9.27: Speed Bump

Thank you so much to everyone for your patience with this recent schedule change! I’m so sorry that this chapter took nearly two weeks to complete… I promise the wait for the next one will not be nearly as long! Just wanted to remind everyone that I (for now!) no longer have a set update schedule, so it might be good to make sure that you are following and/or check back regularly so you don’t miss a chapter!

Thanks so much to everyone for being awesome ❤

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Why can’t anything in my life ever get good… And then STAY that way? Am I cursed or something?

Everything was going amazing, for a while. I mean, minus the super-fucking-awkward mess of being confused about Ollie… but even that was starting to get a little better. 

It’s not like I can make all those feelings disappear overnight, you know? But I can stop thinking about them.

I just need to remember that I’m with Landon now. And I’m so happy with him. I love him. What we have is real.

Ollie and I never even had anything to begin with (well, besides being best friends, obviously). Anything else was just in my head. And sure, if any of those crackpot theories about parallel timelines or multiple realities are true, maybe there’s some version out there of me and Ollie who ARE together. And maybe in that reality, we’re perfect for each other. Who knows?

Not me. And that’s the point. I’ve gotta let go of all that wondering. Because I’m never gonna know. I’ve just gotta suck it up, accept it, and move on.

It was hard as hell at first. And there are some days when it still is, but it was finally starting to get easier. Especially once things with me and Landon really started taking off… 

God, he’s even more amazing than I realized. In ways I never realized either. And yes, part of that means he’s fucking amazing in bed. Like, mind-blowingly amazing. He took something I was absolutely terrified of and turned it into the most incredible thing in the entire world. 

Now when we’re together, it’s basically impossible to keep our hands (and mouths and… okay, you get the idea) off each other.

But it goes way beyond that too. We love spending time together… everything’s just better when I’m with him. Even if it’s just hanging out.

We still play video games and work on our Trig homework together. He sits with me while I study for my SATs, even quizzes me sometimes. It’s kinda fun hanging out in the library after school some days. Kinda like old times… Except it’s me doing the studying this time around. 

Landon’s so patient and sweet and funny (and hot, but that goes without saying at this point, doesn’t it?). It’s hard to believe that I spent so many years just like, mindlessly drooling over him and that perfect ass of his. I never even took the time to consider how amazing he is as a person. 

And somehow, against every friggin odd out there, he ended up choosing someone like me. It’s incredible, isn’t it?

(Okay, I know you’re waiting for the “But”… And here it comes).

Like I said, everything was totally perfect. But this week, something changed. All of a sudden, Landon’s been… I can’t really think of a better word to use for it than ‘distant’. He’s not smiling as much when we’re together at school, he’s making lame excuses for why he can’t hang out after school… It’s so fucking weird.

But I have a feeling I know what’s going on.

I think this means he finally picked his school for next year… And I’m pretty sure Ohio won. Which is equal parts amazing and horrible — Amazing for Landon, horrible for me. 

Can’t lie, I’ve been dreading this for a while. But what kind of a selfish dick would I be if I tried talking him out of it? I’ve spent the last month telling him he should ‘follow his heart’, or whatever, so this shouldn’t be so upsetting. But it kinda is. 

And for him too, from the looks of it. 

But we’re gonna find a way to make it work. I know we will. Like I keep telling him, people make this long distance thing work all the time! And it’s only one year til I graduate too. I’ve already been narrowing down where I’m gonna apply next year, and OSU does have a pretty great medical program… 

Of course, me going all the way to Ohio also means being thousands of miles away from Lily and Ollie too. Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing though, given the circumstances?

I’ve still got all this unresolved… whatever with Ollie. And if I really wanna leave it behind me, maybe being away from him would make it easier.

Too bad being on the other side of the country from him would suck just as much as being away from Landon will too. Ugh. Fuck this stupid ‘feelings’ shit. Seriously.

Look, all I know is that the one person I definitely would NOT mind being thousands of miles away from is Penny. She’s been driving me fucking insane lately… (Yes, even more than usual, somehow).

It all started a couple weeks ago when Ollie dumped her. She’s somehow got it in her head that it’s MY fault, for some reason. Like I planned for this whole thing to happen because I wanted to steal Ollie from her or something. What the hell?!

How is it my fault that Ollie finally realized he can do so much better than my bratty little sister? Yeah, sure, maybe I feel some… things… about Ollie. But it’s not like he feels anything about me. And even if he did, well, Landon got there first. And I’m not about to dump my amazing boyfriend over some stupid fantasy. 

But Penny’s still convinced I was somehow behind this whole thing. She had this big blow-up at me about it a couple weeks ago, then went right back to her stupid silent treatment shit. Which is preferable to her fucking tantrums, but still.

It got to the point where Mom and Dad even tried getting involved, but it didn’t really seem to do anything… Until a few days ago.

I have no fucking clue what changed, but Penny’s been acting weird too. And by ‘weird’ I mean… actually acknowledging my existence. Even being… hmm… I don’t wanna say ‘nice’ to me. That’s a huge stretch. But she isn’t glaring at me or avoiding me the way she used to. It’s kind of the opposite, actually. She’s almost too interested in me. It’s like she’s keeping an eye on me or something. Scrutinizing what I say and do. It’s so fucking weird.

And unlike with Landon, I have no idea what could be causing it. But it’s kinda freaking me out.

I actually thought about bringing it up to Ollie… Seeing what he thinks about it and stuff. But for once, he’s actually one of the only people who’s acting halfway normal right now, and I really don’t wanna fuck that up.

Because minus my little sister deciding she hates my guts (even more than she used to) and then acting weird as hell all of a sudden, Ollie dumping Penny was actually the best thing that could have happened for me and him. We’d been kinda ‘losing each other’ for a while now, if you know what I mean. But now that he’s finally opened his eyes and realized he deserves someone better than Penny, he’s free to actually be my best friend again…

Sort of.

I guess I’m still kind of ‘careful’ around him now. Things aren’t gonna go back to exactly the same as they used to be. I’ve gotta make time for Landon. And I’ve gotta make sure I don’t start thinking things I shouldn’t… Having Lily around when we hang out helps. A lot. I make sure it’s always the three of us any time we hang out now.

But the point is… we’re hanging out again. I’ve really missed having Ollie around, and I’m happy we can finally go back to spending time together, even if things are never gonna be the same again.  Even if I feel weird mentioning Landon in front of him. Even if it’s still hard to be near him sometimes. It’s still better than how it used to be.

So at least I’ve got that going for me?

Next step is to figure out what’s going on with Landon… Like I said, it’s probably the Ohio thing. Which does suck, but we’re gonna get through it. It’s just a speed bump we’ve gotta get over. That’s all. We’re gonna be fine.

And as for Penny and her weird shit…

Well, she’s Penny. So who the hell knows?