4.34: Even Worse

I think it was about two months ago when Elliot first started talking to me. Do you remember that? And I said I sounded like I was sixteen again. Of course, then I remembered that I wasn’t writing about that sort of stuff when I was sixteen…

08-22-16_3-53-21 PM

Well guess what?

This time, I really do feel like I’m sixteen again. And not in a good way.

I’m caught in the middle again. There’s all this drama, and all these secrets… and, of course, Clara is the one causing most of it. Some things never change, do they?

08-22-16_4-03-09 PM

It turns out I was right – Clara is pregnant. With TWINS. Yes, really. I guess it runs in the family or something? I don’t know. I’m still trying to wrap my head around this whole thing.

And it gets worse – I was right about something else too… Florian still doesn’t know.

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Clara keeps saying she’s waiting so she can tell him in person. And I do get it… That’s the type of conversation that’s much better face-to-face. But seriously? Waiting THAT long to tell him can’t be a good idea. I tried to tell her that, of course. But she just won’t listen.

Personally, I think it’s like Mark said – she’s just scared. This isn’t about waiting for the right time to tell him, this is about being too afraid to speak up and making excuses to keep the secret for as long as she can.

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And I’ve gotta say, for how ridiculous she’s being about this whole thing, I really do get why Clara’s so scared about it. Florian’s never seemed all that interested in kids… Especially with how focused he is on the band. And he makes all these comments about how when you have kids, your life is over…

Maybe he’s just fooling around. Or maybe he was serious and really doesn’t want kids. Who knows? Obviously not Clara, since she won’t just speak up and tell him the truth! It’s like that old saying about the bandaid, right? Just rip it off.

08-22-16_3-54-20 PM

I know Lena visited her this weekend… And I just keep hoping and hoping she somehow managed to get through to Clara. If anyone can change my Tante’s mind, it’s Lena… But until I’m back at school, I can’t do anything but sit here and hope for the best.

Of course, I can’t tell anyone about the babies. I promised I wouldn’t. And no matter how much I want to, I won’t do it. I can’t. This is Clara’s secret to tell. Not mine.

Now, you’d think all of that was bad enough, right?

But it gets even worse.

I finally found out what’s going on with Gus. And unlike Clara, that one genuinely shocked me. All that drama with Emma, all that sulking and moping around for months… It was because he’s gay.

08-20-16_4-28-46 PM

Looking back on things, I guess there’s always been a few little clues here and there. I mean, Gus has always been a little more… sensitive than most boys, I guess. Ever since he was a little kid. And I know that’s an awful stereotype, but it kinda feels like it all makes more sense now, know what I mean?

Anyway, now that I know what’s really going on, I can’t help but feel so awful for poor Emma. She used to be like a little Schwester to me… but none of us have heard from her, ever since Gus ended things. We used to think that she was the one who hurt him… Now I know she’s just really confused right now, and heartbroken too. But I’m sure she’d understand if Gus just told her the truth. I know she would.

08-22-16_4-18-24 PM

But Gus has to be ready before he tells her. And he says he is now, but… Who knows? This is a big deal for him. I know it can’t be easy, and I’m really proud that he found the courage to tell me. Now I just hope he finds enough courage to tell Emma too… And the rest of our family.

But until he does, guess what? Another secret added to the list.

08-22-16_4-06-01 PM

I don’t mean to sound so bitter about it. I really don’t. It’s just so overwhelming to know these things and not be able to tell anyone about it. Do you know how hard it is to look Oma and Opa in the eyes without shouting “Clara’s pregnant”? Or lying to Papa when he asked if I’d found out anything from Gus? I feel like I’m gonna go crazy if I’m in this house for another minute!

08-22-16_4-10-46 PM

I can’t wait to go back to Falkenburg tomorrow morning. To stop having to lie to my family’s face. To go back to where the secrets are so much easier to keep…

And to see Mark again. God, I just wish he was here with me. I just need to see his face, hear his voice… He’d know exactly what to say. He’d be able to make me feel better. He’d –

08-22-16_3-55-44 PM 08-22-16_3-55-52 PM

I meant Elliot. I can’t wait to see Elliot again. Not Mark.

How the hell did that happen? I guess all these secrets are turning my brain into mush or something…

08-22-16_4-00-57 PM

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73 Responses to 4.34: Even Worse

  1. azzywoods says:

    Joce and the secrets…I feel sorry for her. As the least dramatic member of the family, all the shit falls onto her shoulders.

    Except she might finally get to create some drama in her own generation, because it sounds like she’s falling for Mark. *half-sarcastic, half-genuine applause*

    (Still conflicted)

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Trip says:

    Yep Joce, your brain is mush. Almost like a ship ran into it. 😛

    Liked by 9 people

  3. Oh Joce, keeper of the secrets, you need a hug. And also fewer secrets to keep. ❤
    And Joce, listen to your mush brain, sometimes words of wisdom come from tiredness =p (I'm sorry Elliot, I like you but yeah)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. witchazard says:

    Right you meant to say Elliot while you were writing down the secrets that were eating away at you in a journal we all know your family uses to tell there inner most thoughts. But you’re right you meant write Elliot not Mark because your lack of romantic experience makes you an expert on who you REALLY have feelings for. On a side note I do feel bad for you Jocelyn it’s hard seeing someone you love struggling and they decide to confide in you but that’s only cause they wanted a little weight off there shoulders now you’re carrying their problems so you don’t have time to figure out your own. Well I’m done talk you Thursday!

