Interlude: Lost

Colette sighed as she watched the tiny sugar crystals swirl around in her half-empty cereal bowl. The sound of her mother-in-law’s soft playing carried gently through the wall of the music room as she studied her breakfast. The gentle melody was so calming and soothing that Colette almost felt herself being lulled back into another sound sleep. She was just so exhausted. Her students, though cute as always, had been driving her up a wall lately, and she’d been so busy running her kids back and forth to practices and rehearsals while her husband was off at work.

At least it’s Saturday. The young woman thought to herself as she brought another spoonful of cereal to her lips.

06-26-16_3-44-08 PM

She had to drive Gus to a friend’s birthday party in a few hours, and she’d promised Lucas she’d bring him to the store to look at some new effects pedals for his guitar… But at least she’d been able to sleep in a bit.

“Hey, have fun today, kiddo.” A deep voice called from the doorway.

06-26-16_3-49-24 PM

“Thanks, Papa.” Gus beamed at his father. “I will!”

Colette looked up at her husband, her eyes drinking in the sight of him. He wore a small smile on his full pink lips, and his shaggy hair was still slightly damp from his shower. Tobi was already dressed for practice – his wife’s gaze lingered on the smooth skin of his large, muscular arms, exposed beneath his sleeveless shirt.

06-26-16_3-53-20 PM

It was all she could do not to let out a sigh at the sight of him. She wanted him so badly, it almost hurt. For so long, Colette was amazed at how she’d ended up married to the most gorgeous man in the entire world. How did I get so lucky?  She used to wonder.

But Colette hadn’t felt lucky in a long time.

“See you tonight.” Tobi said, giving his wife a tiny nod and calling her back to the present.

06-26-16_4-01-27 PM

She tried her best to smile. “Have fun at practice.”

“Thanks.”

06-26-16_4-07-27 PM

With a soft sigh, Colette pushed her chair back from the table and rose to her feet. “Alright, time to get dressed, mister.”

As always, Gus did not argue. “Okay, maman.” He leapt up from the table and headed straight out into the hall.

“And don’t forget to brush those teeth!” She called as he skipped happily up the stairs toward his bedroom.

06-26-16_4-16-19 PM

Alone at last, Colette finally allowed her cheerful mask to fade.

The memory of her husband’s farewell still stung. It was so cold… Formal, almost. Colette could still remember a time when neither she nor her husband ever left the house without giving each other a kiss, or saying “I love you”…

06-17-16_11-37-12 PM

When was the last time either one of them had even said those words to each other? Colette couldn’t even remember. Probably the last time we had sex. She thought sadly. Maybe even before that.

A soft sigh escaped her lips. She missed making love to her husband so much more than she was willing to admit… But she just couldn’t do it anymore. For so long, it had become so cold and passionless. Neither one of them were really enjoying it… Where was the excitement? The feeling? The love?

06-26-16_4-18-16 PM

I will not let my marriage turn into nothing but passionless, meaningless sex. Colette had promised herself months ago. And before too long, things sort of fizzled out on their own. Even Tobi had stopped trying to initiate things in the bedroom.

But without the sex… what did they have left?

Colette couldn’t even remember the last time they’d had a real conversation. Or gone out to dinner together. Or seen a movie without the kids. When their children were younger, they’d try to go out for a date night at least once every few weeks. But the more time that passed, the less frequent they’d become.

And now, it seemed that whenever she would suggest going out together, Tobi was always too busy. “Next time, I promise.” He’d say.

But Colette quickly learned that there never was a “next time”. So she’d stopped asking. He’s so goddamn obsessed with work all the time. Even in the off-season, her husband spent hours each week at the gym training.

And when he wasn’t… It was all about the kids. Tobi had always been a loving and devoted father to her children. But what happened to being a loving and devoted husband?

I don’t get it… How do they make it look so easy? She thought to herself almost bitterly as she watched her husband’s grandmother tend to the plants in the sunroom.

06-26-16_4-20-57 PM

Alex and Jade had been inseparable, it seemed, from the moment Colette met them. And Alex was always doing the sweetest gestures for his wife, right until the end – opening the door for her; pulling out her chair at dinnertime; holding her hand every time they walked together, no matter where they were going.

06-26-16_5-15-07 PM

They were married for more than fifty years.

Will Tobi and I even last that long? Before she could find an answer, Colette shook the shameful thought from her mind as quickly as it had come.

