7.50: Terrified

Tam and Jasper finally went back to Windenburg this morning… Together.

And as much as it sucked to have to say goodbye, I’m glad I was able to help them while they were here. It was awesome to see them both leaving so happy. And honestly, I know it’s gonna take some more work, but I really think they’re gonna be okay.

I’d had such a good feeling that they’d manage to work things out… And when Tam got back so late from the hotel the other night, I totally knew I was right. Why else would he have come back so late?

Of course, once I brought Jasper back to our house, he and Tam just told me they’d spent the night “practicing for Tam’s next DJ gig”… Cute, right? There’s so much shit they still won’t let me live down from back when I was a kid. But at least we can laugh about it now.

Anyway, now that they’re gone… I dunno. It just feels really lonely already.

And it doesn’t help that they decided to leave things on basically the most awkward note imaginable.

Last night, Tam asked me to go for a walk with him and Jasper after dinner. And it was their last night here, so of course I said yes. I won’t see them again for another three months.

It started out fine… We were laughing and joking about a bunch of stupid crap and just kinda enjoying the last couple hours we had together.

But then out of nowhere, it turned into… well, I guess it felt like one of those “interventions” on those awful reality shows my Mama used to watch when I was little.

I knew I shouldn’t have been surprised. Especially after the talk I had with Jasper the other day. They’re worried about me, they said. Me and Lola.

And I guess they’re getting the vibe that Gigi might be worried too.

It was a lot easier to try and brush everything off when it was just Jasper and me at the hotel. But with Tam there too… Shit, I dunno. They got me thinking about a lot of things… Things I’d been trying so hard not to think about. Things I never even wrote down in here before. Because it was easier to try and pretend everything was gonna be okay.

Anyway, the point is, I get what they’re saying. As much as I hate to admit it, I really do. Maybe even more than they realized.

But what do they expect me to do? It’s not like I can just stop hanging out with Lola. She’s honestly one of the only things still keeping me going through all this crap with Gigi. She’s the one person who can make me feel okay again…

God, that’s awful, isn’t it? GIGI should be the one who makes me feel that way… But she’s not.

She used to be. I can still remember when she could make me feel happier than anyone else in the entire world ever could.

But she hasn’t for a long time.

And to be totally honest, that scares the hell out of me.

Maybe that’s why I kept trying to convince myself that things weren’t so bad. Or that they’d get better. Because the alternative is just too fucking terrifying to even think of.

And Lola… Lately, shes been terrifying me too.

Jasper could tell something was up when I got to the hotel the other morning. My brother’s one of the smartest people I know… Of course he noticed. But he never found out what it was. I never told him what happened.

Not that anything DID happen. It didn’t. But…

I think I wanted it to. Or part of me did, anyway. Maybe. I think.

I don’t know. There was just something about the way she smiled. She was so beautiful. Well, she’s always beautiful. But I guess I just noticed it more than I have before. And the way she was talking to me… I could have just listened to her voice forever.

I guess I got kinda wrapped up in it all. Then I realized how late I was to go pick up Jasper, so I paid for my coffee and said goodbye… and when she gave me that hug, I really didn’t wanna let go.

I have no idea what came over me. But she just smelled so good and felt so soft… and I really, really wanted to kiss her. As Tam would probably put it, I basically had to pass a DC 25 Will Save not to. And I just barely made it.

See what I mean? Fucking terrifying, right?

So I know why Jasper and Tam are so worried. I totally get it. I’m worried too. But I need Lola right now. Especially with Tam and Jasper back in Germany. I don’t have anybody else to get me through this. Not really.

Not that Niko and Addy aren’t great. They’re so fun to hang out with, and so nice too. But it’s like I said before — They just don’t GET it. Not the way Lola does.

And as easy as it is for everybody to keep telling me I’ve gotta talk to Gigi, I’ve tried. Way more times than anybody else probably would have. Any sane person would’ve given up a long time ago.

That’s what they always say the definition of insanity is, right? Doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result. That’s what I’ve been doing with Gigi for months. And it’s gotten me nowhere.

So what the hell else is there left for me to do?

I don’t wanna give up on Gigi. I swear, I WANT to keep fighting for her. She’s my wife. And I love her…

Or at least, I think I still do.

