8.48: Fucked Up

Do you ever just… Think about something WAY too much? Like, overanalyze a situation and start second-guessing yourself and freaking out until you don’t even know what to think anymore?

Yeah, me too. But this time I really, really wish I hadn’t. 

It’s only been two days since that freaking fiasco at my parents’ house, but I don’t think either of us have stopped thinking about it ever since. How could we? It was… a lot. And that’s putting it lightly.

Xander and I just wanna try and make sense of this whole disaster… Which has been damn near impossible so far. None of this really makes any sense.

It didn’t really start hitting us til we’d both had a chance to calm down. But the more we calmed down, the less and less sense this whole thing started making.

Think about it: WHY would our parents lie about something like this? They’re super embarrassed and ashamed about that stupid affair they had. We get it. Who wouldn’t be? It was pretty fucking scummy of both of them. And obviously if me and Xander stay together, that makes things really awkward for both of them.


It’s pretty hard to imagine that lying about something as messed up as THIS would somehow be less awkward than what they’re trying to avoid. It doesn’t really make sense, does it? Telling your kids — who you know are sleeping together, by the way — that they’re siblings is just… fucked up. Like, really, REALLY fucked up. Who would lie about something like that?!

Plus, I can’t stop thinking about the way Papa yelled at Lola in front of us. That couldn’t have just been part of the ‘act’, could it? I mean, I’ve seen Papa improv dialogue and stuff plenty of times when we do D&D. But this was so different. It was so sad to see him like that. Especially when he started crying. And those didn’t seem like fake tears either.

I don’t think he was pretending.

I think he really, really believes he’s Xander’s father. It makes me feel kinda bad for freaking out on him the way I did. Not for cheating on Mama — he deserved that. I’m still so mad at him about it. And maybe part of me always will be.

But calling him a liar wasn’t right. I guess it was just a knee-jerk reaction or something. I knew what Lola was telling us couldn’t be true. And I let myself assume he was in on it too. But he wasn’t. And much as I hate to admit it, I owe him an apology.

And I think Lola owes all of us an explanation.

It’s still really hard for me and Xander to talk about it, but we’ve had to. And basically, we’ve narrowed it down to three possibilities. All of them suck, but trust me — some of them suck way worse than the others.

Okay, so option one… Lola was really lying. And even though this one is the easiest option, honestly it makes even less sense than Papa lying does. Who would willingly tell their kid that they spent their entire life lying to them? How is THAT less damaging than sucking it up and just letting me and Xander be together?

It’s not. Not by a longshot.

So then there’s option two… The one that still weirds me out way too much to even write. You know what I’m talking about, right?

But this one just… can’t be true. It can’t. There’s no way. We’d like, ‘know’ or whatever, wouldn’t we? Like in the movies and stuff, when people run into their long-lost relative. They look into each other’s eyes, the music gets all dramatic, everything goes into slow motion, and the characters can just tell.

And, okay… When I saw Xander in person for the first time, I kinda had that cheesy ‘butterflies-in-my-stomach’ and ‘time-standing-still’ thing going on. But I’d been secretly crushing on this guy since I was sixteen years old! Who wouldn’t feel like that when they finally got to meet him?

It had nothing to do with being related or anything! And once we got past those first few moments, everything was casual and fun and… normal. So none of it really meant anything, right?

Plus, Xander and I look totally different! Our skin, our hair, our eyes… they’re completely different colors! And our faces… They don’t look anything alike, do they?

We’ve spent way longer than I’d like to admit staring at each other in the mirror for the past two days. I think it’s starting to drive us a little crazy. Sometimes, we don’t see any resemblance at all. But the longer we look, the more paranoid we start getting. Our noses are kinda similar, maybe? Or the shape of our eyebrows?

Or maybe we’re just seeing things… Ugh! It’s impossible to tell!

Anyway, that brings us to option three.

Lola THINKS Papa was the one who got her pregnant, but she’s wrong.

Which honestly makes the most sense. I know that’s really, really hard for Xander to admit though. Her thinking she lied to him his whole life is just as bad as her actually lying. He told me he doesn’t think he can ever forgive her, if that’s really what happened. And how can I blame him for that? I can’t even imagine what he must be going through right now.

But it’s the only explanation. This whole thing is just some giant misunderstanding on her part.

Now we’ve just gotta prove it.

Xander’s still staying at my apartment with me. And he and I just had a long talk about it this morning. We figured out a way we can get an answer. On OUR terms, not our parents’.

So we decided we’re gonna do it. That way, we’ll know the truth once and for all. We’ll have proof.

