I never thought I’d say this… but I think I’m finally starting to feel OLD. Like, ancient.
I just turned 39 a few months ago… And I guess I kinda thought you weren’t supposed to feel old until you hit 40. Colette knows all about that – She had her birthday two weeks ago, and I’ve been teasing her about it ever since. (She knows I’m kidding though… I think).
Anyway, I guess the biggest thing making me feel that way is that Clara – my little Schwester – is engaged.
I almost couldn’t believe it when she and Florian broke the news. I mean, we all knew that the two of them are head-over-heels for each other. I guess I just wasn’t expecting them to take this step so soon.
I’m sure that sounds crazy, right? I guess four years is hardly “soon”. I mean, Lettie and I got married less than a year after we got together, so who am I to talk? (Of course, Lettie was pregnant with twins when I proposed…)
Anyway, I really am happy for Clara. We all are… Probably Mama more than anyone. Florian’s always been like family to us, and he’s been telling Mama for years that she’s like a second Mutter to him. Now he gets to make it official.
I guess it just feels like Clara’s growing up so fast. Like I blinked, and suddenly she wasn’t a kid anymore. It’s almost scary.
God listen to me! Talking about Clara like she’s my kid or something. I guess it’s hard not to think of her that way sometimes… She’s practically like another sibling to Gus and the twins.
And speaking of those three… Man, they’re doing a damn good job making me feel old too.
Jocelyne’s heading back to university next week… She’ll be graduating with a master’s degree in Theater Studies in the spring. Can you believe it? My baby girl, graduating. And Clara too. I feel like Mama’s always been secretly disappointed that I never went to uni (I feel like Stefan more than made up for it anyway though), so I’m really happy that at least one of my kids decided to give it a try. And I’m so proud of her. Her grades are amazing, and she’s really started coming out of her shell more and more these past few years… I think going away to school has really been good for her. Helped her ‘find her place’, y’know?
Of course, Lucas decided to go down a totally different path… which is fine. Even a little exciting, lately. His and Florian’s band has really started taking off. It was so last minute, but a couple weeks ago, they signed on to be the openers for some metal band that’s touring for the next few months, all over Europe… We won’t see Lucas again until Christmas. We were really surprised when he broke the news to us.
To be completely honest, it’s hard not to be a little worried. I mean, Lucas has really embraced the “rockstar” lifestyle… Drinking, partying, girls (So many girls)… Colette and I worry about him a lot. We know he’s just having fun, but it’s a little scary to think of all the trouble he could be getting into. Who knows what the hell could happen while he’s away on tour.
I asked Florian in private to keep an eye on him for us. Let’s just hope he’ll keep his word.
And then there’s Gus. Things are… difficult for him right now. There are some good things too, of course. I mean, he started working his first ever job at the beginning of the summer. He was really excited about that. But then things went south really quickly after he broke up with Emma. It really hit all of us pretty hard, to be honest. Emma and Gus had been friends for years… We really loved her. But I guess she’s not talking to him anymore, ever since their breakup.
Lettie keeps reminding me that time is the best medicine, or something like that. And I know she’s right. He’ll get through it… It’s just so hard to see him like this.
Anyway, the point is, I’m really proud of all of them, including Clara. But I worry about them too. They’re not kids anymore… Things are only gonna get harder from here. It’s just not easy knowing I can’t really protect them anymore, I guess.
See? It’s thoughts like that that convince me I’m turning into an old man. I mean, all this worrying… I almost sound like my parents. That’s when they say you know it’s bad, right?
I’ve gotta run and pick Josh and Stefan up at the airport in a few minutes anyway… So I should probably wrap this up. Good thing too… If I keep writing much longer, I’m afraid I’ll start giving myself gray hairs or something. (Though some days, I feel like my kids are already doing that on their own).