9.21: Mess

Asher could feel Landon watching him almost nervously as the two of them made their way up the walkway toward the small house. He was excited to finally visit Landon’s house for the first time, but the strange looks Landon had been giving him were very distracting.

It was a lot less stressful than feeling the stares Ollie had been giving him during the past two days since their fight, but it still put Asher a bit on-edge. What was Landon so worried about?

“Everything okay?” He asked softly as he neared the front door. “You said your parents aren’t home, right?” From what Asher understood, bringing a guy home would be a very bad idea if Landon’s father was there, but there hadn’t been any other cars out front when they’d arrived.

Landon shook his head. “Nah, they both work pretty late.” He reminded him. That was the whole reason they’d opted to hang out at Landon’s house in the first place — the privacy. “It’s just, um… I’m sorry it’s not all fancy like your place.” He gestured up toward the house as he spoke, clearly embarrassed. “My parents… They don’t work in Hollywood, y’know?”

It was Asher’s turn for embarrassment. He was so used to comparing his home to Oliver’s that he’d never really considered the fact that his parents were much wealthier than the norm. And, come to think of it, so were Lily’s. It was something Asher had always taken for granted… and having it pointed out to him was incredibly uncomfortable.

“You really think I care about that?” He asked. It was hard not to feel hurt. Did Landon think of him as some kind of rich snob or something?

“I know you don’t… But I kinda do.” Landon admitted with a shrug as he finally put his key in the lock and led the way inside. 

Asher barely even took the time to look around as they crossed the threshold and entered the modest living room and dining area. He was too concerned with what Landon had said. “Please… Promise me you’ll stop worrying about it.” He said seriously. “You could live in a freaking cardboard box and I wouldn’t give a shit.”

Landon laughed softly. “I know… I’m being stupid. I don’t know how the hell you manage to do this to me.” He shook his head slowly, taking a seat on the large sofa in the middle of the room.

“Do what?”

“Make me so nervous.”

This time, it was Asher who laughed. “Seriously? I make you nervous? Are you kidding me?”

Landon smiled. ”I don’t think I’ve ever liked anybody as much as I like you.”

Though Asher’s heart leapt at these words, he couldn’t shake the slight twinge of sadness he felt too. “Not even Riley?” He asked softly. 

Still reeling from his argument with Oliver, Asher had spent the past couple of days distracting himself with the mystery of ‘Riley’, and had finally reached the only logical conclusion — that he was Landon’s ex-boyfriend.

The other boy’s smile faded instantly, confirming his suspicions. “That was different.” Landon replied carefully. “And it was a long time ago…”

That didn’t sound like a ‘no’. Asher let out a soft sigh, but said nothing. He had so many more questions now about Landon’s ex, but he was too afraid to ask any of them. It was so strange to think that Landon had been with someone else before him… maybe even loved him. How the hell am I ever gonna live up to this other guy?!

It was as though Landon could read his mind. He reached out, taking Asher’s hands gently in his. They were rough, but warm. It was nice. “Look, I’m not gonna lie. Riley was…” He paused, as though searching for the right word. “He meant a lot to me. But it’s over now.”

For a moment, Asher found himself thinking of Oliver, though he could not explain exactly why. He did his best to push the thought out of his mind as he opened his mouth to speak once more.

“You promise?” Asher felt so stupid and embarrassed as the question passed his lips. “I mean… I mean like… You don’t still… Y’know. You’re ‘over him’, or whatever?” 

Landon nodded, smiling softly at him. “Asher, I’m with you now. And if it helps, I’ve liked you for a hell of a lot longer than I liked him.” He confessed.

“You have?” Asher asked hopefully. His jealousy had still not yet abated, but he did his best to push it to the back of his mind for now, alongside those puzzling thoughts of his best friend. 

Landon nodded. “I wasn’t lying before — I’ve liked you for… forever, basically. I just never thought you liked me too…”

“Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I do.” Asher couldn’t help but smile. “A lot.”

“I know…” Landon replied softly, leaning closer and closer until Asher’s lips met his.

Asher’s heart skipped a beat — as always, kissing Landon quite literally took his breath away. Landon’s kisses were so passionate and intense — sometimes it was difficult for Asher to keep up. He hadn’t kissed anyone since he’d dated Lily, and that was over two years ago now. He was pretty rusty, to say the least, but he was glad he had at least some experience to go off of. The last thing he wanted was for Landon to think he didn’t know what he was doing.

It wasn’t until about a minute or so into their makeout session that a thrilling and terrifying thought crossed Asher’s mind. He pulled away slightly to come up for air. “Know what I just realized?” He whispered between kisses.

“What?” Landon asked, just as breathless as he was.

“We’re all alone…” It was literally the first time the two of them had been truly, completely alone together before. Even when Landon came to Asher’s house, his parents had been home.

But not this time. It was just the two of them.

