4.5: Too Fast

It’s crazy to think about how fast my kids are growing up… and Clara too.

I can still remember when they were born, clear as day. And not just Gus either. All four of them. And every single time, I looked down at their little faces and thought the exact same thing: Please. Stay young. Stay innocent. Don’t make the same mistake Lettie and I did.

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God. That sounds horrible, doesn’t it? Jocelyne and Lucas aren’t a mistake. They’re not. That’s not what I’m saying. I love them so much. I just… I don’t know.

I mean, I look at them now, and I just wish they knew how good they have it. Jocelyne’s been worrying about her play rehearsals, stressing over track meets, busy making plans with her friends…

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When I was her age, I was worrying about learning how to change a diaper. Trying to adjust to Lettie moving in with us. Getting ready to become a parent much too soon.

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And then there’s Lucas – out late practicing with his band, going on dates with girls from school… The only things keeping me up so late when I was a kid were him and Jocelyne.

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And you know what? I was thinking about it the other day, when he headed off with that new girl he’s been seeing – The first real date his maman and I ever went on was for our one-year wedding anniversary. I was eighteen years old. And the twins were already one…

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Lettie and I never had time to be kids. We never had a real relationship. We both grew up too damn fast.

I guess we didn’t really have a choice. But I just can’t help wondering how different things could have been for us. I think of how goddamn miserable we are now – How stale and boring our marriage has become. And I wonder if maybe…

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Look, I’ll never regret having the twins when we did. Never.

But thinking back on all we missed, looking at where we are now…

I don’t think I’d ever wish it on anyone.

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46 Responses to 4.5: Too Fast

  1. azzywoods says:

    Awwww. It’s all so true though.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. kaffepigen says:

    It’s so sad for him to write this 😦 i hope they work it out again.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. sonniejj says:

    This is heart breaking 😦 Tobi is such a good dad.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. CitizenErased14 says:

    This is a very wise comment! I hope they work through it and fight to save their marriage. But we’ll see…

    Like

  5. audreyfld says:

    Okay. Now that you have identified some of the problems Tobi – FIX IT!!!! Now, before it’s too late. They have to still love each other. Colette and Tobi are just going through an early mid-life crisis. They need a vacation alone to rediscover each other. Please don’t break them up. 😦

    Liked by 3 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      They do still love each other. That much I can confirm. But they are most definitely in a crisis of sorts… We’ll see how (and if!) they deal with it. :-/ (This is so painful for me to write, you don’t even know haha)

      Like

      • audreyfld says:

        I think I do. I had planned to kill off a character and grew so attached I just couldn’t make myself do it so the story went in a whole different direction. Lol. 🙂 Knowing how this goes it’s gonna get real bad before it gets better. At least I hope it gets better at some point. I am rooting for them. Go #TeamToCo!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Spottydog714 says:

    Sigh. I really can’t say anything that hasn’t been said already. I am still #TeamToCo though!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. lisabeesims says:

    Come on Tobi … Takes 2 to tango … Go recapture your wife and the magic will return

    Liked by 1 person

  8. raerei says:

    Aw, so heartbreaking, when you know there’s a problem and looking back can see how it happened, but you can’t see how to fix it. Hang in there Tobi.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Jes2G says:

    Hmmm, that’s tough, bro.

    I get it. They messed up, and now he’s seeing what the consequences are. I’m glad he can see where they went wrong although it’s hard to say “Poor Tobi.” I mean, you know… “Every action has its equal, opposite reaction.” 😉 (…it must be nice, it must be niiiice to…wait, what was I talking about?)

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Omg you’re killing me with all this Hamilton XD You are very right though — it’s not all Colette’s fault. He is most certainly to blame on his end too.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jes2G says:

        Yep. My favorite part was when he said they barely had a relationship. It’s true! I mean, once they got together it was game on from the get go. I mean, true, they got to know each other when they were younger through camp and their own personal correspondence so it’s not like they don’t know each other. But, perhaps they could have gotten to know each other a bit better. Maybe there are things they just don’t know about each other that are important. After all…they were kids!