But unfortunately, that whole thing led to a WAY more complicated discussion: What are we gonna do if it turns out his mom’s telling the truth? What if we’re really…

Ugh. I can’t even write it. I don’t even wanna think about it.

I love him! I waited way too long to finally say it, but I do. Believe it or not, going through all this weird shit together for the past week has just made me feel even closer to him. It made me that much more sure about how I feel.

He’s everything to me. The only guy I’ve ever met who I can see a future with.

But if we’re really… you know… then I really don’t know what’s gonna happen to us. How can we walk away from something so amazing because of something that’s not our fault? We love each other so much.

But… it’d be so weird if we stayed together, wouldn’t it? We’d never be able to tell anybody the truth. And we could never have kids either… Everything that feels so perfect right now would suddenly feel so WRONG. And I’m not sure we could really do it. Could we?

All I know is that Xander is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t lose him. And I know he feels the same way I do too. “We’ll figure it out,” he keeps saying. “No matter what happens.”

All I can do right now is hope he’s right.

And hope that we’re right about Lola too. 


Note: Just wanted to give everybody a heads-up that the next chapter will be coming out Tuesday instead of Wednesday this coming week, because I have an unusually busy Wednesday ahead of me, so Tuesday will be a lot easier for me to post and keep up with comments and stuff 🙂

Just wanted to let everybody know about the change! Chapter after it will be on Saturday as usual.

Thanks guys!

24 thoughts on “8.48: Fucked Up

    1. We’ll know for sure in Tuesday’s chapter what they did, but a DNA test is really the only way to be sure so 🤷🏻‍♀️

      And yes, a very sad and uncomfortable situation 😦


  1. List time!

    1. Y’know, if you saved this for NEXT generation, they could live happily ever after. No kids needed for generation 11!

    2. Speaking of kids, a one-off of inbreeding does not a horror-show movie monster make. There are, tragically, many children of familial rape – pedophile fathers, creepy Uncle Gary, even real-life Luke/Leia. You ‘need’ systemic inbreeding over hundreds of years to end up with King Carlos. Or, say, a Golden Retriever.

    3. You raise some interesting questions towards the end there. Which is more morally wrong: intentionally lying to someone for years (Lola telling X she *didn’t* know who his father was) or someone *trying* to lie to someone for years (Lola thinking she knows who X’s father is, saying she doesn’t, but she’s wrong and she really doesn’t know who his father is)?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. 1. LOL That’s a great point 😂 Whoops… missed opportunity 😬

      2. It’s true (and so awful) that these kind of things happen, and that it doesn’t always result in awful birth defects. But it definitely increases the risk and I think Emberlynn would probably be too afraid to risk it 😦 It’s a very valid point though!

      3. Exactly! And the answer that Ember and Xander seem to have arrived at is… to just as bad 🤷🏻‍♀️ but it’s an interesting little dilemma!

      Thank you for reading, as always, and for your comment! More answers are coming in Tuesday’s chapter 😈


  2. Reality stinks, doesn’t it? But I’m glad they’re taking it seriously now.

    You know they could adopt. That would be perfectly fine and yeah, they’d never tell a soul they’re half siblings. And if they didn’t have children, it’s not gross since they didn’t grow up together. So I’m rooting for them! I hate Lola for never telling Phee he had a son. How awful is that? 🤬🤬🤬 And poor Xander for never knowing!

    I do hope he’ll embrace his father. I love Phoenix. He didn’t deserve any of this drama. Sure he messed up by marrying that witch he has doe a wife but I honestly couldn’t blame him at the time. Ugh. This is so sad!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah once they got over their knee jerk reaction, they realized it can’t be a lie… either it’s a truth or it’s a mistake… hopefully the latter!

      I love that you’re still rooting for them! It really is so unfair… to them and to Phee! 😦 He’s not perfect, but he’s a good man. And Lola… her intentions were good but… :-/

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Okay so I’m glad they’ve gotten over that stupid “they’re lying to keep us apart” thing. Like sure it’s awkward but Lola doesn’t even live in the same continent. It’s not like she’s suddenly going to move in.
    Her second option feels like the most likely. I’m thinking she’s going to get preganant with Xander’s baby and that’s going to be it’s own thing. I know there’s been a theory about Gigi faking the paternity test but I don’t like that.
    The third option is also likely. But who else could she have been sleeping with at the time.
    I also think they are being too hard on Lola. Sure what she did was messed up if they are related but what was she supposed to do. Tell Phoenix the baby is his? I’m assuming she knows about his feelings on divorce when kids are involved. Not to mention what an awkward situation that puts him in: two pregnant women in different countries. I think it was reasonable for her not to tell him. How was she supposed to know her son would fall in love with his “sister”.
    Great chapter. You should post another one. Like right now I can’t wait.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah there are lots of possibilities right now… and Xander and Ember have now accepted that “lying” isn’t one of them haha I promise more answers are coming, and we will see what the truth really is!

