5.49: Back on the Ride

Note: Maladi on the Sims Forums inspired me to try out this “Genderbending Challenge”… Basically you take all of your sim characters and use CAS to make versions of them as the opposite sex! I had WAY too much fun doing it with all the A2A characters we know and love and I HAD to share! Some people are shockingly attractive as the opposite sex… Others, not so much 😉

Behold: Genderbent A2A!

And now, on to the chapter 🙂

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I can still remember back when I was sixteen, when I thought I was so damn cool living on my own. I was such a fucking idiot. I let myself get in way over my head. I pushed away my family… It was a mess. And with all that stress and pressure getting to me, it used to feel like my life was some kind of crazy rollercoaster ride, y’know? Ups and downs, twists and turns. Amazing one day and terrible another…

Well now, for the first time since I was a kid, it’s starting to feel like I’m back on the ride.

There are some days when things seem so great. Amazing, even. Days when I feel so excited about the menu I’m putting together. When I feel so sure this restaurant thing is gonna work out. When I feel so happy for Hope and how great she’s doing. When I feel so lucky to have her in my life. When everything feels perfect.

But there are other days that just suck. So damn much. When I feel so discouraged, like I can’t do anything right.  When I feel like everything I’m doing is just one giant mistake I’m gonna end up regretting someday. When I feel so annoyed at Hope for doing so amazing while I’m just sitting here struggling to keep my head above water.

And when I feel like shit for taking everything out on her.

I know I shouldn’t feel so jealous of her. And I hate that I do. I know it’s not fair to her… It’s just that everything’s been piling up so fast for both of us. And all the bad stuff conveniently keeps ending up in my pile.

I mean hell, last week, someone actually stopped Hope on the street to get a picture with her! That’s the first time it’s ever happened… And I have a bad feeling it won’t be the last. It was so weird. It almost felt like going out with Opa or Onkel Florian. They’ve both been retired for years, but they still get recognized sometimes, and it’s always so awkward when they do. I guess I just never thought it’d happen to Hope, y’know?

And it’s great for her. It really is… But not for me.

And lately it seems like she’s gone all the time. She’s been flying all over the world and doing all these photoshoots for all these famous designers and big magazines… And that’s so awesome. It really is. But God, everything’s just changing so damn fast.

It’s almost starting to feel like back when we first started dating. Remember that? It was awful. We barely saw each other. And yeah, maybe now she’s only gone for like a week at a time instead of months. But it still sucks. Hard.

It’s not her fault though. She’s doing so amazing at her job, and I’m so proud of her. I really am. But I haven’t been doing the best job of telling her that lately. I just keep wishing I could have it as easy as she does, y’know? And I kinda start worrying about what’ll happen if this keeps up. I mean… I have nothing right now. And she has everything.

How long before she figures out she can do so much better than me?

Damn it, I’ve gotta stop thinking shit like that. It just starts sneaking up on me a lot, I guess. “Toxic thoughts” — that’s what my Ur-oma Mari calls them… My old therapist back when I was a kid did too. I know this will all get easier eventually. It’ll just take time to get used to the way things are now… And unfortunately the ‘getting used to it’ part totally blows. Especially without my job to keep me busy.

And that’s the other part that sucks… Hope’s starting to ask me all these annoying questions about the restaurant. “Did you start looking for an investor like Dom suggested?” “Have you figured out what to do about a location?” “You can’t sit in the kitchen working on your menu forever.”

UGH! I wish she’d stop nagging me about it! We’ve gotten in more than one fight about it already… Some have even gotten a little nasty.

I know that stuff is important. I’m not a fucking moron. But it’s like she’s trying to rush me or something. These things take time. And they sure as hell aren’t easy. Hope has no idea, but I think I’ve drafted about a dozen different letters to my old boss asking for advice… But I just can’t bring myself to go begging her for help. I can’t. I don’t know how to make Hope understand that.

She thinks she’s helping by pushing me like this, but she just doesn’t get it. And how can she? We can’t all be some hot-shot supermodel with everything handed to us on a silver platter all the damn time.

God, that sounds awful. See? I’m doing it again. Letting those stupid thoughts start getting to me.

I just… I wish she’d just stay out of it. She has her career and I have mine. Or I will someday… Hopefully. And when I do, everything will be so much better.

But for now? Well, I guess I’d better buckle up. Because I don’t think the ride is gonna be stopping anytime soon.