4.59: This One’s For You

Hey guys.

I apologize in advance for how personal this one’s gonna get. I just kinda felt like getting it out there, I guess.

There’s really no easy way to say this… My nephew Lucas and his wife Hazel died just a few days ago. He was thirty fucking years old, just like me. Thirty. And she was twenty-eight. It makes me sick. Literally sick.

I still feel so numb about it. It’s like it’s not real. I keep trying to tell myself the phone’s gonna ring and it’ll be Hazel inviting me and Florian for dinner. Or I’ll go on Facebook and find another stupid meme Lucas left on my wall.

But neither of those things will ever happen again.

I’m sorry for spilling my soul to you guys like this. Things are just really bad right now. And like I said, it’s like it doesn’t feel real yet, know what I mean? But I guess I can’t be in denial for that much longer.

Our relatives from Willow Creek flew in last night. We’re already getting things ready for the memorial service. And today, we published his obituary in the paper. Which is the real reason for this post, actually.

Fourteen years ago (God, I feel old), back when this was some shitty teen blog, I wrote this stupid post bitching about obituaries, and how boring and impersonal they are.

And I’ve been thinking about that post a lot lately, because my family trusted me with writing one for Lucas.

It was probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to write, but I hope he would have liked it… Guess I’ll never know. But I figured I’d share it here for you guys to read too, if you want.

So here it is.

This one’s for you, Lucas. I love you.