4.32: Broken Promise

Remember that promise I made at the start of the semester? About just worrying about myself?

I think I might be breaking it already.

Which kind of sucks, since the just-worrying-about-me thing was working pretty well for a while. Really well, actually. I mean, things with Elliot are… Wow.

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Last night, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Isn’t that amazing?! I almost couldn’t believe it… my first boyfriend. Ever. And after, while we were making out on his couch… Well, we didn’t have sex or anything, but let’s just say it was enough to earn me lots of squealing and high-fiving from Clara.

And y’know, I really loved seeing her so happy… I don’t think I’ve seen a real smile from her in weeks, to be honest. And that’s kind of the reason I’m breaking my “no worrying” promise in the first place.

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Something’s been a little “off” about her, ever since we got back to school. And at first I thought she was just missing Florian, but now I’m not so sure… For the past week or two she’s just been so quiet, and sad. Way more withdrawn than usual. And crying all the time.

I can’t help it. It makes me think of back when we were kids, when she was with Julian. When she was keeping secrets from everyone in our family… And when she thought she might be pregnant.

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But what if this time she doesn’t just think she is? What if…?

I feel awful jumping to conclusions like this. But it’s the only thing that makes sense. I mean, she’s been so moody, and craving all this weird food, and gaining weight. Or at least, I think she has. I mean, I guess she’s looking a little… bigger? And she’s been wearing nothing but sweatpants and baggy shirts for a couple weeks now…

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Why would she hide this though? I mean yeah, back when she was 16 and dating a creepy older guy and trying to keep it a secret from her parents, I totally get why she wouldn’t tell anyone. But now? This is HUGE. Clara can’t keep this from me, or Oma and Opa… Or Florian. Something tells me she hasn’t told him, either…

Gah. I need to stop. I don’t even have any proof that any of this is true! Clara would tell me if she was pregnant. She trusts me, doesn’t she?

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I don’t know. Maybe I’m just reading too much into this whole thing. But I really can’t help it. I’d been trying so hard not to worry about her (I mean, I’d been spending enough energy thinking about Auggy already!) but last night, when I got back from my date with Elliot, I found Clara crying on the couch. It really broke my heart to see her like that.

I want to help her, but how can I if I can’t even be sure what’s going on? If she won’t be honest with me? It bothered me all day… I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. Even Mark noticed something was wrong… I barely got a thing done my entire shift.

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But he didn’t get mad. I knew he wouldn’t. He just asked me if I was okay, and even offered to let me leave early, if I needed to. I didn’t take him up on it, of course – not after I already left early last night. But the fact that he even offered meant so much. He’s always been so good to me. With all the shit Laura’s been giving me at rehearsals and how moody Clara’s been, it’s nice to feel like someone actually cares. Some days, I seriously don’t know what I’d do without him.

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Anyway, I guess I’m kind of rambling now. It’s just so hard not to start freaking out… But I really need to calm down and breathe. I’m sure Clara’s fine. And if she’s not, she’ll talk to me about it, won’t she?

I almost wish Luc was here. I feel like he’d know exactly what to do. But he’s too busy being some hot-shot rockstar and banging half the girls in Europe.

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God, I hope Florian’s looking out for him. The last thing I need is yet another sibling to have to worry about…


45 thoughts on “4.32: Broken Promise

  1. Joce is such a sweetheart, worrying about everyone.
    I think it’d be good if Clara told Joce the truth. I understand her hesitation about telling Florian over the phone, but at least there’d be someone to help her out a bit.

    Also, love seeing Joce happy in love!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, Joce has a good heart! 🙂 And she’d be a great person for Clara to open up to… but with this family, who knows? XD

      But yes, Jocelyne is very happy otherwise! Definitely enjoying her time with Elliot 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, she is perpetually surrounded by drama, it seems! Hahaha. But like you said, it’s hard because every single day she sees Clara and sees that she’s struggling, so it’s not exactly something she can ignore :-/ Poor Joce haha. She’s too kind and caring for her own good! 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I too agre with what she told about Clara, he father is her soon-to-be-husband, and yes, It may be a little soon, but not like her mother, or what she thought she was, I hope Joce talks with her, really, because this a thing that a simple talk would make it ou, I just hope the genes for not-talking-intuil-it-blows is not on Joce…XD

