8.51: Never Mine

Note: Major issues this morning with posting this one and having the email sent correctly and all that jazz… Hoping you all found this chapter eventually! Sorry for the issues!

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I just keep hoping and hoping that one of these days, I’m gonna wake up and realize that this whole thing was just some stupid nightmare. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened. Back when I had that terrible dream about Papa and Serenity, I was SO SURE it was real, you know? Right up until I opened my eyes, I believed it.

But the more time that goes by, the more I’m starting to think that there’s really no waking up from this one.

It’s been more than a week since I’ve talked to… anybody, really. The last person I talked to was Papa. He went down to the same lab me and Xander used, and they took a sample. They still had ours on file, so it was easy. 

And, since my life has apparently decided to turn into a fucking soap opera, the results were exactly what we were afraid they would be.

He’s Xander’s Papa. Not mine.

That was the last time I talked to him — when he called me and told me the results. And honestly? I can’t even remember a word I said to him. It was all just this giant blur. Another scene in this stupid nightmare that refuses to just end already.

This is another one of those lame cliches, but I’ve honestly never felt so alone in my entire life. 

Xander went back to Paris last week. We decided we both need a little time alone right now. It was great being together and kinda bonding over how utterly fucked this whole thing is… But we realized we need some time on our own too. 

It’s still so weird, knowing he’s related to the man who raised me. Sometimes I look at him now, and all I can see is Papa. And that’s so messed up, isn’t it?

But it’s getting easier. And I think it’s gonna keep getting easier too. We had a really long talk about this whole mess before he went back to Paris. And, as beyond-freaking-weird as things are right now, we still love each other.

We can’t promise each other how we’re gonna feel going forward, but like… the important part is, we do wanna keep going forward. Or trying to, anyway. We’re gonna work our asses off to try and get past this whole mess. We just need time to… I dunno. Process?

But my apartment feels so empty now that he’s gone again.

I guess that’s why I’m feeling so lost right now. Without him, I don’t really have anybody else.

Talking to Papa still hurts too much. Even if I sit here and start thinking about him for too long, I just start crying again. I don’t know how I can look him in the eye now without my heart breaking into a million pieces. 

And Mama… Well, if I never speak to her again, it’ll still be too soon. It makes me sick just thinking about her. I’d give anything for it to be the other way around — for her to be the one I’m not related to. But I am. And I hate it. I hate her. And I’ll never forgive her for what she did to me.

I’ve tried calling Tristan a couple times, but even that hurts like hell. Every time I talk to him, all I can think about is the fact that he’s not even my real brother. Not completely, anyway. He’s my half-brother. And he’s Xander’s too. Can you believe it? My boyfriend and I share a freaking brother. How fucked up is that?!

At least he’s on my side in this whole thing. He’s still mad at Papa for cheating, just like I was. But he knows that what Mama did was so much worse. He’s not speaking to her anymore either. Not since she told him. I guess he even asked for a DNA test of his own, just to make sure he’s really Papa’s kid. Yeah… apparently she didn’t like that. But how the hell can she blame him?! Neither of us can trust her now. We’ll never trust her again.

Then there’s Zelda. I never even told her anything, but I know Papa told Onkel Jasper and Onkel Tam what happened. She must have found out from them. And as much as I love her, I just don’t wanna talk to her right now. I’ve been answering her texts, but I’m starting to run out of excuses for why I can’t answer the phone when she calls me.

I’m just not ready for some cheesy lecture, you know? Because I already know what she’s gonna say. She’ll tell me it doesn’t matter whether Papa and I are related. She’ll say it doesn’t change anything.

And I get why she feels that way, obviously. But it’s so different for her. Zelda’s always known that she’s not really related to either of her parents. Not by blood. It was never some big secret or mystery. They were always honest with her. 

It’s not the same as finding out that your entire fucking life as you knew it was just one huge lie.

I can’t even stand setting foot in the theater anymore. I still haven’t shown up for my internship in over a week. At this rate, I’ll probably just end up quitting, if Charlotte hasn’t already fired me. I just don’t have the energy for it anymore. 

And walking by that plaque dedicated to Jocelyne Rosebrook, or that really old photograph of the symphony orchestra from decades ago, with Mariana Rosebrook right there in the front… it hurts too much to even think about them.

I used to feel so proud, knowing I was related to those women…

But now it just kills me. Because I’m not related to them at all.

Going anywhere in this stupid city totally sucks now. It’s like everywhere I go, there are all these reminders shoved in my face. 

The football stadium, with that statue dedicated to Tobias Rosebrook standing proudly out front. 

The restaurant my Ur-Opa Zayne opened up… The one my Papa owns now. The one I thought was gonna be mine someday.

Or the library where my Oma Harper worked before she got famous. They still have this big display of all her books right out front. And a few years ago, they even re-named it the Rosebrook Library after Alexander Rosebrook, who spent hours there working on that old ghost story that made him so famous…

See what I mean? My Papa’s family left their mark all over this city. Everywhere you look, you can see it. And I always thought I’d leave mine here too, someday. That I’d be part of the “family legacy”, or whatever you wanna call it. 

But it’s a legacy that was never mine.

I know this probably sounds over-dramatic or something, but I honestly don’t know if I can do this anymore. I can’t stand being here — haunted by a legacy I don’t even belong to, surrounded by family who isn’t even really mine, and a mother who lied to me my whole life…

I’ve gotta get away from all this. I can’t stay here anymore. It’s gonna drive me crazy if I do.

I think I know what I have to do now. Xander and I have already toyed around with the idea a little, before he left. We talked about what we’d do next, once we’d had a little time to ourselves. And I think I know which option’s gonna win.

I’ll call him later and we can talk more. Maybe we can craft an escape plan to get me the hell away from this stupid city.

