember to be on your best behavior, Mari! I don’t know what she’ll end up doing….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Poor Mari. 😦 Bet you never thought I would say that! She sees Josh as a threat to the family and love she finally was able to deem herself worthy to have. Having Josh show up brings all of those old self loathing feelings and doubts back front and center and she seems to be in full blown panic mode on the verge of, if not in the middle of, an anxiety attack. She never has been able to deal with adversity in any kind of way. I hope that she is worried not just about herself but also about how this will affect Jonas’s relationship with the boys. Tobi was right when he felt bad for Jonas when he said that Stefan never hugged Jonas like he hugged Josh. Still not on the Stefan bandwagon. Jonas is amazing and loves Mari to pieces. I hope she doesn’t destroy it by acting so horribly and he can manage to ‘control’ her. No matter how much you love someone, sometimes it just isn’t enough to compensate for irrational behavior no matter the underlying cause. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lol! I AM a bit shocked XD And you have hit Mari’s feelings right on the head. She sees Josh as a threat to her family and her happiness. She thinks he’s going to “steal” the boys from her. It’s so irrational, but that’s Mari for you haha. I think she’s being very irrational and over the top right now, but I definitely understand her feelings. The boys were the only joy in her life for so long. They saved her life, essentially. And now it’s like Josh is going to mess that up for her, in her mind 😦

      And Mari definitely feels for Jonas too, and worries that this is unfair to him as well (this comes up a bit in the next chapter!). But since Jonas is much less outwardly concerned than her, she’s tending to focus on herself.

      As for Stefan… I still love him. He has some layers to him we have not explored yet. We’ll see! And Jonas most definitely loves Mari. I also hope she doesn’t go to far or mess things up! 😦

      Thanks for your insightful commentN

      Liked by 1 person

  4. She better chill out. If she freaks out and ruins this for this boys I am so done with her. I really hope as a mother she puts her kids first. I understand completely why she is hurt but she better put their happiness first. Good parents, at least from my experience, hurt a lot, because they love their babies but they willingly deal with that pain if it means happiness for their kids. I would rather be hurt and suffer than have my kids hurting and suffering. But thats just me.
    As alwayd you are brilliant about elicting a response, good or bad, in your readers. 🙂

    Oh and I love how similar Tobes and Josh seem to be in temperament.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. LOL Mari definitely gets a strong response, that’s for sure! I agree that she definitely needs to put her kids first and not ruin this for them. We’ll see pretty soon what she does (or doesn’t do).

      (And I liked having Josh and Tobi be similar too 🙂 )

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Oh thank goodness! When I read the title of this chapter I thought that Tobi was disappointed with Josh! You’d think that after so long Mari would understand that a man the boys hadn’t even met until recently couldn’t replace the woman (and man, can’t forget about Jonas) who raised them. They’re adults now, so it’s not like there would be a custody battle. It would be crazy for someone to leave their entire life behind to go away with someone they just met! But it does kind of seem like Stefan might try. And with Mari’s feelings of inadequacy because of her previous lifestyle, she really shouldn’t because that’s exactly how Josh was back then! The only thing that could make this as much of a disaster as she expects it to be is her own self-sabotage. I can definitely understand and relate to her feelings, but she needs to talk them out/right them down/reason with herself in some way. But considering she’s Mari it’ll probably end in a huge blowup.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahaha the title was meant to be a trick for sure 😛 And Mari definitely SHOULD know that Josh isn’t really a “threat” like she thinks he is… But… It’s Mari. 😛

      We’ll see how she reacts. Like you said, with Mari, usually things result in a blowup. Perhaps she can control herself this time? Maybe? XD

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Wooooh! You caught up! That’s amazing! Thank you so much for reading!!!! 😀 Yeah, we’ll see soon (Saturday!) how Mari takes all of this! A “handful” is certainly one way to describe her 😉 Who knows what she’d be like if she never found Jonas! 😮 Thank you again for reading! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh, come on Tobi. We all know how Citizen and Mari can be… Drama will ensue, of course. XD This is like my mother’s soap operas, but a million times better!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. ….:/ Mari wouldn’t ruin it for the boys, but…geez Tobi, god. You guys really did a number on her, you know? She hasn’t always been stable, but this time you’ve thrown years of hard work and love and clawing to get her way back to the top from that cliff of depression and insanity in her face. By going behind her back to find your dad….oh man. If those were my kids…yeah no.


    1. Hahaha that’s kind of why I’ve had all those screenshots of yelling Mari. She is not happy… :-/ But the boys don’t 100% understand why she’s SO upset. And she doesn’t wanna go into it too much and she’s trying to be as understanding as she can and… Yeah. It’s hard haha

      Liked by 1 person

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