06-26-16_4-29-34 PM

As she crossed through the hall and into the living room, another bit of her mother-in-law’s beautiful playing reached Colette’s ears. The young woman shook her head slowly at the thought of her husband’s mother and father. Another couple that just made it look so easy.

They were always laughing and smiling together – no one could ever make Mari light up the way Jonas did.

06-19-16_7-35-47 PM

And they could never seem to keep their hands off each other. There had been more than one occasion when Colette had gotten up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and heard a bit more than she’d bargained for coming from her in-laws’ bedroom.

06-26-16_3-22-44 PM

And, as horribly awkward and uncomfortable as it was, Colette could not help feeling a twinge of jealousy at the thought of it. Mari and Jonas were in their fifties now, and had somehow never lost that spark, that passion for each other.

How had she and Tobi lost it at thirty-three?

06-26-16_4-33-01 PM

“I’ll be back later!” Lucas’ voice called as his heavy footsteps descended the stairs.

Colette rose from the couch, raising her eyebrow curiously. Clara was usually the one running off unexpectedly. It was a bit unusual for her son to do so.

“Where are you off to?” She asked kindly, catching him before he made it out the door.

06-26-16_4-35-13 PM

Lucas turned to face her. “Just meeting Ari down at the park for a little bit. Don’t worry, I’ll be back in time to go to the music store.” He promised.

Colette couldn’t help but laugh. “Didn’t you just see Ari last night?”

“Yeah.” Her son shrugged, smiling. “So?”

06-26-16_4-37-52 PM

She let out another burst of laughter. “So have fun, and text me when you’re on your way back.”

He rolled his eyes but did not lose his smile. “Bye, maman.”

06-26-16_4-39-12 PM

Colette’s smile faded as she watched him head out the door. Things were starting to get serious with Lucas’ new girlfriend, it seemed. The two had been practically attached at the hip lately, and texting each other all day and all night. She and Tobi had even been forced to impose a “no cellphones at the dinner table” rule because of it.

She could still remember when she and Tobi had been like that. Though hundreds of kilometers had separated them, it never really felt like they were apart – every text, every phone call, every email kept them close together, until those precious few weeks of summer when they could see each other again.

What happened to that sweet little boy who had stolen her heart all those years ago?

12

That awkward, handsome teenager who’d made love to her for the first time beneath the light of the summer moon?

19

The strong, mature young man who’d stepped up into his role as a father without hesitation?

04-04-16_7-15-58 PM

The loving husband who’d promised her forever?

20

You let him slip away. She reminded herself. And you let HER slip away too.

The girl who gave away her body and soul to that sweet, handsome boy she met at camp. The terrified young woman who learned how to be a parent with her husband at her side. The devoted wife who’d promised him forever in return…

06-26-16_4-40-11 PM

She was lost.

They both were.

And Colette feared she may never find them again.

06-26-16_4-43-01 PM

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63 Responses to Interlude: Lost

  1. I really hope they talk to each other. A serious no bullshit talk followed by actually trying. They fought so damn hard to be together its stupid to not continue to work and fight. All that passion and devotion wasted. Throwing all those years and moments away. Couples go through hardtimes. It just takes work and determination and remembering what you love about each other and the bonds made when you guys were the only two on your team. I really hope they figure it out. Poor kids

    Liked by 8 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I love your comment. It’s so true… They need to talk it out and fight to keep this thing together. And I really hope they do! Right now there’s a huge lack of communication on both ends. Part of it is their schedules, part of it is fear of bringing up the tough stuff, and part of it (moreso on Tobi’s end) is not realizing just how serious this is/that they need to communicate to make things better again.

      I think, though they’re both unhappy about it, they’ve both become used to this “new normal” in their lives/relationships. They have almost resigned themselves to the fact that this is how it’s gonna be now. I really hope one (or both) of them wakes up and decides this marriage is worth fighting for. 😦 (Of course, I know what will happen. But I can’t share that right now haha. But despite anything I write, I am a #ToCo shipper through and through and am rooting for them! But sometimes my characters do what THEY want, not what *I* want haha)

      Liked by 1 person

    • audreyfld says:

      Exactly. Don’t let your love just die. Work on it. They can find their way back.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. raerei says:

    Such a tough time for both of them. Gah.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yeah, it’s very rough right now. And I think they’ve both become too complacent with their misery to recognize that they need to snap out of it and fight to save their marriage. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  3. sonniejj says:

