I feel like such a fucking asshole.
I totally flipped at Hope last night. And I KNOW I shouldn’t have. I just got so mad.
Ralph and Carly are visiting this week, and she totally embarrassed me in front of them during dinner last night. Everything was going so great up til then. Her parents are awesome, and I’ve always gotten along with them really well… But then they started asking me about the restaurant, and instead of letting me handle it, Hope just butted in and made me look so dumb. It’s humiliating enough having her pay the rent and bills for me… Now she has to speak for me too?!
I felt like she was embarrassed of me or something, y’know? Like she had to cover for me so she wouldn’t look bad in front of her parents… Looking back on it now, I know that’s not true. I know she was just trying to help… But it really wan’t her place to step in, was it? I can fight my own battles, can’t I?
It just made me so damn mad. And I totally snapped.
She ended up storming out on me… I almost couldn’t believe it. I mean we’ve gotten in arguments plenty of times before, but we always talk about things and work it out.
I dunno. Maybe this time was different. Maybe I deserved it. But that didn’t make it suck any less. I wasn’t even sure if she’d come back that night or not… But I ended up sleeping on the couch just in case. I figured she’d want some space, y’know? And to be honest, I wanted some too.
I heard her come back at like midnight. I pretended I was still sleeping… I knew she wouldn’t wanna talk to me. It’d probably turn into another fight anyway.
I had no idea what to expect this morning. I was kinda terrified to face her again after last night… So I tried my best to act kinda like nothing happened.
As soon as I got up, I started making breakfast for us. Figured some good food could be like, a distraction or something.
And I guess it kinda worked… Sort of.
“Smells good” was the first thing Hope said to me when she came out of the bedroom this morning. She didn’t smile when she said it, but at least she didn’t start yelling at me? I mean, that’s something, right?
Neither of us really said anything while we ate. I waited til we were done before I tried to apologize. I told her I knew I overreacted last night and that I felt awful for being such a jerk… But I guess that wasn’t enough for her. She said she’s sick of me “biting her head off” all the time. What the hell?! I mean yeah, lately we’ve been getting into little fights a lot more often than we used to… But I don’t do it all the time! And I always apologize after!
Doesn’t she know I feel like shit when I yell at her? It’s not like I want to have this shitty temper. It just sneaks up on me, I guess. More now than it ever has.
She’s just been making me so mad lately… Rubbing all her fancy photoshoots in my face, nagging me over and over again about the restaurant. I really hate it. But if I ever told her that, I’d be accused of “biting her head off” all over again. Ugh.
I was good today though. I didn’t start another fight, and Hope said we could drop it for now so we could enjoy her parents’ visit.
Yeah, that was way easier said than done.
We spent most of the day with Tante Joce and grandpa (They’ve always gotten along really well with Hope’s parents… Especially Carly and Tante Joce), but God, it was so damn awkward.
It was like Hope barely even looked at me the entire time… and Tante Joce and grandpa could definitely tell. They kept giving each other these weird looks, and when we were all getting ready to go out for lunch, grandpa even pulled me aside and asked me if everything was okay. And that didn’t really help very much… It just felt like another damn lecture.
Things got a little easier as the day went on though… By the end of lunch, Hope and I were finally starting to talk to each other. For a few minutes, I almost forgot we’d been fighting, y’know?
And tonight after her parents went back to their hotel, we sat down to talk about things again. She seemed a lot more willing to listen to my apology the second time around, and it definitely went a lot better than this morning did. It even led to some pretty awesome makeup sex.
It just doesn’t feel like it really fixed things, y’know? I think we both feel better about everything right now, sure. But it still seems like nothing’s really solved. It just feels like… I dunno. It’s hard to describe it, exactly.
I guess it’s like we just slapped a bandage over all our problems and called it good or something.
And I’m dreading the day it falls off again.