4.12: Nothing Wrong

I really don’t know why I keep getting so worked up about this whole Anna thing. The more I think about it, the more I’m starting to realize that I’ve really been making this a way bigger deal than it should be.

It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong.

So I got a little over-excited during a massage… I’m a guy! It happens.

And hanging out with Anna isn’t a big deal – I go out with my teammates all the time. This isn’t any different. Just hanging out for a few drinks. That’s all. Same as any night out with the guys.

And anyway, tonight was really fun – she took me out to this new bar that just opened up downtown. “Best beer you’ve ever had, guaranteed.” She promised me. And she was right. The drinks were amazing – and so was the conversation.

I got to learn a lot about her – she actually grew up just outside the city, not too far from where our house is, funnily enough. She says she used to visit Windenburg all the time when she was little, before she moved to France with her family.

At first I was a little surprised I’d never run into her before when we were younger. But I found out why pretty quickly… She’s only twenty-four.

Now that was a bit of a shock. I mean she’s cute as Hell, sure… I figured she had to be a few years younger than me. But I always thought she was a little closer to my age than that.

Not that it matters or anything.

But yeah, it was a really fun time. It felt so good to unwind a little… And I think I can finally look her in the eye now without remembering that damn massage. We’ve still never said a word about it, y’know. Maybe we both just need to forget about it and move on.

But I don’t think I’ll ever forget that look in her eye when she saw what she’d done to me… I saw that same look tonight. A few times, actually.

And when we said goodbye, the way she hugged me…

Ugh. I don’t know why I keep feeling so guilty about it. She’s my friend. It’s not a big deal.

I just wish Colette could understand that. But I know she’d jump to all these crazy conclusions and get all jealous if I tried to explain, so I decided not to tell her.

But it’s not like I lied to her or anything. She knows I was out with a friend from work. She just doesn’t know which one. And I don’t have to tell her, do I? It’s none of her business anyway. (Try telling her that though – she was totally up my ass tonight about being “out too late”. You’d almost think she’s my Mutter with the way she was talking to me).

I don’t see what the problem is — I’m getting out of the house. I’m hanging out with a new friend. I’m actually having fun for the first time I can remember.

And there’s nothing wrong with that, is there?