Around this same time every year, I always talk about how excited I am for the new season to start.
Well this year, I think I’m more excited than I’ve ever been.
I just feel like I need to get away from it all right now. Get out of the house, throw myself back into my work… Maybe that’ll help me feel better. Or at least, I really hope it does. Because I’m really not sure what else I can do right now.
Things have been getting a little better around here since grandpa died. It’s been a few weeks, and I think we’re all finally learning to adjust.
Vovó’s finally starting to smile more.
And so is Mama.
Clara’s back to work on that little blog of hers.
Jocelyne’s spending more time with her friends again.
Lucas has been working with Florian on getting their new band off the ground.
And Gus, well… He’s still his cheery little self, making us all laugh and smile as always.
Everyone’s doing great right now, all things considered. None of them are the problem…
It’s Colette. As usual.
Nothing’s getting better since the last time I wrote. I think it may be even WORSE. She’s still so goddamn moody and distant. And – are you ready for this? – tomorrow it’ll be TWO months. TWO MONTHS since we’ve had sex. Do you know how damn frustrating it is to have to “take care of things” on my own all the time? Jesus, I feel like I’m fifteen again!
But the worst thing is that I’m pretty sure there’s a part of me that doesn’t even miss it. I mean, for a while our sex life has been so… boring. Empty. It started to almost feel like a chore. Maybe that’s why we stopped. I’m not sure, I guess.
I remember when things were fun, y’know? Exciting. Passionate. Colette always used to know how to drive me crazy…
And now she’s driving me crazy for a totally different reason.
I even resorted to telling my Bruder about it – I mean, who else can I talk to about something like this? Stefan says I need to talk to Colette… But believe me, I’ve TRIED. And every time, it’s the same damn fight again and again.
“What’s wrong with you? Is sex ALL you care about?”
I always end up backing down after that.
But you know what I’d REALLY love to say to her? “Well you know what? For a while, sex was the only fun part of our marriage. So yeah, I care a whole fucking lot thank you very much. Except now you’ve somehow managed to suck the life out of that too, just like you do with everything else.”
Look. I love my wife. More than anything, except maybe my kids. She’s everything to me. She is. I just…
Well, it’s like I said, going back to work will help. I just need to have a little time away from all this. Clear my head a little.