3.50: For Better or Worse

Okay. I can do this. I’m better now.

I think.

I went back and read my last couple of entries… And… Well, that was pretty fucking awful.

06-12-16_9-53-00 PM

So future-me (or any unlucky soul who somehow ends up reading this one day), in case you’re wondering why there are four pages ripped out of this thing… Yeah. Now you know.

I know I should never have written all that horrible shit. It just hurts so much. This is killing me.

My baby is leaving me. In TWO weeks.

06-12-16_9-56-16 PM 06-12-16_9-55-20 PM

There was no notice, no hint, nothing. Stefan just dropped that huge fucking bombshell on us one night after dinner. It was horrible. And I’m not proud of how I reacted. I just… lost it. It was almost a week before I calmed down enough to call Josh and apologize. Yeah. That was fun.

06-12-16_9-59-35 PM

I know this isn’t about Josh. It was really hard to see it at first, but… Stefan made it pretty clear. This is about getting away. Starting fresh. Finding himself. All that crap. I get it. I do.

But if he really wanted out of Windenburg, why not just try another part of Germany? Or even Champs Les Sims? I’m sure Amelie could have helped him find something. Hell, even Monte Vista would have been better than this.

But no. He has to go across the friggin’ Atlantic Ocean.

06-12-16_10-05-38 PM

Dad’s been talking to me a lot. Trying to calm me down. Telling me all these dumb old stories from when way back when he moved to Windenburg. And he’s kind of helping, I guess.

06-12-16_10-03-04 PM

I’ve gotten better at hiding how I’m feeling, at least. That’s a start, right? I’m being SO damn careful. No talking about the move. No reaction when anyone brings it up. Calm. Smiling. Happy. The way I should be. The way I know Stefan wants me to be. That’s what he needs right now. And damn it, I’m gonna give it to him.  No matter how much it hurts.

06-12-16_9-49-17 PM

Because I just can’t bear to think about him being mad at me when he leaves.

If he leaves.

That’s the one glimmer of hope in this whole thing… As horrible as it is to admit it.

I almost think he’s starting to have second thoughts about leaving. I overheard him talking to Tobi last night.

06-12-16_10-10-08 PM

“I’m not sure if I can do this.” He said. “Maybe this is a mistake.”

Do you know how hard it was not to burst in there and tell him I agree? That this is a huge mistake? That he can’t leave us? That staying here is what’s best?

But it’s like Jonas keeps telling me — Best for who?

Stefan?

Or me?

06-12-16_9-54-21 PM

So I didn’t say anything. It killed me not to… But I didn’t.  He needs to make this choice himself. He needs to decide on his own.

And I just need to let it happen.

For better or worse.

Fuck.

06-12-16_9-57-29 PM

———————————————–

Author’s Note: I just felt compelled to mention that this was the last Mari journal in this legacy (unless I make some sort of drastic change to my plan!). I know she did not have many fans, but I am so attached to her and it really made me sad knowing this was the last time I’d be writing in her voice!

We’ll still be seeing her around of course, but her time as a POV character is over. (Stefan’s time is over too, actually! The last two chapters of this generation are not journals. I am going to miss him too 😦 But I didn’t write him as long as I wrote Mari, so I guess there’s a bit less attachment there haha).

I’m glad we got to end with Mari on something of a positive note. Mari is learning to support her son and control her feelings. For her, this is huge. And when I think back on how far she’s come since Gen 2, I’m very proud of her. ❤

Okay, sappy moment over 😛

Oh, and a very Happy Father’s Day from Alex, Jonas, and Tobi 😀

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56 Responses to 3.50: For Better or Worse

  1. Spottydog714 says:

    That Tobi and Auggy pic made me all emotional. And yes, Mari! You’re trying so hard! And I am very sad too about this being your last entry. And Stefan’s last entry too? *sniffs* I do love Mari and Stefan.

    Monte Vista? What’s that?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. sonniejj says:

    Awh that made me kind of sad that this is the last we’ll be hearing from Mari’s perspective… But I’m also super excited for the next generation!
    I love the shots of Mari and Alex. Reminds me of me and my dad 🙂 I hope Mari will eventually realize that this is what’s best for Stefan. All in good time, I guess.

