5.63: Jealous

Sometimes I really hate this.

It feels like as soon as something great happens to me, something else gets all fucked up to balance it out. It’s like the universe doesn’t want anything to be easy for me, I guess.

Anyway, the good news is that everything’s still going great at the restaurant. Better than great, actually. The past couple weeks have probably been some of the busiest of my entire life, but some of the best too. I’ve been putting in way more than forty hours every week so far… And I’ve seriously been loving every minute of it.

I was so terrified that first day, but Victoria’s really been helping me through it. Dom too. Last night after closing time, we all sat down to go over the numbers, and they’re really good. Better than any of us were expecting. I’m hoping we can keep this momentum going once some of the novelty of being a new restaurant wears off.

I know there’s always a huge risk with that, but I’m not too worried, to be honest. With Victoria helping in the kitchen and Dom helping me keep all our finances straight, I feel like this is really gonna work out for all of us. I knew picking them as my investors was a good idea. I trust them completely. And it’s a really great feeling to be able to say that.

I’ll admit there are still days where it almost feels too good to be true. (Jesus, talk about a lame cliche!). But seriously, it’s like I’m living in a freaking dream or something. One I never wanna wake up from.

So I guess it’s the not-so-amazing stuff that reminds me this isn’t a dream after all.

It’s not even anything major, I guess. But it’s enough that it’s really starting to get to me.

It’s Abigail… And Hope too.

It started back on our opening day. I was way too excited talking about all the good stuff that happened that I never really got around to writing about what happened with the two of them. They both showed up for lunch that day, and they ended up finally meeting each other for the first time.

And it was… weird.

I tried talking to Abigail about it first… And I guess I can kinda see where she’s coming from. She said it was “really weird” meeting my “gorgeous model ex-girlfriend”. I think she was kinda trying to lighten the mood by putting it that way… But maybe it wasn’t much of a joke after all.

It kinda got me thinking about how I felt when Hope was dating those model guys back in San Myshuno. Or how I’d feel if Abigail had some hot ex who suddenly showed up out of the blue.

And the answer is, it would suck, and I’d be jealous as hell. So I guess she is too.

But I tried to make her understand. What Hope and I had… It was great (okay, better than great… but I didn’t tell her that), but it’s over now. We’ve both moved on. And I really feel like what me and Abigail have could turn into something just as good someday. She’s beautiful and smart and funny… I still get butterflies when I see her smile. She’s a really amazing girl, and Hope being back in Windenburg doesn’t mean anything’s gonna change between us now.

I guess Abigail seemed a little skeptical at first… But I know she trusts me. I’m with her now. Not Hope. And she gets that.

There are just moments when I still catch her getting kinda weird about things. 

Like if we run into Hope while we’re out together, or she sees me texting her, or I tell her I’m going to hang out with her. She keeps telling me it’s fine and she doesn’t mind… But I can tell by the way she looks at me that it’s bugging her. And I just wish she’d stop being so nervous about it.

And I wish Hope would stop too.

I keep trying to ask her about how she acted when she met Abigail, and the best I can get out of her is that she was “just surprised”, because I hadn’t mentioned I was dating anybody.

But I really had a hard time buying it. I mean, first off, why should I have to tell her what I’m doing or who I’m seeing? She’s not my Mutter or anything.

And I know it goes  way deeper than just being ‘surprised’. She gets really weird too. Any time I mention Abigail or when she sees the two of us together… She gets all stiff and gives us these looks.

I really couldn’t understand what the hell her problem was, until today.

Charlie brought Dahlia over to the apartment for a visit, and we ended up talking about it. Ben’s away on a business trip in Frankfurt for a few days, so she decided to bring the munchkin to come see everybody… Well, everybody who’s still here in Windenburg these days. Which isn’t many of us anymore, to be honest.

The Rosebrooks are still here, at least. Opa, Oma, Tante Joce, Onkel Auggy, me… Even Onkel Stefan ended up back in Windenburg eventually. Opa always says his grandpa Alex is to blame for that. Ever since I was a little kid, he’s been making the same speech again and again. “Grandpa always said he came here to build a legacy, and we’re it. There’s no Windenburg without the Rosebrooks anymore.”

But sometimes I wonder whether it’s the other way around.

Anyway, the point is, enough of us are sticking around that Charlie still likes to come back and visit when she can. Like this afternoon.

She’d spent the morning catching up with Tante Joce, then she came over here for some lunch. And while Dahlia was playing with some of my old action figures, I tried talking to Charlie about this thing with Hope.

And she laughed at me. She actually laughed!

And, okay, yeah, I can kinda see why she made fun of me. I know it should have been obvious. It’s the only thing that makes sense, right? But I guess I didn’t really think it was possible.

Could Hope seriously be jealous? Of Abigail?

She didn’t seem to have any problem when she was dating that dickhead David. Or that loser Sean she told me about. So she’s allowed to move on and I’m not?

I know, I know. I shouldn’t be mad at her. She can’t help how she feels. But… God, this just makes everything so much more complicated! It’s bad enough with Abigail being jealous. But now Hope too?

Ugh. See what I mean?

Nothing’s ever easy.