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hahahaha Joce is definitely in a bit of denial right now… 😉 And yes, the poor girl is always carrying the weight of all those secrets! Oh, Joce. Haha she’s such a kind soul!

      Like

  5. Mumei No says:

    Oh, poor Joce! it will be hard to her to be “the brige of sense” with Clara and Gus, Is good that they have told her what’s up, but It would be better if they told someone else, as now she will have to coment about eveything and hear All their problems, being the only one ( Well, there is Lena, but Clara loves with Joce) that know about It…I hope Mark can make she feel better, but not In a romantic way, I think she needs a friend now.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. EddieSims says:

    HAHAHA! Yes Jocelyne, you were right the first time! It’s Mark you need, not Elliot! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  7. kaffepigen says:

    Oh wow, so much to comment on!

    First off, I think she’s dealing with all these secrets pretty well, even though I know it is hard for her. She has to lie to her father about Gus, which must be killing her. And Clara being pregnant is surely putting a lot of stress on her shoulders.

    Second, she’s thinking about Mark? Oh i fell a bit bad for Elliot, but still Yay 😀 I’m starting to see those two together. This must mean something, right? If she’s thinking about Mark and NOT about Elliot, she must be falling for him, or feeling at least something for him. And I’m positive he feels something for her too. Why else would he react the way he did about her joke?

    I’m starting to see a ship called Marklyn in the distance. It’s sailing soon and I’m gonna be aboard if this continues xD

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hahahaha you’re being converted! 😛 We’ll see if the ship ever leaves the harbor though 😉

      And yes, these secrets are so hard on Joce 😦 But she’s doing pretty well dealing, you’re right! 🙂 Hopefully she won’t be the sole keeper of the secrets for long!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. audreyfld says:

    Yay…Even with the age difference, I think Mark is better suited for Jocelyn. Elliot seems too shallow for her. It feels like he makes light of the things that are important to her while Mark gets her and is sensitive to it. Of course she is going to struggle with her feelings for Mark – and we know he is struggling with his feelings for her due to the age difference. Can’t wait to see how it plays out.

    Ready for Gus to tell Emma and for Clara to tell Florian. Yay for Lena talking sense into her. Crossing my fingers that Florian mans up. I think he will. That will remove some of Jocelyns worry and she can focus on her love life! Oh – and loved the Luc chapter. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thanks, Audrey! 😀 Another fan of Marklyne 😀 I definitely think Mark is more compassionate toward her and connects with her on a deeper level… But we will have to wait and see how things play out from here!

      And hopefully all the secrets will be out soon so that some of Joce’s burden is lifted a bit haha. We’ll be seeing Florian in the next chapter, actually! And Lucas and Hazel too! 😀 So glad you enjoyed their little love story 🙂

      Thank you for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

      • kaffepigen says:

        I think the reason Mark is more compassionate and understanding is because he’s older, wiser and has more experience in a lot of ways. He has had other relationships and knows what is important. Elliot on the other hand is much younger and has no experience (that i know of). He will probably get there when he ages more. (though my ex boyfriend was the same. He would also say i worried too much, all the time. And he was 12 years older than me.)

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Jes2G says:

    HA! Yeah…sure you mean Elliot. Mmm hmmmm… Waiting for it…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. the “Mark”/Elliot thing .. makes me think of an episode of Sabrina from the later seasons (there had been three Mortals Sabrina been interested in Harvey(basically the only Mortal who knew Sabrina and her paternal family were witches due to too many spells put on him), Josh and I think the last one’s name was Aaron?). Well anyone Aaron’s parents come over to what is now Sabrina’s house (long story) and during the stay Sabrina says “Aaron loves me, and I love Harvey..” and gets embarrassed by the fact she said that.

    Except in Joyce’s case-its said in a diary..

    Like

  11. CitizenErased14 says:

    Hahahahaha this comment amuses me

    Like

  12. sonniejj says:

    Oooh poor Joce, you can’t save everyone 😦 sometimes they need to figure their own stuff out. Although of course I love that she’s such a caring person.

    And oh my gosh, that slip of the tongue :p I think it’s obvious which way the ship is sailing! Although I never dislikes Eliott, it’s obvious Joce feels something for Mark and she should listen to those feelings. But, obviously, knowing you…. Something bad’ll happen :p

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      That’s the perfect advice for Joce — she can’t save anyone. And she’ll probably drive herself crazy trying to! Hahaha

      And yes, a slip of the tongue! (Or slip of the pen?). We’ll see what happens… You have such little faith in me that something good could be coming, huh? 😛

      Like

  13. CitizenErased14 says:

    Very true about poor Joce’s burden! Thankfully she’s definitely used to it by now haha but she could certainly use a break!

