Interlude: Apologize

Jocelyne swung her legs over the side of the bed with a soft groan. Her back was starting to ache from tossing and turning so much. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t seem to get to sleep.

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Of course, she was no stranger to sleepless nights. Ever since she’d moved back home to Windenburg, she found herself plagued with bouts of insomnia. Jocelyne would awaken night after night from the same dream – Her brother, standing beside her bed and watching her as she slept. But no matter how hard she tried, she could never seem to reach him in the darkness.

But this was different.

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Jocelyne replayed her conversation with her grandfather again and again. She couldn’t believe she’d spilled her soul to him like that. It was so embarrassing… But it got her thinking too. Was she really pushing Mark away because of her guilt? Would talking to Luc actually help? And would he even be able to hear her from wherever he was?

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She bit her lip as she stared down at the ornate urn in front of her. Jocelyne tried not to dwell on it much, but it was so strange to think that her brother was inside there – his body burned away to nothing but ash. And just a few feet away, Hazel too. Mark had said it wasn’t right to separate them, so he’d allowed the Rosebrooks to keep her ashes here, beside Lucas’. Jocelyne couldn’t help but wonder how long the family would hold on to their remains. When would they finally let go? Maybe they never would…

At last, she cleared her throat, a sudden warmth coming to her cheeks. “Uh… Hi, Luc.” Jocelyne mumbled. It felt so foolish to stand here in the dark, talking to no one. “I know this is probably stupid. I know that, if you really are out there somewhere, you’re probably worlds away from here. But Opa thought talking to you might be a good idea…” She shrugged. “And I’m just feeling so stuck, and I kinda don’t know what else to do. So I figured ‘why not?’”.

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Jocelyne paused, almost laughing for a moment. “Wow… I just realized that this is probably the most I’ve said to you in years. God, remember all those awkward Christmases? I think we were lucky if we said even ten words to each other… But I guess it didn’t have to be like that, did it?” She shook her head. “Every year I kept telling myself I’d let you talk to me. I knew how much you wanted to. I could see it. And I wanted to talk to you too… But I was too scared, I guess. Better late than never though, right?”

She took a slow, deep breath. “You hurt me so much back then, Luc. You were acting so selfish, and cruel. And I’m still kind of mad at you for it. Maybe part of me always will be. You and Hazel helped drive a wedge between me and our family. You were a big part of why I lost the love of my life. It broke me. I wasn’t the same anymore.

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“And I used to blame you for how sad and miserable I was after that. For distancing myself from our family, and from Mark too. But that part wasn’t your fault. It was mine.” Jocelyne paused for a moment before continuing. It was the first time she’d ever admitted her blame aloud.

You may have helped drive me away in the first place, but I’m the one who chose to stay away. I’m the one who chose to ignore all those letters and phone calls… And for what? What was I waiting for? An apology?” She shook her head. “You already tried to give me dozens of those. And I just refused to listen.” Jocelyne could feel tears beginning to form in her eyes.

“I think I was… comfortable being angry. That sounds so fucking stupid, but I don’t know how else to say it. I was just so used to being bitter and holding a grudge that I didn’t want to change. And it wasn’t fair to anyone. Not maman or Papa. Not Mark. Not you. Not me… It just made it worse for all of us.

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I don’t think any of us could have guessed this would happen to you. And maybe there’s nothing we could have done to stop it. But maybe I could have at least told you all this while you were still alive to hear it.” Jocelyne wiped away a few stray tears that had begun trickling down her cheeks. “All I can do now is say that I’m sorry I never listened to you. I’m sorry I never let you apologize. And I’ll do everything I can to take care of Zayne for you. It’s the least I can do.”

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Jocelyne hung her head, fighting back her tears. “I’m sorry I hung up on you on our birthday. I should have listened to what you had to say. And I should have told you that I love and miss you too. Because I do. No matter how mad I was, or how much I tried to convince myself I did, I never hated you, Luc. I love you. And I wish I could have told you that when I had the chance.”

She closed her eyes then, finally letting her tears fall. Each soft sob shook her entire body. There had been something so freeing about finally speaking those words out loud… But so sad and empty too. If only her brother had been able to hear them.

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As she continued to weep, Jocelyne felt a slight chill very slowly begin to wash over her. It was not shocking or unpleasant, but oddly refreshing – like a gentle summer breeze. Jocelyne could not be sure where it was coming from.

“I’m so sorry. For everything. And I know you are too.”

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The voice was soft, like a whisper. It seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere, all at once. “So how about we call it even?”

Her eyes snapped open. “Luc?”

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There was no one there, yet her brother’s voice remained.

“Promise me you’ll stop blaming yourself, okay?” The voice seemed to be moving farther and farther away. “Just be happy, Joce. Please…”

“Luc?!”

“I love you.

She stood in the silence for a long time, listening. But it was no use.

The voice was gone.

