It’s strange how quiet the apartment is now.
There’s no music blasting through Clara’s speakers. I can’t hear her gabbing away on the phone with Florian or Lena. I can’t hear anything, except my pencil scratching against the paper.
Clara was a total mess when she left this morning. Worrying, apologizing, almost crying. “You shouldn’t be alone.” She kept saying. I know she felt terrible about having to go.
But it’s not like she had a choice.
The twins are due in less than three weeks – which basically means they could come any day now. And Clara wants to be back home in Windenburg when they do, of course… Which means going home early, and leaving me to spend the last month and a half of the semester on my own.
And normally, I think I’d like the peace and quiet.
But not now.
It’s only been a few hours since she left, and it’s already starting to get to me. The silence. The emptiness.
It’s not like I even have any friends on campus I can turn to. I’ve always kinda kept to myself… And Elliot — probably the closest thing to a friend I’d have left here at school — isn’t even on the continent anymore. He went back to Willow Creek at the start of the semester.
I’m all alone.
There’s nothing to distract me. Nothing to stop me from thinking about… everything. The horrible shitstorm that is my life right now.
I’ve been thinking about my parents. I think about when they showed up here last week. I think of how horrible it was to hear maman cry like that. I think of how hurt and sorry Papa sounded when he talked to me. I think of how much I wanted to open the door and rush into their arms.
But I didn’t.
I stood my ground. I kept the door shut. I told them I hate them. I waited in my room until they finally left me alone.
I’ve been thinking about Luc a lot too… I guess I have Florian to thank for that. After he helped Clara load up the car, he pulled me aside. “Lucas is really worried,” he told me. “He wants to talk to you.”
Was that supposed to make me feel better, or something? Because it didn’t. Not one bit. All it did was remind me of how angry I am. Of how this is all his and Hazel’s fault.
And of how I never want to speak to either one of them again.
Of course, there’s one more person I’ve been thinking of too.
But that’s not anything new.
I’m sure I’ll get used to it eventually – being alone. Having nothing better to do than feel miserable all the time. Sitting in the silence, dwelling on the past, and fearing the future.
Guess that’s gonna be my life for the next couple months, until I go back home.
And after that…
Well, that’s the part I don’t want to think about.