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Joce ❤ She'll have to tell you eventually. It won't be possible to hide much longer, I imagine. I'm glad you're happy with Elliot – if you are then I will be happy with you being a couple =p (sorry mark, you're still my fave =p)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true, eventually Clara will be showing and she’ll HAVE to tell haha. But until then… Well, knowing this family, she’ll probably keep her mouth shut 😛 And yes, Joce is very happy with Elliot, and she thanks you for being happy for her 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m glad you love that pic of the twins together 🙂 I am partial to it too 😀

    Your Mark inner dialogue cracks me up! “Batten down the hatches”… LMAO I have no answers for you there 😛

    Hopefully they will get through it, as you said! 🙂 We’ll see? Hahaha

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hehehehe I love that you’re encouraging that thought 😉 And yes, Clara totally needs to talk to SOMEONE. Who better than Joce? (Well, maybe Florian. But we know that ain’t happening 😛 )


  5. I mean… it’s going to get PRETTY obvious soon, Clara. You’ve got to tell someone, at least.

    *sigh* Truly happy for Joce here, but.. uh… Mark, though 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I gotta be honest here, I’m getting a little tired of her endless worrying with no action. I wish she had a little bit more of Clara’s ballsy-ness. Because then she would just ask her “hey, chick, are you pregnant?” What is the point of worrying if you’re not going to do anything about it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha that’s a fair opinion! Though to be fair, Joce DID act when she was a teen and was in a similar situation. She told Tobi about Clara, and also checked in on Clara when she saw her spiral further downward. I think this is the first time she’s worried without acting, actually!

      This time around, she’s just fed up with Clara’s attitude and doesn’t want to deal with the backlash of confronting her. She’s also hurt that Clara doesn’t seem to trust her. So she’s waiting for Clara to approach her first. Right now it’s all speculation and she doesn’t want to ruffle feathers.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s this watch and wait thing that is so frustrating. Like damn, how long do you have to worry, working on a stomach ulcer, before you woman up and dive in? It’d be one thing if she was just chilling and watching and waiting. She’s got like full blown anxiety about it at this point. I could not be friends with college age Joce, lol.


  7. I feel bad for Jocelyne that she feels like she has to worry about everyone around her. It’s not healthy. She’s so young. She should worry about… What to wear for her next date with Elliot, or how she’s gonna pass her exam… Not about her siblings!

    I do think she should try to talk to Clara about this, but also I’m convinced that Clara will just try to avoid the conversation and say nothing is wrong. It’s definitely a tough one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha Joce definitely cares way too much about others 😛 But she is a kind hearted person and can’t help it!

      And yeah, that’s part of why she’s not talking to Clara — she knows Clara will probably flip out. That’s a big contributing not factor to why she hasn’t approached her yet. We’ll see what happens!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Yay! Detective Joce is on the right track 😀 She’s forgiven for breaking her promise to herself, after all, she’s just such a caring individual (she’s getting better at it, but it will always be apart of her) ❤

    I hope Clara is able to talk to someone soon. She can't hide it until Florian get's back. Pregnancy doesn't work that way 😛

    I feel sad for her in that department since she would want Florian to be the first to know and in person, but unfortunately life doesn't always work out that way. Maybe she'll have to tell him over the phone, or maybe he'll find out when he gets home…Either way, after some time, she'll have two adorable children and a very loving husband by her side, I'm sure 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love your optimism about Clara and Florian 🙂 Hopefully you’re right and it does work out fine in the end! (And yes, Clara has to realize that she’s gonna start showing soon… Haha she’s a little ridiculous :P)


  9. So, Elliot is the eye candy, right? Here is my proposition that obviously has no weight whatsoever. Jocelyne stays with him until she has a baby or something for the oh so beautiful genetics, and then she marries Mark to make her happy, because he’s cute and perfect. She can have a baby or two with him as well X3
    I mean there is a character in the banner that kind of looks like him? But I don’t really know who any of them could be yet XD

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I relate to Jocelyne way too much. It’s probably unhealthy. Very bookish, constantly stressing over people other than herself, acting, just…wow.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that you’re able to relate to her ^_^ I had a lot of readers who felt the same 🙂 I love Jocelyne and writing her was so lovely


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