    And oh my gosh, that pic of Tobi and Auggy is too adorable ❤ I have a feeling I'm gonna love Auggy…

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Mari always gets better in time… Patience is a must when dealing with her hehehe. I’m glad you enjoyed those pictures as well! I loved taking them! 🙂

      Like

  3. Farbkleckswelten says:

    Aaaw I’m going to miss mari and stefan, even though they did drive me mad a couple of times.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I will miss them too 😦 It’s very sad knowing I won’t be writing them again… But I’m having fun with the new voices in Gen 4 so I’m excited about that too 😀

      Like

  4. Virtualee says:

    Goodness the lighting in the last pic is so stunning. I also am proud of Mary (So is Humberto!) 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. kaffepigen says:

    Aww it’s kinda the end of an era with Mari and a bit with Stefan also. I’ve had conflicting feelings tpeards Mari through all this. But in the end i have loved every chapter you have written with her so far.

    I do hope Stefan goes through with his move, which i am actually possitive he will considering you’ve told us you aren’t writing his pov any longer. Tjis will be good for him, i know it will 🙂

    Fun fact: Faer’s day in Denmark was June 5th :p so strange it isn’t the same all over the world like it is withMother’s day.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      It is definitely the end of an era 😦 I’m glad you’ve loved reading her chapters 🙂

      As for Stefan and the move, well, we only have two more Gen 3 chapters after this, so you’ll see soon! And that’s funny that it’s so different everywhere!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. rainygamez says:

    I’m sad that it’s the last of the entries from Mari and Stefan but at the same time I’m soooo excited about the next generation! I loved the father’s day collage. You find the best poses!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. julyvee94 says:

    If someone had told me in gen 2 that mari would be like this I would have told them to see a doctor xD she has come so far I am proud of her. And despite her initial reaction she is now putting her son’s needs before her own ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Jes2G says:

    Oddly enough, I think I will miss throwing stones at Mari lol. She is complicated and infuriating, but that what makes her an awesome character. I think it’s hilarious that even as a mature adult she still acts like listening to her parents is uncool LOL. “Dumb stories?” Really? Sheesh.

    That Auggy is too stinkin cute!! I want to take him home with me and snuggle with him and kiss his face lol.

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hahahaha I’m glad you’ll miss Mari (even if it’s missing being infuriated by her :P) She was so fun to write! But listening to her parents’ stories will never be cool 😉

      And yes, I love Auggy! I’m excited for us to see a little more of him in the next gen! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I just find it ironic that you happen to use a name of a Canadian comic strip for the title of the thread (the comic can be found online)

    Like

  10. azzywoods says:

    Last Mari chapter? Aw… her and Stefan, I’ll miss them both. I’m excited for Jocelyne, Lucas, Clara and Auggy though.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. crstasse says:

    Great chapter! I’m going to miss Mari and Stefan but I’m also very excited for the next generation and all the antics they will get up to!! That little Auggy is so cute!!! I loved the last image of the dads with their sons, it was so beautifully framed! Father day isn’t until September here in Australia.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thank you! I am gonna miss Mari and Stefan a lot, but I’m definitely excited about Gen 4! And I’m glad you liked the Father’s Day picture 🙂 It’s so interesting that it’s celebrated at different times of the year around the world!

      Like

  12. lisabeesims says:

    ❤ ❤ darling Mari ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  13. silentwolfy101 says:

    Aw, Mari, Stefan… I had totally joined Stefan’s side and was hoping the legacy would follow him… But the author’s note made it clear that won’t happen. :/ oh well. Now, time for Gen 4, probably with Jocelyn… Lol. Aw, well. Guess it’s time to accept that Tobi is the heir…

    Like

  14. This is definitely the end of an era. Mari frustrated me endlessly, but she was such a wonderful character. I mean she IS a wonderful character, it’s not like she has died. But I’m going to miss hearing her colorful point of view. I am also, however, looking forward. I can’t wait to see what the kids are like when they age up to teenager.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. EddieSims says:

    Finally! Mari decided to put on her big girl pants and I must say it looks good on her! This move is indeed what is best for Stefan and as much as it hurts her to let him go, and it’s perfectly understandable why she feels that way, I’m happy that she is trying to be supportive. Of course in a situation like that you’re going to hope that the person changes their mind but at least she’s not stopping him. Old Mari would rant and rave and guilt-trip him into staying so I’m glad Old Mari is gone and New Mari is more mature.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EddieSims says:

      By the way, Mari might have frustrated me at times with some of her stupid decisions but I still liked her as a character. She is a very complex character and I liked the way you developed her. She may not have been likeable to some readers but not all characters have to be that way, right? I knew from since she was a child that she would be trouble and oh boy was she trouble! But she changed over time in a very natural, realistic way which is a good lesson that people don’t change overnight and becoming a better person or developing a positive outlook on yourself takes time and hard work and Mari is proof of that. In spite of her initial mistakes, she has been a good mother to her children and a good wife to Jonas and I will miss hearing from her POV but I’m looking forward to hearing from the next generation. Especially Clara! LOL.

