5.38: See Her Again

I woke up to the best news this morning!

I went on Facebook, and there was a message from Hope waiting for me.

She’s coming back! Finally!

It’s been two months already since she left, and it’s just been driving me crazy waiting to see her again.

I mean, we’ve got thousands and thousands of kilometers between us, but I still feel closer to her than I’ve ever felt to anyone. Even Amy. I never thought I’d feel the way I felt about her ever again.

Until Hope.

I know we only met a couple months ago, but it honestly feels like I’ve known her for forever. Talking with her is just so easy. It’s natural. Like breathing. I feel like I can tell her anything, y’know? And somehow, she always knows exactly what to say to make everything better. She’s incredible.

And I think she feels the same way about me… Or at least, I hope she does. I mean, she’s told me all about what a hard time she’s having right now with her job. She talks to me about missing her family… Stuff like that. She trusts me. She confides in me. She’s my best friend.

And I really want us to be more.

The distance just makes it so hard. Up until today, we didn’t even know when we’d see each other again. Hope already lives on the other side of the world. Plus her schedule’s so unpredictable, and she travels so much… I don’t know how we can make it work. But I want to. God, I want to so badly. I’m just scared.

I don’t even know how she feels about any of this anyway. What if I’m really just a friend to her? I mean, sure, she flirts with me all the time. But that’s what girls do. How can I be so sure it even means anything? I always catch myself trying to read way too much into every little thing she says. A smiley face or a heart in a text she sends me. When she tells me I’m “sweet” or “adorable”. Could any of it mean what I think it means?

Then I think about that last hug. That kiss on the cheek… And I feel so sure that it does.

But as long as I’m a fucking coward about this whole thing, I’ll never know, will I?

I still don’t know what’s gonna happen. Hope’s only here for like four days this time. And after that, she’ll be gone again, for who knows how long. This could be my last chance for a long time…

And I just can’t mess it up. I can’t.