4.54: Alone

It’s strange how quiet the apartment is now.

There’s no music blasting through Clara’s speakers. I can’t hear her gabbing away on the phone with Florian or Lena. I can’t hear anything, except my pencil scratching against the paper.

09-25-16_12-05-22-am

Clara was a total mess when she left this morning. Worrying, apologizing, almost crying. “You shouldn’t be alone.” She kept saying. I know she felt terrible about having to go.

But it’s not like she had a choice.

09-25-16_12-37-56-am

The twins are due in less than three weeks – which basically means they could come any day now. And Clara wants to be back home in Windenburg when they do, of course… Which means going home early, and leaving me to spend the last month and a half of the semester on my own.

And normally, I think I’d like the peace and quiet.

But not now.

09-25-16_12-06-00-am

It’s only been a few hours since she left, and it’s already starting to get to me. The silence. The emptiness.

It’s not like I even have any friends on campus I can turn to. I’ve always kinda kept to myself… And Elliot — probably the closest thing to a friend I’d have left here at school — isn’t even on the continent anymore. He went back to Willow Creek at the start of the semester.

I’m all alone.

There’s nothing to distract me. Nothing to stop me from thinking about… everything. The horrible shitstorm that is my life right now.

I’ve been thinking about my parents. I think about when they showed up here last week. I think of how horrible it was to hear maman cry like that. I think of how hurt and sorry Papa sounded when he talked to me. I think of how much I wanted to open the door and rush into their arms.

But I didn’t.

09-25-16_12-25-16-am

I stood my ground. I kept the door shut. I told them I hate them. I waited in my room until they finally left me alone.

I’ve been thinking about Luc a lot too… I guess I have Florian to thank for that. After he helped Clara load up the car, he pulled me aside. “Lucas is really worried,” he told me. “He wants to talk to you.”

09-25-16_12-39-14-am

Was that supposed to make me feel better, or something? Because it didn’t. Not one bit. All it did was remind me of how angry I am. Of how this is all his and Hazel’s fault.

And of how I never want to speak to either one of them again.

09-25-16_12-07-22-am

Of course, there’s one more person I’ve been thinking of too.

09-25-16_12-11-53-am

But that’s not anything new.

09-25-16_12-16-10-am

I’m sure I’ll get used to it eventually – being alone. Having nothing better to do than feel miserable all the time. Sitting in the silence, dwelling on the past, and fearing the future.

Guess that’s gonna be my life for the next couple months, until I go back home.

And after that…

Well, that’s the part I don’t want to think about.

09-25-16_12-06-47-am

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41 Responses to 4.54: Alone

  1. sonniejj says:

    My poor Joce 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  2. shamanarza says:

    Stay strong! Sing “Let it go” a few times (possibly followed by “Defying Gravity”)!

    Seriously though, this is the time to develop yourself as an individual, not as the dutiful daughter, not as the lover, but as someone you can be alone with. In the end, that’s all we have: a few cm^3 between the ears.

    Liked by 4 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      This is great advice! Hopefully Jocelyne will be able to take it?

      Like

    • raerei says:

      Here! Here! If you can’t be happy by yourself, you will have trouble being happy with others since they’re bound to leave you alone occationally.

      Although for Joce, this seems like a terrible time to be left all alone. I’d want her to be able to surround herself with friends who call up and pull her out of her apartment and moping. Exciting roles to play for the final year in college. Anything to keep her from stewing too long. Darn your introvert tendencies, Joce. You don’t even have a job to fill your non-class time anymore.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. CitizenErased14 says:

    Yes! Nooboos are imminent! *cough*TomrorrowsChapter*cough*

    And yes, the Luzel hatred is still very strong with Joce haha. As you could (hopefully) see in this chapter, she’s already softening a bit toward her parents, though she continues putting on the “I hate you” act. She’s not backing down!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Spottydog714 says:

    We had a quote for well being week on our Daily Bulletin in school this week. I’m gonna tell it to Joce:

    Don’t worry about the past; it’s behind you.
    Don’t worry about about the future; it hasn’t come.
    Just enjoy the moment, and live in the present.

    Which, is, admittedly, easier said than done at this point.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. maladi777 says:

    I guess the twins will distract Joce a little when they come.
    The worst part is that the happiness of other people will keep reminding her of what she can’t have anymore. *sniff*

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Jes2G says:

    (sigh) Poor thing. Angry and irrational. When you calm down, think on this… Is is really ALL Luc and Hazel’s fault?

