4.23: Fresh Start

Wow, this feels… kinda weird.

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Do you know I dragged my feet for almost two weeks before I finally gave in and bought this thing? I’m not sure what made it so hard this time. I mean, I already had to buy a new journal a few weeks after my 18th birthday, and then again after my 20th. No big surprise that I’d have to do it again after my 22nd.

It just feels like I’m… letting go, or something. That’s so silly, isn’t it? All that fuss for nothing but some scribbles of ink on some blue lines. But I guess to me, they’re more than that. They’re memories. Feelings. A snapshot of moments in my life I’ll never get to live again. It feels weird to just tuck them away on a shelf or pack them up in a box and forget about them.

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But I guess that’s what great-grandpa did. When bis-vovó passed away last year, we all spent a weekend cleaning out their cottage, and we found this big box with dozens of journals in it. Literally dozens. We sat down together and read through some of them.  It was so surreal… Like I could almost hear the sound of his voice in every page. It felt like we had a piece of him back again.

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It made me wonder whether he ever went back and re-read his old journals. Did he ever revisit his past in those pages? Or did he tuck them away and never think of them again? Did he have that feeling of loss that I do, when the time came to start all over again?

I asked Oma if it was ever hard for her to move on to a new journal. Did she “miss” the old ones? She just laughed. “I try to think of it as a new beginning.” She told me. “A fresh start.”

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I guess that’s a good way to think of it, isn’t it? You could say it’s kinda fitting that I’m starting this new journal now… I mean, I’m about to leave for my last year of university. That’s like a new chapter, isn’t it?

I really want to make this year count. I feel like there’s so much I still haven’t gotten to do. Crash a party. Pull an all-nighter (I’ve come so damn close!). Find a boyfriend…

Okay, I almost can’t believe I wrote that last one. But it’s true! I just can’t believe I’ve still never had a real boyfriend after all this time. I mean, I’ve gone on plenty of first dates, and even some second and third dates too (this is where those old journal entries would definitely come in handy), but most of those guys were total assholes… Or really weird… Or just… not right for me.

Nothing ever really worked out.

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I guess it’s hard not to feel like maybe there’s something wrong with me.

I know I shouldn’t get so worked up about it. But I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, ever since what happened with Gus. He just broke up with his girlfriend last weekend. She was his first girlfriend ever. They were only together for a couple of months, but they’d been friends for years before that, and this breakup has really messed him up. He’s not himself anymore.

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We’ve all been telling him not to worry, and that things will get better soon… But I can’t help wondering whether it really will. I mean, who knows where he’ll end up a few years from now.

Will he be like Clara and Florian? Head-over-heels in love and still going strong after four years together?

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Or like Luc? Completely given up on relationships and singlehandedly screwing his way through half the girls in Windenburg?

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Or like me? 22, a virgin, and lonely as hell?

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My poor little Bruder. I hope it’s anything but the third option.

82 thoughts on “4.23: Fresh Start

  1. Oh my Luc. A player. Who would of thought it. 😳

    Poor Gus. I can’t wait to see more of him. I hope his break up doesn’t mess him up too bad. For awhile maybe. How old is Gus now? Is he out of high school?

    I love that Clara and Florian hooked up.❤️ I think he had a thing for her for a really long time and Julian got in the way. I like her signature purple hair.

    Is the couple getting married Jocelyn’s friends from high school?

    And Jocelyn. She hasn’t found Mr. Right yet. Hmmmm. She is the heir so that needs to happen fairly soon.

    Good update to set the stage for the storm that must be brewing. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Audrey!

      Luc definitely enjoys the ladies, that’s for sure… He had his heart broken one too many times as a teen to the point where he’s totally disillusioned by relationships 😦

      Gus/Auggy is actually only 15, turning 16 in a few months. Very young! But not young enough for his first heartbreak 😦

      Clarian sails!!!! They are so stinking cute together. I think they are the new ToCo lmao

      And yes, those were Jocelyne’s friends! 🙂 Poor girl has not had any luck with guys… Yet! 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, don’t worry, hon. You’ll find someone to settle down with (or at least have his kid to keep the line going)


    “When bis-vovó passed away last year” 😥

    (I get she was getting up there in years, but that’s still sad to read)

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Jocelyne, sweet girl, don’t worry, you’ll find someone that loves you! 🙂 Btw, that hairstyle is beautiful!! Ooooo, Luc, you are becoming a player. I love seeing Clara and Florian together!! I’m so glad they hooked up! That purple hair really suits her!! 🙂

    Great start to the trio’s YA years!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I knew Clara and Florian would get together! They are so cute together 😍 That was quite a time jump you did there but it works really well.