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Virtualee says:

    How old is Tobi and Collette again? I keep thinking they are like in their early 30’s right?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. crstasse says:

    I was just thinking the same thing about their ages. Poor Tobi. I think the two of them need to go to Granite falls for a weekend just on their own 🙂 However, I like the angst too much! So keep that going for a while.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Oh believe me, the angst isn’t going anywhere… 😛 Thank you for reading! I’m sorry this is so sad right now haha

      Like

  12. NessyRosy says:

    I think that Tobi and Colette need to spend some time apart and really figure out what they want from and with each other. It’s very true – their whole relationship was a whirlpool that they never really got to be their age and do what others their age were doing. Then again, being like others can be highly over rated 😛 Maybe I’m wrong and they need to spend some alone time together and lay everything on the table, figure things out that way. Either way, I feel for them both 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thanks for your comment! Both methods could potentially be helpful, depending. But we’ll see which route (if any) they end up taking…

      Like

  13. Deep feelings there, such honesty in his journal. I hope he comes up with a plan to make things better rather than just letting it fester.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. RemïNarrow says:

    Uh oh.. Tobi says he doesn’t regret having kids at a young age, but if he’s this miserable maybe somewhere in the back of his mind, he believes he messed up his life! I’m afraid all these thoughts are a result of his and Colette’s marriage falling apart! #StayStrong 😢

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Tobi has very conflicted feelings about becoming a father so soon… But he loves Lucas and Jocelyne so he’d never change what happened, because it would mean they would have never been born. But he definitely wishes they had been planned/had come later, because he recognizes that becoming a father as a teenager really forced him to grow up much too fast 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Tobi needs to man-up and take his bloody wife out on a date (or ten thousand) and stop bitching about how boring his marriage is!! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  16. JLBDreams16 says:

    Yes, growing up fast sucks but I’m really sick of people blaming marriage failing on that because I can count about a dozen people I know that got married young and are just as happy now as then. If you devote everything to your kids then guess what your relationship failing is your fault not “I was too young”. Marriage is work. Sorry Citizenerased14 your writing is wonderful as always but I just hate this trope so much because I’ve see someone do this to their families destroying their relationship with their children and each other. Then they end up a miserable wreck for just not taking out time to spend with their spouse.

    Like

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Sorry! You are not gonna like this storyline then hahaha. It’s not that they got married too young, it’s that within a year of when they started dating they were married with two babies. Sorry but I think that would be hard in the long run. But that’s just me! The fact that they never got a chance to date or be kids together, combined with Tobi focusing so much on his career has taken a toll after all these years. Sorry in advance for this entire arc lol. I hope you like the kids’ arcs! 🙂

      Like

      • JLBDreams16 says:

        It is hard but not impossible to navigate. Some of it is immaturity but it is possible to mature with babies I’ve seen it happen. Also how hard is it to say to mom “hey me and Lettie want to go out on a date night once a month”. You have to make the time for other people it doesn’t magically fall out of the sky. So yeah I’d say the blame is actually on Tobi and Lettie not making time for one another. I’m enjoying the kids its just the subject is a little too real for me I guess. lol

        Liked by 1 person

        • CitizenErased14 says:

          I completely understand what you’re saying 🙂 And I do agree that it’s entirely their own faults, Tobi is just exploring a potential root of their problems. But the actual issues are all their own doing.

          Brace yourself because this story arc will be around for a little while haha. Sorry if it’s hitting a little close to home. Thank you for reading 🙂 I appreciate to have you catching up 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          • JLBDreams16 says:

            As long as its handled well I won’t hate it. I just hate the cliched unrealistic angle this trope is usually handled like “oh well it was inevitable and there’s nothing that can be done” I often see with this kind of storyline. I have confidence you’ll handle it well though.

            Like

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Don’t get me wrong though, it’s definitely Tobi and Colette’s fault too. They are not blameless!

      Like

  17. theceltygirly says:

    Marriage Counseling!!! I really don’t want to see them fall apart 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  18. skcaga6 says:

    Now that the kids are older, Tobi and Colette need to date. Let them have the beginning they should have had. Dating each other.

    Liked by 1 person

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