Alright, this thing is way overdue for an update. It’s literally been like, a month since I wrote anything in here. I feel like the older I get, the more I forget to use my journal… And it’s been even worse this year.
Back when I was a kid, I wrote in my journal at least once a week. Sometimes more. It was like I always had something awesome and exciting to start bragging over, or something super annoying to whine and complain about.
And there are still really awesome things in my life I could write about. And really annoying ones too. Plenty of them.
Being so busy lately definitely isn’t helping with the whole writing thing… But whether I’m busy or not, sometimes typing out a passive-aggressive Facebook post is just way more convenient than spilling my soul in here. Or a lot of times, I end up talking to my friends about stuff. Venting to them. That’s probably the best way to deal with shit these days.
Still… I’m glad I keep this thing lying around. It can be nice to get your thoughts down on paper sometimes. “Therapeutic”, Papa called it once. I really had no idea what he was talking about back then. But I think now I do.
Anyway, the point is, I’ve got a lot to talk about. And it’s mostly good stuff, I guess.
First off, let’s talk about work (Yes, you read that right… work! I know I haven’t gotten a chance to talk about it yet in here). It’s been… surprisingly okay, actually.
I’m still holding up my end of the bargain (passing all my classes and holding down a part time job), and my parents have been holding up theirs — not bugging me about uni anymore (for now, at least…).
I think my Oma was the one behind it. She’s always been trying to convince my parents and I to compromise about uni. And as much as I didn’t wanna have to get a job, it sure beats being forced into more years of classes and homework and tests and all that crap.
They called me in the living room a few weeks ago to talk to me about it. I’d just gotten another passing grade on an algebra quiz, so they were in a really good mood. I got a big speech about responsibility, and they told me they were proud of me for ‘proving myself’… whatever that means.
Then they said they understand why I don’t want to go to uni, and that they won’t ask me about it anymore… As long as I keep up all this ‘responsibility’ by getting a job.
Okay, the chance to finally get my parents to lay off? How could I say no to that?!
Anyway, now I work downtown at the drugstore two days a week. And I’ve gotta say, the job itself is pretty boring. Mostly restocking shelves with crap and ringing out customers who start talking super loud if they ever catch a glimpse at my hearing aid. It’s so dumb.
Thankfully, there are plenty of things about the job that are way less sucky. Like the fact that Nyla works there a few days a week too. Our schedules usually end up overlapping on Wednesdays after school. That’s helped make things way more bearable. We may not be best friends anymore, but we still get along pretty well. And we don’t really talk too much at school these days, so it’s nice to get a chance to catch up a little.
Another awesome thing is… Well, the store’s a freaking goldmine of stuff to swipe. And working there makes it so easy. I mean, I’ve gotta be careful. I know I do. And I’ve been trying to cut back a little… But there are just some days when I need it. Especially when Katie’s been a total bitch or my teachers were super annoying. It makes me so mad and stressed and I just can’t deal with it.
And when it gets that bad, there’s only one thing that really helps.
I know that sounds… weird, but taking stuff just makes me feel so much better about everything. It’s like for one fleeting moment, I actually have control over something in my life! What could be so wrong about that?
Stealing’s just never been a big deal to me… It helps me out, and it doesn’t really hurt anybody either. But I know no one else sees it that way. They don’t understand. That’s why I can’t really talk to anybody about it — not even Rylie or Devin or Erik.
But speaking of those three… Well, that’s the other thing that’s pretty cool about my job. The drugstore isn’t too far from Erik’s apartment, or that old alleyway where me and Rylie and Devin like hanging out. I can walk to both of them from work in less than fifteen minutes. I was so afraid that having a job would really mess things up, and make it harder to hang out with them. But in a weird way, it’s almost easier now.
And the best part is when all four of us get together.
I finally got to introduce Erik to Devin and Rylie a couple weeks ago, right before I started my job at the drugstore. They hit it off really well, I think. Rylie definitely warmed up to him right away. Devin was a little more distant, at first. But it didn’t take long for them to start getting along too.
I was a little nervous at first. I mean, Erik’s got a couple of friends who are in their first year at uni (like Paul), so they’re only a year older than me. And obviously he has no problem hanging out with me too. But I still wasn’t too sure how he’d feel about adding more ‘kids’ my age into his friend group. Know what I mean?
But it turns out I had nothing to worry about.
And I think Rylie and Devin are enjoying the perks of being friends with someone Erik’s age too. I mean, he can buy us real alcohol whenever we want. He has his own apartment, so we can hang out without having to worry about our parents (super convenient now that it’s so cold and snowy too! Our alley’s like an ice rink right now).
Sometimes he even invites us over to hang out with some of his other friends too… usually to throw back a few drinks or smoke for a while.
Obviously drinking and smoking aren’t all we do though.
Erik’s brother gave him his old couch a few weeks ago, so he’s finally got some extra sitting room at his place. Perfect for when Dev decides to bring over some of his video games (Rylie usually just watches though, since she sucks so much. Ha!)
We’ve had some pretty epic movie marathons too. And I really love those moments, actually… Sitting there with them in the dark… The quiet. Sometimes when no one’s looking, I’ll reach up and turn off my hearing aid for a little while, so I can tune out the movie and just kinda enjoy being with them, y’know? Throw back a beer or two and just lose myself in being so close to them…
Anyway, the point is, things are actually pretty awesome right now. My parents have backed off with the whole uni thing. I’m passing all my classes, thanks to Erik (and Devin still saving my ass in History!). My new job is bearable. And most importantly, I have the three most amazing best friends in the entire world.
Of course, mom and Papa still don’t know about one of them.
Now, when he asked me about it, I kinda-sorta told Erik my parents don’t mind me hanging out with him. And I keep having to make up excuses about why he can’t come over to visit, or drop me off at the door after we hang out…
But what else can I do? He’d think I’m some stupid baby if he knew how overprotective my parents can be!
I know there’s no way they’d be okay with me hanging out with a guy Erik’s age. And they’d probably die if they knew about the smoking and stuff (thank God for Oma’s eye drop advice! Of course, she probably thinks I’m just smoking with Rylie and Devin… I haven’t told her about Erik either. I can’t. Not after that weird talk with her and Tante Clara).
Anyway, I’m still glad she hasn’t told my parents about it. I just know I’d get a giant lecture about the “dangers of drugs”, and probably end up under full-blown house arrest or something. Which is so stupid! I mean, it’s just like when I swipe stuff. I’m not hurting anybody (I mean yeah, smoke probably isn’t great for my asthma… but we use a bong most of the time anyway. It filters out most of the crap that’s bad for you!).
And if they think the smoking’s bad, I don’t even know what they’d say about the party next weekend. Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve. And then, in one week, Erik’s throwing this crazy New Years Eve party at his place. He says it’s gonna be insane. And coming from him, well… Who knows what it’ll be like?
I’ve hung out with him and a few of his friends plenty of times. But an actual party? That’s kinda Rylie’s thing, I guess. That’s usually where she hooks up with the guys she messes around with.
But this will be so different. It isn’t gonna be some dumb kid party full of lame guys from school.
It’ll be a real party. With awesome music and tons of booze and all kinds of amazing people. It’s gonna be the best night ever.
And I can’t wait.