    Like I said, I’m rereading your legacy and I’m currently on the chapters where Tobi and Colette just started their long distance friendship. This is heartbreaking to read now 😦

    I’m gonna stay with #TeamOptimism, though. I don’t think it’s too late for these two to save their relationship, if they both want to and put the effort in. It’s sad, but not completely unexpected that having children at such a young age put a strain on their marriage. Not to mention Tobi’s career which takes up a lot of time. But they’ve been through so much together, it’d be a shame if they gave up on that. As long as they believe they belong together, they do belong together.
    Maybe Colette should have a talk with Jade. Or even Mari. Their relationships are in a good place now, but they’ve been through some ups and downs with their partners of their own. Maybe they have some advice.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Ahh you’re seeing the sweet, innocent beginnings of #ToCo ! 😦 I miss those days, and writing this story arc breaks my heart.

      I hope they don’t give up. I like your idea of Colette talking to Jade or Mari. I think both she and Tobi could definitely use some advice right now. But the question is whether or not either of them will go looking for it… :-/

      Like

  4. NoaLyn says:

    Aaww noo, I never realized Colette was thinking that way too…I thought it was only Tobi who was desperate about not reaching his wife anymore 😦 I feel really truly sorry for her. They should just talk about it already! Communication is the key in every relationship!

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yes, unfortunately they’re both suffering right now. 😦 And I think they’re both so used to the way things are right now that they’re just accepting the loss of their relationship instead of fighting for it. It’s so sad to write about 😦 Blame my characters for this one, not me! Haha

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Jes2G says:

    Man. They both need to take a break (together). Go away for the summer. Perhaps, go upstate? Go visit her father? :-p

    Seriously though, it’s nice to hear that she admitted to letting that girl go, but I’m curious to know why/what happened on her end. I mean, we don’t really know what happened on Tobi’s end, but men aren’t as complicated as women are and it’s not that hard to figure out.

    That first sentence said so much! I was like “dag…she’s reeeeeally bored!”

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      You get points for that one hahaha.

      As for what happened, well, I think things started off with Tobi. Like she said, he started getting more and more distant and more and more focused on his career as the years went by. It made him start to “lose touch”. And then Colette ended up resenting him for pulling away and feeling like her efforts weren’t working (when he kept saying he was too busy to go out with her and such), so she kind of gave up and just started letting it happen. They’re both equally to blame, though I do think Tobi was the one who “started it” (without realizing what he was doing!)

      I imagine this has been a slow decline over the past few years, and they both just happen to really be feeling it right now (convenient for my story :P). They’re both bored and frustrated and feel like this is the new normal they must accept in their lives. Which totally isn’t the case… But they both don’t see that. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jes2G says:

        Do I get enough points to make up for yesterday’s blunder?? lol

        Oh yeah, these things are always a slow decline, and it’s often difficult to pin point when they begin (for the parties involved, that is). It’s easy for me to be like she should have been more assertive in the beginning of it…she should have called him out on the busyness and expressed her concerns, but of course I’m not in it and have no idea what they’re going through, so…yeah. Poor kids. I choose to believe they’ll make it though! <– I will pummel you if you say "we'll see what happens!" LOL

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Simslover163 says:

    I’m feeling lots of sadness coming out of dear Colette. Seriously, they need to have a talk with each other. They can’t just ignore everything. I think Jade would be the person she should go to. I mean look at Alex and Jade. They’ve had a long lasting relationship with each other. #TeamOptimism #TeamToCo4ever

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I’m so glad you’re on #TeamOptimism! 🙂 This is such a tragic time for both of them. Hopefully a talk is coming? Maybe? Well, we can dream hahaha

      Liked by 1 person

  7. crstasse says:

    Oh, wow!!! That was so incredibly sad and yet I can so relate to it!! I almost think this comes close to one of the best chapters ever! I could just feel her pain and I could just relate to her feelings! It makes me like her so much now. You really captured the differences to youth, perception of love at that time and yet, her yearning to have what Tobi’s grandparents have and even his parents. It was so heart felt sad and so well written.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Oh wow, thank you! That’s so sweet of you to say. 🙂 This was our first time hearing from Colette directly (and, I’ll be honest, probably the only time haha she’ll be in future interludes but we won’t be in her head) so I really wanted to capture her feelings well and give her side of things, since we usually get the very biased Tobi perspective haha.

