6.13: Drifting

Hey guys! I just wanted to apologize for not replying to anyone’s comments yesterday! That is SO not like me!

I was the maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding yesterday (it was incredible) and though I peeked at WordPress and the forums and read all the comments, I just didn’t have time to reply. And now that there are so many comments sitting there I feel really overwhelmed trying to respond to them all (especially knowing I’ll have comments to reply to on this chapter too!)

If I don’t end up replying to your comment from yesterday, please know that I read and appreciated every single one, as always ❤ I’m just overwhelmed and tired from partying and traveling 1500 miles for this wedding haha


Well THAT was a blast from the past.

Mom was going through some old boxes of paperwork and other crap a few days ago, and guess what she found? My first ever journal!

I hadn’t seen it in years. I kinda figured it would be lost forever. But it wasn’t.

I can’t decide if it was more fun, or more embarrassing to read some of that old stuff… Either way, it was pretty interesting, I guess.

I never realized how much time I used to spend bitching about Katie… Man, those were the days! I STILL remember that time I punched her at lunch and ended up in detention (I think Papa really regretted teaching me about vigilante justice after that one… Ha!)

Can’t say much has changed between me and Katie since then, really. I still have moments where I’m SO tempted to go over and give her a good smack… But that’s not me. I might have my bitchy moments (who doesn’t, right?) but I’d never hurt anybody.

And besides, just ignoring her is a lot easier anyway. And gets me in a lot less trouble too.

It was kinda fun reading about how close me and Nyla used to be too. Now that has changed. A lot. Ever since she started hanging out with all the jocks and talking about sports all the time…

But hey, we’re still friends at least. Just not best friends anymore. Guess I don’t really have one of those these days.

Anyway, I guess the most entertaining part about reading that old thing was looking back at some of my old stories. I’ve come such a long way since I first started writing. But man, they were pretty darn cute. Especially the ones about that character I made up. ‘Harper Hard-Heart’, I called her. Dumbest name ever, right? But I used to think she was SO cool. She was everything I wanted to be. I used to have this weird fantasy that I’d grow up to be like her someday or something…

Yeah, I was kind of a lame kid. (Another thing that hasn’t changed too much, huh?)

I mean, it’s not like I’m a total social reject or anything. Katie and her minions are still total bitches, of course. And there are some people who I think will always see me as “poor Harper” with my hearing aid. But overall, I get along with most of my classmates. I have some pretty good friends.

I just wish things were easier, I guess. I wish I felt… Gah, I don’t know the word for it!

I guess the best way to describe it is we’re all out at sea or something. And everyone else is cruising off in their big, fancy boats with their friends. The jocks are waterskiing and drinking beer on a shiny, sleek speedboat. The snobby, popular kids are having a dance party on a yacht or something. The nerdy kids are playing Dungeons & Dragons on the deck of an antique pirate ship. You get the idea, right?

And then there’s me. I’m paddling alongside everyone in a shitty little rowboat. And everyone smiles and waves at me as they go sailing by…

But no one throws down a rope. No one offers me a place on board. They just move on without me while I drift away.

And I don’t wanna be stuck drifting forever.

(Okay, that was pretty good, huh? Totally gonna find a way to work that into my next writing assignment… Miss Andrews will love it!)

Anyway, the point is, it really sucks feeling that way. And I’ve been telling myself for years that it’s gonna get better, but it still hasn’t. And I’m kinda running out of time.

I just started 12th grade last week. My last year of school. Ten months of torture and a couple huge, stupid tests are all that stand between me and freedom. I should be excited. But instead I just feel… Well, you know. The boat thing.

And my parents really aren’t making this any easier either. I mean, they’ve finally gotten a little better about this stupid “uni” thing lately, I guess. So that’s something. I think Oma actually had something to do with that.

I kinda snapped at Papa like a week or two ago, and I caught Oma talking to him afterwards. Just wish I could have heard what they were saying. But, well… I’m basically half-deaf, so obviously that wasn’t gonna happen.

But I know it’s only a matter of time before it comes up again. They definitely haven’t dropped it. I don’t think they ever really will, no matter how much I try telling them it’s not what I want and it’s not something I’d be good at. I mean, shouldn’t they get that? Of all people?

I know they mean well. They always do. But… UGH. I’m getting so tired of trying to make them see that there are some things I’m just not good at. I’m not perfect. I can’t do everything.

They always seem so convinced that when I tell them that, it’s because I’m depressed or down on myself or insecure or something. But I’m not. I’m just honest.

I don’t know. I’m probably overthinking this whole thing anyway. I tend to do that a lot, according to, well… Everybody.