Fuck. I can’t believe I just wrote that. I don’t mean it like that. I DO love her.

But I just don’t know what else I can do. Things aren’t the same anymore, and I have no fucking clue how to make it right again. I’d even be willing to go to therapy, if she’d let us. But she just keeps brushing me off and shutting me out no matter what I do.

I know she’s not happy with me anymore. No matter how many excuses she keeps throwing at me, I know that’s total bullshit. I didn’t wanna see it before… But she hasn’t been happy for a long time.

And honestly? Neither have I.

I mean, I’ve been happy with my friends, sure. Or with Lola…

But not with my wife.

But what does that mean for us? What are we supposed to do now? How do we fix this? How can we go back to the way things used to be?

Or is it just too late for us now?

That’s a question that terrifies me too.

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24 thoughts on “7.50: Terrified

  1. DJing…..😂😂😂. The comic relief for this very sad chapter.

    I think it’s interesting that he doesn’t seem suspicious of Gigi. But just thinks she’s not happy with him. That’s probably why she won’t talk to him. She might get found out and maybe she doesn’t want to stop seeing her ‘friend’. She’s too proud to make a break up be her fault. She will continue to make him miserable enough to be the one to break up.

    Sorry if that sounded harsh towards Gigi. But I do think he’s tried. Maybe not forcefully enough, but that’s to be expected. That’s Phoenix. I wonder what he will do. Sounds like he’s given up and is going to make some Rosebrook bad choices! Lol. Or will he try one last time, he hasn’t been a typical Rosebrook so far anyway. Or will he go to Lola?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hehehe Tam and Jasper spent many long, hard hours practicing those beats and rhythms, okay? 😉 😂

      And you’re right — Phoenix totally isn’t suspicious at this point! He really just sees it as her pulling away and spending more time with her friends, rather than recognizing what else might be at work here 😬

      And it’s not too harsh toward Gigi haha it’s kind of the way she is. So proud that she can’t accept blame or fault :-/ But she’s a complicated person. It’s not that she doesn’t care. It’s that she can’t appropriately handle the way she’s feeling and can’t reconcile how to deal with it, so she reacts in unhealthy ways…

      As for Phoenix, we shall see. Like you said… he’s pretty much given up at this point. I think he finally ripped off those rose colored glasses. But what will he do now? Like you said, there are several ways this could go from here… 😬

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Yikes. Phigi is a train wreck right now. I’m glad that Jam is together again; they might be the only happy couple right now in this gen. I don’t think they are going to last. I have two ideas for what I think might happen: Phoenix and Gigi will get divorced and Phoenix will get married to someone else (perhaps Lola?) and he will always be wary of his children’s love interests. Or Gigi will get pregnant and Phoenix will feel forced to stay with her and then years down the road when they have a few kids then they will finally divorce.
    Those are just some of my theories. I tried to not repeat anything that we have already seen before.
    This
    (P.s. I was going back and rereading some of the more painful chapters. I realized I’m still not over what you did my poor ship, PoisonIvy. 😢)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so cruel with many ships 😭 Please forgive meeeeeee

      Both of your ideas are very possible in this situation… we are closing in on the end of the gen, so something is going to change pretty soon. But what? It might be one of the options you suggested, or it could be something else. We shall see….

      Thank you so much for reading ❤️

      Like

  3. Charmer WitcHazard: Can we just take a moment to realize we have been listening to our boy Pheonix’s woes for five months now just let that sink in and fifty chapters man bet he’s only got like ten left and it’s not looking pretty!

    Dark WitcHazard: Look the baby momma of the gen 8 heir nooboos will determine the fate of this marriage! Lover I know you’re verbally agreeing with me on the fact that this relationship is over but you’re secretly holding out hope for Phegi with Shipper but did you hear him! I really really wanted to kiss her. She’s the only one who makes me feel ok. I need her and the final nail in the coffin I think I love her! This boy doesn’t even know if he loves Gigi anymore what more proof do we need!