“I know…” Landon’s devilish smile sent a shiver of excitement through Asher’s entire body, though it lingered in one area in particular…

Again, it was almost like Landon was a mind reader. As soon as their lips came back together again, Asher could feel Landon’s hand traveling lower and lower until he was fumbling with the button on his jeans.

Asher’s heart pounded in his chest, a twinge of fear mixed with an overwhelming wave of excitement and anticipation.

Landon pulled his mouth away from his for a moment. “Is this okay?”

Asher nodded in reply, unable to form words as he focused on the feeling of Landon’s warm fingers and palm as they finally made contact. With a smile, Landon leaned forward to kiss him once more as his hand started to get to work.

It was the most incredible thing Asher had ever felt in his life. He’d touched himself more times than he could possibly count, but nothing could ever compare to this. It was incredible.

So incredible, in fact, that, well…

“Oh my god. Oh my fucking god. I’m sorry!” In an instant, Asher went from pure bliss to wanting to curl up into a ball and die.

Before Landon even had a chance to reply, he literally sprinted down the hallway and into a room he desperately hoped was the bathroom, awkwardly hitching up his pants as he ran. Luckily, he was right. Asher’s hands were shaking as he turned on the faucet and began trying to clean himself up.

How the hell could he ever face Landon again?! Everything had been going so well, and now he’d made a literal and figurative mess of everything. It was bad enough that he always spewed word-vomit every time he and Landon were together. Now apparently he spewed other things too… Way, way sooner than he should have.

Ugh. I can’t fucking believe it. How could he ever come back from this?

I bet Riley could last more than twenty fucking seconds, he thought bitterly as he re-buttoned his pants. I’m such a goddamn loser.

“Asher?” Landon’s voice called gently from the other side of the bathroom door. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah.” He lied, turning around to face the door. “I just… Fuck, I’m sorry. I think I’m gonna head home.”

“Don’t. Please?” Landon replied. “It’s seriously not a big deal.”

With a heavy sigh, Asher stepped forward to open the door. It felt too strange talking to Landon through a giant panel of wood. He wanted to see his face… even if he wasn’t sure he had the courage to actually look him in the eye.

The sight of Landon’s warm smile helped lift Asher’s spirits a bit. “Hey, let’s go talk in my room or something, okay?” The older boy offered, inclining his head at a door further down the hallway.

“O-okay…” Asher hung his head as he followed, still wishing he could make himself disappear.

Landon’s bedroom was much smaller than Asher thought it would be, and a lot more sparsely decorated too. He didn’t even have his own computer, it seemed. No wonder it’s hard for him to get online and play Bloodwatch. He’s gotta share with his parents!

Asher was reminded for a moment of their conversation from earlier about money, but he quickly pushed the thought from his mind. He had much more important things to worry about right now.

“Landon, I’m sorry.” Asher spoke at last as he took a seat beside Landon on the edge of the bed. Much as he was dreading this conversation, he knew he had to get it over with. “This is so fucking embarrassing. I feel awful.”

Landon shook his head. “It’s fine. Seriously. It’s like, kind of a compliment actually, isn’t it?” He added with a laugh.

But Asher couldn’t even bring himself to smile. He still felt so embarrassed. “It’s just, um… I guess you should probably know… I’ve never… I’ve never like… y’know.”

“I had a feeling.” Landon confessed.

He felt his stomach lurch with nausea and embarrassment as he continued. “So… this is really new for me. And I’m sorry I –”

Landon cut him off with a sigh. “Will you stop saying you’re sorry?” There was a slight edge of annoyance in his voice as he spoke. “Everyone starts off super awkward and shitty at this stuff… Just means you need a little more practice. Which I can totally help you with.” He added with a flirty little smile.

Asher’s heart already felt a little lighter at his words. Landon was being so understanding about this whole thing. How the hell did he get so lucky? “Thanks.” He replied at last. “I’m definitely gonna need it…”

Landon was silent for a moment before his eyes suddenly lit up. “Hey, do you know what this means? It’s finally my chance to pay you back!”

Asher furrowed his brow. “For what?”

“Tutoring me in Math.”

A hearty laugh passed his lips as he realized what Landon was getting at. “So… What? You’re gonna tutor me in… sex stuff?”

“Yeah. And no offense, but I think we’ve got a lot of work to do…” Landon teased.

Asher felt his excitement and anticipation from earlier slowly returning, finally eclipsing his embarrassment and fear. “Guess we should get started then… What’s the next lesson?”

With a low, sultry chuckle, Landon pulled Asher back into his arms and they got to work.

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Note: I know I didn’t do anything special in this one to mark the occasion, but believe it or not, that was the 600th Ashes to Ashes chapter! 😮 And the day of my next update (Wednesday the 11th) is the four-year anniversary of when I first started this story. Crazy, right??? I still can’t believe it. I just wanted to take a second to sincerely thank everyone who has supported my story over the past 600 chapters! It means so much to me ❤