      Liked by 1 person

      • CitizenErased14 says:

        This is the most wonderful compliment, thank you so much! I really loved writing Mari and her journey. She was my favorite ever haha

        I’m glad you’re excited for Gen 4 though! Clara is my new favorite, I can’t even lie haha

        Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thank you! ^_^ I am very proud of Mari and how far she’s come. It was a very bumpy road to get here, but she really is a totally new person 🙂 (still not perfect though… As we saw a couple chapters ago hehehe)

      Liked by 1 person

  16. RemïNarrow says:

    Oh no this one’s the last of Mari’s diary entries! 😦 I’ll miss her voice so much. But I must admit, I’m equally excited for the next gen to begin!!! Especially because they all look so gorgeous! Some genes running in this fam! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I will miss her too 😦 I’m loving Gen 4 so far though! I’ve already written and screenshotted 8 gen 4 chapters! ^_^ I’m super excited to finally get to share them!

      Liked by 1 person

      • RemïNarrow says:

        Wow 8 chapters!! You’re waaaaay ahead of time! I should learn to be more like you. I’m so slow at screenshotting and editing the images and all that jazz 😂 I spent like five whole days to get the screenshots ready of only two chapters! Sometimes I wish I could simply publish the chapters without any images becoz it takes far less time to write than to set up the screenshots then edit them. It’s a real pain in the a$$ 😂 😝

        Liked by 1 person

  17. JLBDreams16 says:

    Well at least it looks like Mari has matured enough to see her reactions are selfish and hurting others. I will miss her and hope she continues to mellow and mature off the POV camera lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hahaha she will most definitely continue to mellow out and mature as the years go by. She’s already come pretty far since her downward spiral, and though there’s still a bit of a way to go, I think she’ll make it there! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  18. CitizenErased14 says:

    Thank you so much! This comment was so sweet. I am already about 30 chapters into gen 4, and I’ve gotta say, I still miss my Mari ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Well done Mari. You don’t need to be over the moon about it, you just need to allow it to happen and grow used to it. I’m gonna miss her POV *hugs mari*

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Oh Mari *hugs* You’re doing so well. You don’t need to be overjoyed, you just need to get used to it. You expect too much of yourself. I’m gonna miss hearing her POV, but it’ll be interesting to hear some new ones.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. theceltygirly says:

    I wasn’t a big fan of Mari, but she certainly had character. It’ll be interesting to see how else you torture me and other readers in chapters to come. Although, I am incredibly behind so everyone has already been tortured by your wonderful but sad stories XD

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I’m so glad she controlled herself for Stefan. She needs to see this is a good thing. Natural even. Kids move out of their parents’ houses – it means you raised an independent and capable human being. She should be proud.
    And you should be proud, too. You wrote her masterfully, even though I had troubles understanding her motivation sometimes. And I know my comments towards her were not nice – I hope you’re not mad because of it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I think she’s proud of him, just struggling. I mean, in this case it’s not just her son moving out of the house — he’s moving thousands of miles away across the ocean. She’s gonna go from seeing him every day to maybe 2-3 times a year if she’s lucky. That’s such a huge change for any parent to go through, I think!

      And No, I’m not mad 🙂 Mari has never had a lot of fans, but she’ll always be my favorite.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I understand the maternal insticts 🙂 But it’s not about her, it’s about Stefan. Sadness and worries are alright, but screaming at your kid for this seems so…harsh.
        And I think Mari have actually lot of fans. She changed and she made an amazing progress and that’s inspiring. She’s just not my kind of person 🙂

        Like

  23. samasasim says:

    On what you said here about Mari not having a lot of fans, I have to tell you that Mari was one of my favs. Sure, she was flawed, but everyone is allowed to make mistakes. She had a temper, and I don’t condone violence at all, but the way I see it, she wouldn’t get so upset or angry if she didn’t love her family. ❤ Mari

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Is this Karilan?? Hi!!!! Thank you for commenting 🙂 I’m so glad Mari was one of your favorites. She was one of mine too! I guess it’s just that a lot of people had extremely mixed feelings about her (and understandably so hahaha). I always end up loving and feeling most protective of my least-popular characters (I will warn you early that my Gen 5 heir was very divisive too haha some people really hated him and never warmed to him, others did! It’ll be interesting to see which side you fall on :P)

      Congrats on reaching the end of Gen 3 🙂 I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story, and I’m so glad you are still enjoying it. THANK YOU! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • samasasim says:

        Hi! Yes, it’s Karilan. I figured until I catch up I should just post my comments here 🙂 I wouldn’t usually like someone so negative, but seeing things from her perspective really helped. I will definitely let you know my opinion on future characters 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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