    I feel a little bad for Joce. She deserves a great guy in her life and I’m sure she will find him soon enough. And I’m glad she hasn’t out out yet. She’s strong for waiting for the right guy. A lot of people (me uncluded) just want to get the first time over with. Like it’s a hindrance. I’m really proud of her for not doing that. Way to go Joce!

    Oh Gus. Break-ups are hard but you’ll make it through eventually.

    Btw i love your new header 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks kaffepigen! The SS Clarian has set sail 😛 And in glad the time jump worked too! We’ll see where things go from here for Joce. Hopefully she finds the right guy! ^_^


  5. omg, Jocelyn is my spirit Sim LOL. I understand all of this, girl! All of it! And? Tell me this little hussy’s name who broke poor Auggy’s heart! No, as a matter of fact…give her this note from me…

    “Weehawken. Dawn.”

    I’ll take care of her. Nobody messes with my cute little Gus!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I feel the same way about Joce! She’s so relatable for me and well grounded. But lonely – poor thing, that must be miserable. If you want to be with someone and you are. Take heart, Joce! I’m sure Citizen won’t keep you hanging forever….or will she? mwahahaha?

      Liked by 2 people

  6. I love this entire update ❤ So happy for Clara and Florian! And so sad for Gus. First heart break is painful. And Luc… Well, he's a dude and he's 22 :p

    I hope Joce finds someone soon who sees how special she is. She deserves it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Sonnie! I’m so glad you liked it! ^_^ And I’m glad you get Luc hahaha He’s definitely doing the male version of the Mari-thing… But without all the mental health issues haha he’s just having some fun…

      And yes, hopefully there will be some love in Joce’s future! 🙂


  7. Jade! Jade… Jade. Don’t go! 😦 😦 😦

    You know what they say? Like Grandmother, like grandson. Okay, so maybe they don’t say that. But it’s true!

    Joce, it’s alright. My mum was in her 30s when she finally found the right (and first) guy to date. And then they got married and had me! (I wish there was a blush emoji here.) You’ll find the right guy, eventually, when Citizen finally gives in and releases you from the drama.

    And poor old Auggy. I want to give him a big hug. He’s still a smiling innocent child in my eyes.

    And Clara and Florian? #Clorian? #TeamChlorine anyone? I knew she wasn’t sworn off guys for good!

    And Joel and Mei got married! Yay! 🙂

    And all-nighters are NOT good Joce! You’ll only fall asleep in class the next morning. (Believe me, I went to bed an hour too late and fell asleep in an art assessment the next morning so imagine what it will be like if you stay up all night!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, Joce appreciates your encouragement about finding the right guy! 😀 and Auggy appreciates that yo want to give him a hug… He could definitely use it!

      And LOL #TeamChlorine made me giggle 😛

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad you’re excited about Clara and Florian 😀 And yeah, all-nighters aren’t the worst thing in the world 😛


  8. This was a nice little taster of their lives right now. I like how you gave us a little snippet for everyone. I totally feel for Joce, she reminds me of me when I was her age so much! Of course, it doesn’t massively help that her two best friends make her feel like she’s third-wheeling so much! (Though it’s kind of nice they’ve lasted for all these years :)) It’ll be ok, Joce. There’s nothing wrong with you, I promise!

    So sad that Jade is gone, but it had to come eventually 😦 At least the family does have all those journals to commemorate the founders!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! Yes, poor Joce! Know what’s funny? All throughout college I always hung out with my best friend and her boyfriend (who I am also good friends with, and is now her fiance haha I’m gonna be their maid of honor eventually XD) but anyway, I did not have a boyfriend myself for most of that time, so I totally felt how Joce feels too! Haha you’re a third wheel, but you love your friends and are happy for them haha

      And yes, I’m so sad about Jade too! 😦 Gen 1 is gone! 😥 But they will always have the journals, it’s true!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Jade’s passing was something I both feared and 100% expected with the time skip. But she’s back with Alex and that’s okay.

