5.34: Old

Surprise! 😀

I’m a teacher, and this week we have February break. I have been on a writing spree lately and was very far ahead with my updates, so to celebrate my vacation, we are getting daily updates from now until the 26th (Sunday). Then the normal four-updates-a-week schedule will resume 🙂

Enjoy!

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I have no idea how it snuck up on me so quickly, but it did – My love turned seventy years old today. It’s amazing how time flies, isn’t it?

We had such a nice little party to celebrate. Auggy, Noah, Clara, and Florian all showed up… Even Onkel Stefan and Aunt Madalyn were there. They’ve been trying so hard to visit us and be involved as much as they can, ever since they moved back to Windenburg. And it’s really nice – they both helped me so much back when I lived in Willow Creek, and I’ve always missed having them so close. I think everyone else did too. Especially Papa.

It was just so nice to have so many people there today… It’s not often we all get together like this.

Zayne baked Mark a beautiful cake and made a delicious dinner for everyone… It was amazing. Mark always likes to joke that the biggest downside to Zayne not living with us anymore is the food. I’d say there are a few reasons I’d rank a bit higher, but… His cooking’s definitely on the list.

Charlie and Ben came too, of course. They gave him a nice big bottle of brandy — his favorite. He loved it so much. And Alex and Tony both took the time to call and wish him a Happy Birthday too. He really loved that the girls remembered him, I think. He was so happy… And so was I. He’s always embraced my children like they were his own, and I think feeling like they embrace him too means a lot.

It was just such a lovely day – We saw a movie together in the afternoon, had that wonderful dinner with the rest of the family, and topped it off with a romantic evening together. That was probably my favorite part. I put on this silly getup Clara helped me pick out, and I was trying to be all cute for him… I felt so ridiculous, but I really wanted to do something special for his birthday.

He just laughed and told me I was trying too hard. “Just be yourself, darling,” He said. “You’re always sexy to me.” God, it was perfect… He’s perfect. And I’m so happy his birthday was too.

But no matter how amazing it was, there was something nagging me. It was in the back of my mind all day. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was, but there was just something I couldn’t shake, no matter how much I tried.

It wasn’t until tonight, when I was tossing and turning and trying to sleep that I realized what was bothering me.

As much as I hate saying it… Mark – my soulmate, the love of my life – is old.

I know this shouldn’t be surprising or anything. I’ve been feeling it for a while… His hair is gray and his skin is wrinkled. He’s a little more forgetful now. His sex drive isn’t exactly what it used to be. He takes pills for his blood pressure. He gets tired easily… Those kinds of things – all the normal things that happen when you get older.

But there’s just something about writing it down, or saying it out loud – He’s seventy. Seventy years old. It really hits me. Hard.

I still love him. I’m still attracted to him. It’s not about that. I’m just so nervous. I’m scared.

Time moves so quickly… Too quickly. Just look at how much everything’s changed for our family in the past few years — Charlie’s getting married. Clara’s a grandmother. Maman’s retired. And Opa’s gone.

I think that’s really what’s hit me the most. Losing Opa was horrible for all of us… But I think the worst part has been seeing Oma having to go through this. I can tell she’s trying really hard, but she’s just not the same anymore. And can any of us really blame her for that? She lost her soulmate. The love of her life.

And someday, that will be me.

Just thinking about losing Mark kills me. And yet I know it’s a horrible reality I’ll have to face someday… Someday so much sooner than I’m ready for. How the hell do you get life to just slow down? How do you stop time from slipping through your fingers?

Before you know it, it’s gone. It’s too late.

I keep thinking about all that time Mark and I lost. I look back on all those wasted years…

And then I’m left wondering how many we may have left.