5.49: Back on the Ride

Note: Maladi on the Sims Forums inspired me to try out this “Genderbending Challenge”… Basically you take all of your sim characters and use CAS to make versions of them as the opposite sex! I had WAY too much fun doing it with all the A2A characters we know and love and I HAD to share! Some people are shockingly attractive as the opposite sex… Others, not so much 😉

Behold: Genderbent A2A!

And now, on to the chapter 🙂

——————————-

I can still remember back when I was sixteen, when I thought I was so damn cool living on my own. I was such a fucking idiot. I let myself get in way over my head. I pushed away my family… It was a mess. And with all that stress and pressure getting to me, it used to feel like my life was some kind of crazy rollercoaster ride, y’know? Ups and downs, twists and turns. Amazing one day and terrible another…

Well now, for the first time since I was a kid, it’s starting to feel like I’m back on the ride.

There are some days when things seem so great. Amazing, even. Days when I feel so excited about the menu I’m putting together. When I feel so sure this restaurant thing is gonna work out. When I feel so happy for Hope and how great she’s doing. When I feel so lucky to have her in my life. When everything feels perfect.

But there are other days that just suck. So damn much. When I feel so discouraged, like I can’t do anything right.  When I feel like everything I’m doing is just one giant mistake I’m gonna end up regretting someday. When I feel so annoyed at Hope for doing so amazing while I’m just sitting here struggling to keep my head above water.

And when I feel like shit for taking everything out on her.

I know I shouldn’t feel so jealous of her. And I hate that I do. I know it’s not fair to her… It’s just that everything’s been piling up so fast for both of us. And all the bad stuff conveniently keeps ending up in my pile.

I mean hell, last week, someone actually stopped Hope on the street to get a picture with her! That’s the first time it’s ever happened… And I have a bad feeling it won’t be the last. It was so weird. It almost felt like going out with Opa or Onkel Florian. They’ve both been retired for years, but they still get recognized sometimes, and it’s always so awkward when they do. I guess I just never thought it’d happen to Hope, y’know?

And it’s great for her. It really is… But not for me.

And lately it seems like she’s gone all the time. She’s been flying all over the world and doing all these photoshoots for all these famous designers and big magazines… And that’s so awesome. It really is. But God, everything’s just changing so damn fast.

It’s almost starting to feel like back when we first started dating. Remember that? It was awful. We barely saw each other. And yeah, maybe now she’s only gone for like a week at a time instead of months. But it still sucks. Hard.

It’s not her fault though. She’s doing so amazing at her job, and I’m so proud of her. I really am. But I haven’t been doing the best job of telling her that lately. I just keep wishing I could have it as easy as she does, y’know? And I kinda start worrying about what’ll happen if this keeps up. I mean… I have nothing right now. And she has everything.

How long before she figures out she can do so much better than me?

Damn it, I’ve gotta stop thinking shit like that. It just starts sneaking up on me a lot, I guess. “Toxic thoughts” — that’s what my Ur-oma Mari calls them… My old therapist back when I was a kid did too. I know this will all get easier eventually. It’ll just take time to get used to the way things are now… And unfortunately the ‘getting used to it’ part totally blows. Especially without my job to keep me busy.

And that’s the other part that sucks… Hope’s starting to ask me all these annoying questions about the restaurant. “Did you start looking for an investor like Dom suggested?” “Have you figured out what to do about a location?” “You can’t sit in the kitchen working on your menu forever.”

UGH! I wish she’d stop nagging me about it! We’ve gotten in more than one fight about it already… Some have even gotten a little nasty.

know that stuff is important. I’m not a fucking moron. But it’s like she’s trying to rush me or something. These things take time. And they sure as hell aren’t easy. Hope has no idea, but I think I’ve drafted about a dozen different letters to my old boss asking for advice… But I just can’t bring myself to go begging her for help. I can’t. I don’t know how to make Hope understand that.

She thinks she’s helping by pushing me like this, but she just doesn’t get it. And how can she? We can’t all be some hot-shot supermodel with everything handed to us on a silver platter all the damn time.

God, that sounds awful. See? I’m doing it again. Letting those stupid thoughts start getting to me.