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      To Joce? Yes. Yes it is 😛

      Liked by 1 person

    • maladi777 says:

      As you wrote earlier they are all entitled to their opinions and feelings. It is the way they act on them that makes me angry. Tobi and Colette as loving parents should learn to reaspect their daughter’s decision. And Hazel and Luc should not force a breakup on anyone. Mark could ask the same thing – hey, break up with Luc, Hazel, if you love your father so that things are not too weird…

      Liked by 3 people

      • Jes2G says:

        Ok, yes, Tobi & Colette should respect her decision. I’m not saying they shouldn’t. Here’s where I’m veering off the path. It sounds to me like everyone is mad at ToCo for suggesting Markelyne break up. I disagree. If that’s what they feel is best for their child, fine. Jocelyne, on the other hand has not-so-respectfully disagreed with their suggestion. Fine. Done. As the adult that she is, she can do that. Now we have to clean up this mess and move on. But, I feel like people are saying that ToCo doesn’t have a right to voice that opinion. I respectfully disagree. And if I’ve misinterpreted what people have said, then forget this whole thing.

        I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the role of a parent to an adult child—probably because of the stories I’m currently writing. Anyway, in speaking with my own parents, and hearing about what my friends say about their parents, I’ve learned that parenting never stops. What changes are the things parents worry about and us as the children can veto whatever they say. Us having the veto power doesn’t diminish the parents’ right to even have an opinion or offer advice. I feel like people (in general, not just here) think that parents should have zero say in the lives of their adult children. But, the fact of the matter is parents are still older and [hopefully] wiser and may have insight on situations that we don’t have simply because we haven’t lived long enough. Ok…that got kinda off topic, but…that’s where my head is right now. I don’t disparage ToCo for feeling like Jocelyne made a mistake.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Jes2G says:

    I’m not sure I agree Luc and Hazel should share 100% of the blame here.

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I will say that you’re right that Lucas really wouldn’t care much if it weren’t for Hazel. That changes EVERYTHING for him.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jes2G says:

      See, I don’t think Luc and Hazel didn’t anything wrong necessarily. I know everyone is upset with them, and I totally get it, but what was actually wrong about defending their own relationship and thinking about its future? What’s wrong with Hazel thinking about her relationship with her father? Why should she really care about Jocelyne? They’re not friends. Were they being selfish? Heck yeah! But are their thoughts actually wrong? I don’t think so. Everyone is always going to look out for number one. Well, everyone except Jocelyne who has historically looked out for everyone lol. But yeah, whether or not Tobi should be viewing his daughter as a teenager or not isn’t relevant. He’s a father who loves his daughter. Should he have said those things to Mark? Definitely not. Should he and Colette feel bad for not being comfortable with the relationship? No! Everyone should be entitled to feel how they feel even if the feeling isn’t popular. There is nothing wrong with having a different opinion. Sure, Lucas would feel completely different about it if it were anyone other than Hazel, but it doesn’t make his feelings wrong. They could have handled the situation WAY differently, and ALL of them could have stopped and thought about things from Joce’s perspective, but they didn’t…and now we’re here wading in this mess. Oy. Hot mess!

      Liked by 3 people

    • Jes2G says:

      Right? Feel free to hangout in my camp while your ship is out of commission. There’s plenty of popcorn, Twizzlers, and the perfect view! Amanda is currently banned for pilfering!
      Anyway, I do agree about that one part about them insisting Markelyne end their relationship. That definitely wasn’t right. I’m sure if I dig deep to the heart of everyone’s responses I’ll find something inherently wrong with them, but *shivers* too much drama down there with these Rosebrooks! LOL, I’m gonna stay on the surface with this one…at least today. XD

      Liked by 2 people

    • Jes2G says:

      LOL, that’s right! *salutes*

      Liked by 2 people

  8. maladi777 says:

    I think none of us said ToCo shouldn’t care at all. But parents need to act like the wise people you say they should be. Not start calling the person their daughter fell in love with bad names. That makes them as much immature as supposedly their kid.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. iveretree says:

    I’m really interested to hear more from Mark at the moment. Not because I’m really at all interested in seeing them get back together (I’m all for change, and I was never fully aboard the ship tbh), but just because I really admire what it took for him to stick to his guns and leave Joce.
    I seriously doubt he’s going to be feeling any better than she is at the moment, and what he decided must have at its root come from a place of insecurity about himself, I don’t think it was ALL Hazel.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      That’s an interesting theory about why he may have broken up with her! I can confirm we will have a Mark POV chapter soon-ish 😀

