7.0: Prelude – Stupid

The floor beneath Phoenix’s feet was practically shaking as the deep, relentless pounding of sledgehammers continued from below. Bang! Bang! Bang!

“UGH!” The little boy threw his pencil down in frustration. Hadn’t his Mama promised all that stupid construction would be done by now?! How was he ever supposed to finish his math homework now?!

“WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!” A piercing wail broke through the air, blending together into a terrible cacophony with the sounds of the construction from downstairs.

Phoenix felt like he was going to scream too. Why couldn’t everyone just be QUIET?! Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?! Phoenix suddenly wished he could be like his Mama, and turn off his hearing whenever he wanted to. Maybe that would finally shut them all up!

This was all his Mama’s fault. His stupid Mama and her stupid… Dev. For as long as he could remember, they’d been doing all these stupid “renovations” all over the house. Every couple years, it would be something new. They’d already ruined most of the upstairs bedrooms. They added a stupid basement they didn’t even need. Now, they were making a stupid art studio for Devin downstairs.

They were redoing the entire house, piece by piece.

And Phoenix hated it.

Why did they have to change everything? Wasn’t their old house good enough?!

Guess not…

And apparently he wasn’t good enough for them either.

As though on cue, his baby sister let out another shrill screech. For a moment, he could just barely make out his mother’s voice, trying her best to calm the newborn. But she was quickly drowned-out by yet another scream.

“SHUT UP!” Phoenix wanted to yell in reply.

All that stupid baby did was cry. All the time! And all Mama and Devin seemed to do was gush and coo over the noisy, smelly little thing. How could they love something so boring and stupid more than him?!

Phoenix blinked against the hot stinging of tears in the corners of his eyes. He was just so mad. But not just at his Mama, or Dev, or baby Lila.

He was mad at himself too. Phoenix felt so bad for thinking all those mean things about his family.

It wasn’t Lila’s fault she was a dumb, stinky baby. And it wasn’t Mama or Devin’s fault that they loved their new baby more than him. Of course they did. They were a happy, normal family. A Mama, a Papa, and their baby. They all loved each other. They all lived together under the same noisy roof.

It was Phoenix who was the problem. I’M the one who doesn’t belong.

He headed for the door, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He just couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to get away. He had to try and feel happy again… And maybe get that awful pounding out of his head too.

It was surprisingly easy for him to slip away unnoticed. His mother was in the nursery with Lila, singing her a lullaby and trying to calm her down.

As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he could hear Devin’s deep voice from the other side of the kitchen, calmly but firmly reminding the construction workers that his wife had just had a baby and that the work was supposed to be done a week ago.

His grandparents were in the living room, from the sounds of it. He could hear his grandfather’s loud snores mingled with a rerun of one of those old sitcoms his grandmother loved so much.

Not a single person saw him leave. Would they even notice he was gone at all, he wondered? The little boy tried his best to not let that thought bother him as he made his way down the street.

He nearly made it two blocks before he realized that he had no money for the bus. And by the time he reached the next corner, it hit him that he had absolutely no idea where he was headed either.

Phoenix wandered aimlessly down the streets, his thoughts racing as he tried to figure out where he would choose as his final destination.

His first instinct had been to go to his Papa’s house. Then he could escape all the awful banging, and play video games with Papa and help Rubi in the garden and play tag with Jasper til bedtime. Phoenix smiled at the thought.

It was still really hard sometimes having to deal with a little brother. But at least Jasper didn’t poop and cry all the time like Lila! And sure, Phoenix still felt like an outsider at his Papa’s house sometimes, when he saw the three of them together… But even if they really did love Jasper more than him, at least Papa and Rubi didn’t spend every single second of every single day obsessing over him!

It was so tempting to not have to wait until Saturday to see them… But Phoenix knew better than to go over there. It was just too risky. Papa would end up calling his Mama and telling her where he was. And then she’d make him go back home!

But where else am I supposed to go?

His next thought was Rylie and Katie. There were no annoying little siblings to deal with at their house. Or stupid parents who had their own perfect families without him. It was just the two best aunts in the entire world, and three big fluffy dogs to play with. It was perfect!