I just… I wish she’d just stay out of it. She has her career and I have mine. Or I will someday… Hopefully. And when I do, everything will be so much better.

But for now? Well, I guess I’d better buckle up. Because I don’t think the ride is gonna be stopping anytime soon.

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58 Responses to 5.49: Back on the Ride

  1. raerei says:

    Oh dear. Zayne you are you own worst enemy, aren’t you? (Hmmm, actually most of your characters are both the hero and the villian of their own lives.)

    It’s so hard to put those feelings aside, isn’t it? I think you need to reach out more. Hope loves you, that’s very clear and she can see a better side of you than you can. So pay attention to that. Don’t get lost in doubt, shame, and worry. Don’t buckle up!!! Leave the rollar coaster! And she’s right you’re avoiding the hard bit by playing with the menu. Send the letter, talk to Dom, embrace the hope of having a restaruant don’t hide from it. Embrace Hope everyday. Tattoo that to your forehead.

    I love how you’ve let Zayne come alive. He’s so much like people I know – and occationally want to shake even though I know it won’t do that much good. I’m glad he can see what he’s doing to himself. But I fear that might not be enough.

    Liked by 5 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      That’s the perfect way to describe it — he really is his own worst enemy! And your advice is great — unbuckle and get off the ride! I don’t think Zayne realizes that HE’S the one in control of this rollercoaster… and he has the power to change the direction.

      He’s in a huge hole of self-doubt, self-pity, and fear… now he’s gotta pull himself out! And I am so glad that Zayne feels “alive” to you 🙂 Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • raerei says:

        He really does because if his flaws.

        It’s really smart to have the ‘enemy’ in your story internal. I get hired sometimes reading when there’s an obvious ‘bad guy’ the characters are struggling with. Struggling against yourself is much harder to do.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Me(Who Else?) says:

    Well, Zayne, you aren’t 16 anymore. You are a grown man with a supportive girlfriend and family. Get your act together.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      It’s true, he really does need to get it together! But the unfortunate thing is that it’s a lot easier said than done for him right now… he needs to pull himself out of his hole and start taking some steps toward overcoming these demons!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. audreyfld says:

    Zayne! You didn’t listen! You are spiraling out of control again like when you were 16. Not asking for help and being envious of what others have. Shame on you. Grow up pretty please.

    *sigh*

    Buckling up for the free fall. Hands inside the roller coaster – not holding them. Too chicken.

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      It’s like Rae said — he’s truly his own worst enemy, and he’s letting it eat away at him. I agree that he most definitely needs to grow up and get his act together! It’s just not something that can happen overnight. He recognizes that the problem is truly with HIM, not Hope… so that’s a start? Haha but he’s gotta get off his butt and start taking action to help himself… we’ll see if he manages to though :-/

      Like

    • lisabeesims says:

      Lol glad to see I’m not the only one suffering the roller coaster ride

      Liked by 1 person

  4. witchazard says:

    Lover: If you’re not sucking HARD you’re not doing it right Zayney poo!😘

    Dark: That’s not what he meant and you know it!😒

    Lover: Sorry not Sorry!🤗

    Anti-Shipper: And so it begins! His descent into Rosebrook sabotage! I read over your little insurance policy for Hozay and funny one of the parties becoming a self righteous whining asshole isn’t under coverage bummer! Although I am shocked you included the Unsatisfying Lover Clause!

    Shipper: Nothing can tank a relationship faster than a terrible sex life. Which i’ll admit at the moment sounds almost nonexistent! But he’s aware that he’s a self righteous whining asshole which is a step in the right direction.

    Anti-Shipper: Not going to make a difference when every small step he takes Hope’s career takes two leaps forward! Zayne’s right about one thing though. How long before Hope realizes she doesn’t have to put up with his crap and find somebody on her level cause he sure ain’t it!

    Shipper: Maybe we should take a look at our relationship and take into consideration that fucking asshole silver tongue of yours!

    Anti- Shipper: Oh please you love what my tongue does to your ass!

    Charmer: Are they always this ….uh….intense!

    Lady: This is nothing compared to their bedroom quarrels. Things get quite out of hand behind closed doors. You should see how they act at the Super Bowl! Nobody wins that day(shivers) nobody!

