4.49: Cycle

Note: One steamy screenshot in this one.

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It’s been more than a week now. And some days, I still can’t stop crying.

I think this is even worse than when Mark rejected me all those months ago. And that was hell.

So what do you even call this?!

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I’m just so damn miserable all the time. It’s like I’m caught in some sort of vicious cycle. One I can’t break out of, no matter how hard I try, or how much Mark and Clara try to help me through it.

It always starts of the same way too – I start thinking about what happened that night. I remember the way Papa looked at Mark. I remember the terrible thing he called him. I remember maman practically begging me to tell her it wasn’t true. And I remember Luc… The horrible things he said to me, and the look on his face when he said them.

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And at first, I feel sad. Hurt. Broken. How can my family – my own family – say such horrible things to me? Be so unsupportive? Treat me like I’m some kind of child who can’t take care of herself?

The more I think about it, the angrier I get.

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That brings us to the next step – all the hateful, horrible things I start thinking about them. I don’t even know if I can write them here. Have you ever just felt so mad it was like you were literally seeing red? Like, your brain is just so overwhelmed by so much anger that you can’t even take it anymore? And you can’t even control what you’re thinking?

Yeah. That’s how bad it gets. And once I’ve calmed down enough to realize all the horrible things I’d been thinking… I feel sick. Horrible. Like I’m the worst person in the world. They’re my family. It doesn’t matter how shitty they’re being… I should never think of them that way, should I?

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That’s when the tears come back.

Then a little voice in the back of my mind starts telling me that it’s okay to be angry. That it’s justified. And it reminds me of the reason I feel this way in the first place – because of all those horrible things they said to Mark and me.

And then the cycle continues.

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I guess it’s getting a little easier though.

Not talking to my family is definitely helping.

I think my parents call me about three times a day. It’s so annoying. And I had to go as far as blocking Luc on Facebook. They just won’t leave me alone! Poor Clara’s been working hard trying to convince them to lay off, and I know Oma, Opa, and Gus are helping too. They’re all on my side. Mostly, at least. And talking to them helps me feel a little better.

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I mean, they’ve been up front that they’re not entirely comfortable with Mark and I being together. And honestly, I get it. I seriously do. I even get why maman and Papa are so worked up. And Luc and Hazel? Definitely. They probably have more of a right to be upset than anyone.

But guess what?

It’s none of their business. This is my life and my decision. They have no right to try to stop me, or judge me for just trying to be happy!

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Oma and Opa get it. Gus gets it. Clara definitely gets it. She’s even helped Florian start to come around…

So why can’t the rest of my family get it too?

Poor Mark. I can ignore my family… But he can’t ignore Hazel. Not completely, anyway. I mean, she’s his kid. He doesn’t exactly have as much of a choice as I do. And while she might not be as… volatile as my Vater and Bruder… She’s just as stubborn. Just as unsupportive.

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It’s really stressing Mark out. He tries really hard to hide it, but this is really killing him. I can tell.

I wish there was something I could do to make it all better… But I know I can’t. The most I can do right now is just be there for him, just like he is for me. And I guess that makes the pain a little easier… The fact that we’re going through it together.

And sometimes, when he holds me in his arms… I actually believe that things might be okay.

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He just keeps proving to me time and time again that he’s the most incredible man in the world. He’s the love of my life.

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I can’t even imagine what my life would be like without him.

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And I don’t ever want to find out.

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53 thoughts on “4.49: Cycle

    1. LMAO! Yeah that bathtub pose set is awesome! There was another pose I wanted to use, but I could only pick one 😛 I couldn’t resist 😉

      And yes, hopefully they’ll come around soon! We’ll have to wait and see…

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Keep going girl, you have a long road to go! Thank you for the alert, and she has to break the cycle! This is all for now, i’m sure, Just like Gus, they will think about everything they said, well, that is no necessarily good, but is something, keep up, and that love be the thing that will support you in this hard times.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yeah, Joce is so angry and hurt, I feel awful!!!

    As for the Luc thing, we don’t know WHAT he’s been saying to her (or trying to). All we know is that he’s been trying to contact her, and she doesn’t want to talk to him. Same thing with Tobi and Colette. They call her constantly… But why? What are they saying to her? It’s not quite clear…

    And lol I’m telling your husband 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And now I want to think of gross and vivid ways Mark could die even before his time. No. 😦

      Though when I first saw this title in one of your sneak peeks, I thought it’d lead to a pregnancy arc for Joce. Kind of glad it’s not. Let Clara’s babies have the spotlight for a bit please. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This was really intense. All the sadness and anger she has inside of her isn’t helpful 😞 i hope she’s sharing these feelings with Mark so they can work through it together.
    I really love your pictures in this! They are so strong and they almost speak for themself

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I definitely think she is being open with Mark about those feelings and he’s helping her. This is such a tough time for her 😦

      And thank you so much, I’m glad you enjoyed the screenshots in this one!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hahaha a lot of people seemed to think this would be a pregnancy-related chapter lol But nope!

    And LOL hopefully happy times are ahead! Glad you liked the steamy bathtub shot haha

    Like

  5. Great update again. I’m still on Joce’s side too.
    I noticed one thing about warnings/notes at the start of a chapter. They distract me! When I know stuff is going to occur in the following chapter I’m on lookout for it. I’m a curious person you know. I still remember what this chapter was about. Mostly. There’s one specific part I remember more than the rest though. Still, it’s worth it. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha I do that because I have younger readers who have expressed that they don’t feel comfortable with the sexier screenshots, so I like to warn them so they aren’t scarred for life haha But I agree that they can be distracting 😦

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  6. At least Jossy isn’t budging on the whole “not talking to the assholes” thing.