    And I love Clara teaching us readers that you just need to wait for the right older man. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Somehow you had like three comments that were marked as spam??? So I’m just seeing this now, two weeks later! Hahaha. And yes, Alex and Jade are together again ❤ And LOL yup, the right older man was found 😛


  10. I’m Jocelyne’s age now and I feel the exact same way watching my friends start to get engaged or married. Even if less of it is “forever alone” and more of it is “goddamnit I have to search halfway across the country for a girlfriend while you guys got someone who basically lived next door.” It sucks! And now I’m a regular third-wheel for my brother and his girlfriend, which doesn’t help at all.

    I knew this timeskip would involve Jade’s passing. 😦 I wasn’t shipping Clarian at all, but…I guess if you want an older man, go with the least-scummy option.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you can relate to Jocelyne, but sad that you are in a sucky situation 😦 And I hope that you can warm up to Clarian eventually 😛


  11. It seems everyone’s life has changed a bit except for Joce. Still alone. I can’t help but thinking there’s going to be someone extra special waiting for her. I’m even suspicious if there’s another crossover planned! Who’s going to be the worthy gene donor? 😀
    My heart breaks for Gus and Jade.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, things are pretty routine for Joce 😦 I mean, she has definitely matured and developed personality-wise over the years… But her situation is very much unchanged!

      Hopefully there will be someone special in her future!!! ^_^ And another crossover? That would be fun! 😛

      (Also… Poor Gus! And RIP Jade 😦 )

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Clara & Florian!! Yeah, so excited about that. It was clear from forever ago that he truly cared about her well-being.

    Poor Jocelyn, although I’m not surprised, she always turns in rather than out, and that hardly puts you in a position to be open to love.

    Luc is a typical musician, hopefully he’s not leaving a trail of broken hearts in his wake. And poor Auggie, I hope he ends up like Clara–whoa, never thought I’d say that, lmao!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha that last part was interesting XD Hehehe but I know what you’re saying 😉 I hope he does too!

      Clara and Florian are very perfect for each other (we will see more of that soon haha I need to give everyone a chance to fall in love with them as a couple hehe) so I love having them together!

      But yeah, port Joce 😦 And Luc is the typical rockstar hahaha I feel like most of the girls he hooks up with know what they’re getting into/aren’t expecting anything serious. So thankfully not a lot of broken hearts!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I would say Luc is like Jade for sure… I suppose like Mari, but minus the self-hatred and mental health issues haha he’s genuinely just having fun. I feel so sorry for Gus 😦 And yes, #Clarian lives! 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I am in love with Clara. She’s so pretty 💜. Joce, you’ll find someone when the time is right! Just takes time sometimes. No reason to fret!

    Just remember to be safe Luc!

    And poor Gus. So sad to see him heartbroken! First heart breaks really suck. Promise they don’t last forever though!

    As always Citizen, wonderful chapter! I love your time jumps – you do them really well! Seamlessly shoving all the updates we need to know about without it seeming like that’s what you’re doing. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Steffie! I adore Clara too ^_^ And hopefully Joce will find her special someone 🙂 And goodness yes, the last thing we need is for Luc to get a girl pregnant hahahaha

      I feel sad for Gus right now too. I hope things get better!

      And thank you so much for your compliment, I’m glad you enjoy the time jumps 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Clara and Florian are perfect together. But Joce, I know what you mean. Well, I’m ninteen not 22 but still… But I tell you something: better single than in a relationship with someone just for the sake of it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! I love Clara and Florian together very much ^_^ And you are SO right — you need to wait for the right person and not force it! I had a Joce-like experience throughout high school and most of college, but now I have a boyfriend I’ve been with for five years. 🙂 Worth the wait! 😀 I hope Joce realizes that too…

      Liked by 1 person

  15. No not Auggy! Who would break up with him… 😩! Hopefully he’ll quickly recover and become the cheerful little boy he was before! Oh and what’s his 2nd trait? Or is that a surprise 😉?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know, poor kid 😦 He is having a terrible time right now. And his second trait is Glutton LMAO do not expect that to be written into the story XD

