5.5: Not The Same

Hi! It’s me again! I’ve been real busy ‘cause of school and playin’ with Bruce and talkin’ to Dr. Becker and doin’ all kindsa fun stuff with everybody, and it was hard to find time to start writin’ again. But now I’m back!


Las’ time I wrote I talked about Mama and Papa comin’ back and takin’ me home. But now I dunno what’s gonna happen. Tante Joce and Alex and Charlie and Tony all came to live here at Oma and Opa’s house. It’s kinda weird. But everybody said that have to come, since Tante Joce is gonna take care of me now. They say Mama and Papa wanted her to, since I guess they can’t do it anymore.


But I really just want them to come back. I miss Mama’s hugs and kisses and Papa’s songs he used to sing at bedtime. Sometimes I like to preten’ I can still hear him singin’ at nighttime. It’s kinda nice, I guess. But it’s not the same.

And I don’t like seeing everybody so sad all the time. Grownups aren’t ‘posed to cry. But for a while, it was like everybody was. All the time!


Now they just cry sometimes. But I want ‘em to just stop and not cry EVER again! Dr. Becker keeps tellin’ me it’s okay for the grownups to still cry sometimes. He says they miss Mama and Papa too.

But Bruce knows I’m right. He says grownups are ‘posed to be brave an’ strong, like he is.


And I wanna be brave n’ strong too. ‘Specially when I’m playin’ with the triplets. They all talk funny. And they think I talk funny. I don’t want ‘em thinkin’ I’m a crybaby too!

At least they’re kinda nice though. Tante Joce is too… But she keeps tryin’ way too hard to be my Mama. And she’s NOT. She’s Charlie and Alex and Tony’s Mama. But she’s my Tante. And not even a Tante who knows me. Tante Joce keeps tryin’ to know me, but she doesn’t. Not like Tante Clara. And definitely not like Mama and Papa.


Anyway, Christmas is comin’ real soon, so I wrote a letter to Santa today. Well… I tried to write. It was really just scribbles, like this. But I know he can read it ‘cause he’s magic!


Tante Joce an’ Oma an’ Opa tol’ me and the triplets to write down our special Christmas wish. They said if we’re real good and wish real hard, we’ll get the super-special thing we want.

Betcha you can guess what my wish was.

I really hope it comes true.


48 thoughts on “5.5: Not The Same

  1. Oh geez. This isn’t gonna end well at all. Methinks I’m gonna install a bomb shelter in the basement of my camp here on the shore. Nope. Not going anywhere near that house on Christmas LOL.

    What’s this thing with him and scribbles? Has he just learned to write in cursive? Or does he see the adults writing in cursive and he writes in print and thinks they can’t read it? lol, I remember him saying something about that in his first entry.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, Zayne is only five years old at this point, so he can *barely* write anything at all. There really isn’t any possible way he could write out these long journal entries with all these complex words. So he just starts scribbling on the page and in his head thinks that he’s writing in a secret code language that the grownups can’t read.

      So we are “reading” the journal by hearing Zayne’s internal monologue as he scribbles all over the page. If Joce or Mark or any of the Rosebrooks found his journal, they’d find a bunch of scribbled-on pages haha

      Liked by 5 people

  2. I can’t help but think Bruce is going to be a bad influence on Zayne later on. :/

    As for Zayne himself, for some reason, I’m starting to get a little fed up with him basically throwing Jossy under the bus. I get he’s probably still in mourning, but still.


    1. Zayne likes Jocelyne, he just is very adamant about her not being his mother and he’s afraid that she is going to try to be. I think he will warm up to her in time. 🙂


  3. My eyes shed tears every time Zayne says he wants mommy and daddy back. I feel so baf for him. I tell you, kid, when you get older, you’ll really understand that your parents will never come back. A single cigarette killed them! 😥 I really miss Luzel.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, it’s so sad 😦 I really feel so awful for little Zayne! I think he’ll understand when he’s older too. But for now, he’s living in his little-kid fantasy of them coming back 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I feel like Jocelyn’s good intentions are going to be her down fall. It’s not like Zayne needs a mother he had one and clearly remembers.What she needs to do is establish the fact that she’s his aunt and she’s not trying to replace his parents. That she just trying to be there for him. I adore Jocelyn but she needs to start thinking about what Zayne really needs and not what her guilt filled conscience thinks he needs. And if she’s not doing what I previously said then the storm that’s coming at Christmas time will be the perfect chance to prove me wrong.
    And I just can’t get enough of how adorable Zayne is!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. He is pretty darn adorable, isn’t he?

      And as for Jocelyne, I see what you’re saying. I do think she’s made it clear to him that she isn’t his mother now, she’s just his aunt who’s taking care of him. But I think Zayne interprets things the way he wants to haha.


      1. um he’s keeps saying the adutls are saying “the parents aren’t able to take care of him anymore and Tante Joyce will be since they wanted him too” the way its worded means they didn’t really tell him at all.. they tried to hide it.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Just because they told him his parents had to go away/can’t take care of him doesn’t mean they never said it wasn’t permanent.


  5. How old is he again? I sometimes get confused, and don’t know if it’s dealing with a 6 or a 10 year old…And all that is going to end bad, oh, how is going to end bad…I bet someone is going to explode in rage and yell that his parents are dead and are never ever coming back, and he enters a emo-gotic state…you have to cry for the dead some time, for some people it takes years to finally cry for the loved ones, and i sure hope that Zayne isn’t one of those people….


        1. I actually use my height mod on the children 🙂 If you look closely in most shots (except ones where poses are used) Zayne is the shortest of all the Gen 5 children 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

    1. I saw that someone already answered his age, but yes, he’s 5 🙂 If he were any older, he’d be handling things a lot differently I think!

      Hopefully Zayne won’t end up an emotional teen! Haha we will have to wait and see how he turns out when he’s older 🙂


  6. I noticed the name “Dr. Becker”. Is this his therapist?

    I crack up every time I see Bruce in his costume. 😀

    Poor dude, he still doesn’t understand the whole permanent part of death… 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh dear. I feel bad for Joce – having to parent someone who is not her own child. She should speak to Stefan about the best way to gain Zayne’s trust without feeling like she’s trying to be his mother.

    Poor Zayne. Hopefully because his parents died when he was 5, he won’t be a depressed teen. That would make me sad. But knowing you, I’m not even going to cross my fingers; I’ll wait and see. 🙂

    Love the update BTW and I love how you write Zayne’s voice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like your suggestion that she talk to Stefan! He and Jonas definitely have experience in that area, don’t they?

      I’m interested to see how Zayne is as a teen too 🙂 I have an idea in mind of course, but sometimes when I actually start writing them, characters come out a bit differently than I was expecting 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Yeah, he’s simply too young to wrap his head around the concept of death. It’s very upsetting for me to write these chapters where the poor little guy is in such denial 😦

    I’m glad you enjoy the scribbles haha that’s awesome that you used to do the same LOL! And thank you, I have a hard time writing children so I’m glad the work is paying off for you.

    Thanks so much for reading!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha well the Rosebrooks are descendants of my family from Dust to Dust, which was all about a ghost, so they do live in a universe where ghosts are real, but the “rules” of being a ghost in this universe are different than game-ghosts 🙂


        1. The ghost isn’t the narrator of my other story, don’t worry! 🙂 And just having a ghost in your story definitely doesn’t make you a copycat haha


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