      I’m glad you connected with it so well. ^_^ Though I got really emotional writing this one. I almost cried! I feel for her (and Tobi). Thanks for reading!

      Like

  8. Spottydog714 says:

    This kind of reminds me of a film called War Rooms. I will be very surprised if you’ve heard of it. I think Colette needs a mentor as such who she can talk to about anything, like the main character in War Rooms. I really think that Jade is the person she needs to talk to. She needs to wake up and realise that #ToCo is a marriage worth fighting for. I know they can fight – they fought to be together for about 8 years…

    I am close to tears. Colette is so sad, and I always did love Colette.

    I have an uncle who does marriage counseling. It would be really cool if we could take Tobi and Colette off the screen, make them real and 3D and arrange an appointment. Or maybe one of your readers who has a simself does marriage counseling… You can see I’m getting desperate here. They can save their relationship and it makes me so heart-broken that they aren’t even trying.

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Believe me, this whole situation breaks my heart too! 😦 I wish they’d fight. I think they both feel the situation is helpless right now, and they’re just accepting it too easily 😦

      I love the idea of Jade as a mentor. A few people have mentioned that. I think that would be a great person for Colette to turn to, if she decides to take that step! And I also think that marriage counseling would be great for them! If only Tobi and Colette would take that step 😦

      And I haven’t heard of that movie, but I’ll have to look into it 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  9. azzywoods says:

    :(. Poor Colette. Tobi needs to suggest going out or something. I guess as they got more distant, he threw himself further into his work, so…

    I’m glad she’s not cheating, as some suggested in previous chapters. I mean, we don’t know for sure, but if she was I don’t think she’d care this much about her marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yeah, I will confirm that Colette is not cheating. Just very sad and feeling very “stuck” in her marriage right now 😦

      One of them definitely has to do SOMETHING, I think. But I don’t think either of them really knows what to do 😦

      Like

      • azzywoods says:

        I’d say have a long, serious talk, but then it’s not my situation. Easier to suggest than to actually do!

        Liked by 1 person

        • CitizenErased14 says:

          That’s the thing, I think. I mean, I know everyone pokes fun at my characters for their constant lack of communication haha. But I feel like a lot of times, speaking up/having a difficult conversation is a LOT easier said than done.

          I’ve never been in a situation like Tobi and Colette’s but I feel like it would take a lot of courage to speak up and have that kind of conversation. It’s really hard for them. :-/

          Liked by 1 person

  10. silentwolfy101 says:

    As I’ve said before, they have to at least try again before they give it all up.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. RemïNarrow says:

    Oh my Gawd, this chapter was so sad! I wanna cry now! 😦 Loved all your screenshots and the way you added those old photos, too! Loved every bit of it! I only pray, they sit and talk and tell each other how they feel because if they won’t they’ll keep misinterpreting each other’s actions and cause more problems in their relationship! #StayStrong

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Aw thank you Remi (But I’m sorry for upsetting you with this one haha. It made me almost cry while writing it though, so I get it!). They really need to communicate… but it’s so much easier said than done 😦 Poor ToCo. I hope they somehow work it out.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. CitizenErased14 says:

    Easier said than done, I’m afraid 😦 But you’re right! Talking would help so much. But neither one of them is brave enough to, I fear 😦

    Like

  13. maladi777 says:

    Lack of communication. Killed plenty of relationships. I hope they find a way to rekindle the fire.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I hope so too. This is very tragic and hard for me to write haha I don’t know if my heart can take much more 😥

      Like

  14. NessyRosy says:

    Awe, this was such a touching episode :’) I have so many feels right now.

    They really need to find time to talk and discuss how they each feel. It’s so sad that she feels jealous of Mari and Jonas’ relationship, as well as, Alex and Jades. However, they both had issues they had to deal with as well (maybe talking to Mari or Jonas may also be of some help).

    Marriage isn’t easy, it takes a lot of hard work, commitment and communication. I think they’re both in a bit of a funk right now (just going with the flow) and once some communication is made and they believe in their hearts that they truly do still love each other deeply, it will help make a step in the right direction. Communication is key in life! (I know not always for the Rosebrooks 😛 However, I believe they can do it! Their relationship is one to fight for. They were there for each other always, and they need to find that connection again).

