4.58: Never Go Away


Note: I have updated the warning on the front page of my blog to indicate that this story will feature the rather heavy themes of mourning and grief. Obviously we have now reached that point in the story.

I promise there is a light coming to save us from the doom and gloom, but for now, this is probably the darkest time my Rosebrooks have ever faced, and there are some heavy chapters ahead. So if death/grief/loss are sensitive subjects for you, please move forward with caution.

Thank you all for reading. 

—————————————–

10-16-16_8-27-40-pm

“No parent should have to bury their child.” That’s what everyone always says, right?

I’ve been thinking about that phrase nonstop for the past two days. And I agree. Completely. That’s something no one should ever have to do.

But guess what? I found out there are other things no parent should have to do either. Things that are so much fucking worse.

Things that will stay with you for the rest of your life.

No parent should have to be woken up at 3AM. By police officers at the door.

10-16-16_7-04-11-pm

No parent should have to be told by a complete stranger that their son is dead.

10-16-16_7-12-24-pm

No parent should have to hear the sound my wife made. Too see her crumble to the floor. And to know that you can never put her back together again.

10-16-16_7-18-37-pm

No parent should have to see their grandson the way we did that night. Burned. Bandaged. Lying in a cold hospital bed.

10-16-16_8-56-17-pm

No parent should have to tell him that his Mama and Papa are never coming home. Or that there’s barely even a home left to go back to.

10-16-16_8-58-47-pm

It almost makes the burying part sound easy, right?

Well, I’ve done all of that and more within the past forty-eight hours. And I would never wish one second of this hell on anyone. Anyone.

But none of that is even the worst part.

Not even close.

10-16-16_8-29-40-pm

I don’t know what made me do it. I really don’t.

Lettie and I decided on cremation right away. And I know Mark made the same decision we did. Probably for the same reason…

But something in me just had to know what happened to my boy. I had to see him with my own eyes, before it was too late. I had to see what had become of him.

10-16-16_7-23-00-pm

The coroner tried to warn me. Lettie tried to warn me. Mama and Papa. Everyone.

10-16-16_7-24-23-pm

But I wouldn’t listen.

10-16-16_7-32-21-pm

And my God, I wish I did.

10-16-16_7-39-47-pm

I will never forget what I saw when I pulled back that sheet.

10-16-16_7-40-45-pm

That twisted, mangled, charred, disgusting… thing. It looked like a piece of meat. Like some sick prop from a horror movie.

10-16-16_7-43-55-pm

But it wasn’t.

It was my son.

10-16-16_7-49-50-pm

The happy little baby who always giggled but barely ever cried.

04-02-16_4-24-44-pm

The sweet little boy who loved telling silly stories and eating too much ice cream.

10-16-16_5-47-12-pm

The driven and talented teenager who blew us all away with his passion and creativity.

06-19-16_7-12-49-pm

The brilliant musician who always followed his dreams, and made us proud every single day.

10-16-16_5-40-18-pm

The loving and devoted husband. The caring and gentle father.

10-16-16_1-53-27-am

My beautiful, talented, happy son. My Lucas.

10-16-16_5-53-32-pm

He’s gone.

All that’s left of him now is that thing under the sheet.

10-16-16_8-41-55-pm

It’s like it’s been burned into my mind. Etched there forever. I close my eyes, and it’s still there. I try to picture his face, and it’s all I can see.

10-16-16_8-38-10-pm

It’s haunting me. Mocking me. Reminding me that my son is gone. Dead. Destroyed. Replaced by that… thing. That twisted hunk of lifeless flesh.

10-16-16_8-39-30-pm

It follows me wherever I go.

And it will never go away.

10-16-16_8-37-27-pm

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63 Responses to 4.58: Never Go Away

  1. CitizenErased14 says:

    Yeah, this was probably the most upsetting chapter I’ve ever written. It made me feel sick. 😦 But this is a very real and very tragic thing and I really wanted to show it, though it kills me to do so 😦

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I appreciate you saying that, though I’m sorry for how dark and upsetting this one was. The good (?) news is that this will probably be the darkest it gets right now.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Senna says:

    “Lettie and I decided on cremation right away. And I know Mark made the same decision we did. Probably for the same reason…”

    …The fuck, you guys? All that’s probably gonna do is remind you of the terrible way your kids died. :/

    Like

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      The reason they chose it was because they knew the bodies were destroyed horribly in the fire and would rather burn the rest of them away than have to think about their children’s bodies being so mangled. Obviously Tobi made the unwise decision to look at the body, so he has to live with that regardless. But I think Colette and Mark feel better this way.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. hammyskyblu123 says:

    Describing what Lucas’s body looked like made this chapter even sadder for me. 😥

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jes2G says:

    Oh Tobi. Oy. I don’t even…Oh Tobi.

