Goddamn it, I did it again. I messed up. So fucking bad.
But unlike Gus, I’m not so sure if Jocelyne will be able to forgive me as easily…
And it’s my own fault. I know that. I just… freaked. The words came out before I even realized what I was saying. I didn’t even think.
Though to be honest, I don’t think most of us were thinking last night, really. Definitely not Lettie or I. Or Lucas and Hazel…
We were too hard on Jocelyne. I know we were. And I should have never said the things I did…
But what else did she expect?!
Mark is older than I am. TWICE her age. I mean, Jesus, just think about that! He was already in Kindergarten when I was born! And even worse, he was her age when she was born! Probably already graduated from uni, or working on an advanced degree like she is… while my Jocelyne was still in diapers.
And now they’re… together?!
Oh my God… My little girl…
There’s just something so damn wrong about that, isn’t there?
I mean, we’ve already been through this before, haven’t we? Back when Clara was a kid, and dating that sleazeball Julian. She was young and naïve and inexperienced, and he took full advantage of that. It still makes me sick just thinking about it.
Fast forward a few years, and now look at my Jocelyne. She’s older than Clara was, sure… But she’s still just as innocent and inexperienced as my Schwester was. And she’s so sweet. So kind. She sees the good in everyone. How easy would it be for some charming older guy to manipulate her?
I guess even easier than I thought.
God, I don’t even know what to think anymore. Mark seemed like such a nice guy. He really did… So how the hell could he do this to my little girl?!
Clara yelled and screamed at all of us for a long time after they left last night. It was so bad.
And she swears up and down that Mark really loves Jocelyne. That he’s not using her. That he treats her well. And I want to believe her. I really do…
And I mean, it’s possible, isn’t it? Maybe he really…
I don’t know.
Either way, it doesn’t really matter, does it?
Because even if this is real – even if he loves Jocelyne with all his heart – that doesn’t change the fact that this just isn’t right.
I mean, what about Lucas and Hazel? I keep putting myself in their shoes, and the more I do, the more fucked up it seems to get. I try to imagine if instead of Papa, Mama was with a man my age… Or if Stefan had gotten with Amelie or something. Imagine my Bruder with my mother-in-law. Oh my God.
How can any of us blame Lucas or Hazel for how they reacted? I’m sure anyone else would feel exactly the same.
And even if we take Lucas and Hazel out of the equation… There are still so many reasons why this is a bad idea. I mean, how often do relationships like theirs work out? How can two people in such different places in their lives ever stay together in the long run? How long before they realize they’re too different for things to ever work between them? How long before Mark gets bored and wants someone his own age?
Jocelyne’s just asking for heartbreak. And she needs to get out before she gets hurt.
And in the end, Mark might not even be the one who ends up hurting her.
What about what people will say? What will people think when they go out in public together? How often will he be mistaken for her Vater? How many times will people stare? What will the other students at school say? What will the media say?
Our family’s always been in the public eye, thanks to grandpa. And now, the name ‘Rosebrook’ is more well-known than ever. Between my career and Lucas’ band, people talk. The paparazzi take pictures. The tabloids write articles.
The second anyone in the media gets wind of this whole thing, it’s over.
It’s so easy to say that it doesn’t matter what other people think. But guess what? When you’re a Rosebrook, it does matter. Because that shit follows you for the rest of your life.
People always gave Lettie and I hell for being teen parents. And as soon as my career started taking off, it followed me wherever I went. I mean hell, people used to talk all the time about my biological Vater not being in the picture. And back when I almost fucked everything up with Lettie, well… That was probably the stupidest thing I’d ever done in my life. If word got out about Anna and I… I don’t even wanna think about it.
But at the end of the day, I couldn’t care less what they say about me, or think of me. But my little girl… She doesn’t deserve that.
I know Gus won’t have it easy either. But it’s not like he can help being gay. It’s just how he was born. It’s who he is. He doesn’t have a choice.
Jocelyne does. And I’m so afraid she’s making the wrong one.
I’m just so worried about her. I don’t want her being used or manipulated by some older guy. I don’t want her hurting her relationship with Lucas. I don’t want her getting her heart broken. I don’t want her earning some kind of awful reputation.
I just want to protect her.
Can’t Jocelyne see that?