    Now I also want to strangle Luc. Just because your sister is dating your girlfriend’s dad doesn’t mean you have the right to be a goddamn prick. (And who knows: He and Hazel might just break up. THEN where will the haughty little emperor be?)

    Jossy has the right idea blocking that jack-off on Facebook. He couldn’t possibly have said anything nice.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Poor Jocelyne… at least there are some supportive people. Did she actually pick up the phone when her parents called? Because if she did and they were being dicks, I understand. But if she didn’t even pick up the phone…I think ToCo should be at least heard out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a great question! The screenshot is Joce talking to Mari/Auggy/Jonas (one of the three). She doesn’t answer when her parents call :-/ She’s not in the right mindset to be willing to listen… But I think you’re right that they deserve a chance! Hopefully she’ll give them one…

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  8. Hello, bathtub… 😉

    I think the anger is completely understandable, as well as the ignoring (hell, I’ve been a firm supporter of #TeamMarklyne since the beginning!). However, eventually, something’s got to give here. She’s going to have to listen to them at some point, and they’re going to have to hear her out at some point. I just hope that when that day comes, her family will give her support, not berate her for who her heart loves.

    It must really suck for Mark. He’s been mislabeled and outright insulted by her family. His own daughter disapproves of who he loves. :/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are totally right — how long can they keep this up before they finally start communicating? haha Something’s definitely gotta give. And we’ll see what happens when it does 😉

      And yeah, Mark is hurting a lot right now 😦 This is difficult all around!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Honestly I think I’m in the minority on this one… *shields self*

    Do I think her family reacted like a bunch of jerks? Yes.
    Do I think they said some things they didn’t mean? Yes.
    Am I super proud Joce isn’t letting people walk all over her? Yes.
    Do I think Mark’s a creeper? No.

    That being said – if no one else, it IS Hazel’s business, in my opinion. It’s her father, and Joce would be an important figure in their family. Sure, everyone’s an adult, it’s not the same as if they were kids, but like… If my mom started dating a guy my age, I’d be pissed! And it is weird.

    I dunno. Like I said, I’m very divided about it, and I’m CLEARLY in the minority, but I don’t really think this is best for her in the long run.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I really do agree with you, to a degree. Hazel probably has the most right to voice her displeasure here. Everyone else is just being too harsh and having knee-jerk reactions. But I think she does have valid concerns. This would most definitely affect her! I’d also freak out in her shoes haha imagine how freaking weird this is for her!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah! Like, obviously everyone reacted incredibly harshly – even if your daughter was dating a super creep, the best course of action is not to scream at her about it! And obviously Joce is old enough to make her own decisions, and she shouldn’t just stop seeing Mark because her family doesn’t like it, but I think there are valid concerns in there. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I loved every word and every screenshot on this chapter.
    You go girl you are right. It’s your life and its our forsaken right to be happy otherwise everything is meaningless.
    They don’t get it? Their problem!
    Fight for your happines, because if you don’t noone else will.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I just have this terrible feeling that he’ll leave her … I don’t even know why … BUT I’M STILL NOT AGAINST IT!!!!!!! I SUPPORT YOU, JOCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Joce appreciates your support 😛 And wow, that’s an upsetting prediction! At this point, literally anything is possible. We can’t know for sure where things will go from here. (Well, except me :P)

      Like

  12. I jus t read fairlyvocal and she scares me because I am so afraid you would really would sink our ship. Something more is going to happen and I have no idea what. That said…I can understand why Jocelyn is so upset. She has always been there for everyone and when she needed someone they didn’t ep rise to the occasion. Good for her for ignoring her family. They deserved it. I think I am even more upset with Luc now than Tobi last chapter! I do totally feel for Mark. He is definitely between a rock and a hard place. I just hope what gives is when the twins are born everyone comes together and sings Kumbaya! Clara and Florian are now aboard the SSMarkelyn so – if anyone wants to see the darling nooboos they have to suck it up and climb aboard too! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, I agree that Joce is totally justified in being so upset 😦 The poor thing! And yeah, Mark is struggling too. It can’t be easy to have his daughter so upset and unsupportive, and then meanwhile his girlfriend is so upset and he needs to support her and love her too. This whole thing is a mess (boy, do I love those!)

      And nooboos can definitely be good for peace-making 😛 We’ll see! They will be born eventually, I swear lmao (I know, it feels like Clara has been pregnant for forever)

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I’m still on Tobi’s side. In relationships with a large age difference like these, there always seems to be a power imbalance. It never ends well. My mother was with a man 20 years older than her when she was around Joce’s age. She trusted him completely, but things got ugly. The relationship turned abusive, and mum still feels the effects.
    I kind of wish Joce knew why this made everyone so uncomfortable. Maybe it’s different in the sims world, but in real life these relationships are almost inherently negative.

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    1. I’m really sorry that your mother had such a terrible experience!:(

      There are always risks in relationships like this, and it’s true that her family has some valid concerns. But I think it also depends a lot on the people in the relationship. There are people who have very positive relationships with people much older/younger than them too. There’s probably a higher risk of things going south in that kind of relationship for sure, but I think people are sometimes able to make it work, and that’s what Joce and Mark are both hoping they’ll be able to do.

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  14. I like angry Joce. It is well-deserved anger. Don’t beat yourself up about being angry. It will pass in time. I know I’m seeing red on your behalf as well, how they’re all putting this on Mark and completely ignoring YOUR feelings and YOUR thoughts. Grrr.

    Liked by 1 person

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