5.22: Way to Go

Well, I guess this is how it ends. Starving to death in my crappy little apartment. What a way to go, huh? And just when things were finally getting good again!

I decided to suck it up and talk to Remi and River after what happened at the party last weekend. It was so damn embarrassing… But I knew I had to do it. I mean, I couldn’t avoid them forever, right? And it actually went way better than I thought it would.

They just kinda laughed it off, believe it or not. Apparently most of the people there were too drunk to care, or even notice, really. And Remi swears that the guy and girl I walked in on thought it was hysterical the next day… But I still hope I never have to see either one of them again.

The only thing Remi and River gave me a hard time about was having to clean it up… And I can’t exactly say I blame them. Pretty sure I’ll owe them for the rest of my life after that one. But I guess it could have been way worse. I was pretty sure they’d never want to talk to me again, so I’ll take it.

And I’ve actually talked to a couple of other people from the party too… Not going out of my way or anything, but when I run into them in the hallway or on my way to work or something. So far only one person said anything about what happened… And he somehow thought it was awesome, apparently. He kept telling me it was “epic” and saying I’m a “legend”… Um, okay?

I guess the good news is that I’m not a total social outcast… Yet.

I mean, the guy next door to me (Eun, I guess?) is still acting kinda weird. Still scary. Still not saying a word to me. But I swear to God, I’ve caught him watching me a few times. Just kinda staring when I walk by and stuff. It’s so damn weird.

At first I thought it might be because of my scar. I mean, I’m used to it. Sometimes new people like to stare a lot… Which is annoying as hell, but I get over it pretty quickly. But he’s seen me a few times before, and he never seemed to notice or care before. So why the hell is he so interested all of a sudden?

Laurel and Damion are still pretty cool, at least. They even invited me over for a beer at their place the other night, and they gave me some food to take home with me. Apparently Laurel’s on this crazy vegan kick and she pressured Damion into trying it too. They gave me all kinds of cookies and chocolate and snacks they couldn’t eat anymore.

Those lasted me a while, but they’re gone now.

And that’s why I’m pretty damn sure I’m going to starve.

I just sent in my rent check the other day. I have less than 10 euros left in my account, and I don’t get paid again until next week.

The only edible thing left in the entire apartment is three boxes of macaroni and cheese Laurel gave me. But it’s not the kind you can make in the microwave… You have to cook it on a stove.

And yeah, that stove my landlord ordered finally came in a few days ago… But it’s not like I was ever gonna use it. Maybe if it was electric or something, it wouldn’t be so bad to try it. But a gas stove? With fire? I practically flinch just walking by the stoves at work. And I never actually stayed in the kitchen when anybody used the stove back at home.

I can’t even imagine trying to use one myself.

I know how ridiculous that sounds, but I can’t help it. Ever since I was little, I just can’t deal with fire. Stoves, fireplaces, bonfires, matches… Even seeing flames on TV just gives me the creeps. Hell, we don’t even light candles on my birthday cake. Poor Tante Joce learned the hard way, back when I turned six. I flipped the second I saw the flames.

What other choice do I have though? Sit here and literally starve? Go beg Remi and River to let me eat there until I’m paid again? Dig through the dumpster out back for scraps?!

I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday morning. I don’t even have enough money to buy lunch at school anymore! I have a shift Tuesday night, so I can snag something for free from the kitchen then, if I’m desperate…

But what am I supposed to do until then?

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