    Charmer: And I thought Nooboos was the crazy one😨

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hahaha Shipper, I assure you that their sex life is just fine! No worries in that department 😉 Zayne is giving us a snapshot of how things are (from his perspective) and he’s very much focusing on the negatives. But they have sex and enjoy each other’s company and have pleasant conversations just as often as they argue. It’s just an unpleasant mixture right now where the good is being overshadowed by the bad.

      And Anti gave WAY too much information there, wow. 😂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, I definitely gasped and covered my mouth, lol. I love the witchazard arguments, and their different motivations. But seriously, the tongue thing, lol? *imagines that same statement with the forum censors*

        Like

  5. Trip says:

    He hasn’t even mentioned that a lot of his family has been successful and more than him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had some hidden jealousy for Opa Tobi or Florian or even his dad.

    Heck, he was the only known Rosebrook to be a complete failure at school.

    Now the lesson has to be whether he’ll be a successful Rosebrook or just define himself differently. Angry slackers unite.

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Ooh, you brought up a great point here! He has so many successful relatives to live up to (not necessarily FAMOUS either, but everyone has most definitely been successful in some way!). I think there’s a subconscious jealousy and fear of not living up to the family expectations for sure. Very insightful 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Senna says:

    At the rate Zayne’s going, he’s not going to get help when he needs it the most.

    I think the saying “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” is somewhat appropriate here. If Zayne keeps snapping at Hope when she offers assistance, she might get fed up and never help him.

    Then where’s he going to be career-wise? Nowhere, that’s where.

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      This is a very good point. Zayne needs to get over his pride and learn to accept help when it’s offered, or he’ll never get out of the rut he’s in. He’s let too much pile on for too long and now he’s buried himself and can’t move under the weight of everything… But whenever someone comes along and offers to help clear away some of the rubble, he tells them to go away… And continues being stuck. :-/

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Arrowleaf says:

    Zayne reminds me a lot of people my age.

    I feel like Zayne is crippled by a fear of failure, which is something a lot of people suffer from. He sees other people (Hope) doing so well, and he hasn’t lived in their shoes, so he doesn’t know how hard they worked to get there, and instead feels like it came easy to them. He’s comparing himself to Hope, which is the worse thing someone can do. Everyone blooms at a different age, everyone hits their stride at different times, he just needs to sit back and take a deep breath before sitting down and really put his mind to this restaurant. It won’t be easy, and I think Zayne didn’t realize how much planning and work goes into it. :[

    Liked by 5 people

    • Arrowleaf says:

      Also, asking for help is very hard when you are a prideful individual – which Zayne has proven to be. He wouldn’t ask for help as a teenager until things hit rock bottom and I don’t think he will ask for help here until he hits another bottom. :[

      Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Fear of failure is the perfect description for Zayne right now. I think what he’s missing is that yes, it’s very hard and he could fail. But if he never tries, he’ll never be any better off than he is now!

      You’re very right that he has to stop comparing himself to Hope and instead focus more on himself.It’s definitely much more work than he was anticipating!

      Like

  8. sourocha1 says:

    Hon, please…I’m sure when you are older than this, you will think ”Well, I was stupid back then!”‘ well, Zayne..wating or not, you are letting this thoughts get in your mind, it’s not very effective to know the problem and not change it…and if Hope has no idea how hard is, show her how it is, two heads think better than one, and a realtionship is about sharing problems with each other.

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      That’s so true about relationships and communicating their problems. I think Hope and Zayne definitely need to work on that… and like you said, Zayne has to figure it how to change the problem now that he’s recognized it!

      Like

  9. Jes2G says:

    Oh, Brat Prince. I understand your pain, but still I only have violins for you. You’re not allowed to admit to knowing what your problems are, not do anything about them (or even attempt to figure out what you can do), and complain about it. Nope. Not to me!

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hahaha that’s fair! Zayne has this unrealistic idea of “If I wait and do nothing, the problem will sort itself out and everything will be fine!”I think on a subconscious level he KNOWS what has to happen — he has to accept some help and get it butt in gear and stop comparing himself to Hope.