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Wow six years have passed by and it’s so interesting to see where everyone is at! Poor Gus, heartbroken already at the tender age of 15 and he looks so cute. I love all the hairstyles!! I can totally relate to Joce still single at 22. Mind you I wasn’t in any hurry to get married! She’s like the good pure girl in the story and now and again we need those type too. I like her. I think her biggest problem is that she’s not very outgoing. Maybe she does need to live a little. I wonder how Tobi and Colette are going?
    Great chapter as always!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed this one! Good observation about Joce needing to be more outgoing! Onstage she’s fine, but in her real life she definitely holds back a lot, especially in social situations!

      And things are great for Tobi and Colette ^_^ Still in love and no more lies or unfaithfulness 😀


  17. R.I.P. Jade. She shall forever be loved and missed 🙂

    It’s so nice to see Clara and Florian together. Yay! They are so lovely together ❤

    Also, poor Auggy 😦 I just want to give him a big hug. He's no longer the carefree little boy anymore 😦

    Luc reminds me of Jade in her early years before meeting Alex, as well, as Mari when she went through her tough years…Let's hope he doesn't get into too much mischief, but who knows? XD

    Don't worry Joce, you're time will come. Don't feel bad about your situation, the right person will come along eventually 😀

    I love how they all look grown up. I especially love Clara's hair ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Nessy! I’m glad you’re a fan of Clasa and Florian! I am so sad for Auggy right now too, but hopefully time can help him feel better! And oh goodness yes, let’s hope Luc stays out of trouble 😉

      Glad you like their makeovers! They were so fun to do! 🙂


  18. Poor Auggy! Hope things get better for him. Clara and Florian are adorable- and where did you get her outfit? RIP Jade. She’s with Alex now though. Hope Joce finds someone who she could love and congrats to Joel and Mei (it’s them right?£

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Azzy! For the outfit in the pic with florian, Clara’s shirt is from the new backyard stuff pack and her shorts are cc I found on tumblr ^_^

      And yup, that’s Joel and Mei! They lasted all those years together haha 🙂


  19. Awwwww, I totally ship Clorian now. 100% and want to see more of them. 😀 A lot more… A whole god awful lot more…

    Don’t worry, Josie, you’ll find the one. 🙂 Not only because you’re the heir, but because… I mean, look at you! I would totally want you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love how I’m still 17 (and I was seventeen when I started Dust To Dust), and we’ve already gone through 6 (?) generations starting with Lucas… (I just realized…. Luc and Lucas…)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am moving fast!!! Hahaha And yes, don’t forget that Luc’s full name is Lucas ^_^ Named after his great-great-great grandfather! (But his name is the French version, so it’s pronounced like “Luca” without the S 🙂 )

        Liked by 1 person

    2. You are very sweet Wolfy! I think you’ll enjoy the next chapter 😉

      And I hope Joce finds the one too! She is gorgeous and so kind. She deserves happiness ^_^

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Jocelyne appreciates your words of encouragement ^_^ Hopefully she will find the right one soon…

    And I’m so glad you love Clara! She is one of my favorites ^_^


  21. Oh my goodness, Mari is old QAQ that’s so weird!!
    Hehehe Clara and Florian, I like it. I like that she has purple hair too. I want to dye my hair purple. I have a tattoo, but I’m not allowed to dye my hair or get a nose piercing XD
    Oh my goodness Luc, don’t you learn from your grandmother? That will only wreck you or some poor girl.
    And then Gus Gus is still a teenager so he’ll probably be fine lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha I love Clara’s look so much, I’m glad you do too! 😀 And I’m also happy you like her with Florian 🙂

      Yes, Mari is getting pretty old 😦 And Luc likes to have fun 😛 And Gus/Auggy is still precious hehehehehe


  22. Oh my god, Florian and Clara are so beautiful together! Also, speaking from a friend’s experience, it’s better for Jocelyn to find herself and her own happiness than to believe she can find it in a relationship. I’m sure we will see her go through a lot of drama before she realises that though 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yessss they are a stunning couple and I was so excited to get the two of them together haha. I’m excited you made it here (holy CRAP you’re a fast reader!)

      As for Jocelyne… Well… keep reading 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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