Interlude: Why?

Gus stared down at the phone in his hand, hesitating for a few moments before dialing. Should he really do it? Again? The boy bit his lip for a moment, then finally pressed the phone against his ear.

08-04-16_11-29-57 PM

She’ll probably hang up on me again. He thought sadly. If she even answers at all…

It rang twice, then went straight to voicemail.

He didn’t bother leaving a message.

08-04-16_11-31-04 PM

Gus sighed softly as he returned his phone to the pocket of his jeans. It had been more than a month since he’d ended things with her, and Emma was still barely talking to him, even after all this time.

He’d been hoping and hoping that things would get better once school started again, but nothing changed. They only had one class together anyway, and Emma made a point of sitting as far away from him as possible.

He tried almost every day to catch her eye, or stop her in the hallway after class and talk to her. But the few times he was successful, Gus always seemed to blow it. Every single time, she asked him the same question…

08-04-16_11-28-26 PM

And he was never able to give her a straight answer.

I just wish she could understand! He thought bitterly. But I’m too much of a coward to tell her the truth…

Gus was called back to the present by a soft beeping from his computer. He crossed the room quickly, and when he pulled up his browser window, he felt his heart almost leap from his chest.

08-04-16_11-32-30 PM

Emma had messaged him.emma1

His excitement vanished almost as quickly as it had come.

She still hates me.

emma2

There it was again, the same question that had haunted him, ever since he’d broken up with her all those weeks ago — Why?

Why had he ended things with her?

Why had he broken her heart?

Why had he been such a damn coward that he’d done it through a text message?

Gus wanted to tell her. He wanted it more desperately than he’d ever wanted anything. But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

emma3

Gus had been so ashamed that he deleted the texts from his phone the same day he sent them. But he could still remember every one, almost word-for-word.

“Look, Em. I’ve been thinking… And I really don’t think we should date each other anymore. I think we’re better as friends.”

Somehow, foolishly, he’d hoped she’d agree. It would have been so much better that way. So much easier.

Instead, everything fell quickly and hopelessly into pieces. Emma demanded to know what she’d done wrong. “Am I not good enough for you?! What’s wrong with me?!” She’d asked him.

The answers were “no” and “absolutely nothing”, of course. Emma was the most beautiful, kind, intelligent, funny girl in the entire world.

She’s perfect… It’s me that’s the problem.

emma4

Gus held his face in his hands for a long time, willing the tears away. This whole thing was tearing him apart.

He was lost, confused. Scared, almost. How could he even begin to explain to Emma what he was going through? I can barely even explain it to myself

08-04-16_11-39-57 PM

But without her… Who else could he possibly turn to? She’s my best friend in the entire world. Or at least, she used to be. Gus really didn’t have many others. He was never very popular in school… Not like Lucas.

He’d always thought of himself as a strange hybrid between his sister and his aunt. More outgoing than Jocelyne, and less rough-around-the-edges than Clara. But also a little bookish and geeky too. He always got along well with his classmates, but he never seemed to attract many close friends. Except for her…

08-04-16_11-26-32 PM

But now that the one person who even had the tiniest chance of making him feel better hated his guts, Gus wasn’t sure what else he could do.

There was always his siblings, and Clara… None of them had stopped bothering him lately, it seemed. But could he really talk to them about what was going on?

Eager to turn his eyes away from the painful conversation, Gus clicked on his mailbox to view the other messages he’d received lately.

08-04-16_11-33-32 PM

Clara

The offer was tempting. So tempting. It’s already getting dark… He thought to himself. I bet I could sneak out in a couple of hours… Gus still had some money tucked away from his summer job. Plenty for a train ticket out to Falkenburg…

He shook his head. Running away would do nothing but cause more problems. And he had enough of those already.Joce

Just a phone call away… Gus sighed.

Jocelyne was right — Lucas would probably be the next person he’d turn to, after Emma. Not that his brother had any first-hand experience with what he was going through, but they’d always been really close. He’d understand. Maybe he’d be able to help me figure out what to say to Emma…Lucas

Gus almost laughed as he re-read his brother’s message. He knows me way too well. Despite everything, the thought of the massive pizza was enough to entertain him, at least for a few moments.