      But our Brat Prince hates admitting that he can’t do this on his own. *sigh*

      Liked by 2 people

      • Jes2G says:

        He reminds me of Hillary in that way: doing nothing will eventually solve everything all the while knowing what needs to happen and comparing themselves to others. Pfffft, annoying brats lol.

        Liked by 2 people

        • CitizenErased14 says:

          That’s so true! They actually do have a lot in common in that regard (I know I’m a season behind, but even from what I saw of her in Seasons 1 and 2, it’s so true!). They also both have that awful self-fulfilling prophecy thing going on.

          Hillary had her whole relationship issue where she says “Oh, I’ll just end up hurting people!” and then she abandons them… To avoid hurting them… Even though the abandoning them CAUSES the hurt… *facepalm*

          And then there’s Zayne. “Oh, I’ll never get anywhere with my career! This is so hard! I wish I could be as successful as Hope!” *sits around, does nothing to accomplish career goals* “See?! This is awful! I’m getting nowhere!” *facepalm*

          Liked by 2 people

          • Jes2G says:

            HA! Yes. No sympathy lol. Well…Hillary has some issues, and I have slightly more patience with her, but not much lol.

            Liked by 2 people

            • CitizenErased14 says:

              Hahaha I think we all are prone to be more patient and sympathetic toward our own creations, so it makes sense 😛

              Liked by 1 person

              • Jes2G says:

                No, it’s not that at all! I just know there are legit reasons behind her actions even though they’re stupid lol.

                Liked by 1 person

                • raerei says:

                  I’m sure Amanda knows the legit reasons behind Zaynes actions the same way. We might not see it all as readers….But

                  Fear of failure is a huge thing to overcome once it sets in. It manifests in different ways, but mainly by not pushing forward, you might even think you’re doing all you can and being reasonable.

                  Also he’s the same age when his mom died and soon to be his dad’s age. He probably fears doing better than them since they are his idols. He doesn’t see them as human, only as fragmented and idyllic memories. How can he show his father up by doing better than he did? So instead he does worse.

                  And then there’s the legit fear of losing Hope. So he’s subconsciously pushing her away before she can leave him.

                  I think he has legit reasons behind his actions…Although I admit I might read too much into him.

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • Jes2G says:

                    I know Amanda knows the reasons, but I don’t. When I learn them, maybe I’ll have more patience. Simple! 🙂

                    Liked by 3 people

                    • raerei says:

                      Ah, understood. I always assume people are stupid for reasons that make sense to them. So while Zayne is a brat Prince, I still have sympathy for him.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Jes2G says:

                      I’m weird and conflicted with things like that. On one hand, I know there are reasons that make sense to them, and I sympathize. But on the other hand, being able to see their blindspots and knowing what they need to do…with some people that part of me wins lol.

                      Liked by 2 people

    • audreyfld says:

      Little tiny violins!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Truth! Once you know better, do better! It’s like he’s not even trying to do better. He’d rather just wallow. Wallowy Brat Prince.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. kaffepigen says:

    Zayne, Zayne, Zayne… You’ve gotta stop those thoughts before they drive a Cliff between you and Hope. If anything could drive her away, it’s your attitude and jealousy. Stay strong!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Tizy says:

    Shoots cannonballs to the ss hozay to make it sink.
    Team #savinghope

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Zaaaaaaayynnee!! Come one man.

    I wish I could figure out what’s so different to me about him than the other journalers. Stefan in particular wrote many a toxic thought into his journal, but it didn’t bug the shit out of me like Zayne’s writing does.

    I just need him to: 1) Stop keeping score. 2) Go to therapy. 3) Stop acting like the villain AND victim in your own life story. 4) Ask for some fucking help. 5) Stop equating you WONT with you CANT. 6) Break up with Hope if you can’t handle her rising star, she deserves better. 6) Stop focusing only on the things you think you can handle, you’re the reason the other problems are gaining added pressure.

    And I want him to: 1) Seriously, go to therapy man. It’s hard to turn those toxic thoughts off once they get started. 2) Stop repeating the mistakes of your youth. You’re literally remembering that time and the specific things you did that contributed to it, then in the next sentence you’re justifying doing THE EXACT SAME THING?!?! 3) Self-love man, you gotta get some more of it.