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51 Responses to Interlude: Apologize

  1. witchazard says:

    😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭I’m glad she talked it out and even got a hug! Joce Luc you got me crying here! Well looks like Luc may have been sticking around but now he can finally pass on. And now Jocelyn can start taking the steps needed to get back to normal at least until the gen 5 drama starts but she’s got time just let it out and start to heal. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ooooh, that ghost arm got me happy for a minute! But he still spoke to her, hopefully she listens. He finally got to give his apology directly to her, maybe this will help her heal.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hopefully this will help, yes! We will see soon. I definitely think Joce at the very least finally got to say everything she wanted to say. That was very freeing for her! Hopefully the words she heard in response will help even more.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. hammyskyblu123 says:

    Jocelyne is finally apologizing to Lucas for pushing him away all those years. Yay! 🎉 **cheers in background
    I wonder if Lucas’ or Hazel’s ghost can visit again?

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yes, she finally apologized! 🙂 I hope this helps!

      As for ghosts… was this ghost even really there? Or was it all in her head? *mysterious* 😛

      Like

  4. Simslover163 says:

    I love you, Joce!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 You finally apologized to Luc after all those years of pushing him away!! 🎉

    That ghost arm made me smile. I’m so thrilled to see Luc apologize to her. Wishing Joce a speedy recovery 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Jes2G says:

    Beautiful.

    And?

    “Was she really pushing Mark away because of her guilt?” It’s cuz they are dangerous! 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  6. theplumbob says:

    Aww. What a nice spectral moment the twins shared. Let’s hope Luc has moved on now. I’m sure Hazel is waiting for him.

    (I feel like I should also say something about Joce, but… well, you know how I feel about her. So… good for her, I guess? Lol)

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      LMAO I would expect nothing less from you. Poor Joce. Someday you’ll learn to stop hating her. I hope. Haha

      Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I guess my thinking is “Yes, good for her!” Haha. I don’t think she deserves to continue being miserable. She’s been miserable for seven years. She’s paid her dues and deserves a bit of peace/happiness… Which hopefully this will give her!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. audreyfld says:

    I needed a tissue after this one. 😅 It was sad and happy at the same time. Jocelyn can finally move beyond her guilt and be able to be truly happy – maybe for the first time in her life.

    I love the new Banner. All of the kids grew up gorgeous – of course you plan this! Maybe not Clara and Florian, but we know you ‘test’ the genes before allowing heirs to be born. I bet you tested Elliot and Jocelyn as well as Hazel and Luc! Hah!

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Haha of course I tested! 😛 I am very strict about that LMAO. Hehehe I’m glad you like the banner!

      I’m glad you enjoyed this one. Definitely bittersweet!

      Like

  8. kaffepigen says:

    Awwww… :3 This was very moving. The way you described Luc in this chapter, his touch on Jocelyne and his voice going farther and father away, him forgiving her and telling her to be happy. This is one of the few times I actually feel like crying when reading your story. I can literally feel the tears pressing on. And only you can do this to me! xD
    I can’t say it enough, you are an amazing writer. The fact that you have the ability to really move us readers is an amazing gift.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. julyvee94 says:

    I’m actually sobbing over here! 😭😭😭 poor joce and luc

    Liked by 1 person

  10. alphabetagama8 says:

    Awww this chapter brought tears to my eyes.. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Spottydog714 says:

    This made me smile. Let the healing process begin.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. aww love it trying not to cry as im sitting with my brother lol

    Liked by 1 person

  13. SpurklyNinja says:

    :3 I’m tearing up. This was super sweet.

    Loved the talk. Loved the ghost arm (I’m not sure if it was in her imagination, though. I’m just going to make myself happy and say it was real. Either way, super touching.)

    Beautiful. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thank you very much, ninja! ^_^ I purposely am trying to keep it ambiguous. Everyone can decide for themselves whether she really spoke to Luc, or if it was all in her imagination. Either way, I think it helped her so much! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. bennihickschloe says:

    Crying so hard right now!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. CitizenErased14 says:

    Thank you 🙂 This was a very freeing moment for Joce, I think! She really needed this — whether it was real or not!

    Like

  16. lisabeesims says:

    Oh so sweet that it gave me goose chill bumps … and so the journey begins Joce

    Liked by 1 person

  17. raerei says:

    I loved the images in this. And how we’ve always seen luc as solid up till now, watching Tobi and stuff, but here we see him as a ghost. And what an angle! You can see her three bird tattoo through it. … Hmm just wondered if she told her triplets it was for them all those years ago?

    Somehow seeing him as a ghost here, makes him seem more real than seeing him solid before.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. theceltygirly says:

    I held the tears in. I held it, but here come the tears. Damn, you and your emotional chapters. God, you’re a powerful writer. Do you write books or short stories or anything? You’d be good at it. You’re very good at evoking emotion. I’d buy your books.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      That is so sweet of you to say! 🙂 I’ve never published anything, but my dream is that someday I will. My current goal is to turn Dust to Dust into a novel or series of novels (which will require a lot of work! I’ll have to make lots of changes to take away all the Sims references and stuff so it’s truly original)

      Liked by 1 person

  19. misfit913 says:

    I’m glad I’m home alone, so nobody could see me cry!! Hopefully this will bring the closure that Joce needs.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Lisha says:

    I’m crying.

    Liked by 1 person

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