5.8: Seven

I don’t think I’ve been this exhausted in a long time.

Today was crazy… But really fun too. And mostly drama-free. Which is probably the best I can ask for these days.

My babies turned seven today. Seven. I almost can’t believe it. When did they start growing up so damn fast? And how the hell can I get them to stop?

Elliot and I had a good laugh about it at their party today. We’ve come such a long way since the girls were born. We’ve been through hell and back… Mostly because of me. Okay, maybe completely because of me. And I know I don’t deserve to have someone as amazing as him to help raise my children.

But I am so grateful that I do.

I know I don’t tell him that enough, so I tried to today. I just hope he realized how much I meant it.

This time last year, we took the girls to the movies and had cake with Elliot’s parents. I never would have dreamed we’d be spending their next birthday in Germany with my family. Let alone that we’d all be living here. Or that the girls would have a new adopted sibling.

Or that Luc would be gone.

I regret so many things these days. Too many to list. They haunt me all the time.

But I think one of the biggest is the fact that the girls never really got know Luc very well. And now they never can. Charlie really reminds me of him sometimes. The way she laughs, and her sense of humor… It’s so different from her sisters’. And so much like Luc’s.

Anyway, it was a fun day with the family. We all got together for dinner and cake… Even Mark was there.

I guess I wasn’t too sure about inviting him at first… But the girls really love him. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d see Mark laughing and playing with my kids the way he does. I mean sure, I used to imagine I’d be having his kids one day… But that was different. The childish fantasy of a naïve young girl.

Seeing him so kind and loving toward kids that aren’t even his own… I guess I don’t really know how to explain how it makes me feel. Confused, I guess. But good too. I think.

I know the girls were so excited that he came, and Zayne definitely loved having him there too. He did so well today. It’s been a few weeks since his last meltdown, and he seems more and more like himself every day. It takes one brave kid to make it through what he’s gone through, and to handle it so well. I really think Luc and Hazel would be proud of him. Or at least, I hope they would be.

It was nice seeing Gus and Noah together today too… They finally fixed their rough patch a few weeks ago, and today was the first time we’ve seen them since Gus moved back in. And guess what? They’re engaged now! I guess that was the source of their issues in the first place. I know commitment had been something they never quite saw eye-to-eye on… But I guess Noah had a change of heart. And I’m so happy for them. I think Luc would be too.

There was only one thing that kept today from being perfect. And I should have predicted it from the get-go…

Papa.

He promised me he wouldn’t drink today. We had a deal. He’d try to be happy. He’d act normal. He’d stay away from the beer.

Yeah, that didn’t last long.

I can’t believe he’d do this. How could he break a promise like that? And then have the gall to get MAD at me when I called him out on it?

He’s not well. And I know this goes so much deeper than the drinking. We all see it. We all try to talk to him. But he still won’t listen.

I’m not sure how much longer I can take this.