      Like

  10. Tizy says:

    I cannot answer under Jes2G comment because I don’t have a WordPress account but this comment is an answer for her eheh.
    What you said is right, ToCo as parents had all right to voice their opinions and they were even entitled to suggest Markelyn break up but is that what they did?
    Absolutely not.
    What changes is not just the veto power that you talk about. What changes should be parents behaviour toward the adult child, treating them knowing that they are adults and respecting them so, treating them like actually adults.
    Toby insulted and almost punched Mark and Colette cried as Jocelyne was sick and ready to die.
    What a true parent do in this case is maybe call Jocelyn on a side and speak to her and her only without disrespect their advice and opinions. Actually talk to her and maybe Mark too.
    Manifesting politely and respectfully their worries or their opinion would have be a mature approach to the situation.
    This is why I am personally mad to Toby and Colette. Not because they suggested or had opinions, because they actually didn’t. Now they want to talk but it’s too late! Of course Joce is mad and upset! Gee I would be either! Their reaction was rude and they didn’t care a second about their daughter, they went like bulls seeing red flags.
    This is not how you parent IMHO.

    To Luke I am mad for something else.
    I understand Hazel, I don’t appreciate her because she is being a bit immature but I can understand where she is coming from.
    If my father dated someone my age it would gross me out too.
    Luke should know her schwester (did I write it right?) well enough to know that she would bring home anyone. Luke should know that when Joce says the word LOVE she means it. Luke should have reassured hazel that Joce is not a sicko who has a fetish for older men. But this is just what he thinks. He proved not only that he doesn’t know Joce but that his opinion about her is that low.
    The only reason why I ship luzel is because they really deserve eachother and I hope a loooot of drama for them, maybe it will help them to learn not being selfish, because they clearly are.

    Now few words for Joce:
    You can just learn the lesson now sweet Joce and as someone else said learn to be alone and find happiness inside you. It’s senseless living just of memories and too much hurtful. You need to go on and if mark ccomes back to sense and finally understands that love is what is all about he will find a stronger Jocelyn.
    As for your family I’m not the right person to talk to, I have always said that we don’t get to choose our family but we choose our partner and our friends. I know it hurts thousands of times more when the stab comes from who should protect you and love you but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and you so needed to learn to stand up for yourself ❤❤❤

    Citizen i love your drama, thanks for sharing with us, it effected my game too. I am doing the building newcrest challenge ( thanks to plumbob and his Bloomer Legacy ) and I’m on generation fourth where you have to build the gym. My sim really looks like Toby and just had 2 twins boy and girl and it made me think about you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Tizy! I think you’re very right about how the biggest problem with Tobi and Colette is how they handled the situation/expressed their feelings. Not the fact that they had those feelings at all. 🙂

      And yes, Luc should probably have trusted Joce a bit more. She’s his twin after all. He should know her so well!

      Nice advice for Jocelyne too. 🙂 I hope she’ll out stronger form this whole thing too!

      SO glad you’re enjoying all the drama, and I love that you thought of my story with your own sims 😀

      Like

    • Tizy says:

      I meant *she would not bring home anyone*
      And I mean that Joce is not the kind of person that introduces the first guy met 2 days ago to her family.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jes2G says:

      Of course that’s not how you parent! I never said they were perfect parents; we all know they’re not—especially Tobi. It’s easy for us to judge what they’re doing because we’re not in this situation and can easily see where everyone went wrong. We can speculate and predict how we personally would (or wouldn’t) react, but fact is you never know what you’re going to do when you’re caught off guard. ToCo was caught extremely off guard and unfortunately their reactions were not stellar. Does that make them bad parents? No! Does it negate their parenting rights? No! They made a mistake, and they’re trying to make it right, but Jocelyne has made up her mind that it’s too late.

      I totally agree with your assessment of Lucas, and I still totally ship Luzel! They may be immature, selfish, and a bit hasty, but come on…they are just too darn cute! lol Those reasons aren’t enough for me to stop supporting them…and I hope it works out.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. kaffepigen says:

    Poor Joce 😦 this was so sad.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Virtualee says:

    Oh The pain of break-up Good Lord I really believe sticking one’s eye with a sharp pencil is less painful that heartache ::cries alongside Joc and shares her ice cream::

    Liked by 1 person

  13. SpurklyNinja says:

    Well… you have some “me” time now, right, Joce? Spend it doing something for you (go on a trip, binge watch on Netflix, anything really).

    Baby steps toward happiness, I hope? (please please please…. *secretly loves the drama*)

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I love the idea of Joce binge-watching a show on Netflix! Hopefully she can make some strides toward feeling more normal again… But we’ll see.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. theceltygirly says:

    I’m hugging her through my laptop.

    Liked by 1 person

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