I just hope his apartment allows cats.

21 thoughts on “8.51: Never Mine

  1. That’s so sad. To find out your heritage isn’t really yours. I can see how it’s different for her than Zelda. She was lied to her whole life. She isn’t the real heir! She’s a fake one. 😱.

    I’m glad she’s going to Xander. They need each other right now. 💔

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes 😦 Her love for Phoenix is something that won’t ever change — she’s his daughter no matter what. But her place in the world and role in her family has been so shaken. It’s turning into a bit of an identity crisis 😬😭

      You’re right that they both need each other! They’re taking a week or two on their own to collect themselves right now, but once that’s over, Emberlynn knows she can’t stay in Windenburg anymore 😦

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I mean, if Ember has a kid with Xander the bloodline *technically* isn’t broken, right?? 😂😂

        I’m a huge fan of Ember/Xander so as messed up as it is, I’m very happy she’s not Phoenix’s kid!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. This is very true! 😛 And aww I’m glad you’re a fan of them! They really are a great couple, and thankfully they aren’t related! Hopefully they can just overcome some of the weirdness and stay together for the long haul… Then this whole “heir” mess will just resolve itself 😉 😛

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Definitely take Gucci! 🐈

    This is so sad. Gigi has lost both children and a hubby because of her lies!

    When Emberlynn went over the family legacy and how she doesn’t share in it, I felt so bad for her! But she does share in it by adoption. I hope Phee adopts Hee. Yeah, it’ll be weird that her hopefully further hubby will be her brother by adoption but I don’t see another way because Emberlynn IS the heir of this gen not Xander.

    Here’s hoping she works things out! 😭

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yup, Gigi has lost a lot 😭😭😭 What she did was so bad but it’s also hard not to pity her a little bit.

      As for the parentage, thankfully the adoption won’t be necessary — Phoenix is named as Emberlynn’s father on her birth certificate, and they aren’t going to change that (or share these results with any courts!) so… legally she’s still his child and still a rosebrook. But in her heart it doesn’t feel the same 😭

      And don’t worry, Gucci goes wherever she does ❤️❤️❤️😻

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I feel so bad for everyone (yes, even Gigi, as much as it pains me to admit 😝)! Now they all know the whole truth and none of them are happy about it. Poor babies 😭

    Speaking of babies though… I have to agree that a Xanberlynn nooboo would be a very easy fix to this succession issue! 😂😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes this has rocked EVERYBODY’S world really hard :-/ And yeah, as awful as what Gigi did was… she is 100% paying for it now. It’s a mess 😭

      I will reveal that there are only about 10 or 11 chapters left in the gen after this, so… SOME sort of nooboo has to appear soon, right? And a Xanberlynn one would be rather convenient 😛 But we’ll see 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. So like…does this mean Xander is the actual heir? Obviously the original legacy rules have been shot to hell, (unless you have another twist up your sleeve) but idk, this is a lot to process 😝

    And Gigi, yikes, I haven’t hated a character this much since teenage Harper. I can’t even 🙈

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know, this was very bad of me 😭 Back when Zayne became the heir, my rules already got broken, so I figured at this point, go big or go home? 🤷🏻‍♀️😬 But since the original rules don’t apply anymore (sorry 😭) Emberlynn is still our heiress! ❤️ She just feels so different now knowing the truth 😦

      And I can’t blame you your feelings about Gigi right now. This was so awful of her 😭 The whole family is falling apart now…

      Thank you so much for reading, and putting up with the rollercoaster ride! ❤️

      Like

  5. Poor Ember. This whole things is taking a lot from her. And I’m even sadder by the fact that she isn’t going to the job she loves and fought so much. Just shows she just can’t deal with pretty much anything right now.

    It was a nice throwback to the previous legacy woman.But it is unfortunate, that, yeah, Ember isn’t *really* related to them, at least blood-wise. I’d say it will take her quite some of months before she breaks out of this and realizes that Family is the one that raised you. She’l get there, but just not now, and I get why.

    Also, question do they *need* to adopt Ember for her to legally be Phoenix’s daugther? I mean, Gigi lied to her husband, It wouldn’t get pass me if she also lied to the goverment. Meaning,legally, she *is* Phoenix’s daugther. Wondering that because it would save up a lot of time for adoption and Phoenix just leaving stuff for Ember, like the restaurant, and all.

    Ohhh, so Ember is moving with Xander. Guess It’s the better alternative, they both need some time away from their parents and Windenburg.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah you kinda put it perfectly haha Ember just… can’t deal with anything right now. It’s such a mess!

      I’m glad you enjoyed the throwbacks in this one! I had fun with that 🙂 And thankfully no, no adoption needed for Ember and Phoenix 🙂 Gigi listed him
      as the father on Emberlynn’s birth certificate, so as long as they don’t tell the government (which they won’t) he’s still legally her father. That won’t change, at least ❤️

      And yes! They spent a little time apart, now they’re gonna try for some time TOGETHER and see how that goes…

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Honestly really breaks my heart and it kind of hits home for my family. My grandma on my dad’s side found out a year ago that her dad wasn’t even her biological dad and my great grandma kept it secret from everyone besides her husband that grandma wasn’t his so all of us grand kids are just as confused as to who we even are like my grandma is…. And we can’t meet her real dad because he died two years before she found out that he’s her real dad so this is really hitting home with me ugh I’m worried to read more lol 😂

    Like

    1. Oh no! I’m so sorry that your family is going through this 😭 If you need to take a break from the story I totally understand ❤️❤️❤️ I do promise that things will get better for Emberlynn. There are only 9 chapters left in the generation, and I promise that she will be happy by the end, and comfortable with who she is ❤️

      Like

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