I spend a lot of time in my own head, I guess. Probably more than most people… That’s kinda what happens when you have such a hard time hearing. And it’s great for finding inspiration and coming up with story ideas… But it can be pretty sucky too. It’s so easy to keep focusing on all the shitty stuff floating around in my head, instead of the good stuff.

I know its not all bad. I’ve just gotta keep reminding myself of that. My parents love me. They just want what’s best for me. And Nyla and Sophie and Thad are still great friends. We’ll have a ton of fun together this year. It’ll be fine.

And maybe drifting away in my little rowboat won’t be the worst thing in the world.

At least it’s better than sinking.

44 thoughts on “6.13: Drifting

  1. Don’t worry about not replying to comments! I was a bit worried about you, so I’m glad to read that it was only because you were having a wonderful time ❤ Congrats on your best friend getting married! I hope it was fun!

    I'm loving Harper. She might become my new favorite heir, after Joce. I just LOVE that she spends time daydreaming and writing, I can totally relate to that! She seems really intelligent but perhaps lonely… I think most of us have felt like we don't have any really good friends at one point or another, but things will get better Harper 🙂
    I just really hope she doesn't mess her life up in any major way.. or I'll definitely get mad at her 😛

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, it was SO fun! The perfect wedding and I am so happy for her ❤️

      Glad you’re loving Harper so much! I have really been enjoying writing her ^_^ As for messing up her life… I mean, she IS a Rosebrook… but we’ll see 😉


  2. “I’m getting so tired of trying to make them see that there are some things I’m just not good at. I’m not perfect. I can’t do everything.”

    “I spend a lot of time in my own head, I guess.”

    Amazing how Harper is pretty much me in my teen years. (and even now, admittedly)

    Seriously, the coincidental similarities are uncanny. 😮

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Honestly, I feel like Harper is almost everybody in their teen years 😛 That period of your life has a weird way of making everybody feel the same thing simultaneously, yet we all believe that we are the only ones who ever feel like that. Took me a while to figure that out but I did!

      Liked by 6 people

  3. The way she describes herself is really sad. I hope she gets out of that rowboat soon and hops onto the yacht too 😊
    Also, she is sooo pretty as teen 😍

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, I love this! Harper seems pretty grounded and realistic while at the same time, she has a great metaphor with the ships. I’m super excited to see where she goes! I can’t call her my favorite heir yet because it’s so early on but I love what I’m seeing so far. I’m glad you had a great time at the wedding! ❤


  5. Oh my plumbob! Harper is SO pretty. She looks like Hope with Zayne’s complexion and I’m in love with her looks. And your character development is FANTASTIC.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. At least Harper feels a little bit better now. She has to find her own way,something that really lights a spark in her, and the comparison to her classmates makes clear to her she doesn’t know yet where she belongs. She doesn’t have an interest in something, so she doesn’t really belong to one of the interest-groups. Time will figure that out. She likes writing, so she can get more engaged with that, open up a blog or something.
    Other than that I could only repeat what I wrote yesterday – it’s still the same problem. But it will go by, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of getting graduated and not knowing what to do next. I believe in her (and she reminds me so much of Alex).
    I am glad you had fun at that wedding, take your time and enjoy a hopefully peaceful sunday.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Harper needs to realize that no one will throw her a rope – she needs to form a boarding party!

    Honestly that’s, IMO, the hardest part of growing up. As an adult, you don’t get ropes thrown to you. You have to be active and go out and make what you want, not let it come drifting into your sphere. Honestly, I’m pretty bad about that myself, in the friends sphere.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. I’m glad you had so much fun at the wedding!
    Harper is so pretty! She looks so much like Hope, but I still see a little Zayne in her as well. It seems like she is definitely leaning towards being an author. And I feel bad that Katie and her minions are still bothering her and I also feel bad that Zayne and Hope are pressuring her to go to uni. I mean, seriously? Neither of them went, and they came out pretty darn successful. If Harper doesn’t want to go, she doesn’t have to and shouldn’t feel like she has to. Let her choose her own path. This was a really good chapter, and I do relate to Harper quite a bit. Also, my apologies, I’m not even trying to write properly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There is nothing to apologize for! 🙂 Thank you for this comment! Zayne and Hope are being super ridiculous right now, you’re so right! Glad you can relate to Harper ❤️ Thank you for reading!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Harper seems so mature for her age. And so terribly lonely. She’s really such a pretty girl, I am surprised the guys haven’t noticed her but I suppose she does have a reputation that has followed her. These are mostly the same kids she grew up with. And it would be hard to make friends if her speech is a little different and she can’t really hear what they are saying.

