9.46: Dreams

Thank you to everybody for your patience! I will try very hard to get the next chapter out sooner, but I can’t promise anything at the moment. I’ll do my best to keep everyone informed as things change. Thanks so much for always being awesome ❤

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Five years ago

It wasn’t even 10am yet, and Asher already felt ready for a nap. He took another long sip of his coffee, hoping to help stave off the effects of his lack of sleep. He had to be at the hospital in less than an hour for his clinical, and he couldn’t show up half asleep… Dr. Nicholls would lose his shit. The man was absolutely brilliant, but a huge dick too.

Least I’m learning a lot, Asher tried to remind himself. And just a couple more months of this garbage, then I can move on. Within the next month or so, he’d finally be matched with a hospital for his residency. Then he just needed to pass the next step of his USMLE, make it through graduation, and he’d be closer than ever to being ‘Dr. Rosebrook’ at last.

He couldn’t help but smile at the thought. Despite how late he’d been kept up by his racing thoughts the night before, Asher felt a strange sense of inspiration and determination too. If Landon’s lifelong dream could finally come true, then so could his. 

Asher never really followed any sports, but he secretly made it a point to catch any Brindleton Bay Bobcats game he could, and last night’s game was by far the best one he’d ever seen. Watching Landon lead his team to winning the Super Bowl and be named the game’s MVP had been surreal. 

Hard as he tried to get sleep, Asher stayed up most of the night thinking about those long talks he’d once had with Landon about football and all his dreams for the future. Asher couldn’t help but feel a little emotional seeing them finally come true, and the whole thing led to a level of reminiscing about his high school boyfriend that he hadn’t experienced in a very long time.

God, I’m such a fucking mess right now. It had been less than six months since he and Felix decided it was time to end things, and he was still reeling from the breakup. Though Asher knew it was for the best, to say he was heartbroken would be an understatement.

Then, just a month ago, he’d received an invitation to Ollie’s wedding this coming summer. He’d already known about the engagement for over a year, but it still stung to open that envelope, much as it shouldn’t have.

And of course, seeing Landon’s face on the screen last night had stirred something inside him too, just like opening that wedding invitation had. 

I just feel weird about it because of Felix, he’d told himself. I’ll get over it.

Asher glanced down at his phone on the table beside him as the sound of his ringtone filled the air, pulling his mind back to the present. For a moment, he panicked. Was it the hospital? Had he somehow lost track of the time? Was he late for his clinical?

He did a double-take at the name that he saw appear across the screen. It couldn’t be… They hadn’t spoken in almost two years now. He lifted the phone to his ear. “Landon?”

“Asher! Hi!” There was no mistaking that voice — after all, he’d just heard it the night before during all those post-game celebrations and interviews. It was really him. 

“Wow… Um… Hey! How’s it going?” Asher fumbled awkwardly over his words, trying to think of something to say. ‘How’s it going?’ The guy just won the fucking Super Bowl, and you ask him how it’s going?!

“Great! Amazing, actually…” Landon let out a low chuckle that gave Asher a flurry of butterflies, in spite of himself. “I know you’re not super into sports, so you might not have heard –”

“No! No, I did! I was watching.” Asher assured him hurriedly. “Congratulations! That’s seriously unbelievable.”

“You watched?” Landon sounded surprised, but happy.

“Of course I did.”

He could hear the smile in Landon’s voice. “Then you saw how bad we almost blew it in the second half… But we did it! Man, this is so fucking surreal. Still kinda feels like I’m dreaming…” His voice trailed off for a moment before he continued. “Anyway, I know this is totally out of nowhere, and I hope I’m not bugging you or anything… I just wanted to call and say thanks.”

“Thanks?” Asher’s brow furrowed. “For what?”

“Everything you did for me. Back in high school.” Landon explained. “You helped me pass Trig so I could graduate, and you pushed me to go for it when I almost chickened out about going to Ohio. I don’t know if any of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for you.”

At first, Asher didn’t really know what to say. Landon’s words left him feeling extremely touched, but strangely sad too. He couldn’t exactly explain why. “Nah, you would’ve graduated. Your coach probably would’ve murdered Mr. Marshall if he didn’t pass you.” He replied at last.

“Maybe.” Landon was clearly amused. “Still, I know it’s dumb, but this whole thing’s got me feeling all sentimental and stuff.” He laughed softly as he spoke. “So I’ve got a bunch of people I should be thanking right now, and you’re one of them. So thank you, Asher. Seriously.”

There it was again — the strange mixture of appreciation and sadness bubbling up in his chest. “Well, you’re welcome, I guess.”

“And listen, I know it’s been a long time… But maybe I can fly back out to LA and visit sometime?” Landon offered. “I’d love to see you.”

“Me too.” Asher agreed. And he really meant it.  “But I’m not living in LA right now… I’m still up in San Francisco for school.” He explained. “And I’m not sure yet where I’m gonna be next year for my residency. I applied to a bunch of hospitals between here and there, so…” Asher shrugged, though he knew Landon could not see it. “It’s kinda up in the air right now.”

“Oh shit, that’s right. Sorry.” Landon’s apology sounded sincere. “Guess I kinda forgot how long it takes to become a doctor…”

Asher laughed. “Yeah, it feels like forever… But it’ll be worth it. I think.”

“It will.” Landon replied seriously. “You’re still one of the smartest people I know, and you’re gonna be an amazing doctor someday.”

Asher smiled. “Thanks. I hope so.”

“And let me know where you end up next year. I’d still be down for making a trip out there to see you… Only if you want, though.”

“Yeah! Yeah, that’d be great.”

There was a beat of silence before Landon continued. “I’ve gotta run, but I’m so happy I got to talk to you, Asher. And thanks again.”