    Here’s a positive note. As much as Zayne irritates me, he’s beautifully written. He garners such strong responses from everyone because of his complexity. We’re all rooting for him (well most of us, heh) to do well, and we just get sad when he’s in his own way. This chapter seems simple, but it has so many layers and is just really powerful, imo.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Haha I agree with a lot of what you said here! But I can’t help but laugh at the irony of saying he needs to find some self-love after tearing him apart like that… What is there to love? 😛

      I can tell you that he will do some of what you listed there, in time. But we’ll have to wait and see how he goes about it (and when!). I will say one thing I did disagree with is about him being the villiain AND victim in his story… He is! All of my Rosebrooks are. They hurt themselves constantly. They’re their own worst enemies haha

      I’m sorry you find him so incredibly annoying, but I appreciate that you found this chapter to be powerful haha Thanks for reading 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Since we’re talking about flaws, one of my biggest ones is that I’m easily irritated. Everything annoys me, and you can imagine how that feels to the people I have to spend the most time around.

        But I do think he needs self love. You can love your flaws and strengths, it’s possible!

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Zayne! You are creating chaos on my ship! One, Hope loves you and is only trying to help. Basically doing the same thing as my husband is currently. Yes, it is infuriating being asked the same questions every day, and yeah, I get it, but she really is just trying to push you to take that big step.

    Now, yesterday’s forum questions has me thinking that I can really relate to Zayne, but in a neg. way.

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Another who relates to Zayne negatively! (That’s SO me too, unfortunately haha). Thank you for sharing about your experience with you and your husband 🙂 I’m glad you have a supportive hubby!

      Like

  14. Emelie says:

    Oh my, the genderbender characters are amazing!

    That being said:
    Zayne… :/
    A part of me just wants to shake him and tell him snap out of it. But I know toxic thoughts are a… well, a bitch. Is he currently in therapy?

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      That’s a great question! Zayne isn’t in therapy right now — he hasn’t been since he was a little kid. But it’s not sounding like such a bad idea right now, huh? (Thank you so much for reading!)

      Like

  15. Spirashun says:

    Well Zayne, you’re right that you aren’t a bratty 16 year old any more, but maybe consider not acting like one? You’re literally doing what you did last time, letting yourself drown because you’re in over your head and lashing out at anyone that tries to help. Except now you’re a grown ass man that’s doing it, and there might actually be realer consequences than getting punched and going back to your aunt crying about it!

    I just really want him to stop moping about how what he’s doing it wrong and actually take action to change it, for once!

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I’d love to see him take action too! You’re so right that he’s basically acting the same way he did when he was a teen — but I don’t think Zayne sees it exactly that way, unfortunately! But he does need to try to snap out of this. He’s dug himself in a huge hole and I don’t know if he can climb out on his own.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. maladi777 says:

    He should start small. He could set up something like a fast food stall and test his menu on people. Restaurant is a large project. It’s a huge step from nothing and thus more intimidating.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      That’s a really insightful observation! Zayne may be biting off way more than he can chew… And it’s making him WAY to stressed out and insecure from how intimidated he’s feeling!

      Like

  17. DanaColourful says:

    I completely understand the whole “Pushing doesn’t help” issue. It sucks to be pushed when you’re already struggeling, but I also get why Hope does it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thanks, Dana! I appreciate that you can kinda see both sides to things. I think overall, Zayne is more “wrong” than Hope is… But I also do think that her pushing him actually isn’t helping, it’s only feeding into his jealousy and insecurity and making things worse :-/

      Liked by 1 person

  18. lisabeesims says:

    Oh and the irony LOL before I even read it the title is called the ride … total crack up

    Liked by 1 person

  19. lisabeesims says:

    Now I’m off to read

    Liked by 1 person

  20. SilentWolf101 says:

    Omg, Genderbent Clara… *heart beats faster* *faints* *falls into love coma*

    And awwwwwww, genderbent Zayne is gorgeous! (Funny, because I’m bi IRL, so I’m attracted to her, but not as much as Clark. XD)

    Now to actually read the chapter!

    Liked by 1 person

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