    So I wasn’t clear if her parents have given up on making her go to College. Maybe they are going to let her take a year off…Seems like something they would do and then say she needed to go. But if she isn’t going to college – what is it she wants to do? I can see her writing books maybe with that crazy imagination. I just loved the whole ship analogy. And again, I just want to hug her. She’s not depressed – yet. I hope she doesn’t get that way. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I hope she doesn’t get depressed either 😦 One Mari was enough! Haha

      Her parents have given up on the college thing *for now*, but Harper has a feeling it hasn’t been dropped for good… we will see though!

      I agree that she’s gorgeous! I think the reason for her being single and kind of isolated is exactly what you said, unfortunately 😦


  10. I appreciate her tenacity in trying to convince her parents she’s not depressed or whatever else they think. When she’s older, she’ll wish she had that row boat back lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dang, Dark WitcHazard’s new name might have to be Deep WitchHazard LMAO

    And Emotional did a great analysis of the friendship situation if the previous heirs! Harper is definitely at a huge disadvantage being a true only child!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Harper seems more, let’s say…she seems as she is a bit more mature than Zayne, at his age…Also, the rope thing is just like other’s said and it has something to do with the hole ”take her away” thing from last time. Going to compare to a girl in one game, that was like ”a caged bird”, but that had it’s cage open, AKA she could leave any time she wanted, but was waiting for the ‘prince charming” to come an take her away from her town.Although, as she lives a lot in her own head, she must think other’s won’t be nice to her, and all, and get in a paradox, like: ”They are treating me bad…I knew I coudln’t try making friends!” Or, ” They are being nice to me…I bet they just feel sorry for me!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha Harper is definitely deeper and more mature than her father was (a nice change! Haha)

      And I think you’re very right about how Harper’s living in her head can be detrimental to her making friends. I think she over-thinks a lot of things and spends a lot of time dwelling on stuff.


  13. I did notice you didn’t reply to my comment. Of course, you’re entitled to a day off, and I only noticed because it was rather uncharacteristic. I’m glad the wedding went well and you enjoyed yourself!

    I’m really excited to see how this arc is shaping up! Harper is a lot like I was in high school…I wish I could tell her it gets better!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for understanding why I didn’t reply to anybody yesterday 🙂

      Glad you’re enjoying this gen so much already! Hopefully things WILL get better for Harper… but who knows?


  14. I totally get how Harper feels. I felt that way a lot in high school. I suspect most kids do, even if they outwardly appear to fit in. Of course, I actually did want to go to college. In this case, much as she doesn’t like it, I feel like Harper’s parents are right, though… she should go. The experience would be good for her, and she might find a group of people she fits in with better. She might have a hard time studying, with her apparent ADHD, but I think university would be better for her than she thinks it would, in a lot of different ways. For one thing, there’d be some freedom from her parents–room to make her own mistakes without being smothered or having the expectation of perfection. And, she’d get to try out college clubs and activities that might lead to new and close friendships (or romances).

    Somehow I think Harper will do her own thing regardless of my opinions, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you make a great point about how college might actually be really good for Harper… especially the freedom aspect! Maybe she’ll change her mind? Anything can happen in this last year at school 😛


  15. Harper is such a cute teenager.
    I really hope that Hozay see that Uni isnt everything. If uni isnt for harper that is ok, she can succeed in other ways.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. She’s not a stupid superhero, Harper. She’s cool. Just like you thought when you were little.

    Love the intropection on this. Journals are great for that and its cool you were able to go back and show what she used to think…and what she thinks about it all now via the old journal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! I’m glad you are liking Harper’s introspection 🙂 She’s definitely changed some of her views since she was a kid!


    1. Thanks! It was fun to kinda show the difference between then and now. And yes, she’s so lovely! Good genes 😉


  17. If I were her parents, I wouldn’t give up on the uni argument either. Harper’s arguments against it are kinda juvenile at this point. She doesn’t want to do it because she thinks she’d be bad at it? It sounds hard so why even try?? Yeah, that argument isn’t going to sway most parents, honey.

    But she definitely comes across like she’s lost at sea, poor thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ooh I love that you side with Hope and Zayne on the uni thing! I totally agree that she’s coming across as somewhat juvenile with her arguments against it right now

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t know that I side with them. They’re being awfully hypocritical. They act like their dreams were limited because they didn’t go to uni. They’re not even giving her a chance to figure things out for herself. Instead they’re just pushing her into it.

        Liked by 1 person

  18. She’s a cute teenager. My teenage self could relate to spending a lot of time in one’s head and being pressured (only by teachers) to choose a college or university. I enjoyed Harper’s introspection, by the way.

    Liked by 1 person

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