It was so tempting to pick up the phone and call, or write back some giant message explaining everything that’s going on. But Gus knew he couldn’t bother his brother with something like this. He’s supposed to be having fun, not worrying about me. And besides, Gus wasn’t entirely certain this was a conversation he’d like to have over the phone or through Facebook anyway…

Hearing from Florian had been the biggest surprise… But not an entirely unwelcome one.  He’s such a great guy. Gus thought. He’s so nice and easy to talk to… Handsome too. Clara doesn’t know how lucky she is…

His cheeks grew warm as the thought crossed his mind.

08-04-16_11-35-25 PM

Gus wished he could be honest. He wished Emma could understand why they couldn’t be together. He wished he could talk to his family. He wished he could tell someone — anyone — how he was feeling.

Why? It was Gus’ turn to ask. Why can’t I just be normal?

08-04-16_11-40-57 PM

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73 thoughts on “Interlude: Why?

  1. I knew it! I thought he might be, but I didn’t want to say anything in case I was wrong or in case I spoiled the plot. Auggie should know that his family would love him regardless and there’s nothing abnormal about him or how he feels. Poor guy. He should seek out Lena and talk to her about it. She might be able to relate.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly! I mean, for all their faults, the Roaebrooks love each other unconditionally. I wish he could see that and stop being so afraid! 😦 My heart breaks for the poor kid.

      I love your suggestion about turning to Lena! We’ll see who (if anyone :-/) he opens up to about this.

      Thank you for reading, Eddie ^_^

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha okay I laughed at the Will & Grace comment 😛 But that would be awesome for him. He loves Emma so much and wants to have her back in his life again. We’ll see how it goes…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, so that’s the problem…(I think) he discover his sexuality a little later…and I think he just wanted Emma as a friend, but the feelings of love and like were confuded ( +social pressure, as, “you have a girl that you like to spend time with, so you must date her”…not that literal, but…), so he just go In with everything…and It sure is going to make It confusing for his parents, and Emma, to explain this mess, but I hope he accepts himself, and that he and Emma can be friends.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so right about this! Gus loves Emma (as a friend), but he does recognize that she is very beautiful and he feels a strong connection with her. He mistook those feelings for romantic ones, and when she asked him out, he caved to that social pressure and thought he was doing the right thing. I hope they can be friends again someday too 🙂

      Like

  3. ha! this wasn’t my theory but it’s a good one ^^ I’m just so sad that gus doesn’t feel like he can talk to his family about this. I mean they wouldn’t care, they’d still love him. After all the drama they’ve been through this is nothing really 😀 he just needs a little push maybe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true! This is nothing after what the Rosebrooks have been through haha I think he’s just really scared and confused right now. Hopefully he can open up to them soon!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh Gus. There isn’t anything wrong with your sexuality (I think that’s what’s going on here…). Also, as some others have said, the Rosebrooks have got through way more then you could ever throw at them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I intentionally didn’t outright SAY it, but… Yes, it’s what you think it is haha. I wish he could see that there’s nothing wrong with it too 😦

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  5. I had a feeling!!!! Poor Gus. I am pretty sure he is worrying for nothing. He needs to tell Emma. She will forgive him unless she goes off thinking it’s her fault and she wasn’t good enough for him. That would hurt. But his family will be there for him. I just can’t see them being upset. But I could be wrong. Wonder who he will tell. Does he have a boyfriend?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yes, he definitely needs to tell Emma (and his family too!). It’s gonna eat away at him if he doesn’t learn to accept himself 😦

      And no boyfriend for Auggy right now. (Someday, I’m sure!) He’s still struggling/figuring stuff out… He has a crush on Florian though? Haha and probably a few cute guys at school. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a great suggestion! We know that Clara’s best friend is gay, so she’s probably the safest bet for being 100% understanding. But the question is will Auggy feel ready to open up to her? Or anyone, for that mater?

      *dramatic music plays* Stay tuned for more! 😛 (Thanks for reading!)