    Lover WitcHazard: I know I just I see the signs but in my heart I want them to get through this I’m just worried that if Gigi did betray Pheonix by sleeping with someone else can we blame him if he leaves her! I mean I believe even if Gigi did do something Pheonix will initially be upset but then he’ll internalize it and somehow make her actions his fault that something is wrong with him or it was something he did that made her do it and I really don’t want Phee to go through another phase of self criticism it’s not healthy but at this point whatever happens happens!

    Shipper WitcHazard: I won’t judge anything until we know what exactly Gigi did we think we know but we don’t so I’ll wait to pass judgement!

    Anti Shipper: I just want to know if Gigi did sleep with someone else and the real question going forward is the relationship with said friend going to continue?😈

    Nooboos WitcHazard: I don’t care if it’s Gigi, Lola, or both someone needs to give me my gen 8 heiress and I mean now 👿

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Soon, nooboos! Soon! Haha

      The Court had a great analysis today of the situation. Phoenix is 100% getting drawn closer and closer to Lola as he gets pulled further and further from Gigi… who we still don’t 100% for sure know if she cheated or not. But something is definitely wrong there 😦

      Close to the end, but still a lot left to happen… changes ahead for Phoenix. But what kind of changes?? 🤔

      Like

  4. Ahh the addiction of the illicit .. a tasty naughty treat make one feel like they are tossed about on the ocean waving too and fro .. Phee is def captive to it. It is easier to get lost in what could be than fix what is .. but easy is not always best cause “naughty” is just around the corner the next time too.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. On the one hand, relationships are worth fighting for, especially if it’s someone you care deeply about and have a lot of history with, but the other hand there’s a sunk cost fallacy here where you think the amount of effort and time means you can’t back out. Especially since staying in this relationship seems worse for Gigi. She’s essentially trapped here in a place she hates and feels so lonely.

    Or maybe I’m a cynic. Tam and Jasper survived. Maybe Gigi and Phoenix will too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a good point! And you’re right — Gigi is super trapped. They’re both feeling like they’re stuck now, even Phee, to a degree… but hey, You could be right… Jam figured things out. Maybe PheeGi can too? We shall see…

      Thank you for reading ❤️❤️❤️

      Like

  6. Wow…I can’t imagine being married for less than a year and thinking about giving up on my marriage. So sad.

    It’s all over but the crying I’m afraid and I bet if Phee isn’t ready to give up Lola, the inevitable is coming. 😱

    (Funny to see Lola and Gigi wearing the similar hairstyles! 🤣 Phee definitely has a “type”!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah things unraveled REALLY quickly for these two 😦 The circumstances with the move combined with other underlying issues was just so bad 😦

      We shall see what’s ahead for Phee and his two beauties with dark wavy hair 😉 LOL Guess it’s like Tam with his freckle-y blondes 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. After seeing this, I feel that an interlude is needed. And in this interlude, we could have “Everybody’s Changing” by Keane, playing in the background. Then we see Phee and Gigi doing separate walks in the forest and they reminisce on their relationship by looking at photos of themselves as a –

    I just watch a lot of soap operas.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I somewhat expect my expectations will be subverted. Maybe Gigi is just proud and Pheonix is the one and only perpetraitor of ill deed… Iam 100% sure that unfortunately their marriage will end… but a certain bird needs ashes to rise from

    PS Phee is my favorite legacy heir hope he makes an appearance on the gallery one day!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s an interesting and very possible thought! Either way… you’re right. Things really aren’t looking good 😦 Maybe Phee will live up to his name though 😉

      I’m really glad you like him so much! I may put him up one day… we’ll see!

      Thank you so much for reading my story ❤️

      Like

  9. Oh, Phoenix…the problem isn’t all because of the person you’re with, it also has to do with you! Who can say if you leave Gigi and marry LOL-a ( not a typhoo) you won’t be unhappy with her too, and jump into another girl? You have to face your problems to grow. Both in the relationship are to blame to let things get to this level.

    Phoenix should just channel allll his anger for the past months, lock the door and be like : ”We are talking about this wether you want it, or not, woman!” It’s only a matter of time before a fight because of the unwashed plates from lunch becomes something like ”Why don’t you love me anymoreee?”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so right! There’s no way he can know if things would work with Lola anyway. So he should probably work a little harder on things with Gigi before giving up! And I like your idea of him barricading them in until they talk 😂

      Liked by 1 person

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