    “That thing.” Poor guy. I know why he had to look, but…why Tobi? So tragic. smh

    Ugh. This poor family…going through the unimaginable! I do have pity. :’-(

    Liked by 1 person

  5. kaffepigen says:

    He shouldn’t have gone… and i bet he knows that by now. I feel so sorry for him! It’s horrible that this happened to the family 😥 And horrible that Tobi felt like he had to see his son one last time 😥 That’s horrible.

    I don’t really know what to say tbh. This is just all so sad. I feel for the family in this rough time, but they are strong. I am positive they will make it through to the other side of the tunnel!

    While i read it, i felt like i was there, next to Tobi, looking at charred Luc 😥 It was horrible. It’s like i can feel their pain >.<

    Oh man, burying your child has got to be the most awful thing you can ever do!

    Very VERY well written xD

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yeah, he most definitely regrets going 😦 But you’re right, I think they’ll make it through. It will just take a while :-/

      And I appreciate that you thought this was well written. Thank you 🙂

      Like

  6. Trip says:

    I can’t believe I finally feel sorry for Tobi over something.

    Really. A lot of his problems were caused by him being rash or careless. He really want asking for anything like this. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  7. EddieSims says:

    😦 Please tell me they died from smoke inhalation before the fire burned them!!! What a horrible way to go not that any way of dying except from old age is good. Poor Tobi and Colette. And Mark too. It’s really hard for a parent when they end up outliving their children. It’s not the natural order.

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I hope they did 😦 I guess we will never know. But yeah, they died in one of the worst ways imaginable. I seriously feel like a monster writing this whole thing 😦

      Like

  8. Mumei No says:

    it’s a madness experience. It always make people question things they should not ask. It changes people to the core and they can never be the same. And now, on more not-so-sad note, this is very-well written! And I wonder how everyone is about their death, I bet someone i in negation and don’t want to accept reality, and will only make it painful to the others to get this person down and make they accept the fact. Agree with the cremation, that way you can’t go back into bad habits, and also remenber that their son is time-by-time being eaten by fungus and warms, besides, is classy! I that that when they make like elsa and ”let it go” they will trow their ashes somewere.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mumei No says:

      And I’m glad this was the ”darkest” chapter, because, I thought things would go much more worse…

      Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      You’re so right about how these types of experiences can change people. It’s so sad! I’m glad you like that they chose cremation. You are right that spreading the ashes is a great way to “let go”. We’ll see what ends up happening with Luc and Hazel’s. thank you for reading 🙂

      Like

  9. DanaColourful says:

    I have no words 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Spottydog714 says:

    Well, quite. I can only imagine how much worse this is for Joce.

    Like

  11. This chapter legit had me in tears. 😥
    Very well written, but oh my. 😭😭😭😭

    Like

  12. fairlyvocal says:

    Oh, this is so sad. I never really forgave Luc, but I didn’t really want him to die! And he tried to apologize to Joce … ugh, I’m gonna go forgive everybody who’s ever wronged me.
    I feel horrible now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I know, it’s awful 😦 No one deserves this!

      Don’t feel like you need to go mass-forgiving people haha Every circumstance is different. I think it can’t hurt to reflect a bit if you hold a grudge though. Like, how would you feel if something awful like this happened? Would you regret not forgiving? If the answer is yes, maybe it’s not truly a grudge worth holding? It’s much like what ChicagoStyleGirl said in a comment yesterday.

      Like

  13. audreyfld says:

    So terribly tragic. This reminds me of family and friends I have lost where they had an open casket. That image remains one of the most profound memories of my loved one that can never be erased when the opposite is true for those that I didn’t have to see in death. I remember their life. When I started reading that Tobi was going to see him, I wanted to yell and say no!!!! I know some people thinks this gives them closure, but I don’t get it that. It just seems morbid. Poor Tobi, he will never ever forget that horror for the rest of his life. It will always overshadow the good memories of Luc. I knew this was going to especially difficult chapter but this has to only make it worse.

    Very well done – drama and more drama! I am glad we will soon be seeing happier times. I guess there are still some tough chapters to come first.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Exactly — once you have that imagine in your head, it totally overshadows the happy image you have if the person 😦 Even when he has moved on from this initial pain, I think that imagine will haunt him until the day he dies. 😦

      This was so hard to write! And yes, there are happier times ahead. Or at least less-miserable than this. But things are gonna be rough for a little while. :-/

      Like

  14. fabtiffsim says:

    Pretty miserable stuff. I hope they can all come together as a family now and at the very least be together again. 😦

    Like

  15. Amber says:

    This is so sad 😦 I was too shocked to even comment on the last chapter, this will be so hard for everyone 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  16. peacesign101 says:

    God, it’s so terrible to think that this happens to other people. I can hardly read this without wanting to cry, just imagine all the people having to deal with this. It really is terrible 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  17. maladi777 says:

