7.5: Don’t Fit

It was the little twerp’s birthday yesterday. We had a big dinner with one of Opi’s epic cakes to celebrate (thankfully the big sleepover isn’t til this weekend when I’m at Papa’s. Not sad to be missing that one…)

Anyway, I can’t believe she’s eight years old already… How the hell did that even happen?!

It was so freaking long ago, but I still remember how excited I was before she was born… And how disappointed I felt after too.

Don’t get me wrong — I love that little brat. A lot. And I’ve gotten over all that stupid little-kid whining I put Mama and Dev through back then.

But there are still ‘moments’, I guess. Like, flashes almost? I feel them with Jasper sometimes too.

And I definitely felt it at Lila’s party.

I know it’s dumb. But seeing her getting to celebrate her birthday with both her parents…

Stuff like that always gets to me the most.

For like, literally my whole life, I’ve always gotten two of everything. Two birthday parties. Two Christmases. Two Easters. And that probably sounds awesome, right?

I mean, I still remember when I was turning twelve, and Jasper actually threw a little tantrum about how unfair it was that I get ‘two birthdays’. I still roll my eyes just thinking about it.

Having parents who aren’t together already sucks enough. And it’s like a hundred times worse when your parents have their own families too. Families you’ll never completely be a part of.

I love Rubi and Dev a lot. They’re basically like a second Mama and Papa to me. And obviously I love Jasper and Lila too. And my Mama and Papa. Duh.

But sometimes it still feels like I’m this weird, extra person who doesn’t really belong. I don’t even have the same last name as any of them. And that just kinda shoves in my face that like… I don’t really “fit” into either family, I guess? Not completely anyway.

And now that I think about it, that’s kinda how everything is for me… I just don’t fit anywhere.

It kinda makes me think about what Hallie said… About how ‘boring’ I am, or whatever.

Most people have a ‘thing’, right? Like, something they’re really good at, or really into. Something that makes them interesting. Like Mama’s writing. Or Papa’s computer stuff. Or Dev’s art. Or Rubi’s gardening.

My friends all have stuff like that too. Like Bryce. He’s a total jock. Any sport you can think of, he’s a freaking beast at. Everyone knows it… And they all love it too. I don’t know how Tam and I lucked out having him as our friend. He could hang out with like, anybody he wants to. And all the girls at school practically fall all over themselves whenever he walks by.

Thankfully Meg’s a pro at putting up with it. She’s always been great about handling stuff like that. She’s been head of the school theater company for years, so she’s got a pretty killer poker face. Everyone at school knows she’s the best actress around… Bryce likes to tease her sometimes and call her the school ‘Drama Queen’ (thankfully it’s just the onstage kind, at least).

And we all know what Tam’s ‘thing’ is, obviously. He’s totally into comic books and D&D and all that sorta stuff… way more than even I am. And like, he’s definitely not nearly as popular as Meg or Bryce are… But I swear, there are moments where it’s almost like people kinda respect the fact that he’s such a geek, if that makes any sense. Like, he’s just so into it. It’s like they admire his… I dunno, passion or something? I know Jasper definitely does. And I’m sure he’s not alone.

And then there’s me.

It’s like Hallie said… I’m boring. There’s nothing like, interesting about me. I don’t fit into a ‘group’ or whatever like the rest of them do.

Like, not to brag or anything, but my grades are pretty freaking awesome. I don’t even have to try that hard. It just kinda comes naturally, I guess? But I don’t feel like that’s ‘who I am’, or anything. It’s not like I’m on the math team or in the science club. I’m just good at school.

And I love watching sports, especially basketball. Papa and I even play some one-on-one every once in a while for fun (or two-on-one when we drag Jasper into it). But I’m not on a team or anything. I’m not some popular jock like Bryce is. I just like sports.

Or like, Rylie started teaching me how to play guitar a few years ago. I’m decent at a few songs, and I have fun messing around with it every once in a while… But it’s just some weird little hobby. It’s not my ‘thing’.

And honestly, neither is being a geek, really? It’s probably the thing I come closest to fitting into, I guess. But like, I don’t DM my own game group, or go to cosplay conventions, or work down at the comic book store after school. Not like Tam.

It’s like I’m floating in this weird, boring gray area in the middle of it all. I’m stuck in-between.

I’m not a Shimada, but I’m not a Parris either. I’m a Rosebrook.

And I’m not a nerd, or a jock, or a musician… Barely even a geek, really.

So… what am I?

I dunno. Maybe Hallie’s right. Maybe I really am just some boring loser.

But you know what?

Maybe I don’t have to be one anymore.

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Wanted to let everyone know I finally updated the Family Tree page (for the first time sine Harper was a toddler! Haha Better late than never though, right? 😉 )