    They both have so much love for each other and are too afraid to make any wrong moves. I just want to give them both a big hug and then leave them alone in a room until they finally discuss how they feel 🙂 ❤ I believe some mistakes are going to happen along the way by at least one party, if not by accident then by misunderstanding. However, I have faith in these two. They're truly special and I believe they can get through this. They just have some work to do 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thank you for this insightful comment! I think communication would help them so much, but they both don’t know what to do and feel very stuck. 😦

      I like the locking them in a room idea… They’d either end up…
      1. Getting mad and yelling/ruining everything
      2. Talking it out/resolving things
      Either of which could easily lead to…
      3. Banging each other (which they both totally need right now)

      LMAO (though makeup sex would probably be better than anger/hate sex, huh? 😛 so let’s vote for option two haha)

      Like

      • NessyRosy says:

        Hahaha XD I’m totally with you on option two 😀 However, if option one is on the table for them I would highly recommend a mediator like Mari or Jade (But if the sex happens, they better run out quick 😛 LOL!… Although Colette may see it as payback to Mari for all the awkward times she encountered LMAO!)

        Liked by 1 person

    • Yogiwonks says:

      I watched an old movie where the couple wouldn’t leave the bedroom for weeks until their problems with each other were worked out.
      They’d call into work and the maid would bring in food.
      LOL If only we all had such luxury.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Yogiwonks says:

    You expressed Colette’s emotions really well in this post.
    It definitely left me with a heavy heart.
    There’s not much that is more scary than the prospect of losing a life long love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thank you for your compliment, though I apologize for the sadness 😦 This is a super difficult situation and hopefully it will have a positive resolution! We’ll see…

      Like

  16. JoieWilder says:

    I miss #ToCo 😦 I hope they find their way back to each other.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Seriously?? Si she’s not gonna say anything and he’s not gonna say anything? What the hell?! It won’t be long before the family notices their formality and lack of affection. This is so sad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I know, I know. They both should REALLY say something. But they’re both feeling like the situation is hopeless so they just kind of accept it… Plus I think there’s a certain level of fear there as well. Definitely on Colette’s part.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. kaffepigen says:

    Oh wow that was really intense feelings you got in there. I can’t believe i missed reading this yesterday!
    I feel so bad for both Colette and Tobias. It must be so hard to just watch your marriage fall apart and to have the feeling that there might not be anything you can do about it. I’m glad she’s not cheating on him, like me and so many other people suspected. Right, I’m off to read today’s chapter 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yay! I know you were looking forward to this one haha so I’m glad you read it and enjoyed it! 🙂 This was a very emotional one to write. I really feel for Colette 😥 This is a very tough time for #TeamToCo!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. lisabeesims says:

    My heart breaks for Colette SNIFF

    Liked by 1 person

  20. theplumbob says:

    Poor Colette. Most be awful being married to such a gorgeous man who used to be her best friend but is now acting so frosty and distant.

    Still feeling the Alex and Jade love. These past few posts made me all nostalgic for them.

    Oh, and considering we haven’t really seen any of Luc’s girlfriend, I feel like things might not work out for them, lol! #nooptimismwhenamandaistheauthor 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      That hashtag is so accurate lmao I can’t even deny it 😛

      Yeah, it’s really hard for Colette right now. And Tobi. *sigh* If only they weren’t Rosebrooks… Then maybe they could have an actual conversation 😛

      Like

  21. JLBDreams16 says:

    Poor Lettie, at least she’s trying but Tobi is really starting to annoy me worse than Mari did when she was going through her self-destructive phase.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yeah, Tobi is being the biggest idiot on the planet right now. And he is in total denial of what is going on. Colette is not 100% innocent in this whole thing, mind, but Tobi’s behavior is definitely the catalyst for their marriage slipping… This arc was incredibly frustrating to write haha

      Like

      • JLBDreams16 says:

        I can imagine. It can be hard writing someone being a jerk (hey one of my main characters is a jerk that makes bad selfish decision after another).

        Liked by 1 person

        • CitizenErased14 says:

          Oh definitely, especially someone like Tobi, who genuinely isn’t a bad person. He’s just making shitty choices and lying to himself. I wanna smack him and be like “You’re better than this!” because he totally is *sigh*

          Liked by 1 person

  22. i really hope what i think may be wrong be wrong

    Liked by 1 person

  23. theceltygirly says:

    Oh damn, I hope they work it out, but if Tobi messes it all up with that girl at work it’s done. I don’t think they could repair that. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  24. gilplum says:

    no!! Lettie I’m sure you can find it again and if Tobi royally screws himself, I’m on Lettie’s side

    Like

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