5.31: Do Better

I didn’t get a chance to add this to Tuesday’s chapter (though some of you already saw this on my thread on the Sims forums), so here is a belated Valentine’s Day “card” for all my readers! 😀 ❤

And now on with the chapter! ^_^

—————————————————–

Multiple lacerations, two missing teeth, three bruised ribs, a concussion…

That’s what my Zayne finally came home to me with.

01-31-17_8-53-39-pm

It killed me to see him like that. I don’t think I’ll ever forget how terrified I was when he stumbled through the door and collapsed in my arms. Charlie was sobbing, and I just started screaming… I didn’t know what else to do. I panicked.

Mark and my parents were so much calmer than I was, thank God. Papa managed to carry him into the car, and Mark drove us to the emergency room right away. Oma and Opa stayed home with Charlie and kept her calm… Alex and Tony both weren’t even home when it happened.

Those hours in the emergency room, all the tests and scans, waiting for the results, finally bringing him home and putting him to bed… That whole night was just a total blur to me.

01-31-17_8-42-26-pm

I’m still trying to wrap my head around this whole thing. When he was feeling better, Zayne sat Mark and I down, and he told us everything… How he’d spent so much time partying and getting drunk. How he’d lied time and time again to his friends and neighbors… And to us. How he’d gotten involved with a drug dealer because he was so desperate for money. It makes me sick just thinking about it.

02-08-17_4-22-24-pm

We begged him to let us go to the police, but he refused. It was too dangerous, he said. Believe it or not, Gus agreed — and he knows more about this sort of thing than anyone else in our family. So we ended up staying quiet. We sent Papa downtown to pack up most of Zayne’s belongings, and I called to cancel the rental agreement.

And of course, I still punished Zayne for all this. Charlie too, for keeping it a secret. I had to. What kind of parent would I be if I didn’t?

But deep down, I know that this was really my fault. Everyone keeps telling me it wasn’t – Mark, my parents, even Zayne. But I know that’s not true.

It’s like Charlie said – I gave Zayne too much attention… Spent too much time focusing on him and worrying about him so much more than I should have. No wonder he acted out and wanted to leave home! And then like a fool, I let him.

How could I have missed the warning signs? How could I fool myself into believing he was fine? Maybe I just wanted to believe that he was really growing up – that I’d raised him to be responsible and mature enough to make it on his own.

01-18-17_8-17-57-pm

But I didn’t.

And when I think about what Charlie told me, I feel even worse. I’d made the exact same mistakes my parents made when I was her age. I’d made her feel just as forgotten and overlooked as I’d once felt. I know people always joke about turning into your parents when you get older… But I never thought it would happen like this.

I try so hard to be a good mother… SO hard. I always have. And I know I’m not perfect, but… I just hate feeling like I failed.

And I can’t help but think of Luc right now. I wonder what the hell he must be thinking, if he can see any of this from wherever he is now. I hope he knows I’m sorry. And I hope he knows how much I love his son, even if I screwed everything up this time.

01-31-17_8-46-36-pm

I know dwelling on it won’t change anything. All this complaining won’t help… But I just needed to get it off my chest.

All I can do now is try to do better moving forward – for all four of my children. I don’t think it’ll be easy… I feel like I have so much to think about now. But Mark keeps telling me I’ll be okay. And that the kids will be too.

I just really hope he’s right.

I guess the only positive side to this whole thing is that Mark and I got what we’d wanted after all – For better or worse, I think Zayne learned something from all this.

But maybe more importantly, so did I.

01-31-17_8-54-48-pm

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42 Responses to 5.31: Do Better

  1. audreyfld says:

    Jocelyn!!!! Blaming herself again! At least she has Mark to help her come to terms with it. And Zayne – wow he really did get the crap beat out of him. I feel so bad for him. Zayne grew up a lot in those couple of days whether he knows it or not. Jocelyn was right when she said he learned something.

    I was a little surprised Gus advised against going to the police. But he is probably right, it wouldn’t solve anything and just put everyone in danger. Eun got his point across effectively.

    So a time jump next chapter or we see more of Zayne’s pov on what happened first?

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yup, typical Jocelyne self-blame 😛 Hahaha but I think she will bounce back from this 🙂 And yes, Zayne really took a beating! But it sounds like maybe it knocked some sense into him…? Haha

      And Gus did agree that it was too dangerous. As a lawyer, I imagine he’s seen firsthand how ruthless drug dealers can be. If Zayne had gone to the police, I think Eun would have sent someone after him immediately. Too risky!

      And… Okay, I’ll answer your last question haha We have one more chapter that’s Zayne’s POV, then Sunday the YA arc starts 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. witchazard says:

    Well Jocelyn Failure and Success are the out comes of someone making effort. Sure you may have failed to some degree, but you’re still trying so don’t worry about it too much!

    Now on to the mysterious lady friend for Zayne! So will he follow the path of the male heirs of this legacy and marry the woman they lose their virginity to. Or like the female heirs will he go through romantic turmoil have children with somebody else then end up with their soulmate. Or perhaps he’ll do something new and add a third option to the Rosebrook Romance Equation! EEEEEEEKKKKK I can’t wait! Cue the time skip!