      You’re right that Lola had the best of intentions and kinda didn’t have a choice! But from Xander’s perspective, this is really hard. He’s always wanted to know who his real father is, and Lola always lied (or thought she did). Maybe he can forgive her in time though…

      Next chapter Tuesday! Not too long? 😛

      As always, thank you so much for reading ❤️❤️❤️


  4. Dark WitcHazard: I love this! It’s a crazy ride they can’t get off of! Every path leads to chaos so there’s no other way! Haha bring on the nooboo and take the insanity to the next level!😝

    Nooboo WitcHazard: I can and almost smell the fresh newborn!

    Lover WitcHazard: Glad to see they’re thinking more clearly about the situation! But like Dark said this isn’t going to end well no matter how you spin it! Shipper is already having flashbacks to the chaos of Marklyne let’s hope Xanlynn has some kind of silver lining!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Knew Dark would be onboard! 😂 and I’m glad nooboos hasn’t given up hope! Now that’s dedication 😂

      Lover and Dark are probably right though — no matter what happens from here, it will likely be messy 😬😬😬


  5. They go have the DNA test. Ember gets tested to just being curious. SURPRISE! She is NOT her dad’s daughter. That’s how she learns her mother had also screwed around. Makes her really feel angry and also sad since she yelled at her dad for that. Now she wants to know who her father is, and is happy she is not related to Xander and they can be together. End of generation. Next please.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha that is an interesting (and possible) theory! If it’s true, all it will do is make another mess for poor Ember though…

      She’s basically doomed no matter what happens at this point. It’s all a disaster either way. Whoops. I’m mean 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m glaaaaaad they clamed down and thought about this racionally, rather then closing his earholes and being like ”la-la-la-la we can’t hear you mom dad la-la-la-la” and just having a blast in the denial lake. AT least they’re admiting it is a real possibility, and should be prepared to deal with any kind of consequence this might have.

    Ughhhh!They’re going to have the DNA tested!Gosh, darnit!I bet they’ll figure out that Xander IS Phoenix’s son, and they’ll be all creeped out about being with each other or something!This will only make Ember’s relationship issues worse.Her first boyfriend was an idiot.,and her second one turned out to be her brother, hell I’d give up after that, or at least figure out what kind of black magic has been casted upon me lol.

    Harper showed us that it ain’t ”the one”, so I can definetly see Ember getting involved with someone else in the future, and having a fairly good life.But, it would suck to just have to give up on this guy you already can see a future with, just because of the circunstances.

    Xander will eventually come around with his mother, it might takes years to happen, but, it’s his mother after all.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This could end so badly for Ember, you’re right 😬 They’re finally willing to accept the possibility that it could be true, but if it IS… 😱😱😱

      You’re right that Harper still got her happy ending. So maybe, no matter what, Ember will get hers? Maybe?

      And hopefully Xander can forgive his mom someday too 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Just wow! I’m guessing they’re going to get the DNA test without Lola and Phoenix… wonder how that’s gonna go!

    I also wonder if/when/how Gigi’s role in this will come up! I feel like the ‘Gigi faked the paternity test’ theory, while interesting, can’t be true because then our heir wouldn’t actually be a Rosebrook! But I feel like it has to come up at some point… I’ll be waiting eagerly for Tuesday!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a good guess!!! We will see Tuesday for sure what their plan is.

      The next chapter will give us more answers/info, but as for what those answers are… you’ll see soon!!!

      Thanks for reading ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I know 😱😭 I feel awful enough for everyone involved when they’re just fictional little people in my head! If this were real… 😬😬😬


  8. It would be a nice turn of events if Ember really wasn’t Phoenix’ kid, but on the sad side the legacy rules kind of speak against it. Though it would be a gigantic plot-twist to turn these rules around here, it doesn’t seem your usual style. And Ember doesn’t even have a spare sister, only Tris. And by everything I know Tris isn’t secretly a girl.
    Now the DNA test needs to do its work. And Phee and Lola are definitely needed for this. A relationship test on siblings isn’t always reliable. It’s quite possible that if Ember got most of the one half of Phees genetics and Xander most of the other half, they would look rather unrelated in a test. Testing against Phee would be needed to know for sure if they are related or not. And I have a feeling both of them might blow up again in that situation…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah DNA test is the only way to get concrete answers! 😱 And ideally a paternal one too (you’re right, sibling tests aren’t as reliable! But they can probably at least give an indication 🤷🏻‍♀️)

      We’ll see what happens though… 😬


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