5.3: Make It Stop

It just won’t stop.

I keep waiting and waiting, but it won’t go away, no matter what I do. Not even when things finally start feeling normal again… Which they have been, lately.


Having Jocelyne back is helping a little. My baby girl is home again… Or she will be soon, at least. And I can’t wait until she is. Lettie and I have been helping re-decorate some of the old bedrooms for her and the girls, and we already have Zayne set up in Lucas’ old room.

We love having him here with us, and I know we’ll love having the triplets too. It’s nice having some light around the house again, y’know? And my God, could we use it.


It still creeps up on me, though. All the time. When I least expect it.

Maybe it’s a comment Lettie makes about Lucas. Or the way Zayne smiles and looks so damn much like his Vater. Or sometimes it’s catching a glimpse of an old photo at the wrong time. Or thinking about what’s inside that urn almost every time I walk by it.


Something always manages to bring it back. The thing under the sheet. The thing that used to be my son.

It’s mostly at night, when I’m sleeping… Or trying to. Sometimes I just can’t. It’s like I can hear his voice or something. A whisper, y’know? Barely there. Maybe even in my head. But I can’t ignore it. It’s like he’s calling out to me, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t make out the words.


So I open my eyes, and look into the darkness. But it’s empty. There’s nothing there.

Well… Almost nothing.

11-03-16_9-05-04-pm 10-16-16_7-39-47-pm 11-03-16_9-08-17-pm 10-16-16_7-40-45-pm 11-03-16_9-07-41-pm

I try so hard to be strong for Lettie. I know losing Lucas is killing her just as much as it’s killing me… But she doesn’t know how lucky she is. She never had to see what I saw. What I still see.

It’s like it’s following me everywhere, no matter what I do. I see it all the time. And it’s not normal. I know it isn’t.

But I don’t know how to make it stop.

I don’t think anything can.



48 thoughts on “5.3: Make It Stop

  1. Some ghots of the pass can be more alive than we think. It’s very sad to see Tobi like this! I hope is only a ”methaphore” of the pain he is feeilng ( just a feeling, AKA he don’t really see him), but if ”Luc” turn’s into a ”fisical” being and Tobi can see him cleary, that mean’s the problem is in Tobi’s head…

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think that would be a good way for Tobi to find some release. Like, he’s having a really crappy moment and crying next to the urns and then Luc’s ghost taps him on the shoulder and is like “dude, the afterlife is awesome!”

        Liked by 1 person

  2. But if Luc comes to visit Tobi he should also visit his son as well. I think it would make more sense for Luc to visit Zayne since Zayne because he’s a child is more ‘in tuned’ to unusual stuff


    1. Well we don’t really know if it’s actually Luc’s ghost or if it’s just in Tobi’s head. The “visits” are not necessarily real, but we’ll see. 🙂


  3. Oh no! 😥 He’s still thinking about that “thing”. I feel for him, i really do. It must be really hard having to see his son like that charred thing all the time. 😥 😥 😥
    And knowing that it isn’t his son anymore, but that it used to be that beautiful, handsome young boy we heard so much about. The famous guitarist! The one with the beautiful wife and sweet little boy. Oh man, i’m getting teary eyed 😥

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Don’t something like 80% of couples that lose a child end up getting divorced? Not only does Tobi have his own grief to deal with, but also Lettie feeling miserable all the time. And he can’t do anything about that either. Such a powerless position.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, unfortunately the death of a child has a bad reputation for splitting up marriages :-/ Tobi and Colette already came close to splitting once before… let’s hope it won’t happen 😦


  5. Hugs the Rosebrooks. This is rough on all of them, I know. Poor Tobi. I understand needing to know for sure what happened to your son. But don’t just think you can get over this with a little time and some new faces around the house. This was probably the worse thing that can and will happen. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah this is something that will hurt for a long time — probably the rest of his life. But he definitely needs help getting through this so he can at least function again :-/

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry about your friend’s loss. That’s heartbreaking! 😦

    This whole arc definitely makes me feel the worst for Tobi, Colette, and Mark. Even though I don’t have children either, I agree with you — I feel like losing your child (at any age) would be the ultimate pain. It’s horrific. 😦

    I hope Tobi can get help too. He really needs it. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  7. *hugs Tobi*

    I, unfortunately, think that the horror will haunt him for a very long time, maybe even for the rest of his life. I hope he reaches out to someone about his pain..(counselor or therapist or other family members or something!) Tobi shouldn’t have to carry the burden alone. 😦

    This is the kind of pain that rips people apart. Sending my love to the Rosebrooks. ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s okay I like depressing stories actually. I’m reading Les Mis, and hey! That’s one of the most depressing pieces of literature out there! When done well, I really like depressing things.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Tobi 😭 Also, Gus looks so much like his father!

    I wonder what would have happened to everyone in an alternative universe, if Stefan and his children had been the heirs.

    Liked by 1 person

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