Alright guys, time to mix things up a little.
So my nephew Lucas’ band FINALLY lined up their first “gig” the other night (you’ll understand the reason for the quotes in a minute), and I kinda promised him I’d write a review on my blog…
I know, I know. I’m way too nice. But with one brother halfway across the world and the other always treating me like I’m his freaking kid instead of his sister, my niece and nephews are basically the closest things to siblings I have. Might as well throw ‘em a bone from time to time, right?
So Lucas, this one’s for you (brace yourself, buddy).
Now, I’ve gotta admit. I was pretty damn skeptical going into this whole thing. Sure, Lucas is pretty decent with a guitar, and my mom taught Florian everything he knows, so obviously he’s good too. But playing on their own is one thing. Could they really pull off this whole “band” thing? (Spoiler alert: No).
I didn’t wanna show up there on my own like some social reject, so I promised Lena I’d binge-watch those god awful Lord of the Rings movies with her again (ugh) if she’d let me drag her along. Of course she said yes. (Take notes, kids. Bribery always works.)
Jocelyne came too, but her friends were off on some date night or something and couldn’t make it, so she just tagged along with me and Lena (oh joy). My brother and sister-in-law really wanted to go, but Lucas wouldn’t let him. (Smart move. It’s bad enough embarrassing yourself in front of your aunt and sister. No need to subject your parents to that kind of torture too.)
So the three of us headed downtown to Lucas’ first “gig”…
In the corner of a coffee shop…
At 7pm on a Tuesday night.
Oh yeah, it was just as horrible as it sounds.
So first off, their singer was TOTALLY scared shitless, and he sure sucked at hiding that fact from the rest of us. Seriously? There were, what? Six, maybe seven people in the crowd? And he choked that easily? Time to grow a pair, dude.
And he wasn’t the only disaster. The drummer sounded like he was rushing through the whole thing… Did no one ever teach this guy to count? It was basically a train wreck. Though I wonder if maybe part of the problem was he couldn’t hear. I don’t know if the café messed with their speaker system or what, but you could barely hear Lucas or Florian… and they would have probably been the only good part of that shit-show!
So yeah. They played about five songs before they finally put us all out of our misery and gave up. I’m pretty sure that polite applause at the end was out of gratitude for ending our suffering more than anything else.
Now, with all that being said… The night didn’t completely suck. I at least managed to find some people to talk to (besides Lena) who weren’t 100% lame. That’s something, right?
And you know what? So what if Lucas’ band totally blows right now? Everyone has to start somewhere, don’t they? The talent’s there. That much I’ll admit. They’ve just gotta get their shit together.
So if you ever find yourself with the opportunity to check out an Epileptic Lullaby gig (oh God, that name), I say go for it.
Then maybe someday when these guys are selling out Windenburg Stadium you’ll be able to say you saw them way back when they sucked ass.
Or, y’know, when they fade away into obscurity you can proudly say you witnessed the horrible downward spiral firsthand.
Hopefully it’s the first option.