Phoenix glanced around for a moment, thoughtful. Now I’ve just gotta figure out how the heck to get there…

“Hey, Phee!” A tiny voice called from over his shoulder, calling him back to the present. “Where ya goin’?”

Phoenix didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was. There was only one person in the whole world who called him that.

He rolled his eyes as he turned around. “None of your business, Tam.”

Tamsin shrugged. He was only about a year younger than Phoenix, but he was so short and scrawny, Phoenix secretly thought he looked even younger than that.

“Are you runnin’ away or something?” The younger boy continued. “‘Cause I tried that once. But I got super duper lost and I had to come back home.”

Phoenix raised an eyebrow, curious in spite of himself. “Where were you trying to go?”

“The Shire.” Tamsin answered matter-of-factly. “I wanna be a hobbit!”

A bright burst of laughter passed Phoenix’s lips. As always, Tamsin was living up to the reputation he’d earned at school — the weird kid with the weird name.

But then… wasn’t that was what lots of kids thought of him too? “Bird Boy”. That was what all the stupid bullies liked to call him. They’d start flapping their arms and making these awful squawking noises whenever he walked by.

And maybe that was why Phoenix was willing to put up with all of Tamsin’s weird stories or invited him over to play sometimes after school. Because he was a weirdo too. They both were. And they had to stick together.

“Sorry, Tam.” Phoenix apologized quickly, forcing back his giggles. He suddenly felt so mean for laughing. “I think it’s really cool you wanna be a hobbit.” He assured the other boy gently. “But… I don’t think your feet are hairy enough.” His lip curled into a smile as he spoke.

Tamsin sighed sadly. “I know.” His soft little voice squeaked. “But I’m workin’ on it!” He gestured down at the rusty old watering can beside his feet.

“Um…?”

“Phoenix Rosebrook!”

Uh oh… 

Tamsin’s eyes widened in fear as he looked over the older boy’s shoulder. “I, um… I gotta go. See you later, Phee!” He abandoned his watering can and scurried back toward the house.

By the time Phoenix turned around, his stepfather was already standing right behind him. He glanced up at him nervously for a moment. It was very rare to see Devin get angry. So whenever he did, well… Phoenix knew he was in big trouble.

How long had he been gone, he wondered? It was only then that he noticed that the sky above had turned orange, and the sun was already beginning to set. Whoops… No wonder he’s so mad!

Still, Phoenix could not help his own anger at the sight of him. All those awful things he’d been thinking earlier suddenly came bubbling back to the surface. Phoenix’s lips twisted into a scowl, but he said nothing.

“What are you doing all the way out here?!” Devin’s booming voice demanded. “You know the rule, Phoenix. You stay in sight of the house. And you tell us where you’re going!” He sighed heavily, his expression softening only slightly. “Do you have any idea how worried we all were? Your mother already has your Papa and Rubi out looking for you too.”

Great, Phoenix thought bitterly. Now he’d probably get a huge lecture from them this weekend!

“I didn’t think you’d care.” He replied at last, shrugging. “You and Mama were too busy with your stupid house and your stupid baby.”

Devin raised his eyebrows. “Phoenix, what are you –”

“All you and Mama care about is Lila now!” He cried. The words were spilling from his mouth before he even realized what he was saying. “You’re getting your stupid dream house and now you have your stupid dream baby and… and you… y-you don’t n-need me anymore…” His last words were swallowed up by a heavy sob.

“Hey… Come here.” Devin’s voice was gentle as he stepped forward, reaching for Phoenix’s shoulders.

The little boy flinched away from his touch. “Stop! Don’t touch me!”

His stepfather lowered his arms, his expression pained. “Okay.”

“And stop pretending you care about me!”

“I’m not pretending, Phoenix.”

“Yes, you are! You and Mama have Lila now. You’ve got a real kid!”

“We do.” Devin agreed. “But that doesn’t mean either of us loves you any less.” He glanced around for a moment before continuing, his eyes finally falling on the park a little way down the street. “Let’s go sit down. I’ve gotta call your Mama and let her know you’re safe… And then, I think the two of us need to talk.”

