5.32: That’s Okay

Well, it sounds like I’m going to be grounded for the rest of my life.

I guess I can’t really blame Tante Joce and Grandpa. And it’s not like I have anywhere to go anyway. Just school and work (No not THAT work. I’m done with that. For GOOD.)

I still don’t know what the hell I was thinking trying to stand up to Eun like that. I should have just run back home when I had the chance. But I was just too damn stubborn… I was so determined to make it work out. And that was one of the worst decisions of my entire life.

I think Eun was about three punches in when I made up my mind – if I died right then and there, the first thing I’d do is find my Mama and Papa and apologize to them for being such a fucking idiot and throwing my life away. And if I got out of there alive, I would go straight back home to Tante Joce and never set foot in that damn apartment building for the rest of my life. So as soon as I saw my chance, I took it. I kicked Eun in the face as hard as I could, and I just ran. I literally ran. My face was bleeding and my head was spinning and my entire body ached… But I didn’t even care.

It took me more than an hour to make it home on foot. I was practically dragging myself across the sidewalk by the time I got there. And you know what? I don’t think one person even stopped to give me a second look the entire time. I think it was almost better that way though… If someone had stopped me, they’d probably take me to the police or the hospital. But that wasn’t where I wanted to go.

I just wanted to be home.

The last thing I remember was seeing Tante Joce’s face before everything went black.

That was already more than two weeks ago. It’s amazing how quickly I’ve gotten used to being back home and stuff, y’know? I really missed it… This big beautiful house, the fresh mountain air… And my family.

I missed them most of all.

The first thing I did when I got home was apologize to all of them – especially Tante Joce and the triplets. To Charlie and Alex and Tony for being so shitty to them. And to Tante Joce, for… Well, everything.

I just can’t believe what I fucking idiot I was. What the hell was I doing? I guess I still don’t really know the answer. It all seemed to make sense at the time, and there are even moments when I think back, and I almost miss it…

But then I remember just how shitty things got — how shitty I was — and I don’t miss it anymore.

Tante Joce still keeps trying to blame herself, of course. No matter how much I tried to tell her it was my fault. Even Charlie tried taking the blame. I guess she’d been suspicious about me and Eun for a while, but she never told anyone. And okay, maybe she should have said something, if she was really that worried… But how does that make any of this her fault?

It doesn’t. This entire mess – everything that’s happened since the day I left home – it’s all on me.

And as crazy as it sounds, I’m actually happy it all happened the way it did. (Yes, really).

I feel… different now. And not the same kind of different I felt back when I moved out. Like I’ve kinda changed. Learned something, I guess.

Now I think I understand how hard it is to live on your own. And I guess it kinda makes me think I should appreciate my family a little more. (Plus it taught me that cooking is fun and I shouldn’t piss myself at the sight of an open flame. So that’s something.)

The whole reason I left in the first place was because I thought I was grown up enough to handle being away from home, but I wasn’t. I kept lying to myself and telling myself I was… But now I know that was a giant load of bullshit.

And now? After everything I’ve learned? Well to be honest, I still don’t think I am. But maybe I’m a little more grown up now than I used to be.

Just not completely grown up.

And you know what?

That’s okay.

———————-

As this arc comes to an end, I realize that I owe a special little shoutout to pammiechick, who is the one who submitted Eun for my casting call. Thanks for the awesome villain!

Now who’s ready to put the teen arc behind us and move forward to the YA years? 😀

Okay, okay, put your hands down! Tune in tomorrow 😉