    Very well written. Lettie on the floor broke my heart. 😦
    I loved Tobi’s memories of Lucas. It was nice to recall all those pictures of him for the last time.
    I know you’ve put a lot from yourself into Tobi in this chapter because in a way you’re Luc’s parent too. *hug*

    Liked by 1 person

  18. iveretree says:

    Wow this was intense. I had to send it to my friends (who still don’t get the whole sims thing but oh well they can cope), and when I posted the link I couldn’t help but notice a bit of a connection when you consider the title of this blog in relation to what’s happened.
    So well written though!
    I am a little worried that you say this is the darkest time they’ve faced (although it totally makes sense). Mari’s struggles a couple generations ago seemed dark enough for me :/

    Liked by 1 person

  19. octopocket says:

    ☹️ this was hard to read… my condolences to the family

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Virtualee says:

    RIP and my heart is with this precious family 😥

    Liked by 1 person

  21. SpurklyNinja says:

    This was very well written.

    Seeing it from Tobi’s perspective was heartbreaking. The tragic thing is that this is probably the case for so many other families. My heart goes out to the Rosebrooks and any other family going through this kind of loss and suffering. 😥

    How are you doing after this, Citizen? 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thank you very much, Ninja. This was so heartbreaking for me to write, largely because of what you said — this is just a fictional story, but there are really families out there living this hell 😦 I never really think about it much, but ever since writing this, I have. And it’s awful.

      I’m better than I thought I’d be, thank you for asking haha. I know it’s silly, but I’m glad you understand that these characters are really special to me. Killing Luc hurt. A lot. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  22. bennihickschloe says:

    This was so hard to read…but damn was it well written! I don’t think the electrical tape will piece our hearts back together after reading that…we’ll have to buy some super glue when we go to buy a new box of tissues to replace the one we just tore through reading this. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  23. raerei says:

    Tears sting my eyes, and I wonder how I have come to care so much about this family and their hardships. They’ve been through a lot – normally though it’s of their own making. Their stubbornness or silence, their guilt or grudges – but not this time. This time it’s an extranal factor. I hope it brings them together and they can support each other. sometimes these events tear people apart…

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Nakashima says:

    Aaaand I’m sitting at my desk crying while my husband is trying to figure out what the eff is wrong with me. Yikes, this chapter stung. Pregnancy hormones plus the sheer thought of that happening to my 1 year old.. eh, aint pretty.

    I cant imagine what poor Tobi and Lettie are going through, especially since he went and had to see the body. I get why he had to, but dang, that’ll haunt him forever..

    Imma go dig out the ice cream now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Oh yeah, this one was probably the most painful chapter I’ve written. I’m sorry it upset you so much 😦 (btw, congrats on the coming baby!)

      I seriously appreciate that you’re taking all this time to read! (I hope you can see these comments? 🙂 ). You’re very close to being all caught up!

      Like

      • Nakashima says:

        Eh, running out of pringles also makes me weep these days, so dont feel bad 😉 And thanks 🙂

        Your writing is amazing, and I’m seriously loving the story. I appreciate you writing it so I have the ability to read it! Honestly, it’ll suck to be caught up, I’ve been so drawn into it these past few days! Keep up the awesome work 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • CitizenErased14 says:

          Thank you so much! 🙂 Thankfully, I actually am a bit insane and I update 5 times a week haha so once you’re caught up, you don’t have to wait very long for new chapters! ^_^ I update every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. Monday and Friday are my “days off” hahaha. I occasionally have to cut this back to 3 or 4 a week, or even sometimes up it to daily updates when I am feeling extra-insane 😛 And I always mention in an author’s note when I’m going to do that 🙂

          If you follow the blog you will get email notifications when I update. Otherwise, just check back often. New chapters appear all the time 😛 Thanks again for reading and for your kind words! 😀

          Like

  25. theceltygirly says:

    I’m so cold and keep getting chills.
    This is the second time your story has brought me to tears. Damn.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I don’t “like” how upsetting this was, but I appreciate your comment. This chapter right here is the most painful chapter I’ve ever written. I felt sick to my stomach thinking about the real parents who have to go through this pain. What a nightmare 😦 My poor Tobi.

      Like

  26. misfit913 says:

    Another tearjerker episode. Poor Tobi looking at Luc 😦 That had to have been tough.

    Like

  27. skcaga6 says:

    I should have skipped a few chapters. 😦 These are hitting way too close to home. Years ago our neighbors home caught fire. They lost their 7 year old daughter in the fire. A little girl that I used to babysit. And now I’m getting ready to go to my uncle’s funeral. Way too close to home.

    Like

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I am so sorry 😦 I did try to make a warning that we have some really heavy chapters coming because I didn’t want people to get upset. I totally understand if you take a break ❤️

      Like

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