4.37: The Right Thing

Well, I finally did it.

I kept putting it off and making excuses until I couldn’t stand it anymore.

So today, I decided to just suck it up and do it…

I broke up with Elliot.

It was so horrible. I felt like I was going to be sick the entire time, and I barely made it through two sentences before I started crying. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

And he was so great about it… He didn’t yell or anything. I guess he’d been feeling the distance for the past couple of weeks, so it wasn’t a complete surprise. God, he was seriously so sweet. And I think that just made it even worse.

He did ask why though. And I knew I had to tell him the truth. Elliot’s a great guy, and I love spending time with him…

But I don’t love him. And I’m not sure if I ever really could.

I told him we could still try to be friends, but he said he wasn’t sure. And I get it, I really do… But it still sucks. A lot. And I was still so sad when I got back to the apartment afterward.

But then I was too distracted to feel sad anymore.

At the time, I had no idea what the hell was going on, but… Apparently Florian stopped by for a surprise visit.

And apparently he and Clara decided to make up… Very enthusiastically. On our couch.

Oh God, I don’t think I can ever sit there again!

I ran out before they even saw me, thank God. And clearly they could use a little privacy… So I decided to just take a nice long walk back to campus. I really needed to clear my head a little anyway, and think about everything that’s going on.

And I decided that I’m still sad, but… I guess kind of relieved too. I know I did the right thing. For both of us. It wouldn’t be fair to string Elliot along, would it?

But I guess the question is… What am I gonna do now? I mean, I think I know what I want to do, but… It’s way easier said than done. I can barely even look at Mark now. I just feel so terrified every time.

But that’s not the only thing I feel.

And that’s why I know that ending things with Elliot was the right thing to do. When I look at Mark, I feel things I never felt when I was with Elliot. I used to think I did, but I didn’t. I know that now.

When I finally went back to the apartment (after texting Clara to warn her first), I felt a lot better. And for a little while, I almost forgot all about Elliot.

It was really great to see Florian again, and catch up about how things are going on tour (apparently not well with David and Mia. I never really liked them much anyway, to be honest). And seeing him and Clara together again made me so happy (especially now that they put some clothes on).

Seriously though, I still can’t believe he flew all the way here just to fix things. Not many people would do that, I don’t think. It’s really beautiful, and romantic… And it kinda got me thinking.

You’re supposed to fight for the person you love, aren’t you? Take risks for them. Do whatever it takes to make sure you keep them in your life.  Anything to make sure they don’t slip away.

Florian did that for Clara.

But what about me?

Am I brave enough to do the same?