“You too… And congrats again on the win.” Asher fought to hide his disappointment that the conversation was coming to an end so quickly. “I know you’ve been working your ass off for this for a long time. You deserve it. So… enjoy it! Go to Disney World, or whatever it is they always say.” He forced a laugh.

Landon quickly joined in. “Would you believe I’m literally about to head to the airport right now?”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Uh-huh. I always thought it was just some weird catchphrase or something, but apparently it’s really a thing, so… I’m going for it!”

“Well, have fun!” Asher finally managed to push away his disappointment. He needed to stop being so ridiculous. “And thanks for calling. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course. I’m sorry it’s been so long. My life’s pretty crazy these days.” Landon paused. “But we’ll talk again soon, okay?”

“Okay.” Even then, Asher didn’t really believe it. “It was really great talking to you. Bye, Landon.”

A few months after their conversation, Asher tried to call Landon and let him know he’d be back in LA for his residency after all… But the number had been disconnected, and as far as he could tell, Landon never tried calling him again.

It had been a little more than five years now since that phone call, and Asher had been certain that he would never see or hear from Landon again. He’d accepted it. Made peace with it. And now…

Asher felt like he was practically sprinting down the hall toward the exam room he’d left Landon in just two hours before. Now that his shift was officially over, he was free to go back and visit — Not as a doctor this time, but as a friend.

Asher was considerably calmer than he’d been earlier, but still struggling to believe what had happened. Much as he’d secretly longed for the chance to see Landon again someday, he could honestly say that he would rather it never have happened at all than for it to have been like this.

The memory of that last phone call stung terribly now. He had been so overjoyed back then at seeing Landon’s dreams finally come true… And now here he was again, witness to those very same dreams being completely crushed. Forever. It didn’t matter whether he recovered or not — Landon would never play football again.

Asher paused outside the door and took a breath. He needed to put on a brave face for Landon. Forcing a smile and giving a quick knock, he stepped inside.

The room was completely empty. 

Shit… they moved him already. Asher cursed himself. He should’ve known it wouldn’t be long before they sent him to another floor. No one stayed in the Emergency department for more than an hour or two. They always got sent somewhere else.

Luckily it didn’t take him long to find Gwen again, this time by the nurses station. 

She did not appear surprised at all when he approached. “Looking for your ‘friend’?” Asher could practically hear the air-quotes she’d put around the word. He chose to ignore it.

“Yeah… What floor is he on?”

Gwen shook her head. “No non-family visitors right now. Not til he’s out of surgery.”

Asher’s eyes widened slightly. “He’s in surgery already?”

“In the morning.” She clarified, sighing. “Try again after your shift tomorrow.”

“But… I promised I’d visit him tonight.” Asher felt like a whiny little kid, but he had to see Landon again and find out what was going on with him. He needed to know that he would be alright… Or at least, as alright as he could be, given the circumstances.

Gwen shrugged. “He’s gonna be here for at least a few days. You’ll have plenty of chances to see him.”

Asher hesitated for just a moment, before a series of questions he knew he shouldn’t be asking began spilling from his lips. He couldn’t help himself. “Okay, but just… How bad is it? Obviously it’s an SCI… but complete? Incomplete? Does he have a concussion? Where did –”

Gwen raised a hand, cutting off the flow of his word-vomit. “Asher, go home.” The tone she was using reminded him of his mother. “You know I can’t tell you any of that anyway. He’s not your patient.”

“I know, I know…” He replied, defeated. 

Gwen gave him a strange, almost pitying look. “You know he’s in good hands here, right? You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

She seemed to hesitate. “And, to answer your first question… it’s not quite as bad as I thought it was at first glance. And that’s all I’m going to say before they swoop in here and take my license away.”

Asher was shocked. This was, without a doubt, the nicest she’d ever been to him. “Thanks, Gwen. I —“

“Dr. Danielson.” She corrected him, giving a small shake of her head. “Now go home.”

Unfortunately, he had no choice but to comply. 

He was so lost in his thoughts on his way back down the hallway, that Asher almost ran into Darryll. It looked like he’d just arrived for his shift.

“Hey, Asher… Word to the wise, I’d look at sneaking out a side entrance if I were you.”

“What? Why?”

His friend shrugged. “Bunch of paparazzi and nosy-ass tabloid reporters stalking the place. You guys got Samantha Murdock in there or what?”

Holy shit… the paps found out already?! Asher shook his head. “Not her, but, uh… I think your friends in orthopedics are gonna have someone interesting in the OR tomorrow morning.” He tried his best to smile. Thankfully Darryll wasn’t an orthopedic surgeon. Otherwise he’d be way too tempted to grill him about Landon.

“Oh?” Darryll smiled, clearly interested. “Anyone I’d know?”

“Maybe…” Asher shifted his feet uncomfortably. “Listen, I’ve gotta run. But thanks for the heads up. I’ll try and dodge the paps if I can.”

“Well, if you can’t, make sure they get your good side!” Darryll teased, giving a wave and a hearty chuckle before continuing on down the hallway, leaving Asher alone at last.

He let out a heavy sigh. Now that no one else was in sight, Asher finally let some of the weight of what he was feeling come crashing down on him. It was all so damn overwhelming… The past twelve hours fell like an absolute whirlwind. How had he gone from coffee with Ollie to… this?!

The moment Ollie’s name crossed his mind, Asher felt an unpleasant twisting sensation in the pit of his stomach. Everything that had happened with Ollie recently was bad enough. But now adding Landon to the mix too? Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any more complicated…

And the worst part was, Asher had a horrible, sinking feeling that this was only the beginning.