    Liked by 3 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      You’re right, Joce is definitely trying! 🙂 And I’m glad you’re so intrigued by Zayne’s mystery woman! Haha. We’ll find out eventually! The YA arc is soon (but not next chapter. We’ve gotta hear from Zayne one more time 🙂 )

      (And I can answer at least one small part of your question here 😛 When we see Zayne again as a YA, it’s made clear he’s already lost his virginity, and it was not to the girl in my Valentine collage 😛 So he already breaks the mold a bit there 😉 Hahaha.)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. julyvee94 says:

    Aaaah Joce has grown so much as a character… I know she made a few mistakes but she graciously admits them and keeps pushing on forward, that’s a good thing 🙂 and it’s true that she learned a lot about her own behaviour as a mother. So yay for this chapter.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. In my opion Joyce did a better job at raising a child who is not hers then story-book “guardians” (ie: Cinderella&Snow White’s step-mothers) or from Les Mis the Innkeeper’s wife. But it might have been different if Zaybe hadn’t been male..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. theplumbob says:

    Well at least she sees her mistakes. Onwards and upwards.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. peaoorko says:

    I tear up whenever Luc is mentioned… I’m a sucker for relationships between siblings and this one is so hear-breaking 😦
    And poor Joyce, feeling guilty again. My guess is Zayne is beating himself up ( sorry) for letting her down as well. Nevertheless, I agree that it was a rather optimistic chapter. Yay!
    PS: Binge-reading is great, but being up to date and following new chapters as you publish them is even more fun 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      You’re right — this chapter was definitely optimistic, overall 🙂 Definitely a few sad moments though (I agree… Luc makes me so sad 😦 I still feel guilt for killing him haha)

      And I’m glad you’re enjoying being caught up! Yay! 😀 I release four new chapters a week, by the way. So I’ll never leave you waiting long!

      Like

  7. maladi777 says:

    I think Zayne finally reddemed himself in my eyes. Well, at least I can say it felt good seeing him at home in his old bed under Joce’s eyes. Yep, things will be good from now on…
    Joce is blaming herself too much. It’s the guilt she’s been carrying within her after Luc’s death all over again.
    Loved the Valentine’s Day picture, althought the last one with Zayne reminds me of an old child book illustration to a tale caled The Nightingale that hunted me for some time. 😀
    See for yoursefl: http://www.prvnikrok.cz/www_old/clanky/obrazky/1466/DSC02371.JPG

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I’m glad he was able to redeem himself 🙂 He’s definitely learned a lot! And yeah, Joce is falling into her old self-blame ways haha. But that’s just part of who she is!

      That picture is very creepy! Sorry that Zayne’s pic was maybe a bit creepy too 😛 Just wanted to tease some future romance for him without giving away what his lucky lady might look like 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Brass Buckles says:

    I feel sorry for Joce… Maybe even more for her than I do for Zayne.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. raerei says:

    It was good to see Joce reflecting. Everyone makes mistakes in life, the catch is learning from them.

    Love how this chapter moved the events along. We got to feel how the whole night was and then now in the calmer aftermath folks can look back.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You admitted the problem Jocelyn, that’s the first step. Step two is start breaking the cycle. That includes blaming yourself and loosing focus on what really matters. Don’t overdo it. #BabySteps, remember?

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Very wise words for Jocelyne! I think she’s getting better about now wallowing in the blame for too long. She’s growing! 🙂 #BabySteps for sure!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. crstasse says:

    Really glad to see Zayne back home where he belongs!! Poor kid, he did get beat up pretty bad, but at least it knocked some sense into him 🙂 Literally! Wise move not to go to the police, it would have made it a LOT worse for sure. I LOVED all the couple pics together!!
    Poor Jocelyn beating herself up and blaming himself, welcome to parenting! We all do it!!
    I can’t wait till the YA arc starts and what other dramas unfold.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I’m glad he’s home too! Too bad it took getting the crap beat out of him for it to happen 😂

      The YA arc is coming soon ^_^

      Like

  12. Tizy says:

    Hi Citizen still reading here and loving your work. Kudos

    Liked by 1 person

  13. theceltygirly says:

    Well damn
    Also nice for blacking out Zayne’s future lover. I can’t really tell anything from that and we probably haven’t even met her yet. Maybe teal haired girl? I dunno, probably again someone we haven’t met.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hehehe I wanted to create a bit of mystery 😉 That way if she’s someone we’ve met, no one can recognize her and if she’s someone we haven’t met, you won’t recognize her when we do meet her 😛

      But one thing is for certain — there is romance coming for Zayne! 😀

      Like

  14. CitizenErased14 says:

    Thanks for this great comment! ^_^ I’m glad you’re so happy that Zayne is home and Jocelyne is learning to be a better parent. This chapter was great to write 🙂

    (And I will spare you the “we’ll see” this time 😂)

    Liked by 1 person

  15. azzywoods says:

    I think Joce is a good parent, but it’s great she’s trying to be better. Thank frick Zayne is home.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I think she is too, actually. She’s probably the best Rosebrook parent we’ve had so far haha And yes, I’m so glad he’s home too!

      Like

  16. SpurklyNinja says:

    Hugs for Joce ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • SpurklyNinja says:

      She honestly is doing a pretty great job at parenting. I don’t think she should be beating herself up like this, but that’s just what moms do if something happens to her child, I suppose.

      Liked by 1 person

      • CitizenErased14 says:

        Yeah, I think a lot of it is just natural guilt from seeing her “son” (essentially) so horribly injured and feeling like she should have/could have done something to stop it. What a scary thing!

        Plus Charlie pointing out her favoritism of Zayne just compounds that guilt… But I think she’ll move past this well and won’t beat herself up for too much longer. 🙂 Joce has slowly been learning how to bounce back!

        Liked by 1 person

  17. lisabeesims says:

    Smh Joce … got to let the boy be his own fault or he will crutch back on this for the rest of his life.

    Liked by 1 person

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