      Liked by 1 person

  6. You know…as soon as you revealed it was him that did the breaking up and he couldn’t tell her why, the thought crossed my mind…and then you nicely solidified it. Wow. I still love you Auggy! Guess I’ll have to apologize to Emma now…

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Oh.. I had thought of this at the beginning of the post when he said it “was all him”. Nice way of putting it at the end, though. 🙂

    Hopefully Gus will be able to open up and talk to people, especially Emma! She’s going to keep on hating him if he doesn’t give an explanation eventually. 😦

    We ❤ you, Gus!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Ninja! He most definitely needs to say something to Emma. The longer he waits, the worse it will get, and he might lose her as a friend forever :/ Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that!

      Like

    1. I can be nice sometimes! 😛 Okay, but regardless of what the future holds for Auggy, I guess I’m not really being very nice to him right now, am I? Haha. I really feel for him and hope he can accept himself and be open with others soon!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Ohhhhhhhh, I think I know what’s going on, and I couldn’t be more happy! Finally, a little bit of something I personally adore. 😀 Assuming that’s what’s going on, anyways…

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Now that I look at him a bit more, he totally fits the bill, too. 🙂 *much fangirling*

        Gus, just say it. I’ll definitely accept you! (And probably smother you, but…)

        Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re all caught up!!!!!!!!!! 😀 (And I tried to restore your comments that had been marked as spam, but it looks almost like they’ve disappeared?!?! 😦 )

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Omg he’s gay! It makes total sense! This is why he couldn’t be with Emma. He needs to tell someone and get a long and good talk about it. And especially he should explain it to Emma. But of course this is the Rosebrooks. Talking about things is never easy for them.

    Awesome chapter! It really surprised me.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally adore Gus :3 It’s so great for him to finally realize who he is. Now he just needs to open up to others and let them know. But it’s like you said, with the lack of communication… Who know when it will be…?

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Oooh Auggy 😦 I hope he finds the courage to tell someone, anyone. That must be a tough secret to keep. Especially because there is nothing to be ashamed of. I’m sure Emma would understand if he explained. And I know his family would love him just the same.

    Poor kid 😦 But, apparently things are going pretty well for Joce and Elliott, huh? Still not sure how to feel about that :p

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aha! The first one to notice that Joce and Elliot are dating now 😉 I snuck that in there 😛

      And yes, poor Auggy 😦 This is really hurting him to keep it all inside!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Aww poor Auggy, I just want to hug him. Hope he finds courage to talk to someone, anyone, soon!

    Other thoughts – loved how this was all done in FB messages, what a fun way of getting several different POVs into one chapter!

    And you’ve managed to work in Auggy’s glutton trait! (Yes that’s probably a random thing to point out in the grand scheme of things haha)

    Also… Emma is so gorgeous. Wow. She’ll be back on the market and mending her heart in no time. I just hope they can be friends again, once he finally sucks it up and explains the situation to her.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed the Facebook messages! I had a lot of fun writing them! I got to get inside everyone’s heads for a bit and figure out how they’d express their worry/concern to Auggy. And yes! Luc’s pizza comment was all about the glutton trait XD Auggy is known for loving to eat 😉 (But apparently he works out a lot with Tobi to stay thin lmao)

      And yes, Emma is beautiful! 😀 I can’t even take full credit from her. She was from the gallery, I just tweaked her a bit (and changed her clothes/hair/etc). I hope they can be friends too. Auggy really, really loves her. Just platonically.

      Like

  12. Well, isn’t Auggy in a pickle! I totally understand why he hasn’t come out yet, especially considering he hasn’t accepted it himself. There’s always the off chance that the person you come out to rejects you, or worse, tells everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very true! He’s struggling to come to terms with it right now, and is so afraid of rejection. That’s why he didn’t tell Emma (at the price of possibly losing his best friend 😦 ) or his family.

