Nothing’s ever easy, is it?
Especially for me.
I’m finally happy – truly, truly happy – for maybe the first time in my life, and the universe just has to go and mess it up.
Things were already hard enough for Mark and I. I’ve known since the start that our difference in age would be a problem. I knew my family would have a hard time accepting it.
And I thought that would be bad enough.
But it got so much worse.
I still can’t believe Mark never told me about Hazel… God, it’s so WEIRD. I mean to think that this whole time, he’s had a child… One who’s almost the same age as me! I’m still trying to wrap my head around it…
But I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised he kept it from me, should I? What would I have done in his shoes? Would I have told the truth? It’s so easy to just say ‘yes’… But I wonder what it would really feel like to be in that kind of position.
I’ve thought and thought about it, and I still don’t really know what I would have done, to be honest. But I think that’s enough to make me understand why he waited so long to tell me. That doesn’t stop me from feeling angry though. I can’t help but feel like he kind of… manipulated me or something. Even if it wasn’t on purpose.
I was so mad at him when I found out… And I guess I still am. I probably will be for a while.
But I still love him. That hasn’t changed. Not one bit.
And I know he loves me, too. He’s been reminding me again and again, and apologizing so many times for not telling me. It’s like what he told me before, about secrets and fear.
He was just scared. Maybe even rightfully so.
And now I’m scared too… Because things just went from bad to worse.
His daughter is dating my twin brother. Living with him now – they just moved in together last week. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it. What the Hell are the odds that something like this could ever happen?!
God, it feels like a plot from a terrible melodrama, doesn’t it? Is that what my life’s turning into?!
It’s so wrong… So fucked up, as Clara so eloquently put it.
I still have no idea what we’re going to do. And Mark doesn’t either. How the hell can we tell them about us? And what will happen when we do?
Mark’s still promising we’ll be okay. That everything will work out. And that our love is strong enough to get us through this. But underneath his smile, I know he’s just as lost and terrified as I am.
And Clara just keeps saying the same thing she said about my parents – “Screw them. Why should you give a damn about what they think? You deserve to be happy.”
It’s good advice. And I wish I could take it…
But that’s so much easier said than done.