    I think Tobi and Colette will definitely love Hazel! 😀 And I promise she will be meeting the family eventually 😛 But we have other business to attend to first 😉

    Oh, and speaking of that other business… Hahaha Jocelyne is definitely very close to recognizing some feelings she may or may not be repressing at the moment 😉 I haven’t seen Clueless since I was a kid haha but I think I vaguely remember said fountain scene 😛 We’ll see if Joce gets that moment 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  14. theplumbob says:

    I Ross, take thee Rachel… Er, Emily. Emily!

    Yep, I’m sure it meant nothing Joce. Lmao!

    Liked by 3 people

    • theplumbob says:

      Also, I think I have a crush on Emma. Every time we get a glimpse of her, I am amazed by how gorgeous she is. You better have something good planned for her!

      Liked by 1 person

      • CitizenErased14 says:

        Hahahaha you’ll see! 😛 And she is so gorgeous, isn’t she? She is from the gallery, so I can’t take credit for her face though haha just her clothes/hair/makeup 😛 Some other very talented simmer out there made her!

        Like

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Joce says the same thing to you that she said to Eddie: It was just brain mush. There are absolutely zero repressed romantic feelings going on right now. 😛 (nice Friends reference, btw hehe)

      Like

  15. Joce, you’re so tired, get some sleep. Also Mark… Mhm #Marklyne (or however it’s spelled)

    Liked by 1 person

  16. SpurklyNinja says:

    Agh… PRESSURE, DRAMA, SECRETS… This really is like high school. And, once again, Joce is stuck in the middle of it all. She’s basically Atlas at this point (that Titan god that had to hold up the sky… pretty accurate)

    Hmm… just brain mush, huh, Joce? 😉

    #TEAMMARKLYNEFORDAWINSUCKITJELLIOT ….. I mean… love you! ‘3

    Liked by 2 people

  17. NessyRosy says:

    Don’t you worry Joce. Lena gave Clara a good talking too 😛 First Florian will find out and then hopefully the family will find out too, otherwise I fear Lena will threat to tell them all for her LOL! XD

    Poor Joce is always getting stuck with the secrets 😛 As I’ve said, she’s just far to good a detective and a great person to talk to 😛

    Oooooh I think someone’s starting to realize they care a bit more for Mark than Elliot….Poor girl has so much on her mind right now *hugs* 😀 I look forward to seeing what happens further on Joce’s side of things 😉 I see some interesting chapters ahead XD *All aboard the Drama train…Choo Choo!!!* LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Fasten your seatbelts! Hehehehe 😛 Yes, poor Joce is always burdened with the secrets, it seems! And now she has the added burden of repressed feelings for Mark coming to the surface hahaha the poor girl cannot get a break!

      Like

  18. DanaColourful says:

    The keeper of Secrets hm? I know that feeling too well… And Joce I don’t think you just accidentally wrote down the wrong name…

    Liked by 1 person

  19. CitizenErased14 says:

    Hahaha Jocelyne is definitely going through confusion!

    I’m at work but I will have to check out your video example later ^_^ Maybe Joce will get her moment soon too 😉

    Like

  20. lisabeesims says:

    TSK TSK TSK .. again you tease us (the #teammarkgirls ) OH that little book of secrets is getting spicier and spicier with all these secrets!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  21. silentwolfy101 says:

    I can see it now. Josie is gonna break up with Elliot to be with Mark, and Elliot’s gonna make her life a living hell. Because this story is a soap opera.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. raerei says:

    You’re doomed Joce, doomed. Too much stuck inside your head, the brains are bound to leak out. Hahah. I think you’re getting close to realizing where your heart truely lies and who cares about age really? The heart doesn’t lie.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Virtualee says:

    ::shouts:: ALL ABOARD ONE FIRST CLASS TICKET TO THE HOT MESS EXPRESS FOR A JOCELYN!!! I am so glad she wrote the name of ‘Mark’ in her diary it was a confession of her own teehee

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Stop kidding yourself girl, Mark is where it’s at! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  25. theceltygirly says:

    Just hook up with Mark already XD right in the library, just do it XD You’ll be so much happier afterwards XD

    Liked by 1 person

  26. kaycee39 says:

    Haha looks like Joce has a little secret of her own! omg I so want her to get with Mark already. He is so perfect for her. #Team Marklyn hee hee

    Liked by 1 person

  27. msmarvel98 says:

    “It’s like that old saying about the bandaid, right? Just rip it off.” Somebody said it before, that Joce is really the badass, not Clara 😜 It’s nice to have more of an emotionally-stable heir this time.

    On that previous chapter about Elliot, I went and read the comments and loved how everyone knew Elliot was wrong for Joce 😁

    And wait, so, Mark is older than Joce’s dad??

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hahahaha Badass Joce 😛 Ish. She’s definitely more stable than the ones who came before (so far!)

      And yes, Mark is five years older than Tobi 😮 (that’s what being a teen dad will do to you, I guess LOL)

      Liked by 1 person

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