      Like

    1. LMAO!!!!! A new ship, huh? Well… Florian is straight and 11 years older than Auggy, so… Keep dreaming? hahahahaha (Sorry to crush your ship dreams so soon 😛 )

      Like

  13. i felt it could be something like this.
    it’s gonna be hard to tell emma… imagine it from her teen POV * we started to be romantic and i made him turn gay OMG* not easy for a teen girl.
    but hopefully her “bestfriend” side will understand.
    huggies Gus, don’t be ashame of who you are, love is not something that concerns bodies, but souls… ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw that last line of your comment is beautiful! I love that. And I love that you can see how hard this whole thing is for Emma (and might still be if and when she learns the truth!)

      Hopefully he can accept and love himself for who he is and find the courage to open up to her 🙂

      Like

  14. Poor Gus he’s having such a hard time. I completely understand why Emma wants an answer, I would too. However, I understand that he isn’t ready to admit to the reason as of yet 😉

    Poor Gus, it must be hard for him (my friend was going through the same thing, but has recently told everyone and feels much better for it) 🙂 I love how different both Clara’s and Joce’s messages were. I especially loved when Clara said, “It’s always easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission” XD Typical Clara LOL! I have to say that Joce’s advice of a phone call to either her or Luc was much better advice though (However, I think this is something he would want to talk about face to face) 😉

    I also loved Luc’s message, it had me laughing. They must be obsessed with pizza XD Florian’s was also nice. It’s great that Gus is seeing he has heaps of support. He reminds me a bit of Joce in not wanting to bother everyone else with his own life choices and worries.

    I can’t help but love this family 😀 I think that Clara’s friend Lena would be able to be of some help 🙂

    P.S. Gus, nobody is normal, there is no such thing as normal – trust me on that! Please don’t feel ashamed, know that your family loves you so much that they don’t care who you choose to love as long as you’re happy and healthy. You have a huge support team around you and Emma will be right by your side 100% when you gain the courage to tell her. We all love you so much *Gives Gus a massive hug* 😀

    You did a really great job in writing this Citizen, I have so many feels right now ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Nessy! I’m so glad that you enjoyed this chapter so much. Writing the Facebook messages was so fun! All the older kids are so worried about Auggy 🙂

      I love your pep talk at the end! I hope Auggy will figure that out for himself soon. 🙂 Thanks so much for reading and for leaving a great comment!

      Like

  15. I knew it! Strange changes, distancing from the ones you love because you don’t want to hurt them, waiting until dark to sneak out… Gus is a vampire!

    Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I’m glad you liked the pizza part! 😛 Auggy is a glutton, so I figure he’s known for his love of food 😉

    And yeah, things are really hard for him right now… And Emma too! They love each other so much. But not in the same way :-/ Hopefully if he eventually tells her the truth, they can fix things!

    And yes, thank got Huy is not a Rosebrook, good lord!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the nomination! I can’t open the link right now (I’m at a camp where the reception is horrible haha the WP app already takes forever to load!) but I will check it out when I’m home in a few days 🙂 Thanks again!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Thank you so much for sharing this personal story! What you described is exactly what Emma is going through, essentially. I’m so sorry that you had that experience but I’m glad you got resolution in the end!

    Hopefully Emma and Auggy can end up staying friends, but if he doesn’t open up to her soon, it probably won’t be possible… 😦

    Like

  18. Oh my poor Augs he is such a sweetie and this must be so hard to deal with. I am proud that at least he acknowledged his heart enough not to string his friend along. I also believe his family will be welcoming and encouraging. ::hugging Auggie::

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, this is so hard for him 😦 He’s definitely taking steps toward coming to terms with it himself — the next step is figuring out how to open up! He appreciates the hugs 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  19. PLOT TWIST he broke up with her. 😮
    I love the messages, especially Luc’s 🙂
    Oh dear, poor Gus Gus. That’s difficult to say, but like, his family would be chill. I’m dealing with the same thing hehe kind of. Only my close friends and internet strangers know that I think girls are cute B)

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Ahhh sweet Auggy is gay….🤔? That’s the first thing that came to mind after reading this. It’s ok Auggy. I know it’s confusing and scary but it’s OK! He really needs to talk to someone. Why do I always talk the the characters as if they can hear me and as if this didn’t happen 2 years ago? Lmao 😂 oh well it’s all new for me Hahahaha

    Liked by 1 person

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