Phoenix said nothing, his tears continuing to fall as he followed Devin down the street. Oh no. I ruined EVERYTHING. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He’d said all the things he promised he never would… and now, Devin really would hate him. And then he’d tell Mama, and she’d hate him too.

The sky was already almost darkening when they reached the park. They took a seat on one of the stone benches as Devin pulled out his cellphone.

“Honey? I found him.” Even sitting a few feet away, Phoenix could hear his mother’s sob of relief through the phone. “Yes, he’s fine. We’re on our way home, okay?” Devin continued. “I will. Love you too.” At last, he lowered the phone from his ear.

“I’m sorry, Dev.” Phoenix blurted out the moment his stepfather hung up. “I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry!” His words were sloppy and jumbled as they spilled from his lips. “Please don’t tell Mama.” He begged.

To his surprise, Devin’s lip curled into a small smile. “Alright, slow down. First off, I don’t think you would have said any of that to me if you didn’t mean it, at least a little… And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have tried running away if you didn’t either.”

Phoenix shook his head slowly. “I wasn’t running away.” He insisted. “I just… I needed… to…” He wasn’t sure quite how to explain it. Phoenix took a deep breath before continuing, trying his best to articulate his thoughts. “This is gonna sound SUPER weird, but… I felt like a can of soda.”

“Soda?”

He nodded. “And… and the new baby shook me all up. Like, really, really hard. And my brain got all fizzy and bubbly with all these bad thoughts and I just knew I was gonna explode if I didn’t get outta there.” Phoenix explained. “Ugh. That probably doesn’t make any sense…”

“No, it does. It totally does.” Devin smiled gently. “But it’s not a good idea to keep those things bottled — er, canned? — up like that.” He gave a little wink. Despite how upset he still felt, Phoenix couldn’t help but laugh.

“I know.” He replied. “But I didn’t have anybody I could talk to about it…”

“What about your mother and I?” Devin suggested. “Or even your Papa.” He seemed almost reluctant to mention Erik. “You know you can always talk to us. We love you. And we’ll always listen.”

“I just didn’t wanna make Mama sad.” Phoenix confessed softly. “I couldn’t tell her all that stuff. It’s not her fault she loves the new baby more than me.”

“She doesn’t.” Devin promised. “Phoenix, I swear to you, your mother loves you just as much as she loves Lila. Never, ever doubt that, okay?”

He wanted nothing more than to believe that what his stepfather told him was true. But could he? Phoenix bit his lip for a moment. “But… how come she spends every single second with Lila? It’s like she forgot she had another kid or something!”

Devin shrugged. “Babies are a lot of work, and they need a lot of attention too. We talked about this before the baby came, didn’t we?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I guess… But I didn’t think it would be like this. I thought she’d be fun, like Jasper.” Phoenix explained.

“Well, she can’t really do much right now… That’s how babies are.” Devin shrugged. “But it won’t always be this way.”

“I hope not…” The little boy sighed. “This just… it really, really sucks.”

“I get it. I know it’s hard… And I think this is something you’ve really gotta talk about with your Mama, okay?” Devin replied softly. “She’ll wanna know how you’re feeling. And she’ll wanna figure out how to make it right.”

Phoenix’s stomach did a somersault. “Do we really have to tell her?” He asked in a whisper.

Devin did not immediately reply. “What do you think?”

Ugh. He knew Devin already knew the answer. Of course he had to tell his Mama. Especially now that Dev knew.

At last, he nodded. “We gotta tell.” He sighed in resignation. “Even though I REALLY don’t wanna…”

“It’ll be okay. I promise.”

“Maybe…” Phoenix replied uncertainly. “And at least this means my head isn’t gonna explode like a can of soda?”

Devin chuckled heartily. “It’s good to get your feelings out.” He agreed, his eyes suddenly lighting up. “And y’know, talking it out’s always gonna be the best way to handle this kind of thing. But I know sometimes that might feel too hard. Or maybe you need time to figure things out first…

“And when that happens, there are other ways you can get this kinda stuff out of your system too…” His smile widened. “And I think your Mama might be the perfect person to ask about that.”

Advertisement