4.51: Unexpected

So… I had a pretty unexpected visitor today.

Well, I guess any visitor besides Mark would have been pretty unexpected. I don’t have a lot of friends on campus, and Joel and Mei have been so busy with the baby that they don’t really have much time to visit. Especially without warning me first.

But this visitor definitely didn’t tell me she was coming… And I think I know why. I probably would have insisted she stay back at home. I haven’t seen my family at all in almost a month, except Clara. I’ve barely even spoken to them. And it’s easier that way. For all of us.

So needless to say, I was pretty surprised when Oma showed up on our doorstep this afternoon. I don’t think she’s ever visited us at school before, actually. Not since our first year, at least.

“What are you doing here?” I remember asking her.

Apparently Clara conveniently ‘forgot’ to tell me her Mama was stopping by visit. I didn’t buy it for a second, of course. Then Oma gave in, and said she just wanted to talk.

I didn’t even have to ask what about.

I knew what was coming. She was going to lecture me about avoiding my family. She was going to guilt me into talking to my parents and Luc again. She was going to remind me for the hundredth damn time how messed up my relationship is.

But she didn’t.

I mean, she did tell me that I should try talking to my parents again. But not for the reason I thought. Oma says I need to sit down and talk to them. She thinks they’re finally ready to give Mark and I a chance. She said they’d calmed down a lot, and she really thinks they’d be willing to listen to me now – as long as I listen to them too.

“I think they’ll come around.” She told me. “But they can’t do that if you don’t talk to them.”

At first I just kinda shrugged her off, but the more I thought about it, the more it started to feel like maybe it wouldn’t be such a terrible idea. I mean, it couldn’t hurt, could it? Things are already so shitty between my parents and I. How could they possibly get any worse?

Anyway, the more she talked to me, the better I started to feel. Even when I told her about what was going on here at school, and how weird Mark had been acting, and how worried I was that something bad would happen… It really helped to get it all out. And I actually felt pretty good by the time I was done.

Oma didn’t judge me or try to lecture me. She just listened. And I think that was what I needed more than anything… Someone besides Clara who’d actually listen to me instead of yelling at me or making me feel like some kind of freak.

When I finished, she told me she understood why I was nervous… But she also said that I need to talk to Mark about how I’m feeling. “Really talk to him,” she said. No matter how hard it is.

And I know she’s right.

If we don’t talk about it now, things will only get worse… And I don’t even wanna think about what could happen if they do.

I can’t lose Mark. I can’t. He’s the one good thing in my life right now. Maybe the only good thing I’ve ever really had. I can already feel us drifting farther and farther apart… And things can’t get any better if I don’t do something about it.

It’s like Oma told me… It’s not what anyone else says or thinks that matters. This is about us.

And if I want Mark and I to stay an ‘us’…

Well, I’m not giving up without a fight.

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Zero self control, as usual… Daily updates from now until October 20th LMAO

See you tomorrow with the next chapter 😛